CHAPTER III: KISS

Nakasunod ako kay Ayla pauwi sa bahay naming mag-asawa. This huge modern mansion has been our home since we got married five years ago.

"Ayla, we need to talk. We're not done talking yet," I said as I followed her to our bedroom.

"Ano ang gusto mong pag-usapan? Ang tungkol pa rin ba kay Raya Santiago?" she asked me strongly.

I sighed as I looked at her. "Where did you meet her? And when did you know about her?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa tanong ko. "It doesn't matter. Bakit? Gusto mo pa rin bang makipagbalikan sa kaniya?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. "What are you talking about? She was just... someone from the past now..."

She scoffed.

"Ayla..." Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kamay niyang hinawakan ko.

I sighed slowly while I watched our hands. "Mag-usap tayo, Ayla. Bakit mo ginawa 'yon? Ginugulo mo pa ang tao—"

"Huh?! Ako ang nanggugulo? Like I told you, she was the painter I was talking about and I commissioned her! At pumayag naman siya sa trabahong binigay ko!"

"Alright, alright. Calm down..." I tried to stop her.

Nagagalit na naman kasi siya agad.

"I didn't know that you had knowledge about my past..." I said.

She looked at me. "Well, I have to know! I have to know the reason why you've neglected me, your wife! All this time, Kaden!"

My eyes widened at what I heard. "What..." napatanong ako sa kaniya.

I wasn't trying to neglect her...

I was just...

I sighed again.

I thought she didn't want our marriage too...

At na napilitan lang din siya dahil iyon ang gusto ni lolo at ng mga magulang niya para sa aming dalawa...

"So... you actually liked me..." nasabi kong parang nawawala sa sarili.

At bigla na lang din itong lumabas sa bibig ko.

"What are you saying..." Mukhang natigilan siya.

Then I looked at her. "Tell me, Ayla... Do you... love me?" I asked.

Ngayon ay siya naman ang pinanlakihan ng mga mata. "What is wrong with you, Kaden Theodore?!" Nagtaas siya ng boses, namumula na parang nahihiya sa sinabi niya.

Napangiti ako. "Just tell me..." I almost begged her.

Then she let out a heavy sigh as she looked at me. "How can you be so dense about how your wife feels?!"

My eyes widened. "You never tell me anything about you... So how am I supposed to know what's going on inside that pretty head of yours?"

She looked at me like she was angry again.

Halos magtaas ako ng mga kamay ko na parang sumusuko sa pulis sa harap niya. Why was she mad again? Can't we just talk properly now?

Sa huli, lumapit na lang ako sa asawa ko at halos mapaatras siya. "Kaden Theodore..." tawag niya sa akin na parang nagbabanta.

But I just didn't care anymore...

After all, it's been five years since we got married...

And I just want to talk about us now. Here and now. After everything that happened to us over the years...

I cornered her against the wall in our bedroom. I smiled a little. Pagkatapos, unti-unti at marahan kong inabot ang mga labi niya... And she didn't complain. So I kissed her...

I closed my eyes as my lips touched her soft lips. Hanggang sa unti-unti pa niyang binuka ang labi niya, and my tongue was able to explore the sweet insides of her mouth...

"What are you doing..." she asked me in a softer voice now.

I just smiled against her lips as I finally heard my wife's sweet voice...

And then I kissed her again... And I kissed her more...

Many years ago, nang magkasama kami sa ibang bansa, I was already taking my master's while she was still finishing her college course. At dahil wala akong ibang kakilala noon, siya ang palagi kong nakakasama at nakakausap. Although Ayla was sometimes misunderstood for being indifferent, para sa akin, she became my friend...

"Hindi ka pa rin nakakauwi..." Kausap ko si Raya sa video chat. Tama siya, hindi na nga ako nakakauwi. I was really busy with my master's and my grandfather's overseas businesses.

"I'm sorry, Raya..." was the only thing I could tell her. I felt so lame.

I saw her pouting cutely on my phone's screen. I smiled a bit at her...

Nagising ang diwa ko nang may malamig na canned juice ang tumama sa pisngi ko. It was Ayla. I smiled at her. "What's this?" I asked.

Her appearance was really cute, although she acts strongly most of the time.

"You must be thirsty. You've been on your laptop this whole time. I just got it from the vending machine..." she told me.

"Oh. Thanks." I opened the canned drink she gave me.

Then she sat down beside me, and we started conversing again. I liked talking to her. Magaan lang siyang kausap kahit medyo seryoso. But she made sense with her topics. Mas bata pa siya sa akin, pero pakiramdam ko ay mas matanda siya minsan. Napangiti na lang ako habang nakikinig sa kaniya...

It took a couple of years before I was finally able to go back to the Philippines. Natapos ko na rin ang master's ko. Uuwi rin si Ayla and she just graduated as well. Hindi na siya susunduin ng parents niya, kaya kami na ang magsasabay pauwi ng bansa. Sinasabi rin ng mga Del Valle na kami na ang magkasamang bumalik ng bansa.

"Welcome back, hija! Hijo!"

They were happy to see us both. Both me and Ayla. There was even a welcome party prepared by Ayla's mother. Nandoon din sina lolo at ang dad ni Ayla.

At nang mapag-isa kami ni lolo, siya na ang kinausap ko tungkol sa pagpapakasal ko kay Ayla Del Valle...

"Lolo—"

"Ayla Del Valle is a good woman. And the woman for you. She will be good for our business too. I know she will make a good wife to you, Kaden," lolo said.

"At hindi ba't naging malapit na rin kayo habang magkasama sa States? You only had each other there," he added.

At unti-unti ay napatango ako sa sinabi niya...

Noon pa lang ako nakauwi kay Raya... After the years that I spent abroad and I was with Ayla...

"Welcome home!" She still welcomed me with open arms.

And I felt guilty...

Because...

"Kailangan natin mag-usap, Raya," I said.

"Hmm? Bakit parang masyado ka yatang seryoso?" she smiled.

Hindi naman ako makangiti pabalik sa kaniya...

It was not the same anymore...

Over the past years, marami na rin ang nangyari sa amin. Marami na ang nag-iba...

I loved Raya truly... Back when I was younger. She was the only girl beside me...

My tears fell habang patuloy kaming nababasa sa ulan. Hinabol pa niya ako pagkatapos kong magpaalam sa kaniya.

"Bakit mo ba 'to ginagawa, Kaden?!" Raya cried.

And I couldn't do anything about it now...

I felt so guilty. Alam kong nasaktan ko siya. Pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na mas lalo ko lang siyang masasaktan kung mananatili pa ako sa tabi niya...

"Kagabi lang..." she said, looking at me with begging eyes.

Please don't do that, Raya...

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry...

But last night was a mistake. I just returned and she asked me to sleep with her...

Kahit alam kong hindi na dapat iyon. But I was weak...

At sobra ang awa na naramdaman ko para sa babaeng dati kong minahal...

And it happened. Iniwan ko si Raya sa gitna ng ulan...

I was a bad person. I was bad to her. And I'm no good for her now. Pero patuloy akong magiging mas masama pa para sa kaniya kung hindi ako umalis...

Even if it means leaving her... after all...

Tumira na rin ako sa Delgado mansion pagkatapos noon. I lived with my grandfather and cousin, Damian.

While I only heard from Raya through the people I hired to look after her after I left...

The reports told me that she left the apartment. Umuwi siguro siya ng probinsya, pero nang masiguro kong hindi na siya bumalik sa dati naming lugar, and instead she just went to a different city...

At may trabaho na rin siya roon. Then I decided to stop having people follow her.

And I just wished for her to live her life now without me...

I may have been unfair to her. That's why I'm ending it now...

Raya was still young. She can paint and continue to be an artist. Alam kong makakaya niya kahit wala na ako sa tabi niya.

And she would only suffer while she still holds onto me. At least now she can still start over.

Napansin ko na tahimik lang si Ayla habang pinag-uusapan ang kasal namin. She wouldn't look my way. I wanted to ask her if she's okay about my grandfather and her parents' decision. But we never had the chance to talk until our wedding day was near.

Even during our engagement party, mukhang iniwasan lang din niya ako...

At hanggang sa araw ng kasal namin, hindi na kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataong mag-usap nang maayos...