"So do we have any questions?"
Jim calls out to the throngs of children, a smile lights his already jolly face and from my place, crossed legged on the floor with the kids I can't help but smile back as well.

A collection of grubby hands lift into the air energetically and I laugh out loud as some crawl into my lap and over my shoulders to get the vantage point.

Taking his sweet old time to choose a hand Jim pauses for a handful of seconds with his pointer finger on his stubbled chin, tapping it lightly.

"How about... you!" Jim finally decides on a young girl with pony-tails and a toothy grin at the front, looking no older than eight.

She bundles up the front and starts jumping up and down instantly in excitement.

"I-uh.. have you killed anyone before?!" The whole room is dunked in silence from shock.

Nobody moves for a beat while the little girl continues to look up at Jim with curiosity.
The teachers move first attempting to scold the girl and remove her but Jim still chooses to answer hesitantly.

"No, I have not killed anyone before. I protect in other ways." Jim looks highly uncomfortable as the girl nods in understanding before spinning and facing me.

"What about you?" At this I swallow loudly and feel sweat begin to run down the back of my neck.

"I-" I blink a few times and my eyes trail the room as I try to gain control of myself.

"I-" I attempt again as my eyes latch onto the box of scissors by the desk, multiple colours and only designed for children with dull blades but they still taunt me and throw me headfirst back to the day I murdered someone.

Those scissors were pretty blunt as well.

He and I both gasp as he drops his weapon and soon after his body follows as he begins twisting and turning, his hands quickly drown in blood as he tries to pull out the scissors and he can't form a good grip as he cries out in undiluted pain...

The worst part of all is that I can't even remember his name anymore.
I truly am a monster.

"I know! Sweetie would you like to hold my badge and go around showing your classmates?" Jim manages to recover with as my pale face remains staring off in space for a beat too long.

The girl squeals with excitement and that thankfully breaks me out of my daze and I dredge up a smile and un-clip my own badge handing it to a boy in my lap and he bounds up to show the back of the room.

My eyes follow the boys movement, not wanting to lose my badge but my focus is on Jim as he stares at me worryingly and I hate it.

I have to gain control of myself.

It's been a week since Oliver visited me, his card is resting on my bench and I often find my gaze lingering on it but I have no reason to call him.
It's just been an average week of low crime besides the occasional speeding fine.

"You good?" Jim questions as the school bell finally rings and children start fleeing the scene.

I focus on attaching my badge to my blue suit and my left hands tremors but I've learned to work around that and get the badge on eventually.

"I'm fine Jim. I-I'm sorry that I lost myself back there. It won't happen again." I hurriedly explain and dragging my soft blue eyes up to his near matching ones I find that they are still glimmering with slight worry.

"Katherine I.." Jim begins but a loud scream pierces the air from outside.

Hearing children screaming wouldn't be the first thing to cause worry, it happens especially at schools, children get overexcited.

But glancing out the window and seeing families desperately grabbing their children and a plateless car speed away from the pick up spot is definitely concerning.

"Possible 104?!" I call out with shock as Jim and I start running towards the doors.

"We don't know yet, we can't make assumptions!" Jim calls out but my head is whirling.

104, possible abduction.
At this school of all places?!
It can't be a coincidence.

We run down the stairs, taking two at a time, the car is long out of sight and we both ground to a halt as school traffic blocks off any chance of a chase.
Jim sighs loudly and his hands clench as frustration boils over.

My eyes however latch on the young girl from earlier who triggered me.
She is surrounded by various adults while piercing wails explode from her small body.
She is hugging her backpack tightly and as I make my brisk way over I notice one of the straps is ripped.

"Officer! This girl here was almost dragged into that strangers car!"

The adults all cry out in different ways around me and I breathe deeply, my fears being confirmed.

I sense Jim come up behind me and before I can bend down to the girls level Jim places a hand on my shoulder and leans in.

"Katherine, I need to do the questioning. You scribe, you're too invested in this code." Jim hurriedly explains and it feels like a punch in the gut.

My hesitance doesn't go unnoticed and Jim tightens his hold on my shoulder momentarily and it forces myself to think logically.
He's right, I'm too personally invested.

I reach into my pocket wordlessly and pull out my notebook, not trusting my voice as my hands shake in frustration and pent up adrenaline.

Jim makes the adults step back after determining that none of them are her guardians, only one adult remains.
A male with a rather large gut and long hair as he claims to be a family friend.

He is busy on the phone calling who I presume to be the girls parents.
His presence calms the girl though as she now clings to his pants.

"Okay hun, as you know I'm Officer Hayes and this is my partner Officer East." Jim begins and I begin scribbling away, my hand slightly white from the pressure on the pen.

"If you can, can you please tell us your full name, age and address?"
Jim questions softly.

I write down the time of day, location and code at the top of the page as the young girl tucks her raven hair that has fallen from her piggy-tails behind her ears and takes a calming breath.

"My name is Joy Lucille James, I am seven years old and live in a house with stairs." She replies solemnly and glancing at the adult with her he mouths 'I have the address' and I nod a fraction before writing down the solid parts of her answer.

"Good job Joy. Now I know it's scary but can you tell us what has happened?" Jim rests on his knee's now, at even level with the young girl as she begins fiddling with her beaded plastic bracelet, I can recognise a few Disney characters among the bright colours.

"I-I was walking along the road with the other kids. My Mummy doesn't pick me up until ten minutes after the bell because of work so I was walking my friends to their Mummys and Daddies." Joy rushes out and my writing intensifies as we all listen with baited breath.

"This car pulled up next to me a-and he asked if my Mummy was here y-yet." The girl begins and I fight the look of sympathy that wants to drag my features.

I keep professional and crease my eyebrows and bite my lip as I write down the details.

"I-I said no. Then he said he would take me home but Mummy told me not to speak to strangers so I said no."
At this her crying picks up again and her cheeks turn rosy as snot begins to drip out of her nose.

Wordlessly I find a packet of tissues in my pocket and I hand them over.

"You're doing so well! You're such a brave and smart girl." Jim coo's and Joy blows her nose loudly before clearing her throat.

"I-I think I made him mad. Because he suddenly opened the door and tried to grab me! He ripped my backpack see!" She calls out now with anger in her voice and my eyes take in the frozen backpack as she shakes it in front of us.

"Then when he missed me he jumped back into the car and drove away really, really fast!" Joy finishes and both my partner and I nod solemnly before glancing at each other and deciding our next step.

"Do you remember what the man looked like Joy?" Jim now forces himself back onto his feet, groaning slightly at the action.

"He had a beanie on and sunglasses, he had a beard which was black! There was also a girl in the other seat but I couldn't really see her. She was small next to him."
Joy explains quickly and I'm not impressed by the detail yet they are still quick to raise my suspicions.

It couldn't be them.. It's too easy.

"Was there anything about either of them that really stood out? Tattoos or piercings perhaps?" Jim asks searching her eyes, trying desperately to catch onto something more tangible.

"Maybe an accent?" I offer hopefully, my eyes flashing with hope and I ignore Jim's cautious glance as the girl lets a small smile dance across her features.

"You look just like Merida!" The girl gushes, all sense of panic gone and I let a small smile lift my lips.

"Thank you Sweetie, but these details will make us really happy. Think really hard, did the man have an accent? A rough one that sounded kinda silly."
I ask quickly my pen still perched above the paper, begging to write down the word 'Russian'.

"Umm rough? I don't really understand.." The girl replies puzzled but I'm too fuelled by hope and only hear confirmation.

"Yes rough! Perfect, thank you Joy."
I reply smiling and I scribble down that he has an accent.

"Katherine we're done here. Go back to the cruiser." Jim demands and my confused eyes land back on him as I hear the annoyance coating his words. Jim never gets annoyed.

"Jim wha-" I begin but one cold glare from him cuts me short and it takes everything in me not to stumble back.

Blinking harshly I nod once and tuck away my notes before spinning around and leaving the scene.

Weaving through the curious crowd I keep my head down and manage to eventually force myself into the passenger seat and I fight the urge to cross my arms, confused as to why I'm being scolded.

Jim takes his time finishing up the clean up.

Only a few more minutes pass before a worn down car comes speeding around the corner and a woman with hair matching her daughters comes sprinting out.
Ignoring everyone she latches onto her daughter and buries her face into her hair crying with relief.

My eyes water as I view a Mothers love for her child and while I knew my Mother cared for me before she died I also knew that she didn't love me as much as a Mother should.

I wasn't her everything.
Joy is an extremely lucky girl.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Let me look at the notes."
Jim demands and I quickly pull out the notebook and pen from my pocket as we sit idling in the car.

"I wrote everything down in the correct format." I mumble in response but Jim ignores me and his eyes scan the neat, small writing.

Finally they settle on a sentence and his eyebrows sink low, my own match as I try to peer over his shoulder.
I'm not left in suspense for long however.

"Suspect has rough accent... What is this Katherine?" Jim criticises and I swallow before replying.

"Evidence?"

"It's swaying and influencing a witnesses report. You placed this forged piece of evidence into her mind and so now it's useless." Jim explains slowly and I bristle at his accusation.

"No it's not!" I try to defend but Jim cuts me off once more, scribbling out the line roughly.

"Katherine this is not acceptable. You have the potential to be such a good police officer, you have so much potential that it drives me insane. But this?! This has to stop." I'm speechless as Jim reprimands me, it's so out of his character and I curse the tears forming in my eyes.

"You need to stop obsessing over your past. What's done is done and you are not to blame nor expected to fix what has been done. All that you need to do is focus on yourself." Jim continues and I feel my heart break a little.

I've never realised how much I've attached myself to Jim in the last few years but now I notice just how much his opinion means to me.
I view him like the father I should have had.

"I'm worried about you Katherine-"

"Well you don't need to be okay?! I'm sorry, I overstepped and it won't happen again." I attempt to appease him but all he does is shake his head.

"Part of me believes the best thing for you right now is to take a mental health break." Jim confesses and I feel the blood drain from my face.

"No Jim please. Don't report this, you don't understand. I need this job."
I know my reasons are selfish.
I use this job as a distraction, a way to keep myself 'in the loop' so that if any leads are made then I have the right to pursue them.

I'm here for the wrong reasons, helping people is just a bonus to me.
But I can't be left alone, my thoughts will kill me.

"Jim what do I have to do?" I mutter desperately, my hands are tight balls in my lap and I'm seconds away from begging as Jim sighs and holds his pointer fingers to his temples.

"You need to prioritise yourself."
Jim commands and I eagerly nod.

"I mean it this time Katherine. No more slip ups. I want you to care for yourself, get a life for Gods sake! You're so young, you're smart, beautiful and have a whole life ahead of you."
Again all I can do is nod, too speechless to do anything else.

"You can start by coming to my family barbecue tonight." Jim finalises and my shoulders drop but I don't voice any complaints.

"What time?" I inquire, my voice hinting at my anxiousness but I don't falter.
I need to try harder, both for Jim and myself.

"Six o'clock sharp Missy. Feel free to bake me something nice."
Jim responds a touch of humour soothing his words again and my body slightly relaxes.

Jim begins steering the car again and I let out a sigh of relief.

I cut it too close, everybody has limits and it seems that I very nearly reached Jim's.