Want. Desire. Hope.

Madelyn used to want the company of a man once in a while. It was a controllable urge. Like a succulent plant that needed an occasional, thorough watering to survive, she was able to retain moisture. In between saturating events, she could stave off physical needs, or soothe them herself.

Then Harry happened. Some unknown force in the universe had been activated to align the stars that January night when he came to her with sustenance for her body and soul. He tracked snow into her house and fire into her heart. A primordial desire had been ignited within her. Greedily, she now yearned for him to fulfill every lustful craving that he had awakened, physically and emotionally.

The flowering that she felt was unmistakable. Under Harry's passionate and attentive care, she had ceased to survive and begun to thrive. Without him, she had been fine. Her career advanced, her finances compounded, her friendships grew. Her heart stagnated. Because without him, she was... just fine. Madelyn realized Harry presented a danger to her; the danger of hope. Hope was a beautiful thing until it faltered.

She hadn't been angry when she left him standing in the parking lot, gravel spitting under her tires. What she felt was so much worse; a sense of utter betrayal. It had nothing to do with that classless, tail-wagging, attention whore, either. Madelyn thought she had Kate's number nailed down. What burned was the fact that Harry tried to keep things from her. Madelyn laid herself bare before him. When he asked for full access to her past and present, she gave it to him. Although he hadn't brought it up in so many words, Madelyn knew she would give him her future as well.

Or at least she thought she would have. Now she wasn't sure where she stood with Harry.

He hadn't tried to stop her from leaving Next. Even if he had, Madelyn would have stayed the course straight out of his presence; but he could have at least made an attempt. Her phone didn't ring for a full 24 hours. When the notes of his ringtone finally echoed from her cell, she was out of energy. Instead of answering, she peeled her cheek from the soaked pillowcase where she had spilled what seemed a gallon of tears and rolled over.

All night she chased sleep with only fitful success. Madelyn dreamed they were in a meadow of green, purple, white and yellow. She lay down amongst the flowers, reaching up to Harry, the sun behind his back. He was handing her a bouquet of the flowers he'd picked. As she stretched to receive them, they became a handful of dirt which Harry allowed to fall over her lifeless body. The sky turned dark, releasing a torrent of rain and the meadow was transformed into mud. Harry's features shifted to an expression of heavy acceptance as he lifted a shovel that had been speared into the sodden earth by the grave in which Madelyn was suddenly lying. Each scoop of dirt blocked more of her vision of life with Harry, until she was once again alone, her heart cold.

She woke with a fire in her belly before the alarm went off. Something had to give. Harry had begun texting as if he were 15 and too timid to face his problems directly. Part of her recognized that he had made some effort and she could have responded. The louder voice in her head, however, proclaimed that she had worked hard to find value in herself and she deserved a man who wanted her badly enough to come for her. In her heart, Madelyn believed Harry was that man. She would wait one more day. If he didn't show up, then she would confront him. The thought of it raised her ire. It would require an effort to keep her Irish temper in check, but she wasn't going to let either one of them walk away without a fight.

As the day progressed, she decided what the situation called for was a distraction; something fun to lighten the mood and keep her from dwelling on all things Harry. A few phone calls later and an evening with her girlfriends was taking shape.

"You'll join us then? I'll understand if you'd rather not, but I feel we've become friends in our own right," Madelyn wasn't often awkward and did not enjoy the feeling.

"Of course, I'll be there! Whatever bump you and Harry have hit, I'm sure it will pass." Certainty bubbled through the phone.

"Thanks, Becca. I appreciate your confidence," The corners of Madelyn's lips quirked upward for the first time in days.

There had been zero point in staying late for office hours. The only students that signed up for help were long gone by 4:00pm. Not wanting to sit and let her thoughts wander to what Harry might be up to, Madelyn had packed up early. A stop at one of the local specialty shops yielded a bounty of good eats and a few bottles of excellent wine.

While laying out plates of cheese, crackers, and fruit, the video monitor next to the front door caught her eye. Becca's reliable, old Volvo had come to a stop in the driveway. Harry had recounted the story of Murphy and Becca's journey from sea-level LA to the mountains of the Rockies. Madelyn smiled at the recollection of how he had lit up at the retelling of their love story.

She gave herself a shake.

"Madelyn, this place is incredible! What a perfect hideaway," Becca gushed her way up the front stairs, stopping on the deck to absorb the view.

"Thank you for coming up," Madelyn fiddled with her collar.

"Are you kidding? I'm so glad you invited me! Are those raised beds over there? Do you garden? God, be still my little, hippie heart," she rambled on.

Immediately, Madelyn knew she had done the right thing by asking Becca to join her little party.

"Those are indeed gardens and if the snow ever completely melts, I'll have you up to dig in the dirt with me, if you'd like."

"Like? I would LOVE!"

The sound of a horn caught their attention.

"That'll be Nani and Brooke. They like to announce themselves."

A quizzical expression crossed Becca's face. "Why in the world would they want to come up here polluting the peace and quiet by laying on the horn?"

"Oh, I think I'll let Nani explain that," Madelyn shook her head with a laugh.

They waited on the deck while the new arrivals tumbled out of a sporty, compact car. The blonde opened the back door and produced a pink bakery box. She held it by the strings that had been tied around the parcel, swinging it gently.
"What deliciousness do you have there, Brooke?" Madelyn called out.

"Ohhh just a little chocolate heaven in the form of ganache, cake, and icing from Bakery B. We know how to handle man problems!"

"I knew I could count on you two. Come on up and let me introduce you."

"No offense or anything, but can we make the intros inside?" The petite woman with long black hair brushed passed with a quick smile.

"Oh for Pete's sake, Nani! Don't mind her, I'm Brooke," the blonde with the pixie haircut and personality to match, shoved her empty hand in Becca's direction.

"C'mon, c'mon! Let's go, ladies," Nani was waving the other three into the house with hand signals reminiscent of ground control, marshaling planes on the runway.

Coats and boots were cast aside, introductions were made, another log was thrown on the fire and the first bottle of red was uncorked.

Becca accepted a generous glass and took a long sip of wine. "So, what was that about? It's a beautiful night, Nani. Are you afraid of the dark or something?"

"Don't mind her," Brooke tilted her head and gave a slow eye roll. "She's convinced that there's a spirit, or some nonsense, in the woods."

"It is not nonsense. Last year, Obaasan was visiting and I wanted to show her Madelyn's place. I knew the mountains would remind her of home. After we walked to the edge of the property where the creek comes off the mountain and runs down toward lake below, she freaked."

"I wouldn't say your grandma 'freaked,' exactly, Nani," Madelyn was trying to keep things in perspective.

"You don't know her like I do. She may have looked calm, but she was feeling the air with her hands and then her eye twitched. I saw it."

"It wasn't that dramatic. Sure maybe she was rattled, but she's old and she wasn't really making a lot of sense," Brooke said.

"I'm lost. Nani's grandmother took a walk around the property, felt something was off and now no one is supposed to go outside in the dark?"

"I understand that this might seem weird to you all, but when Obaasan says there is an Akuma on the prowl, you don't argue. That woman knows shit."

"Akuma?" Becca was thoroughly confused.

"As near as I can interpret it," Madelyn swallowed a fortifying drink of wine, "Nani's grandma believes that there is an evil demon-spirit that prowls around outside my house at night."

"I still say it's bunk. I just don't believe in that stuff."

Nani looked at Brooke with slight indignance, "You don't have to believe it to respect it."

"I'll drink to that," Becca raised her glass.

Madelyn glanced at the place on the window by her front door that had been left uncovered and vulnerable and suppressed a shiver.

"Earth to Madelyn, come in?"

"What?"

"Where did you go, girl?" Brooke was untying the strings around the pink bakery box. "I was saying this is a lovely little spread you've laid out, but entirely too healthy. It's time to bust out the cake and another bottle of wine."

"Oh, of course. Just don't go too crazy, or Nani will make us pay for it in class."

"Do you teach at the University, too?" Becca asked.

"Nope, I leave the academics to Madelyn. I teach yoga and pilates at Body, Mind, Spirit, downtown That's how the three of us met."

"Brooke and I were in the back of the class trying to hide."

"Hey! Speak for yourself," Brooke cried.

"So says the woman with the chocolate cake addiction. Anyway, I was attempting to get into shape after not running all winter and Little Miss Hilarious over here was cracking jokes about the name of the gym."

"Well come on. I mean, Body, Mind, Spirit? BMS, BMs? It was low hanging fruit," Brooke laughed around a too-large bite of cake.

"Oh. That is unfortunate!" Becca tried to stifle her snicker with another drink of wine.

Nani pulled a face and waggled her head from side to side, "I just work there. Anyway, I asked them at the end of class what had been so hilarious and well, it was pretty funny. After that, we just clicked. Now, in addition to classes a couple times a week, we try to get together once a month for fun and the occasional pretend group therapy."

"And now you're one of us, too," Brooke clinked her fork against Becca's wineglass. "Although, rumor has it that you're friendly with the possible enemy."

"Harry is not the enemy."

"Okay, maybe he isn't the enemy, Madelyn, but he certainly didn't do you any favors by keeping you in the dark about what's-her-face." Nani didn't normally come out swinging, but she was fiercely loyal and had expressed her displeasure with Harry as soon as Madelyn explained over the phone the reason she was so keen to have a girls' night.

"If it's any consolation, Harry is a miserable mess right now. He recognizes now that even if his motivation was to protect you, he basically lied by omission. Keeping you in the dark was a big mistake."

"I just don't understand why he hasn't manned up and come to talk to me in person!" Madelyn picked up a napkin from the coffee table they were sitting around and swiped it under her eyes. "You know, I admit I was hot under the collar at first and didn't answer his phone calls the first day, but he gave up so easily and started texting. I am not 12! Now I'm wondering if deep down, he thinks he jumped off this cliff too fast and isn't as ready as he thought, to have a serious relationship."

Becca was shaking her head rapidly in the negative. "No, no, no, honey. That is absolutely not what he is thinking. I can guarantee that Harry has a lot of things swimming in his head. Questioning his love for you isn't one of them."

"I wish I didn't feel like such a fool! He put me in a situation where another woman had one up on me. I hate it," Madelyn slumped against the sofa.

Nani pushed a slice of cake to her friend, "That bitch never had 'one up' on you. She's as fake as her tits and I'm sure Harry knows it."

"That doesn't change the fact that he hid her... her pursuit from me. Every time I calm myself down, I think of that and it winds me up again."

"This reminds me of the time Murph tried to run off my roommates and manipulate things so I'd move in with him when we were still living in LA. I was furious! Didn't speak to him for days."

"But you're still together, right?" Brooke asked. "What happened?"

"It's pretty simple, actually. He admitted that he knew he was being selfish and sneaky, but he loved me so much that he couldn't handle not being with me."

"That's too possessive for me. I've taken my turn with a manipulator. You were really all right with his justification?" Madelyn knew she would never go down that road again.

"Good lord no! I told him he better get his shit together because I was an independent woman and even if he was older, he wasn't my daddy. If he wanted something from me, he darn well better ask for it upfront."

No one spoke while Becca took a calming breath.

"After we had that all straightened out, he apologized and my clothes fell off," she smiled broadly. "I'm telling you, it was one hell of an apology."

"That sounds terrific for you and Murphy, but we're going on day 4 of this and I don't see Harry beating down my door. Excuse me, I'm sorry... really."

Madelyn rose and began navigating her way out of the room. The flow of tears she had tried to tamp down had broken free. What followed was probably the fastest group hug in history.

"You do love him, don't you?"

"Yes. I love him, Becca. More than anything. I would drown in him if he would let me," Madelyn ran from the room.

The three remaining women looked at each other. Their friend was in as deeply as she could be. It was Becca who broke the silence.

"Pardon me, girls, I need to go to the other room and make a phone call."

***

Author's Note: 

Yes, thank the stars, this update is complete! Chapter 38 seriously tried to kick my arse. BUT, not only did I finally wrestle it onto the page, I've also managed to complete a playlist for DELIVERY thus far. Surprise!!! I've chosen to make it available on Spotify under the same title as the book. A few people have said they are unable to use Spotify or prefer a different method of streaming. For those readers, I will post a playlist chapter and continue to add to it as the book continues. For everyone else, here is the Spotify link:

https://open.spotify.com/user/dirtyyarn/playlist/7ltcZpHvFejDoCQagT5UcO

I have just created an Instagram account! I hope you'll check it out. Follow on Insta or Twitter @dirtyyarn ❤️

I still have a couple of goodies waiting in the wings, so please, stick around, keep reading and commenting, and if you're enjoying Harry and Madelyn's story...
Tap that gold star! 👇👇👇