CHAPTER VII: SON

KADEN

"I'm sorry... But, listen, Raya... I don't want my wife to know about this..." I said.

And up until the end, I was still this selfish...

I watched Raya as she slowly nodded her head. Pagkatapos ay nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at nagkatinginan pa muli kaming dalawa. Then I noticed that she had changed a bit. I think she's more mature now. Siguro dahil nagkaanak na siya...

We have a son.

Parang sinuntok pa rin ako ng katotohanang ito. Halos hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na may anak na nga ako sa ibang babae at hindi sa asawa ko. Hindi naman talaga ibang babae si Raya, she was a part of my past. But I have a wife now. And I'm just trying to make it up to Ayla. She doesn't deserve any more pain from me.

I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Raya."

Nakatingin lang naman siya sa akin at unti-unti muling tumango sa akin. Pumapayag siya na patuloy pa rin itong itago. Bahagya akong napalunok.

"But don't worry, I will support the child..." I told her.

Tumango lang naman muli sa akin si Raya.

Pagkatapos ay nauna na rin akong magpaalam sa kaniya na kailangan ko nang umalis. We just have a son, but there shouldn't be more to it. I know that I was being selfish yet again. Pero hindi lang naman ang sarili ko ang iniisip ko. I'm thinking about Ayla, too. Alam ko na masasaktan lang din siya ulit kapag nalaman niya pa ang tungkol sa bagay na ito. Kaya mas mabuti pa na huwag na lang niyang malaman.

I can't hurt my wife now. Lalo na at ngayon lang din kami nagkaayos. Mahabang panahon na rin na hindi kami naging okay. Kaya nga hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit kailangan pa itong mangyari ngayon.

"Ayaw mo bang makita ang anak mo, Kaden?" Tinawag pa ako ni Raya bago ako tuluyang nakaalis.

I just want to go home now. At para mas makapag-isip din ako nang maayos. Because, truth be told, I was still feeling the shock from what I just learned. I sighed. Umiling ako sa kaniya. "You only need my support, right?" I asked her coldly.

Nakita ko naman na umawang ang labi niya habang nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin ngayon. "Yes, but, hindi mo ba gustong makita rin ang anak mo? Aren't you even curious about your son, Kaden?" She asked me.

Umiling lang muli ako kay Raya. "I have to go home now, Raya. My wife is waiting for me at home," I just said to her.

Sa huli, wala na rin siyang nagawa nang tinalikuran ko na siya. "And, by the way, just contact my secretary if you need something," huling bilin ko sa kaniya.

Then, as I was already on my way home, I couldn't help but feel more guilty. I feel bad for Raya. I shouldn't have acted that way towards her. She's still a part of me in the past, and the mother of my child... But my mind was just in a mess, too...

Kaya naman hindi ko na rin maayos ang mga salita ko sa kaniya. And I didn't really mean for it to sound like that. But I did. I sighed heavily.

Pagkatapos, pagdating ko sa bahay, parang pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko naman ngayon papakiharapan si Ayla. And I feel more guilty now facing my wife. I would be lying to her—no, I just wouldn't tell her the truth about what I learned from Raya today. At para sa kaniya rin naman iyon dahil ayaw ko siyang masaktan... or probably, I was just scared for myself dahil ayaw ko lang na magulo rin ang buhay ko, ang buhay naming mag-asawa...

Gago ka pa rin, Kaden.

"Kaden!"

Pag-angat ko ng tingin, si Ayla na pala ang nandoon at mukhang sinalubong pa ang pagdating ko sa bahay naming mag-asawa. Napangiti naman ako nang makita ko siyang mukhang masaya while she welcomes me back to our home.

"Ayla,"

Then she even slowly went to me and hugged me. I was still a bit taken aback by her sweet gesture. But then, I also accepted it wholeheartedly as I hugged her back.

"Welcome home, Kaden." She told me while we hugged.

At medyo hinigpitan ko pa ang yakap ko sa kaniya. Naramdaman ko rin ang kagustuhan din niya na maging maayos na nga kami ngayon. She's also doing her part and her best for us to work this time. And I appreciate it. Kaya naman inisip ko na lang din na tama lang ang desisyon ko na huwag nang ipaalam sa kaniya ang nalaman ko lang din ngayon...

Lumipas pa ang mga sumunod na araw at linggo. And it was just better days with Ayla. Slowly, ay talagang natututuhan na rin namin kung paano pakisamahan nang maayos ang isa't isa.

We weren't really enemies to begin with. We were also friends even back then. Bago pa man kami ikinasal, naging magkaibigan din muna kami ni Ayla.

"You won't work during the holidays, right?" Ayla asked me. Habang nakaunan siya ngayon sa hubad kong dibdib. We just made love after I went home today from work and we had dinner together again. And it was nice.

"Hmm, no... Why?"

"Kung ganoon, bakit hindi tayo mag-out-of-town trip? Tayong dalawa lang." She smiled at me beautifully.

Napangiti rin ako sa kaniya. Ramdam ko nga ang kagustuhan niya na ayusin at lalo pang pagtibayin ang pagsasama namin ngayon. And we're also, even if slowly, starting to communicate more with each other now. And my wife makes plans for us.

And I feel like she's opening up to me more and more now. And she's finally giving me and our marriage a chance. At ayaw ko lang din na sayangin itong binigay niya na pagkakataon ngayon sa akin...

"Okay," pagpayag ko naman agad sa gusto niya.

Kaya naman nag-out-of-town kami on holidays. It's just a few days on a long weekend, and we didn't have much time. Dahil gusto ko pa nga sana na pwede rin kaming mangibang bansa na lang. But my wife knew better. We didn't have enough time, kaya ayos na rin itong naisip niya na trip namin. We can do the other trips next time. At pwede rin kaming pumunta sa ibang mga lugar at bansa. I want more time with my wife. And the weekend getaway was just for the two of us. At parang naging mini-honeymoon pa nga namin ang trip na ito.

"Kaden..."

"Hmm?" Sinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa malambot niyang buhok habang nasa kama kami ngayon. We're again cuddled in bed now after making love to each other here at the villa we just rented in a private resort. At mukhang kaibigan lang din ni Ayla ang may-ari. Hindi pa nga rin ito talagang nag-open sa public. At kami pa lang siguro ng asawa ko ang una nilang guest. It's a wonderful resort where you can relax and have some slower days with your loved ones. Hindi na nga rin talaga masama na magkaroon din ng mga ganitong lakad paminsan. Especially when I've been so busy with work this whole time. Ngayon pa nga lang ako nakapag-relax nang ganito dahil sa trabaho ko. That's why I really appreciate Ayla's efforts to book us a trip to such a place.

"Do you like it here?" She asked me.

"Yes. Thank you for bringing me here." I said to her. Siya rin kasi talaga ang nagplano nitong out-of-town namin ngayon. She planned and booked everything since I was busy with work.

Alam kong nakangiti siya. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like it here. It's Sabrina's," she said, talking about a family friend.

"Oh. It's nice of her to develop a place like this." I said.

"Oo nga. Sila ng husband niya ang may-ari nitong resort," Ayla said, but I feel like may iba pa siyang gustong sabihin sa akin ngayon, so I waited...

"Kaden..."

"Yes?" I answered right away.

"Have you already thought about... having our child?" She asked me.

Natigilan naman ako sa tanong niya. Pagkatapos nang hindi pa ako nakasagot agad, gumalaw na siya para magharap kaming dalawa. Nagkatinginan kami. "Kade..." she called me.

"Oh... Yes, of course..." I answered a bit hastily.

Then she smiled at me. "That's good to hear. Kasi iniisip ko na rin na parang gusto ko na nga na magkaanak din tayo, Kaden. Gusto na rin kasi nila ni Daddy ng apo." She smiled even more this time.

It's only right... Dahil limang taon na rin kaming mag-asawa ni Ayla at hindi pa kami nagkakaanak...

Unti-unti naman akong tumango sa sinabi niya. And I also tried to smile at her. Pagkatapos ay muli siyang umunan sa dibdib ko. Niyakap ko naman siya habang natutulala na rin ako halos sa kisame ng kwarto.

Of course, I want to have our own child with Ayla. Pero hindi ko rin napigilan ang sarili ko na maalala ang tungkol kay Raya at sa bata...

The next day, I went swimming with Ayla in the pool and at the beach again. Masasarap din ang mga pagkain na niluluto para sa aming mag-asawa ng chef ng resort. So we enjoyed all their seafood dishes as well. And I was happy to be with my wife. Kahit ilang araw lang din iyon. And we had to go back after that. At kailangan ko na rin magtrabaho sa opisina. But I really had better days with my wife now, kahit busy pa rin ako sa trabaho. At natatakot na akong magkaroon pa kami uli ng problema.