♥

I've now had three sessions with Layla. Despite everything going on at home with Reign, and Everett losing his mind every second of the day, I actually need something else to focus on. Even if I'm worried shitless about Reign and where she is.

All I've been praying for is that she's safe and she comes home soon. Even if Everett fucked up and said things he didn't mean. He's got a lot of grovelling to do when he finally finds her.

Layla has been trying to dig deeper into the reasons on why my addiction to sex has become so intense over the last few years. I mean there are a lot of reasons–a lot of them.

She's dug deep from when my mother left with Fran years and years ago. Not even knowing that she died until Fran came home about eight months ago and told us of her passing.

Knowing that my parents' mate bond deteriorated and that's why they needed time apart.

My total lack of trust in the Moon Goddess.

If I could see their relationship fall apart, two people I thought were so deeply, truly in love. Then what could a bond really feel like if they had to have time apart after years of being together, of being mated and knowing they're meant to spend the rest of their lives together.

Abandonment issues. That's what Layla said.

I suppose after Fran met Jesse and Everett met Reign, I went a little crazy at the sex parties. Having sex with absolutely anyone, even people I said I'd never sleep with again and now it's coming back to me.

I was trying to fill that void of seeing everyone else move on. Fearful of what might happen to them that happened to our parents. I don't want to see any of my siblings how they were, it was chaotic, traumatic and that's why I busied myself in other male wolves

Pretending that nothing else in the world existed.

But somewhere out there in the world was Nate.

And I underestimated everything. My whole life. Now I want to put it right. I want to get better. I want to be a better person for myself more than anyone because who knows how far I might have taken it.

Destroying my entire mental health without knowing. This was the eye opener I needed because Nate deserves a mate that will treat him like a Royal Prince and I am going to prove myself by treating him like a fucking King.

In the last ten minutes of our session, Layla suggested taking medication for my urges, for levelling out my emotions, for my growing anxiety. The thought didn't sit with me right away but she told me to think about it, do some research of my own and come back to her next session with my thoughts.

It's not that I'm against medication–the idea slightly terrifies me.

My pride burning brighter than the sun and she's right, I need to do my own research to come to my own decisions.

Last night Nate said that he would take things really, really, really slow if we were to see each other again. I wasn't expecting anything less but knowing he's willing to give me–this–another shot. My heart has never raced so hard in my life.

He wants to give this a go. He wants to see me again.

I don't know what's happened between now and the last time I saw him but I'm not complaining. I'll never complain again. Not when I know I get to see his beautiful face again.

After my therapy session I take a quick shower when I check my phone to find a message from Apollo. I haven't seen him since the night I met Nate and if I'm being honest, I haven't thought about it in ages.

Apollo

Hey, Milo. Where have you been these past few weeks? There was a party the other night and you didn't come. So many people were missing you.

I internally cringe at the messages. People missed me... so they could blow their load in me, on me, anywhere?

My thumbs hover above the screen as I think of a reply.

Milo

Hey. Yeah sorry, I've got things going on at the moment. I need to focus on myself.

Apollo

Focus on yourself? Yeah with a good shag with a house full of the hottest men.

I wouldn't dare tell Apollo about my therapy sessions or what's going on with me. Yeah we're friends but maybe we're only friends because we bonded over sex. I want friends for more than that reason and Layla says I need to stay well away from sex parties, people who go to sex parties so that I'm not triggered.

And I know I need to listen to her. Cutting people off for the time being isn't rude, it's considered self-love at this point. Distancing myself from things that could have me tumbling back into that dark hole.

I never want to be in that place again. Even when I thought nothing was wrong with me.

Milo

I really can't do this at the moment, Apollo. And I want you to respect that. Things change and I have new priorities now.

Apollo

Spoil sport. It's going to be a matter of time before I'm dragging you back to the parties and you know it. You can't deny a good seeing to.

My face twists into a grimace at the message. Everything sounds so damn vulgar now when weeks ago I would have been running at text messages like that.

I press my head into my hands. God. I was such a fucking mess.

Technically I still am. A couple of therapy sessions isn't going to magically cure me, this is a long process that needs attention and care and I am going to be dedicated to it. Because I know I have the strength to find a new light for life that isn't just casual sex.

I throw my phone down onto my bed and glance out the window, the sun beaming gently against the glass. Creating a rippling effect of the rainbow as the rays of light shoot into my room. My lips curl at the sight.

Today is another day. Today is another day to prove my worth to Nate.

Hey. I shoot through the mindlink.

Nate doesn't respond immediately but I don't lose hope. Hey.

I sigh a silent breath of relief at the sound of his voice. What are you doing today? D-Do you want to meet up? I ask before sliding my lip between my teeth and clamping down gently.

I need to be back by six for– he cuts himself off. I just need to be back.

My finger taps the screen on my phone to find out that it's only two o'clock. I know Everett will need my help later to search for Reign, we've been taking it in turns and at the moment it's my time off to stay at the house in case she comes home.

That's fine. Do you want to come over and go for a walk near my pack house? We're still waiting for Reign to come home and Everett has ordered me to stay near the house in case she comes back.

The line is silent for a few moments. Sure. I can be over in forty.

Okay. See you soon.

He doesn't respond but I squeal a little and rush towards the mirror, attempting to fix my hair and smooth out my fresh clothes. Nate probably won't even look twice at me but I still want to look good. Always.

Nate arrives a little earlier than expected but I was already downstairs waiting for him. When I greet him at the gates I almost fall over when I notice that half of his blonde hair is swept up into a messy bun.

I know that my jaw is on the floor. No one needs to tell me.

He glances around not spotting me yet, hands shoved into his pockets.

Holy fucking shit. I throb. Everywhere.

I didn't think I was into guys with semi-long hair but right now, Nate is the exception. Especially when it's up like that and messy around his face with strands cascading over his temples. I want to fucking pounce on him.

My feet stop before the gate as Nate glances over at me, offering me a little smile.

Butterflies on crack erupt inside my stomach at the tiny gesture.

"Hey," he steps closer but not close enough to touch.

I open my mouth to speak but nothing of worth comes out. "H–" I start, my eyes taking him in again like it's the first time I've ever laid eyes on him. "H-Hi."

Nate tilts his head and frowns, when we stand opposite like this I really feel his height against me. He must be at least six foot, four or five. Easily. "You okay?"

I purse my lips and hum before I make a total fool out of myself. "Let's go out the back," I mumble quickly under my breath, hiding my face that is practically a swimming pool of blood. "And stay close to the house. If that's okay. I don't want Everett thinking I ditched."

"Sure," Nate nods and we fall into line into the back of our large garden and into the woods.

Neither of us say anything for a few minutes. I can't even fucking look at him because I might explode. Nate purposely keeps a wide berth between us and I respect his decision, he said slow and I am not in any position to protest his wishes.

"So," I cringe internally at my voice. "How have you been?"

He shrugs, keeping his eyes straight forward as I glance at him for a millisecond. "Yeah, I'm alright."

Lie.

"You can tell me if you're not."

Nate blinks and then turns those dark eyes towards me, both of us glancing at the same time. "Just shit has been going on," he breathes out like a weight is pressed to his shoulders. "I won't bore you with it."

I shake my head. "I want to listen."

He licks his bottom lip before pursing them. "It's really not that interesting."

"If you want to talk about it, then we can talk about it." I say gently. "I can tell something is bothering you and I can feel it tugging on the bond."

Nate draws in a sharp breath and stays quiet for a few moments. I expect him to ignore me but he doesn't, he surprises me by saying, "My dad, he's just been a lot recently."

I try not to get too excited at the fact he's opening up to me and focus on what he's saying instead, this isn't about me. This is about him.

"How so?"

When he exhales a long sigh I realise that whatever he's going through is really grating on his emotions because there is another strain on the bond, making my heart clench painfully.

"I can't be honest with him. I can't tell him how I feel. He never listens."

"What do you want to be honest with him about?"

He turns to me again with a gleam of sadness in his eyes and I try to ignore the way it makes me feel because I don't want to lose track of this conversation.

"That he's too harsh on me and my sister."

I blink once and then lower my gaze. I didn't even know he had a sister.

"Have you tried speaking to him about it before?"

Nate lets out a forced laugh that sounds sharp but not at me, the question. "No. That's the issue. He's not an easy man to approach. He thinks about himself, what he wants from us, from the pack rather than everyone else's mental state. It's exhausting."

I notice the way his shoulders sag and I can feel the raw emotion of his words float into my body. Without thinking I raise my hand to brush his but before I can even touch his skin, Nate rips his hand away from mine. His eyes flash with shock and confusion.

"I'm sorry," I blurt. I grip my hands together, feeling the clamminess of them melt into one. "I'm sorry, I didn–"

"Please don't touch me," his voice is harsh and heavy.

I swallow harshly and shake my head. "I'm sorry."

Nate lowers his head once more and his jaw clenches. I find myself staring at him, hating my own actions. That isn't slow. Not slow enough for him and I hate the way my heart starts to pound in my chest.

I've just ruined this. Again.

"Is that why you need to be back by six?" I say with a shake in my voice.

His eyes close momentarily. All he does is nod.

I wish I knew more about him so I could understand but I realise that he's keeping these walls up for a reason. To protect himself.

"I didn't mean to–"

"Forget about it."

My throat closes up at his words and I nod, looking ahead of me once more.

We continue to walk in silence and I curse myself for acting too irrationally. I can feel my anxiety begin to bubble in my veins and I tell myself that I need to reign in my emotions, my urges because it isn't going to get me anywhere unless I read the fucking room first.

♥ ♥ ♥

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Author's Note

Owww baby Milo. He just wants to be there for Nate. 🥺🥺💔

What did you guys think of this chapter?👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼

I'm soooo proud of Milo for telling Apollo that his priorities have changed. I adore him and the new way that he's thinking, he really wants to change his ways!

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