ɞ

words hurt.

it is a bit ridiculous, though. isn't it? the fact that a mere set of alphabets put together in a certain way, thrown out in a particular tone could hit someone so hard, the feeling that their worth doesn't amount to anything at all could immediately vine itself around their legs and move up until it grips their chest in its suffocating hold. 'you don't belong here.' 'you never have.' 'you never will.' when will we ever learn?

maybe it's something we said with our hearts racing inside our chests so fast we felt it in our throats. or something we said because we had a hundred unblinking eyes fixated on us and at that moment, it felt like they could stare into our souls. something we said while our own chests tightened and our insides screamed at us to stop. or to take a pause and think this over. "this isn't right." but we said it anyway. because for a single, tender moment, we saw red. and once the words were out, there were only blues.

the regret that might follow almost immediately after...does it really matter? the regret that follows after we said That One Thing without thinking. or the things we said at 2 a.m. things we said even when we knew it would take someone's smile away. things we said that people weren't meant to hear. things we said to protect ourselves when we were scared. things we said through our teeth. things we said to make someone feel like they were worth nothing. things we said that we later pretended we didn't.

maybe we immediately felt the weight of our own words settle above our hearts.

but does anything ever truly justify cruel words? words we can't take back?

we can't unmark the moon of craters. neither can a shattered glass be put back together. a white cloth smeared with permanent ink isn't looked twice at. when wounds heal, scars remain.

under the blanket of, "i wasn't thinking", 

"they're just words", and 

"i didn't mean that"

we've all let our words loose in directions we didn't keep track of. and we've all kept words inside us that should have been allowed to break free of the manacles we've kept them in.

aware but unchanging,

we yet again look at one another and wonder if we'll ever truly learn.

ɞ

ɞ

ɞ

*ruin; death; mischief