I want it to be better.

I want to have a reason for living and doing it happily.

That's why I go out and meet with my friends.

That's why I laugh and want to go on and don't just curl myself up in my bed all day even if I really want that.

So badly.

I want to hide and sleep and never go out again. Never wake up again.

I do want to live, I really do.

But everything in me just wishes to dissappear because I don't have the strength for it somehow.

Why can't it be easier to live.

I don't have the power for this.

But I want it to be better.

That's why I go to therapy and that's why I go out and that's why this book exists.

To help me get better.

Even if it doesn't work well.