t h i r t e e n
Arielle wasn't sure how much time flew by as she waited for her guiding ghost to return. Lost in her thoughts, digging deep, she realized a lot of details of recent months had become blurry. All her memories of Jade seemed to fog over, and her specter-hunting trip with Stella was a bit of a haze. Her years at school were question marks and her moments spent with her mom, her brother, her dad felt like they'd happened centuries ago.
Was it because she was dead? Would she slowly lose her recollections, would they all morph into fuzzy images that didn't quite make sense? Would she forget about those she'd loved? Forget about herself?
"Hey," said a slightly familiar voice, drawing Arielle from her internal paranoia.
It was the ghost—she reappeared at last, her outline brighter than usual, similar to when she'd sucked in all the glowing energy to seize the recording device. She wore the same outfit, yet something was different about her. Her attitude, her colors, her aura—Arielle couldn't figure it out.
"Hey," said Arielle, shaking herself out of her negative thoughts. "You came back."
"Duh." The ghost scooched over to her side. "This is my home. But... you okay?"
"I'm... here, I guess?" Without noticing it, Arielle had drifted to the living room, floating next to the window. "Still... processing, as you called it."
The girl winced. "I know I keep saying this, but you will get used to it." Her voice was deeper than before, a bit strained. It was coarse, too, as if she'd smoked a few cigarettes and coughed out her lungs from the smoke. She peered out the window and sighed. "The sun will rise soon, and it won't look so terrifying out there. Maybe that'll calm you down."
Arielle spun to gaze out the window, too—and stilled at the sight of a silhouette in the glass. The ghost's silhouette.
"How are you—" she flipped to the ghost, then back to the reflection, jaw dropping. "I can see you in the glass! But I... I can't see myself? How is that possible?"
The ghost chuckled and waved at herself in the mirror, causing Arielle to skid a few inches backwards in surprise. "Another trick you develop after a while in the Void, sweetie." Her tone adopted a less croaky aspect as she leaned in and adjusted her tresses, letting the strands fall over her shoulders in greasy waves. "Took me years to see myself."
"So I... I will see myself, eventually?" Brows scrunching, Arielle approached once more and gawked at the area where she should have been able to visualize her own outline. It was an ominous feeling, to look through oneself, to not be able to envision what one looked like. Were her eyes the same color? Was her hair a mess? Would she soon be able to identify the wild crimson color of said hair? Would she always wear the clothes she'd died in? When the ghost observed her, was she a blob of sepia-toned hues, or did she appear as her usual self?
"How long have you been hovering here, kid?" The ghost turned to Arielle and rubbed her shoulder; it was an affectionate gesture, but it felt out of place for someone so detached, so usually lacking affection. "I've been gone for a little while, and you don't look so good."
Arielle gulped. She didn't feel good, either. Since the ghost had left, her misery and confusion had grown worse, and she alternated between bouts of sharp pain, and moments of zoning out, like a zombie wandering without a purpose. She was caught between chills and hot flashes, limbs tightening and turning to Jell-O. And the sensations only exacerbated as she had no idea how to control them, stop them. The eeriness that surrounded her, swallowing her, didn't allow her a second of reprieve. Since she'd come to terms with the fact that she was stuck here, she tried to understand why... but she found no reason not to move on. Nothing holding her back.
So if she didn't figure out this unfinished business... would she remain in this murky realm forever? Tormented, demented, suffering, and losing her damn mind?
"Does it ever get less gloomy here?" She peeled away from the ghost's glacial touch and massaged her aching temples. "It's so... depressing."
"That's the Void, honey," said the specter, spreading the curtains farther apart without so much as a huff of effort. "It's not meant to be colorful and welcoming. It's meant to dispel, to discourage; to convince ghosts to recognize what their unfinished business is and move on to where they really belong."
"But I..." Arielle's shoulders sank as she hunched forward and gaped at her shoes. She was wearing the same sneakers as the night she was locked in, and spotted a few faded bloodstains on the edges, which prompted her to cringe. "It's just that I don't have unfinished business. I wanted to know what happens after death, and here I am. Dead. I know now, so why haven't I left?"
A small smile formed over the ghost's dark and chapped lips. "You may think that's what's holding you here... but if you're still here, you're wrong." She shrugged. "This system works, without fail. If you haven't departed the Void, then you haven't figured out your unfinished business as a living being."
It made no sense. Nothing else had mattered to her more than communicating with Jade, to ensure she was okay, but also to discover where she was, what she was doing, what her afterlife was.
I can't talk to Jade, but I obtained my other answers. So why can't I get out?
"So then... what is my unfinished business?" She whipped her neck up and watched the ghost, who hovered a few feet away, picking at a loose thread in her T-shirt. "What's holding me back?"
The ghost's gaze didn't meet Arielle's. She remained focused on her shirt, and her voice lowered. "That's up to you to piece together, dear. I'm not in your head or your heart, so I can't say. I won't be much help in that department, sorry."
Arielle grimaced. "How do I figure it out? I've been pondering things while you were gone, but I... I've got nothing. No clue."
"That's because you're missing something. You need more time to dig further into your mind and scrape through the darkest parts of your brain." The spirit spun in the opposite direction and rolled her shoulders, then stretched her arms out in front of her. "This is real, it's not a dream, and it's not a prank. The Void has its rules, and if you're still here, then you haven't completed your task. It's that simple."
"Simple?" Arielle's blood—if she had any left inside her—boiled underneath the surface of her skin. "Fine. Why are you here?" She sauntered over to the ghost's side and tried to slip before her, to connect their gazes and gauge her feelings. She was hiding something, if not several things, and Arielle didn't want to wait for her to spit out knowledge at her own pace.
Oh, she has clues about why I can't move on, I guarantee it.
"I..." The ghost side-glanced at her, eyes narrowed as she pursed her lips. She shuddered, and for a moment she appeared ready to zoom off, to run and hide, and avoid answering Arielle's question. But she drew away from Arielle and let out a low moan. "I refuse to leave. Dealing with what my business is... is not something I'm eager to do."
"But you... you know what it is? You've figured it out? How are you still stuck? I get that you don't want to go... but aren't you supposed to?" Arielle scratched her head. "Why hasn't the Void kicked you out?"
"Because you have to say it out loud." The specter-girl whooshed past Arielle and over to the threshold leading to the entryway. "So as long as you don't voice your conclusions, you don't go anywhere. And I..." Her cheeks flushed with light brown, "I like it here."
"But it's so... dreary." Arielle suppressed a shiver. "Don't you miss the brightness? The sun? Smells that aren't dust and rust?" She shook her head. "It's so gray and... gross." Not that Arielle was ever much for bright colors, but not having them here made her miss them; miss the vivacious greens and lively yellows and beautiful blues that had once inundated the objects, the clothes, the buildings and cars and streets around her.
The ghost scoffed and settled against the wall with her arms crossed. "Don't judge what you don't understand. Some of us enjoy that grayness. Some of us had lives filled with colors that harmed us, reminded us of terrible things. So, this silence, this dreariness... is a reprieve from a violent world, for me." She scowled at Arielle. "You would know, wouldn't you? About leading a difficult life? Weren't you surrounded by tragedy?"
"Death," said Arielle, as an acid flavor filled her mouth and something clogged her throat. "Death surrounded me. So many loved ones died, so many—" she stilled, blinked, then set her hands on her hips. "How did you know that?"
With a flinch, the ghost hurdled into the entryway.
"Hey!" Arielle hurried after her, and found her lingering near the front door. "Answer me!" She reached out to grab the ghost's shoulder, to swivel her around; but she wasn't fast enough, and the specter shimmied out of reach.
The ghost sniffled, wiggling her fingers and fidgeting to and fro, as if nervous. "I have a big perimeter, remember?" She pivoted sideways, allowing Arielle to see her cower so quickly she wondered if she'd imagined it. "And it's permitted me to be aware of a lot of things."
Perimeter. I almost forgot about that.
"Weren't you going to help me figure out mine?" Arielle glanced towards the front door and wrinkled her nose. "I'd like to be prepared, to know how far I can travel... once I'm ready."
The ghost perked up, as if suddenly surging with positivity. Any oddities about her demeanor melted as she motioned at the door, a twinge of excitement in the gesture. "We should go on a stroll," she said, the color from her cheeks dissipating. "Explore your boundaries. Outside."
Arielle's stomach ache abruptly reanimated, and she gritted her teeth to prevent herself from screaming out. She studied the door knob, then twisted to the stairs, to the balcony, recalling how the ominous agony in her gut had begun while she floated here, not that long ago, hesitating to venture up or out. Both areas seemed to trigger a deep-rooted sting in her belly, and she wasn't positive that pushing that pain would be smart.
But the questions... the need to understand her perimeter...
"Outside." She nodded. "Yeah, out there can't be worse than in here. Let's go test my boundaries."
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