Narmada and I are cleaning our dishes after dinner. My mobile buzzed as I got a message. I check the screen for notification, it's from Varun. A lump formed in my throat and water stirred in eyes.

Life is a magician. Magician took rabbits out of hats, pigeons out of papers. Life also made us do thing which we can't even imagine in our dreams. 

I never had a habit of waiting for anything earlier. I became impatient on little thing. But my life changed me. It made me wait for that simple message from him. No matter how much I regretted it, how many times I denied it, the truth is I'm waiting..... adding second to second, minute to minute I'm waiting from 3 years. 

"Whats that?" Narmada took the mobile. 

"He spoiled all peace of mind", she muttered, "I will give him the best reply."

"No..... don't do that", I protested. 

"I don't want to give any reply.... leave it", I turned to dishes.

"Then there is no need of this mobile.... if he asks, we will say that you lost your mobile", she slipped  the my mobile out of window.

"Shit! What you did?...... Are you mad?" I yelled. I rushed to window and tried to look out of it.

"Don't search.... you can't find it", she chuckled. 

"Is it funny for you?...... Do you lost it?..... I didn't gave any reply.... what will he think?..... What if he think that I ignore him?...... Why you did that?" I yelled with anger.

"Seriously?..... For what you are mad?... because I threw your mobile out or I threw it before you give any reply to him?....... tell me clearly you are angry on what?" she asked crossing her arms to chest. 

I shocked for her question. For what I'm angry? I don't want to reply, do I? I threw my head back and stared at roof to cool my nerves. 

"I'm sorry", I said with no emotions. She smiled and gave my mobile. 

"You throw it, aren't you?" I raised my brows and took it. 

"Don't worry.... you can reply him.... I didn't throw it", she winked. I gave a embarrassed smile and kept my mobile on table.

"Chai..... you loved him so much...... as I saw today he is behaving very cool..... Why can't you both sort out your differences? I think he can understand..... after all you are loving him... Who idiot can risk to miss this love?" I smiled for her words. she gave a confused expression.

"There is no rule that every story must have a happy ending..... Some times...... no matter how much we love.... how hard we hold....... ending are meant to be like this only..... we can't change them"

"Why?"

"Because..." I started.

"Because I don't know what happen...... and now I don't want to know your fucking love story", she irritated.

"Don't worry I won't force you", I chuckled. I placed my hand around her shoulder and dragged her with me.

********************

"May I know what you are doing?" Narmada asked with frown.

"Biriyani", I said.

"I know that.... why you are preparing it now?" she asked.

"Varun loves it", I blurted.

"Ohooo!...." she dramatically rolled her eyes. I ignored her.

"I agree one thing...... he affected you", she shook her head.

"Umm?" I frowned.

"You changed in this 1 week....... don't you think that you are happy around him?" she raised her brow. I shrugged because she is right. 

"You deserves to be happy...... he is really a nice guy..... just think once.... and he seems...."

"Wait..... when you started liking him?.... As I know, last time you said you want to kill him ", I interrupted.

"Is that necessary now?" she dismayed "I still hate him." I laughed for her comment.

"In that case..... you don't want him around you a week back, but now you are doing this for him", she drew a perfect logic. 

"I still don't want him in my life..... After this project he will go in his way. I have nothing to loose as I already know we will never together. I have nothing to worry", I said.

In one week I changed. Varun and I became normal old college best friends. If I'm with him, as usual I'm happy. I didn't let my emotions over power my mind. Moving on is really hard for me, but hanging on is not correct. 

I don't want any confusions. I started listening my heart. I don't care is that right or wrong. I want to be happy..... at-least peaceful. Typically Varun is our team lead now, so I have to work around with him. I tried my best to avoid our old days, when ever he reminded them. 

We had lunch together all these 5 days. First two days Narmada and Kumar also with us. After that, Kumar joined with other team in another company and Narmada didn't want to join in our boring lunch. 

I don't know how to feel for this, happy or sad? Varun shifted to our apartments on my suggestion. I thought that he didn't take it serious, but I was wrong. As yesterday was weekend, he used the holiday for shifting. He came here afternoon, I don't think that he arranged every thing. I just want to help him now. After a long discussion with myself I decided it.

I stood infront of the door numbered as 1505. Now, standing before his door, foolishly hesitating to knock the door. I took a deep breath and knocked. After few seconds he opened the door. He was in his night pants and grey T-shirt. 

"Hey Chaitra...", he wished with bright smile. I smiled back standing out side.

"What are you doing here?" he asked with surprise. 

"Ain't I allowed here?" I raised my brows.

"I think..... you have all rights to come..... get in", he winked. 

I followed him. I glanced all around the flat. This place is filled with dust.

"How you managed to sleep here last night?" I asked.

"I cleaned the bed room yesterday...... I started cleaning another room today", he explained. I placed the bag on table and followed him to another room. 

"Varun.... what all this mess?" I asked pointing the papers, files spread all over the floor in that room. 

"I didn't finished my work", he shrugged. 

"Let me help you", I was about to take some papers.

"Leave it.... I will handle them......do you want anything to drink?" he offered.

"Wait.... I came here from my flat which is unfortunately 5 floors down. More over I didn't use stair case..... So, I'm fine", I said with sarcasm. 

"It's my mistake to maintain formality", he dismayed. I laughed. 

I sat on floor and started collecting the scattered papers. He also joined with me. I collected all the papers and placed them as pile. He started checking them placing them in ordered files. 

"Are you still wearing it?" I asked pointing his wrist. All these day, he wore full sleeved shirts buttoned at wrist. So I never observed it.

"Umm.......How can I remove it?" he said caressing the black beads. The words once he said rang in my mind.

'I never forget you. Untill I have this to my hand, it will remind you every second'

"What are you thinking?" he snapped. I came to senses.

"Hah?... nothing?" I smiled. I blinked away my tears. We worked for an hour and cleared almost all papers. 

"I'm hungry... what about you?" he asked. "I will order some thing for us."

"No.... I made food for you", I said.

"What?" he shocked. "You cooked food?" I nodded.

"Give me a minute I will clean myself.... I'm stinky", he said and left the room. I arranged two chairs and washed my hands and face. I stood in balcony and looking at the sea. 

"Do you remember, the view was almost like this when we stood in my flat in Chennai", he said standing behind me. I didn't observe when he came. I turned to his direction and smiled. I afraid that he read my mind. I'm thinking about that view from his balcony only. 

I opened my bag and handed the food box to him. We took the chairs to balcony. His face lit when he looked at the food

"You cooked it? Really?" he asked tasting his first bite. 

"Don't you like it?" I asked. I know he like it, but I want to listen it from him.

"I love it....no.... actually... double love", he said chewing. "One love for taste and another love for you..... I mean your efforts." 

"Say Aa", he turned the spoon to my direction.

"No.... You eat.... I will go down after you finish it and join with Narmada", I declined.

"You mean all  these food only for me", he asked. I hummed.

"I'm human not any elephant", he yelled.

"Oh, Is it?", I mumbled.

"What that means?" he asked with serious tone. I busted into laugh.

"Stop your Ha Ha Ha", he mocked. "Eat it"

"No", I protested.

"I can't finish it", he dismayed.

"Save it.... I think you can't cook evening also", I winked.

"I have a better idea.... lets share this now..... And evening we will go out for dinner"

"But.." I started.

"Ah! Chaitra..... can't you say simple yes to this?.... I met you after a very long time...... how can you decline me.... it's disappointing", he started his drama.

"Nice try.... I won't fell for your emotional drama.... kindly stop it", I snapped. He narrowed his eyes.

"Then.... I will try another method next time", he chuckled. "For this time please adjust with emotional drama." I smiled for this. He took that as yes. 

He ordered ice cream for me. We together completed our lunch. After that I helped him in cleaning and all. It's small flat, so it took less time and less efforts. 

I saw many of his company documents and previous projects documents. I learnt about his work. He shared how he started all that, what problem he faced at beginning. 

"Okay bye.... I have to leave", I bid bye. Time is around 6 pm.

"You didn't say anything about dinner?" he asked. I smiled for his expression.

"Whats your flat number?" he asked suddenly.

"1007", I replied.

"I will meet you at your flat at 8:00", he said. 

"I didn't say 'yes'", I snapped.

"I already have your answer", he winked.

"Then why you asked me again?" I crossed my arm to chest.

"I just want to listen from you...... just like a formality", he shrugged. 

"Okay.... bye", I chuckled and left his place.

I shared everything to Narmada. She didn't say anything. I said about dinner then she reacted.

"Technically he is taking you for a dinner date", she commented.

"I don't think so...", I said. 

"Then what you mean this dinner?" she asked.

"I don't know", I shrugged. "May be #oldFriends?"

"May be #oldLove?" she giggled.

"May be you better shut up", I slapped on her head.

"Sure I will.....  but you be careful", her advise filled with sarcasm. 

"Don't worry about me.... take care about YOU", I said with same sarcasm pointing her mobile. She blushed and I laughed at her.

I took shower and changed into a comfortable blue jeans and white tunic. I went through some office mails. As he said, he came at 8:00. He wore blue checks casual shirt paired with light blue jeans and blue floaters. He is like my old Varun, only his old hair style and beard is missing. 

"Hi...", he wished us. I invited him. 

"Hi Varun", Narmada wished him. 

"Lets go", he mumbled and I nodded. 

"Where do we go?" he asked stepping into lift. I twisted my lower lip and shrugged. 

"How long have you been living here?" he asked.

"2 years", I said.

"Still..... you don't know where we can go?" he commented. I smirked.

"Okay leave it..... suggest any south Indian restaurant in vicinity..... most importantly... it must be in walkable distance", he asked. 

"Umm.... There is a restaurant near.... I think that's better", I said. He agreed, actually he had no other option.

It's just a 10 minutes walk. We discussed some trivial topic about the surroundings. We choose an empty table in that almost empty restaurant. 

"Please don't order Biriyani", I pouted.

"Don't worry I won't", he chuckled.

"I need a regular south indian meal... What about you?" I asked.

"As your wish", he said raising his hands. We completed our food without ice cream. After that we headed back to our place. 

"Good night", I wished and left the lift. He also came out. 

"Hello.... your flat is in 15th floor and it's 10th", I said looking at him.

"I know.... I want to drop you", he said with same tone.

"No one will kidnap me in these few steps", I snapped.

"No one will dare that..... hell is better than tolerating you", he smirked. 

"I know and thank you", I smirked. I knocked my door and stood there.

"Chaitra...." Still I'm effecting when he called me like this.

"Thank you so much for everything", he said and hugged me. I rooted in my place for few seconds. I felt his breath on my neck. I placed my arms around him. 

"Thank you for helping me..... thank you for lunch and this dinner", he whispered. He cupped my face and pecked on my forehead. 

My heart rate is normal, mind working perfectly, breath is also perfect. Meanwhile Narmada opened the door and stunned at us.

"Bye... Good night", I said with smile.

"Good night", he wished to both and left. I closed the door behind me.

"May I know what just happened?" she asked with shock.

"Nothing.... he just thanked me for this day", I snapped. 

"You both are reconciled?" she asked with excitement.

"Are you drunk?" I frowned. She rolled her eyes.

"I think he is still loving you", she pinched me.

"Ouch..... " I slapped on her arm.

"Don't you think that?" she asked and pushed me.

"What?" I yelled playfully.

"That...... he is still loving you", she said with raised brows.

"Oh the queen of stars.... throw this bitch into hell.... abracadabra", I yelled dramatically and pushed her. 

"Then take this bitch along with me", she yelled and we both laughed. We both fell on couch.

"Don't divert the topic..... tell me what I asked"

"No... he is not loving me..... he is treating like a friend... that's it", I said. 

"Wait.... you are normal", she yelled suddenly. I'm confused, 'What it means?'

"I mean.... you are not crying..... behaving very normal", she said.

"I won't..... I won't cry anymore for him...... I want to live happy with or without him", I said with firm determination.

"Perfect.... lets move on", she said with excitement. 'Move on' that word pinned a sharp pain in my heart. May be I can't do that.

"I don't want to move on..... I want to live happy like this..... unaffected by him", I said. An unknown confidence build in my mind. 

"Whatever.... lets do it", she said and hugged me. I hugged her tightly. I don't know what made me like this. My instincts supported me in this.

***********************

Sometimes we lost good things because better things are waiting for us. 

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