"i still haven't forgiven you for what you did today," phil muttered, sinking back against the pillows as he watched dan pull at the hem of his shirt, deciding to sleep shirtless as it was warmer that day.

"me?" dan raised his eyebrows in question, pushing the hair off his forehead. "what did i do?"

"excuse me? what was that in the lounge?" phil referred to dan's little teasing act and dan just covered his mouth with the back of his hand to let out a slight giggle, walking over to phil's side of bed and climbing over the older boy.

"get off me," phil complained as dan straddled his duvet covered body, leaning forward and leaving soft kisses over phil's neck.

"oh come on," dan teased, shifting closer once phil's warm hands were gripping his hips, his lips locking on a sensitive spot and sucking the pale skin, earning a shaky breath from phil, his eyelids fluttering shut.

"d-don't leave marks i have w-work-fuck," phil groaned once dan bit down, on of his hands reaching up to twist into phil's hair, pulling at the dark locks to expose more of phil's neck, and phil tilted his head back pliantly, resting it back against the headboard, fingers gripping dan's hips tightly as he continued his assault.

"but you're my husband, i can leave marks if i want to," dan argued, purposely trailing his lips further down, sucking a mark above phil's collarbone and phil just bit his lip, pulling dan closer, and sighing fervently.

"dan, stop," phil's fingers twisted into dan's hair, pulling at it harshly to stop his actions, and dan just let out a soft moan, lips parting at the action. the younger boy's cheeks flushed once he realised the sound he had made, quickly getting off phil's lap and sitting next to him, covering his body with the duvet, pursing his lips in embarrassment.

"um, y-you, dan?" phil stammered. "you were into hair pulling? how did i not-what?" he spoke confused, twisting in his position to stare at dan, slight shock on his face, not because he was judging him or he found it weird but out of confusion as to why he didn't figure it out earlier.

"n-no, i don't what the hell?" dan dismissed the conversation, cheeks pink, as he shifted his body to lay down, and phil just sighed, laying down close to dan and pulling the younger boy's body against his chest.

"why are you embarrassed? it's only me," phil kissed the back of his head and dan just leaned into his grip, letting a loud breath escape his lips.

"i know," dan mumbled, cheeks still pink as phil's lips left a soft kiss over his cheek, trailing further only for a moment to leave a string of kisses across his jaw.

"i just thought maybe you found it weird? we haven't been exactly having, i mean, i'm not complaining but we aren't as sexually, i mean, i know we both have work and we don't get time but-"

"if you want to have sex at two am when you come back from work, i don't mind," phil said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, his grip loosening on dan's waist.

"it's not about when i come back from work it's-"

"oh is it not? so you don't think your work timings have anything to do with-anyways i'm really tired so," phil sighed, retrieving his arms from around dan and shifting back to create some distance between them.

"i know my timings aren't exactly ideal but that doesn't mean we ignore each other constantly," dan argued, turning in his position to face phil, but phil was just laying on his back, blankly staring at the ceiling.

"okay," phil sighed in defeat, not wanting to start a fight, but dan wasn't having any of it. they had to talk about this sometime or the other and he was tired of them going around the problem in endless circles, never trying to find a way to end it.

"you can't just-what do you mean okay? is this it then? are you finally going to start kissing me in the morning when i wake up?" dan remarked and phil let his eyes fall shut, bringing one of his arms over his face to let dan know that he was not interested.

"you can't do this everytime phil, you just-why can't we just talk about it?" dan was embarrassed at phil's lack of interest. does he not care at all?

"let it go dan, it's fine," phil muttered ignorantly, causing dan to sit up in bed in frustration, running his fingers through his tangled hair.

"it's fine? so the fact that we don't talk properly anymore or that we have sex once or twice a month is fine? whenever i try initiating anything you just ignore me, and i want to know the reason," dan demanded, voice raising in volume as he dug his nails into his palm, brown eyes fixed agitatedly on phil's figure.

"yeah it's fine, there's no reason i'm just tired sometimes," phil doesn't offer much of an explanation, simply dismissing the conversation and rolling on his side to face away from dan.

"i can't believe you, why do you always-"

"yes dan i always do everything, i am the reason our relationship is failing, you should have never married me," phil speaks, voice loud and hostile. "is that what you wanted to hear? that you make all the efforts to make this a happy relationship and i spoil it all the time? well i am sorry for being the worst fucking husband ever, maybe you should stop trying to fix it then and focus on better things,"

"where the hell did that come from?" dan is yelling now, and phil just squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "i am not saying i do everything or that you're a bad husband, and focus on better things? like what exactly?"

"i don't know,"

"if you don't know then don't say stuff like that," phil's passive behaviour makes dan want to scream, but phil doesn't notice that as he still lays unmoving on his side, trying to control his breathing.

"okay," phil replies, and dan just curses under his breath, gripping his hair in frustration.

"why don't you want to talk about it?" dan asks, voice on the edge of impatience and phil just sighs.

"there's nothing to talk about,"

"yes there is," dan urges. "you tell me what's wrong, why you ignore me all the time,"

"nothing is wrong, and i doubt you feel ignored at all," phil rolls his eyes and dan's lips just part in disbelief. how can phil be so fucking inconsiderate about this?

"well i do phil," he argues.

"you have friends to take care of you, even a new best friend, so i don't think you should be complaining about feeling ignored. if anyone should be complaining, that should be me, but of course you don't care about that," phil scoffs. he knows he may sound more than just a little petty but he doesn't care. if they are having this conversation, he may as well let dan know that he knows about whatever may or may not be going on with him and his beloved chris.

"best friend? you mean chris? what's wrong with him? what has he done?" dan is on the verge of saying something he shouldn't and his fingers are itching against his thighs in annoyance.

"nothing dan," phil sighs. dan can just never take the hint.

"no tell me, i've seen you sulking about him a lot, yesterday you snapped because he was texting me and you didn't come out of the room when he came over. just, tell me, what is it?" dan seems to string a few pieces together but he is still so clueless and it makes phil want to rip out his own hair.

"i said it's nothing dan," phil's fingers clench into tight fists, and dan notices that, a possibility suddenly sparking in his brain.

"are you..jealous? o-of chris?" the words sound ridiculous when they leave his mouth, and more so when phil's cheeks flush in embarrassment and a lump forms in his throat.

"that's ridiculous phil," dan comments and phil can feel the lump growing fatter, almost to the point where it's impossible to swallow. of course it's ridiculous to dan, something about which phil has been insecure for months.

"i didn't say anything," phil chokes out, a deep breath leaving his lips after and dan just sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"he is just a really good friend," dan doesn't understand. it's not that phil is jealous of chris. he is afraid and insecure of the possibility that dan may like chris more than he likes phil, and the fact that dan probably is more comfortable around chris than he is with phil, makes phil want to question their entire relationship.

somehow in front of chris, everything that they have been through seems to crumble into a meaningless mess. like it doesn't matter.

and phil is not jealous, he is just afraid.

and dan just doesn't understand that.

--
my dog cuddled w me today im happiness