Hello! I hope everything is going well with you!! I wrote this when i was feeling really down...so if it's not your cup of tea (I use a lot this phrase...) then chose some other stories of mine! Anyways, if you like it then i hope you enjoy it!

The song above the chapter is the song Felicity will sing and i have the written the lyrics at some point.

Enjoy!

Felicity was feeling weird lately she's been watching weird dreams that make no sense to her or the dream translators online.

Furthermore, she's been thinking a lot of her childhood the past few months...she remembered the fight she had with a friend of hers named Malina. How she regretted and didn't regret sending a farewell message to her a cold November ending their friendship.

She remembered how after that she started questioning her trust in people and if she truly deserved to have friends. Because a week after she stopped talking to Malina a girl she was friends with named Anna stopped talking to her and accused her of being a lame whinny concretive bitch that bring everyone down and that is why no one is friends with her. And that she is always with headphones on because she had no friends.

Felicity was deeply wounded and wondered if the universe was telling her that she should be stone cold and alone. Music was the only thing keeping her company and in check until she left for MIT.

But the thoughts she had wondered during the time she had lost both Malina and Anna didn't stop when she went to MIT quite the opposite happened, they became louder!

Was she a burden to them with her constant need for communication?

So she stayed detached from the rest of her classmates and put more walls around her but secretly...She wished...no she longed for a best friend like her and Malina were before they fought.

She remembered how at eighteen Malina had send a text to her asking if they could meet in Massachusetts and she had agreed but Malina visited twice Massachusetts and never said to Felicity to meet.

During those months of Felicity wondered if Malina would tell her to meet and if yes when and where and how she should approach her.

She also remembered how she had tried to calm herself from getting excited on the opportunity to mend her and Malina's friendship.

But Malina string her alone for three years with promises to meet and during those years Felicity's mental health was fucked up...she made a research during her last year in MIT with her symptoms and found out she had fallen into a depression because she didn't allow herself to find friends and she felt constantly lonely.

She had trouble sleeping when she did she saw weird dreams that left her paralyzed in her bed confused if it was real or not.

She had suicidal tendencies. She wondered if anyone would miss her if she jumped from her dorm's floor which was the 8th floor, if the bus or car ran her over, if she was killed at gun point.

Many times she found herself riding the bus around the city for errands and watched random people hugging their friends and loved ones...she wondered if she ever would have that.

She grew angry at herself for being so gullible and believing that Malina wanted to be friends again.

Going through that she gained weight from eating in order to feel her lonely days.

One day close to the end of the third year of the Waiting for Malina Chronicles Felicity decided to put end to everything.

She looked at herself in the mirror disgusted by the pale, brown hair, blue eyed, fat girl stare back at her.

She dressed with a long white sleeved shirt that reached her butt, she put on black leggings and her hiking Columbia shoes, she took a bottle of water, her phone, earplugs, and student bus pass and walked out of her dorm room.

She went to a hiking spot she saw in her college campus' board of athletic choices during this year.

She watched people run up and down, taking pictures and she marveled the sunset before she started typing a goodbye text to her notes on her phone and left it near her earplugs and student bus pass.

She walked to the age of the cliff and looked down and then the night sky, she felt at peace for the first time.

Then she jumped.

She didn't die though. The fall was enough for her to break her leg and ribs...

But it was a wakeup call.

The pain was welcoming and she refused painkillers once the casts were on her the nurses asked her what she was doing in the cliff.

She lied telling them she was attempting to capture a panoramic view of the city and she slipped.

She wondered who called the ambulance since she was alone.

She returned to MIT and she found a letter in her door saying;

"Hey,

I'm Dan I'm the one who found your phone and saw you being passed out. I really thought you died! I quickly dialed the ambulance.

I stayed with you until they arrived and told them I found you here they asked me what I was doing this late up there and honestly I lied and told them I was out here to smoke weed...but in all honesty...I was there for the same reason as you.

I was about to jump too when I heard the thud of your body and it scared me.

I had seen you around the campus plus we shared some classes too. You seemed so...caged...I always wondered why you never had friends.

I read your goodbye note while I waited for the ambulance to arrive...sorry for invading your privacy by the way.

Malina sounds like a selfish bitch...oh! And narcissistic too! She doesn't deserve you.

After they took you I made sure to call your mum and let her know you were alright, she asked me why I was on your phone...I lied again saying I had found it in the supermarket and I was trying to reach you.

I didn't know if you wanted your mother to know what you were going though because you didn't refer to her in the note...sorry if I put you on the spot.

Last but not least, once you are feeling better I would love to talk face to face, it might be beneficial for both of our mental health issues.

Here is my number, 789765

Wishing your speedy recovery,

Daniel Nicolas(Call me Dan) Darden."

She still had his letter and they had become great friends, he was Felicity's only friend who knew about her suicide attempt.

She even now talks with him constantly and he is the one keeping her bad thoughts at bay.

After that during the graduation Dan had prepared a party for the two of them to celebrate one year from the suicide attempts and how they had survived. And they made the promise to visit a psychologist in their respected towns once they were hired to companies.

Dan was hired by Microsoft while she was at QC.

She didn't have time to visit a psychologist twice a week but once a month and the psychologist had told her that nothing was wrong with her.

Dan thought that Felicity might have chosen the wrong psychologist given that she had all the red flags of depression...so he asked his psychologist for recommendations but Felicity refused too confused and skeptical to try again.

She saw herself as a hypocrite, if she didn't have depression what was left to have in common with Dan?

She started to pulling away from Dan.

Then Oliver started asking her weird ass favors. She agreed to help him and Walter as a way to distract herself from her own demons.

Soon Oliver was revealed to be The Hood and she was on his team now.

The Sara showed up.

She got a bullet for Sara.

The pain of the bullet penetrating her skin made her smile...she needed the pain, she needed to feel something other than blank emptiness.

Oliver, Diggs and Sara thought she was high on painkillers when she was babbling but she was fully aware how she was reacting, she was foolish and she knew it yet she saw it as an idea...the role of cheery Felicity was created that day.

She forced herself to be cheery as a way to keep her mind occupied with the task of pretending and not the fact that she clearly didn't belong in the trio before her eyes.

Then she found herself writing her feelings in a form of poems when the bad days ate her strength to play her cheery role.

Soon she wrote an entire song.

One night she decided to go drink her pain away because guess what happened! Malina had invited her to her wedding in NEW YORK!

After six years of her stringing her along!

Drunk she walked on Oliver and Sara having sex she apologized laughing and took her notebook she had forgotten in her desk and threw the condom box at Oliver's head reminding them laughingly to use protection.

Oliver and Sara stare at her confused and shocked.

She waved them goodbye and went back to the bar to continue drinking. Then she saw the stage that played Jazz piano music and an idea formed in her head...

KARAOKE!

She walked up to the pianist and showed him her song and asked if he could play a melody suitable for the piece, he nodded welcoming the change of music.

She walked up to the microphone and said;

"This song is my feelings I have bottled up ever since I was sixteen...don't hold it in folks! It will kill ya! It did in my case..."

Then she started to sing;

"Finding refuge in my own lies
"How are you?"
"I'm doing alright"
Small talk is a great disguise
Just let me be just let me be
Empty thoughts start to crowd my mind
Am I only living, living to survive?
Shake it off but I've lost the drive
Just let me be just let me be
Let me be, okay

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread
No one knows what goes on up inside my head
They don't think I need help
But I'm scaring myself
I just want to be okay
I just want to be okay

All the voices in my head are coming to life
They're getting louder and I'm, I'm terrified
How do you run from your own mind?
Is this what I've become?
Take it back what have I done

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread
No one knows what goes on up inside my head
They don't think I need help
But I'm scaring myself
I just want to be okay
I just want to be okay

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread
But I didn't think the antidote was in my hands
I can change my plans I can change my plans
I tried to find my reflection on the glass
But all I ever saw were the things I lacked
All the smudges on the mirror made me go insane
All I ever thought I was
Was a mistake

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread
No one knows what goes on up inside my head
Up inside my head
Up inside my head"

She started signing but half way through she started tearing up like the emotions she fought so hard to keep locked up washed over her like a waterfall.

Unknowingly, to her Oliver and Sara couldn't resume having sex too worried for the condition Felicity was into when they saw her. They quickly dressed and followed her to the bar.

They couldn't find her until she went on stage and started signing.

Oliver was gaping while Sara was looking at Felicity in true sadness and sympathy.

Felicity ran from the stage choking her sobs and went to the bathroom, Oliver and Sara ran behind her but a brunette guy with beard stopped them telling them he got it handled.

Oliver got pissed! Who was he?

But soon they heard Felicity's voice saying;

"Dan? What...what are you doing here? How are you here?"

"Well, you've been avoiding me for the past two years so I got worried I worked and earned vacation time to come and see you!" Dan said to Felicity with a soft voice and Oliver with Sara heard her broke down crying again.

Dan had hugged Felicity as she cried and he understood her.

"I can't fight anymore..." Felicity said to Dan who looked at her and kissed her head and said;

"Don't. Let it all out! Confront your feelings and punch Malina in her wedding day! Yeah...I saw the post she tagged you in...what a bitch..." Dan said as he held Felicity.

She laughed at his tactics while trying to calm down and sniffed.

"Your therapist has done wonders with ya, Dan." Felicity said with a humorless laugh/sniff.

"I told you to move to Redmond." Dan said to Felicity with a knowing look.

"Yeah...Redmond has great therapists..." Felicity said with a sad tone which made Dan to hug her again.

Felicity's muffled laugh made Oliver and Sara sigh in relief and leave the two friends alone to talk.

Oliver and Sara went to sit at a table and stare at each other in confusion.

"What was this all about?" Sara wondered and Oliver looked at her and then said;

"When she's ready she is going to tell us."

In the bathroom Dan and Felicity were sitting on the floor of the bathroom and Felicity told him everything, of course she didn't reveal who was the Hood, she did told him though she's been helping him and the danger she got in.

Dan was furious with her!

"You want to kill yourself, Felicity?" He yelled at her and Felicity looked at him serious.

"Yes. I want to die. Die and haunt her."

"Why do you want to die instead of confronting her? What are you so afraid of? Why you never went to find her and rip her hair from her skull?" Dan asked interested and she sighed.

"The fight we had was because she wasn't calling me when I needed her. We would schedule time and she wouldn't call. I would wait by the phone like a hawk only to never receive her call. I felt so giddy whenever I would listen my phone ring thinking it was her only to see Anna's name or somebody else's. I felt ignored. Alone. I had no friends...correction I had no reliable friends, one day we would be a tight group the next we would be split in two groups and having we would fight about something...well they would fight about something. I was just standing in the side waiting for them to notice how I was completely losing myself. My old friend Rafaela had asked me one time to tell her a little bit about myself since for seven months of me hanging out with them I hadn't said anything but the fact that I lived with my mum. They didn't even know my last name. I told them there was nothing to tell and it's true...I had no story. I was completely ordinary and they weren't. I hated that my mum met this guy and we had to move district..."

"I wanted to go back to Malina. I didn't know who I was without her and her absence pained me more than...you know...my habit of not allowing old wounds heal..."

She told him and Dan listened carefully.

"You mean your self-destructive syndrome?" Dan asked when Felicity started not talking normally.

All this time Oliver and Sara couldn't stand waiting so they went to eavesdrop to them and they were shocked.

"Yeah...So, from now I'm staying for a few days and once we get out of this bathroom we are researching for a proper psychologist." Dan said serious and Felicity nodded.

But as far as Oliver and Sara they just pitied her and they walked away to the Foundry.

She needed to deal with that on her own but they would be here for her if she needed them.

So? What do you think of this story? I was thinking to keep it as a one-shot but if you have an idea about what a second chapter could contain tell me in your reviews!

Have a nice summer, people!

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