( sorry if this is shitteh )

heartbreaks were of two kinds.

the first where your heart collapses within itself , when you can't do anything for the person you love, when you have to helplessly see them breaking apart right in front of your eyes, when your fingers try to numb themselves so they stop itching to comfort the person. this kind of heartbreak was something dan was familiar with, somehow chaining the pieces of his heart together because he was getting the hang of how to deal with it.

the second one however, was completely uncalled for, a blatant, harsh contrast to the previous one. here phil was, laughing and giggling and genuinely seeming happy inspite of whatever that had happened in the previous hours in this very apartment. he's bubbling with the same energy, wrinkles appearing occasionally and unabashedly next to his eyes, and his laughter accompanies that of the other two members who seem to be engaged in a conversation.

dan is not a part of their conversation, he doesn't want to be. he's too confused and too tired and too hurt by the fact that this whatever there is between him and phil has stopped bothering phil. of course, he doesn't want phil to be hurting, that is the last thing he wants, but seeing him so unaffected by the whole scenario is bringing another storm inside dan's head.

he watches patiently as phil talks, moves, eats, drinks, laughs-it seems too natural, too normal, too like his heart hasn't been broken at all. the glow dan had been desperate to see on phil's cheeks is there, the stars in his eyes are shining bright, and his smile is something that is still lighting up a thousand galaxies, but somehow, dan doesn't like that.

he can't explain to himself why he can't stand phil being happy without sounding like a complete asshole, so he avoids the topic. he lets the confusion pile into his chaotic head, saturated panic dripping from his fingers and sadness forming in his eyes making them even dimmer than they previously were.

"i'm really tired, we should probably have dinner now and go to sleep," kathryn suggests, a yawn breaking past her lips as she leans on phil's shoulder, an adoring smile on his lips. he had really missed his family, he wished his dad was here too, and martyn.

"how do you expect me to sleep when it's christmas tomorrow?!" adrian almost screams, his eyes bright and glimmering, and his cheeks holding a certain colour that only christmas can bring about. dan smiles, despite of the ache in his chest. he loves adrian too much.

"calm down child," kathryn rolls her eyes and adrian mirrors her expression before flopping back against the soft material of the couch.

"will anyone stay up with me or is it gonna be a lonely christmas for me at the young age of thirteen?" adrian pouts dramatically and the other three roll their eyes before two of them answer simultaneously.

"okay,"

"i will,"

and then watery blue eyes seep straight into the warm brown soil, nourishing it and cutting through it all at once, and dan looks away quickly, his cheeks heating and he curls his body more towards himself.

"good then, all three of you can do christmassy stuff like a happy family, and i'll just take the biggest bed in the house," kathryn stretches her arms above her head and despite of the most awkward tension in the room, adrian sputters a few giggles at the statement.

"you can take my bed it's really comfy," adrian offers and kathryn just smiles at him.

"what a gentleman," she pinches his cheeks briefly and he blushes, pushing her hand away and giving her a dimpled smile.

"you know it, i bring back chivalry,"

+

"dan stop being a lazy bum, and go help phil in setting up the dinner!" kathryn poked his arm, and the previously lost look on his face was replaced with wide eyes and pale cheeks. she really didn't mean it when she said he was being lazy, she knew that something had happened between them and it had been several hours since she's even seen them look at each other willingly, so the only thing she could do was force them together and make them talk about it-there isn't much to lose anyway.

"bit hypocritical nan, when you're also being a bum," adrian looked up at her from her lap, her fingers tugging at his hair playfully as a response to his cheeky remark.

"i'm a guest, i'll be the biggest bum," kathryn says and adrian giggles softly, burying his face in her lap and snorting.

"that's a sentence i never want to hear again," adrian says and kathryn just rolls her eyes at him, urging dan to go and help once again. she watches as he audibly gulps, licking over his cracked lips and fiddling with his hair before slowly getting off from the carpeted floor and making his way outside the living room.

"do you think it's gonna work?" adrian mumbled softly, looking up at kathryn with a sheen of hope covering his irises, and the older woman just smiled comfortingly and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"don't worry,"

--

i'm gradually approaching the bts fandom and can i just say ,,,, my bias for now is jin and suga