Dear, You.

I probably don't need to write this for you, because I've never not been honest with you, but it felt necessary regardless. You're a strange existence in my life, one that has changed places in my heart so many times I'm not even sure what to think anymore. I call you a friend, but I've held feelings for you, and it may have changed since then, but you still hold a unique place in my heart I can't even put a name on.

I want to start by saying I'm sorry for being so confusing. For all the back and forth and the misleading things I said and the times I sounded like I knew what I wanted, only to turn around and fall apart with weak apologies. You'd tell me it's fine and that I wasn't hurting you, but I could never accept my actions. I wanted to treat you better, but sometimes I'm just not capable, and it's one of my many flaws. I'm indecisive and a complete flight risk.

You're always there for me though, without fail. I'm hurting and you have kind words and always manage to put a smile on my face. I'm forever thankful to have met you, and I can only hope I can be as good of a friend in return. I know I flirt with you and i love ya, but I'm forever your friend first. I'm here for you and I want to always put your well being before my feelings. You say the same thing though and it's a mess, but I think that's just how we are and I don't entirely mind it.

I'm really happy with how honest we can be, and that we've never held back anything. I never feel insecure in our friendship even when I worry that I've upset you, I know you won't disappear on me, and it's such a damn relief. If I ever get to meet you in person, which I better at New Years, you bet your ass I'm hugging you, tackling you, everything nice all at once because I will be so happy. You are one of my best friends, and from the words you wrote to me as a stranger, to the words you send me every day over snapchat, you've made my life a little brighter and I wouldn't want to ever lose that.

I hope you find a reason to smile every day, and I hope we never fall out of touch, because I'd be heartbroken to lose a friend like you from my life.

Love,

A girl who never makes sense.