CHAPTER IV: FIRST LOVE

Last night was our first night to sleep together even after being married for five years...

I turned to my side and watched Ayla as she was still peacefully sleeping beside me on our bed.

We've been sleeping on the same bed for years, but nothing really happened between us like this before. Noong magpakasal kami ni Ayla, there were also days when I couldn't be home because I worked overtime at the company, and sometimes I had to go out of the country for work as well. Until one time, pag-uwi ko, nakita ko na si Ayla na natutulog sa kama ko. We didn't agree on it directly, but we just decided that we'd sleep in the same bed and in one bedroom since then.

Now that I think about it, I realize I was so busy with work that I lost time to spend with my wife. Kaya hindi rin kami nakakapag-usap nang maayos dati.

So now I've decided to spend more time together, and I'm hopeful that we could start communicating well.

Bumangon na rin ako dahil mukhang hindi pa magigising si Ayla. I decided to prepare breakfast for my wife. I was even smiling and felt like I was in a good mood while cooking in the kitchen. Kahit pa mukhang nag-aalala rin ang mga kasambahay at sinabi na nila sa akin na sila na raw ang magluluto. But then I told them that I'd like to make breakfast for my wife. Hinayaan na rin naman ako nila Manang pagkatapos.

After I was done, I brought the breakfast in bed I prepared in the kitchen back to our bedroom. Ayla was still in the bathroom when I came in.

Paglabas niya, agad ko siyang binati. "Good morning! I made breakfast for us," I told her.

Medyo umiwas pa siya ng tingin sa akin noong una—maybe she felt a little awkward after what happened to us just last night. Pero tumingin din siya sa akin at bumaling sa pagkain na dala ko.

"We'll have our breakfast here in the bedroom?" she asked.

Ngumiti naman ako at tumango sa kaniya. "Yes. Would you like it?"

Unti-unti siyang tumango. "It's all right..."

Nilagay ko na sa mesa na mayroon din naman sa kwarto namin ang pagkain. Then I called Ayla to sit with me so we could have breakfast together.

Tahimik kami habang nagsisimulang kumain. Ayla didn't say anything, so I decided to break the silence first. "Hmm. Can we talk about what happened yesterday at the office?" I asked.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. At ilang sandali pa ang hinintay ko bago siya unti-unting tumango.

I let out a bit of a sigh. "I'm sorry..."

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Why are you apologizing? It was me who invited her to your office..."

Umiling ako. "It was my fault... I didn't know that all this time you knew about her, or my past..." I said.

Nakita kong yumuko muli siya sa pagkain. She didn't say anything about that...

I sighed again. "Raya may be a part of my past... Pero hanggang doon na lang iyon. At matagal na rin 'yon. We've been married for five years now, Ayla. And to tell you the truth, I just want our relationship to get better..." I told her with all honesty.

Nag-angat muli siya ng tingin sa akin. At pagkatapos ay unti-unti na rin siyang tumango...

And I just smiled a little...

It was true what I told her just now.

Raya and I were done a long time ago.

And she may be a first love... Pero iyon na lang 'yon...

I sighed to myself as I sat here in my office now. But after having that talk with Ayla earlier in the morning before going to work, I felt lighter. It was as if a heavy burden that was weighing on me was suddenly lifted.

Pero ang inakala ko na tapos na ay hindi pa pala...

Kumatok sa pinto ng office ko ang secretary ko bago siya pumasok. Galing sa mga documents na nasa desk ko ngayon that I have to review first before signing them, nag-angat ako ng tingin.

"Sir, the... painter from last time is here now..." my secretary told me.

She looked a bit hesitant. At bahagya ding umawang ang labi ko. Pero unti-unti rin naman akong tumango. Then I looked at my wristwatch. I still have time to spare before my next meeting.

I don't know why Raya came back here in my office.

Hindi na kami nakapag-usap pa at iyon na iyong huli noon... sa ulan...

She left, and I didn't hear from her since then.

"Come in. Please have a seat," I told her after she entered my office.

Umupo naman siya roon sa loob ng opisina ko. Tumayo ako mula sa swiveling chair ko. I also asked my secretary to bring in some drinks or snacks for Raya.

"It's been... a while..." I said.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at muli kaming nagkatinginan ngayon pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon na hindi na kami nagkita...

Bahagya siyang tumango. "Tama ka... Matagal na nga..." Pagkatapos ay tumingin pa siya sa akin. "Nagpunta akong Dumaguete noon. At nakapagpatuloy din ako sa pagpipinta ko sa lugar na iyon. Doon na rin ako tumira sa mga nakalipas na taon..." she said.

I didn't know what to say to her, so I just listened. But not until what she told me next...

"Kaden... kailangan ko sana ng tulong mo. May sakit ang anak natin at kailangan ka niya..." she told me now.

And my lips parted. "What... are you talking about, Raya?"

Nanatili siyang nakatingin sa akin. "Noong umalis ako, Kaden, ay buntis na ako noon sa anak natin. Pero nalaman ko sa balita na nagpakasal ka na pala pagkatapos mong makipaghiwalay sa akin noon... Kaya naman pinili ko na itago na lang..."

I saw tears in her eyes after she told me about it... about our son...

That I didn't know about all this time.

"Kailangan ka ngayon ng anak mo, Kaden..." she said to me.

And then I saw more tears fall from her eyes...

While my lips remained parted as I was still in shock from what I just learned.