( CHAPTER ZERO! )

( MEETING WITH COLIN AND LEARNING EXCEPTANCE )

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To Cory Archer, Colin Archer was the best brother he could ever ask for.

Cory noticed the way his older brother seemed to be wearing a permanent scowl on his face that made him look intimidating, alongside with lips tightly pressed into a thin line, jaw clenched with tense shoulders- all of those little things that made him look older. That expression made him also look like their father sometimes which almost made Cory shiver with the dread of the thought. Nevertheless his brother always had that compassion on his face when he looked at him, with his lips stretching into a vague smile, almost as if it was a foreign action to him and his muscles needed to remember such movements but his brother always smiled at him even when it was faint. Only then his dark blue eyes that looked awfully a lot like their mother shined a little brighter (they seemed to a little dull, a little cold most of the time).

To Cassie Archer, Colin Archer was the incarnated version of her regrets.

Any time she remembered him, she remembered the things she left behind, she wanted to close her eyes to forget, dug her nails into her palms until she bleed because maybe, physical pain would ease the guilt eating herself alive. Unfortunately he was everywhere, on every reflection, every time she saw her eyes on a reflection, covered with dark circles underneath, she saw her little brother looking back at him, the brother that she left behind with their father and another younger brother, the brother who now had to carry the weight of the world without her. She remembered how he used to be a bubbly kid with a bright smile until the reality of the life dawned on him, she remembered the compassion, the kindness of his movements and she remembered watching his face hardening his body language altering, she remembered how he grew up too much- too soon. Any time she did remember, she wanted to forget.

To Peter Parker, Colin Archer was admirable.

The way he stood tall when he was defending something or someone as if he was ready to face anything was admirable. How he always seemed to be intimidating with his body language, with his intelligence, with his wit and his wicked way with words made Colin Archer remarkable. The thing about him that made him truly admirable was the fact that he was so beautifully broken that you wanted to pick up the pieces even if meant it will cut your skin.

He admired his smile because he would know it was reserved for only him, the way his eyes crinkled and he would let out a low chuckle as if he let completely loose, the world would slap him across the face and tell him to pull it together. He admired the crinkles on his forehead when he was concentrating, the small pout on his lips and the determination in his eyes told anyone that he was unstoppable. He admired the way he pretended, pretending not to care, pretending not to be scared, pretending not to be lonely. Peter Parker admired how he, out of all people was able to get under the skin of the boy who looked untouchable and beyond reach.

To Colin Archer, he was a hypocrite.

Sometimes, he felt too exhausted to be constantly thinking about Cory. Sometimes it got hard to breath when he was thinking about all the responsibilities he had towards the one person he loved the most in world, how he had to be something he wasn't to fill the void in his little brothers life. Sometimes he was angry because Cory was full of joy after everything, after their mother left, after their sister left, after staying with their father, how could he?

Sometimes he wished Cassie had never been in his life. Sometimes he knew that was being a hypocrite in a different way because when she had been with them, she had been there to protect them. Sometimes he forgave her for leaving because she deserved to reach her full potential, because he wanted to do the same. Sometimes he hated her for loving him and then leaving him.

Sometimes when he fall asleep studying next to Peter and woke up feeling remotely happy he knew he didn't deserve it. Sometimes he would be selfish enough to invade his life, stuck his nose in to his business because he wanted to be there, to protect him even though he didn't need protection. Sometimes he would regret letting someone see their weaknesses to core and sometimes he pretended like Peter was the one who needed him, not the other way around.

To you, dear reader, Colin Archer might be a reflection.

He might remind you of all those times when you lied awake on your bed, thinking about your image in other people's head, sometimes telling yourself that you didn't care and sometimes telling yourself you didn't deserve. He might remind you of those times when you simply altered yourself to fit in, to feel secure in your bubble. He might remind you all those times when you were afraid to be who you are because you were afraid that who you were wouldn't be loved enough.

Thus, I welcome you to the journey of how Colin Archer learned to except himself, how he learned not to deny what he wanted from life with the help of Peter Parker.

Maybe you will learn to love yourself enough to let others love you, too.

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( A U T H O R ' S  N O T E ! )

for some reason, im content with this introduction. it makes me feel nostalgic so it stays the same!

daily updates until i'm done with editing and republishing old chapters, see you tomorrow <3