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phanart by emkabob
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ADRIAN

"Adrian?" Katie, my foster mum, calls, "Could you come downstairs?"

I sigh, putting my guitar back in it's case. I guess practice will have to wait till later.

"Yeah?" I say, walking down the steps.

Katie comes into the hall, with a sad look on her face. She motions me into the kitchen and shuts the door behind us.

"I, um, I don't really know how I should say this," she coughs, "The police just called."

"W-What did I do?" I ask, confused and slightly scared.

"You're not in trouble, Adrian. Don't worry," she smiles sympathetically.

"What's happened then?" I say, concerned.

"It's your brother - Daniel..." she sighs, looking down at the phone grasped in her two hands.

"H-He's in prison?" I say, shocked. Dan was an amazing person - he couldn't have got himself in trouble, unless it was a misunderstanding.

"No, Adrian," she looks back at me, a sad look in her eyes, "He's dead."

"W-What?" I say, in disbelief, stumbling backwards a little.

"I'm really sorry, Adrian."

"B-But he... He can't. He - He promised... Once he's eighteen, he's coming back to get me," I cry out, "He's coming back with mum and dad!"

"Adrian, please," she comforts, holding onto my shoulder.

But, almost immediately, I push her off me, "How did this happen? How could he leave me here?"

"When he dropped you here, he asked me to give you this, when the time was right," she sighs, handing me a white envelope with my name scrawled on the front of it, in Dan's handwriting.

I gasp suddenly, the angry emotions bubbling up inside me seeming to fizzle out into nothing.

"It's for you and only you, do you understand?" she says, sternly.

"Y-Yeah," I stutter, calming down a little, but still in utter disbelief. I attempt to wipe away the streams of tears, falling down my face.

"Right, can you go upstairs to your room? Read the letter and then get yourself ready to go out and see him, alright?"

I nod, sadly, before stumbling out of the room and up the stairs, grasping tightly onto the letter. I carry on walking up to my bedroom, straining myself to stop more tears from falling.

Finally, I get to my door and open it, running over to my bed and collapsing into a weak ball of tears. I repeatedly punch my pillow, in agony, crying out and shouting at the world.

What did this? What caused my brother to have to die? A murderer? A car crash? A heart attack?

I just can't think of anyone who'd want to hurt him... Surely mum and dad would've been able to save him?

I sigh into the white material, my face still buried in the stuffing. I take long breaths, in and out, trying to calm myself down.

Once I've composed myself a little, I lift my head upwards and wipe my eyes. The letter is still lying next to me on the bed, looking at me, teasingly. I don't want to open it. But I'd feel like a bad brother if I didn't.

So, after some debate, I lean over and take the envelope. I look at it for a minute, running my finger over my name, written messily over the front, before turning it over and ripping open the back.

I take a sharp intake of breath, as I see:

"Dear Adrian,"

written on the first line.

I close my eyes and evaluate everything, before taking the letter fully out and unfolding it.

Dear Adrian,

If you're reading this letter, I have come back to get you, you're eighteen or I am dead. As much as I hate to say it, the last option is probably the most likely.

I have been depressed for a year now and it's tough hiding it from you, it really is. But you'll see that it's for your own good, I promise. Do you remember when mum 'went to look after grandma'? That's not true. She died on that day and I thought it was best if you didn't find out. I won't tell you how or why, but if you ask me later on in life I can explain everything.

I'm sorry that I left you in a foster home, but I went up and down the country trying to find the best one I could. I hope you're doing alright. The environment at home just wasn't safe enough for someone as young as you. Really, it isn't safe enough for me, but I haven't got too much choice. I'm glad you got out while you still could.

I guess we've always known that our father was a bit 'different'. And I know that you call him 'Dad', but I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. He's never been my Dad. Not really.

He first hit me exactly one year ago, when mum died. And ever since then I've been depressed. Please, just promise me something? Don't turn out like I did. I took you away so you wouldn't be like me and I really hope it stays that way. I couldn't bear to see you hurt.

Carry on with school and make sure to keep practicing those times tables! ;)

Lots of love,
Dan (your brother) xxx

As soon as I read those last few words, my small tears turn into giant sobs. I can't seem to stop the salty drops from running down my cheeks.

"Adrian? Are you almost ready to go?" Katie calls, up the flights of stairs.

"Y-Yeah!" I choke out. I sigh and try to wipe away as many tears as I can - failing miserably.

Once I've checked my hair and made sure I look fairly decent, I open my bedroom door and start walking down the stairs.

As son as I reach the landing, Katie envelops me in a large hug. "I'm so sorry Adrian," she cries, "I wish I'd have taken you to see him before this happened. He was such a lovely boy."

"How did he die?" I ask, trying to stay calm and collected.

"He, um... He-" she sighs, "Shall we just w-wait until we get there?"

"Okay... Yeah."

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After a long car journey of mostly silence, we finally arrive at a tall, white building.

King's College Hospital.

I inwardly sigh, before getting out of the car, and shutting the door behind me.

"How are you feeling?" Katie asks, her voice soft.

"I'm alright," I mumble, as we begin to walk up the steps leading to the door.

"Okay then, if you're sure," she smiles, almost sympathetically.

We get to the front and the door slides across, letting us into the waiting room. I look around the clean, lifeless space and try to find something to focus on. But there's nothing. Nothing in the room has any meaning or purpose. It's horrible.

I sit down on one of the chairs, next to two guys, leaning into each other. The taller one has curly, dark brown hair, whilst the other has straight brown hair, styled in a fringe.

"Are you guys alright?" I ask, politely, once I notice their sad expressions.

"We're okay," the curly-haired boy answers, "Someone very close to us has just died, though. Chris here, isn't taking it too well."

"I'm so sorry... I'm here for my brother, Dan," I sigh.

"Dan Howell?" the smaller one, lifts his head.

"Y-Yeah," I mumble, "S-Sorry, but do I know you, or?"

"No probably not," the tall one chuckles, "I'm PJ and this is Chris."

"Well, I'm Adrian," I smile, meekly, "Do you know my brother?"

"In a way, yeah. Our friend, Phil, never shut up about him. I just wish we could've gotten to know him... The way Phil described him, he sounded amazing," PJ sighs.

"I'm sorry, who's Phil?" I ask, shyly, "I haven't seen Dan for years."

"He was his-" PJ begins, but he's quickly interrupted by Katie's voice, calling me over to the receptionist's desk.

"Sorry, I have to go," I say, getting up from my chair, "It was nice talking to you."

I walk over to Katie and hear her talking to the receptionist, over the counter. "Yeah, hi. We were just wondering if we could see a patient staying here," she says, politely.

"I should able to help you with that. What is their name?" she asks, turning to her computer and placing her fingers on the keyboard.

"Um, Daniel Howell?"

After a few seconds of her typing and searching, she turns back to us, a sympathetic look on her face. "I'll just get Dr Way for you," she says, before getting out of her chair and walking into a small office behind her.

"Hey, Adrian?" Katie says, tapping on my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"I should probably tell you," she sighs, "Dan isn't actually dea-"

But before I can work out what she's saying, a blonde man comes around the corner and interrupts us, "Hi, here to see Dan?"

"O-Oh... Yeah," I mumble.

"Can I just ask who you are?"

"I'm Adrian Howell," I motion to Katie, "And this is my foster mum."

"I'm really sorry ma'am, but it's family only," Dr Way sighs, facing Katie.

"Oh it's alright," she says, "If you could just tell him a little bit about Dan for me? If you know what I mean?"

I shoot her a confused look, in reply, but the doctor looks understanding and nods back.

"Okay, Adrian. If you could just come with me?"

I look at them both, with complete uncertainty as to what is happening, but follow Dr Way, nonetheless. He leads me down about three or four corridors, before we reach a door with Dan Howell written on the small plaque.

We stand outside, motionless, for a few seconds, before I turn to the doctor and ask him what has been on my mind the whole time, "I thought Dan was dead?"

"Your brother isn't dead, no... he's in a coma," Dr Way sighs, "But only just. Dan is a very strong boy - He should've died but he kept pushing on and kept going. He's holding on for something, and I get the feeling that something might be you."

"M-Me?" I gasp, my breath caught in my throat, "Why?"

"I mean you're his brother, after all. He hasn't seen you in a long time. He really missed you, Adrian," he sighs, "The only other person I know of that he would stay alive for is Phil."

"Who is Phil? He keeps being mentioned," I ask, my curiosity still strong.

"Phil was Dan's boyfriend. He kept Dan going, but I guess it got to the point when that wasn't enough," Dr Way explains, looking down at me, "You see, Dan had severe depression because of previous trauma a-"

I interrupt him, intrigued, "Serious trauma?"

"From what Phil has explained to me, your father was... Well, how should I put this?" he sighs, "He hit your brother - a lot."

"D-Dad? He... He did this?" I ask, in disbelief.

"I'm afraid so. I really don't know much about it, unfortunately. But I do know that Phil tried very hard to save Dan. In the end, your brother attempted suicide and jumped off a bridge. The police also found Phil's body at the edge of the river with him, and the doctors are saying that he jumped too. But I don't believe that for a second. I'm not sure what happened but I know that Phil didn't jump off that bridge on purpose."

I just stand there, in complete shock from the news that I've heard. I didn't even know Dan liked guys, let alone that he was that far into depression.

"I know this will be tough for you but you should know that Dan was always concerned about you. His one fear was that you would follow in his footsteps, so please, be careful?" Dr Way says, giving me a weak smile.

I nod slowly, still trying to process everything. I watch as the doctor enters the room and I follow right behind him.

I sigh as soon as I see Dan's pale complexion, his hair raked back from his face and his eyes shut. I can hear the heart monitor, it's steady beep seeming to echoe around the room. Obviously, Dan looks older than when I last saw time, but he still has that slight babyish look to him.

I walk over to the visitor's chair and sit down, with Dr Way standing across from me, on the other side of the bed.

His voice startles me a little, "It might seem weird, but you can talk to him. Coma patients can hear everything going on around them."

"Oh," I say, slightly nervously, "Well, um, hey Dan. I'm sorry that I wasn't here for you and all that. I miss you so much. But, I'm alright. I have lots of friends, my foster home is lovely and I think I might even have a crush on this girl in my class," I chuckle, "Her name is Dorothy."

"Anyway," I cough, "I'm sorry that I never got to meet Phil, he sounded lovely."

I hear the heart monitor begins to slow down and suddenly everything becomes more real. This is happening - This is actually happening.

"You can let go, Dan," I smile, weakly, tears threatening to come out, "You've been through enough."

"I love you," I whisper.

And, as soon as I say those three words, a long beep is heard and it's all over. The tears rapidly fall down my cheeks and they won't stop. I grab Dan's hand and cry, almost violently.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look over to see Dr Way, with a few tears rolling down his face. He brings me into a hug and I just cry and cry into his chest.

"He's in a better place now," he says, holding onto me, tightly.

"Do you promise?" I choke out.

"I promise."