~NAMJOON POV~

Finally I changed into my pjs and slumped onto my bed, tired is a understatement right now compared to how I feel. It's been a long ass day and now finally I can just chill in my bed and my thoughts calm for the first time throughout the day.

Earlier I was so worried y/n would hate me for keeping the secret from her, the secret she now knows and is currently in bed with the so called secret. Yoongi to be precise.

It's a great burden off my shoulders and now laying down on the bed, a heavy sigh of relief washing over me I turned off my lamp just to turn over onto my side and ready for sleep to take me over.

However when I heard a thump come from the opposite end of my room and my bed to shift with unknown weight at the bottom I whipped my eyes open just to sit up alarmed and instinctively grab my gun from under my pillow. It's always there for safety precautions.

But as soon as I realised who it was, seeing his slender figure sitting on the edge of my bed with his back turned to me I knew it was none other than Yoongi.

Confused as to why he would be hear and a little irritated to be honest because I'm tired and want to sleep but at the same time Yoongi is my firend and he never comes to me like this unless something was bothering him. So pushing my gun back under the pillow I turned on the lamp next to my bed so see him more clearly but he didn't seem to move.

"Yoongi what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be sleeping with Y/n tonight?"

I noticed the way his head slowly nodded but still hung low with out saying a word. I just sighed and sat back against the headboard and the back of my head to rest against the wall.

"I can't help you Yoongi if you don't speak to me. What happened?"

His shoulders lifted and just dropped as he took a deep breath before he lifted his head to stare off ahead of him when he finally broke his silence.

"I almost did something horrible to Y/n." Yoongi

My eyes widen and I pushed myself off the headboard just to crawl over to him in a hurry.

"What did you almost do? Y/n's okay right?"

Sitting beside him I placed my hand on his shoulder just to see him nod without even acknowledging I came to sit beside him.

"Yeah she's fine just worried now that I left her the way I did." Yoongi

I carefully scanned his face, his eyes were black but the look on his face showed he was somehow disappointed and yet very frustrated.

"Well tell me what happened."

Removing my hand from his shoulder I stayed quiet allowing him to take his time to talk. I know he wants to other wise he wouldn't of come to me, instead he would of gone to the office and drank there for the rest of the night.

"We were about to have sex but I stopped it because...." Yoongi

I raised a brow, impatiently waiting for him to say more but he just groaned and shook his head, rubbing his cheeks through his frustration.

"Because?"

"I was getting too carried away and I felt myself loosing control of myself and not in the good way. I felt her live source and some of it left her. I don't think she even notice but I sure as fuck did and there was no way I was going to continue." Yoongi

"I thought you couldn't do anything like that?"

Yoongi shot me a dark look which almost made me flinch back to the point I could of fallen off my bed but I remained there, staring back into his black orbs.

"Were you not listening? I lost control of myself just for that second and I did something I shouldn't of. I could of killed her!" Yoongi

I just pressed my lips together, processing his words and allowing him to have this angry moment with me. I know it's not directed at me but more of himself and he's just letting it out. Then just like predicted Yoongi's eyes softened and he just breathed out heavily, hanging his head low once again.

"I'm sorry. I just.....I'm disappointed in myself. The whole point in me even coming back is to protect her but what if myself just being around her is more of a danger than dick face?" Yoongi

Shaking my head I scooted closer to him, putting my arm around his shoulder bringing him close and the fact he didn't even try to push me off just told me even more so that he needed some advice or something to try and make him feel better.

"You're not more dangerous than Dowan, Yoongi and you know that. Just look at it this way, you didn't kill her, she most likely didn't even notice what happened did she?"

Yoongi shot a thoughtful look to the corner of my bedroom and then just shook his head.

"No. She begged me to stay but I didn't trust myself." Yoongi

"You should trust yourself around her. She's your wife, the love of your life. In fact you love her so much you came back for her so if you were that much more of a danger to her she would be dead right now don't you think?"

Again he took another moment to think to himself before he nodded and it almost shocked me just how easily he agreed with me.

"But I can't control myself when we start to get somewhere intimately Namjoon." Yoongi

"I'm sure that will take time. It's not been that long you've been back and so I guess somehow you will learn how to keep yourself at bay."

He huffed next me and just stood up from the bed just to stuff in his hands into his pockets but when he turned around to face me, he was nibbling on his bottom lip and something just told me he had more to say. I've known him since we were kids so it's obvious he's about to say more.

"What else is on your mind Yoongi. Just spit it out already."

"I wont be able to have kids with her Joon. She'll die if she does." Yoongi

Okay I didn't expect that. Standing up myself I was met with his now brown eyes as they returned back to normal.

"First of all I don't think she's even thinking about children since she just got you back and second now wouldn't be the time for that anyway."

He nodded at me just to hum.

"True but it's just knowing I can't. When this is all over, I just know we had it planned before but I'm not the same anymore." Yoongi

"Talk to her about it first Yoongi. That's all you really can do but don't do anything stupid. I know what you're like, you think too much sometimes."

My friend rolled his eyes at me and began heading towards the bedroom door.

"Yeah, yeah. I better go back to my wife and apologise. You look like you could pass out." Yoongi

Chuckling he opened the door and I just sat back down on my bed, letting out a tired sigh.

"I feel like I could. Just talk to her okay Yoongi? This can only be between you and her."

He nods and yet smiles lightly towards me.

"Yeah I will, thanks." Yoongi

"Good now piss off I'm tired."

My friend let out a laugh and finally walked out closing the door behind him. As soon as that door closed I crawled back to the top of my bed, settling back in the sheets just to finally lay down and settle for the night.

Finally I can get some sleep and that is what I did.