I'm not editing this expect typos

Third person pov

"You're going to blow up, aren't you?" Obito stressed, pacing back and forth in front of her. Members of ANBU had flooded the grounds as soon as Ethelia and Obito bailed out of there. The smell felt like it had burned its way into her nostrils anyway. She doubted she'd ever forget it. "You're definitely going to blow up. We just saw a corpse. Someone who isn't Ryuki has been totally stalking you." 

"Maybe I will just to get you to shut the fuck up." Ethelia ground the words out from between clenched teeth, sending Obito a scathing look. He had the good sense to look at least a little embarrassed. Ethelia flipped him off anyway, taking a deep breath and trying valiantly to forget what the dead body in question had looked like. It wasn't working, if you were curious as to how that's going. "Look, this-- it's ass. All of this is ass."

"Scary ass." Obito agreed, not helping the situation even slightly. Ethelia resisted the urge to literally kill him in cold blood, instead dropping her head down into her hands. Her fingers threaded into her hair, her shoulders hitching as she took a deep breath and dropping into a sag when she let it back out. "...Are you going to cry?"

"Are you going to shut up sometime today?" Ethelia snapped back, looking up to give him her best glower. He pressed his lips together and mimed zipping them, flicking the imaginary key off. Ethelia liked to imagine it had floated up into space at terminal velocity and burned up in the atmosphere, just like she sort of wished she could right now. It would sure as shit be better than dealing with this.

This, in summary, was ass. As said before in no unclear terms. There was a whole Scooby Doo Mystery at play here that Ethelia didn't personally want to deal with. Someone was running around in a skinsuit that looked and sounded like Ryuki, and they were trying to nab her. You can probably guess why, but that really tells them nothing. There are any number of people who'd want Ethelia if they found out she existed. It didn't exactly narrow the list of fucking suspects.

Whoever had taken Ryuki over had sort of killed her dad. Ish. It was sort of dodgy-- they'd at least gone out of their way to tell him what Ethelia was up to before she could tell him on her own time. The interference had eventually led him to do... to... yeah, thinking about that probably wasn't a great idea unless she wanted to nuke the entire Earth, or whatever the hell was supposed to happen when she got upset. 

"Breaking and entering is against the law." Kakashi said, also not at all helpful, as he walked up. He looked grim, dark eyes watching Ethelia suspiciously. She rose her middle finger just for him too. Full mast. Fuck him.

"Against the law? There was a dead body in there!" Obito threw his hands up in the air, astonished. "Pull your head out of your ass, Bakashi! Some stranger wearing pubescent skin is stalking Ethelia!"

"The pubescent part was 100% not necessary, I promise." Ethelia grumbled, taking another deep breath. She is zen. Very calm, very relaxed. Not going to vibrate through the atoms in the air and cause the planet the shatter apart into millions upon millions upon millions of tiny little pieces. She dragged her hands down her face, scrubbing at her eyes for a moment before looking up. Kakashi was still watching her. "Can you chew me out about breaking into my stalker's house later? I'm free at fuck you o'clock next Tuesday."

Kakashi scowled, not even having the decency to fake his own guilt. Middle finger to that, to this whole situation, and to everyone involved. Herself included, because she's being a bitch. At least she's self-aware about it. Kakashi is in constant denial about how much of an asshole he is. Ethelia can't imagine living with such blindness. Where he gets the strength to get up everyday, look in the mirror, and lie to himself, they'll never know.

"You should've gotten Sensei." Kakashi lectured. Ethelia stared at him blandly, trying to process the sheer amount of stupidity bestowed before her. She glanced over at Obito for answers, but even he looked honest to god flabbergasted. She sighed. "He's been dead a long time. I'm surprised he's as in tact as he is, as hot as it was in there. Do you know who's following you?"

"Was this whole thing an info grab? You could just ask like a normal person, without being a total dick about it." Ethelia suggested. She was met by a dark look. "Alright, whatever. No, I don't know. And if I did, I'd have probably blown up about it by now."

"Please don't say that." Rin winced. When the fuck did she get here? "They can't determine a cause of death."

"I'd guess it was something fatal." Obito said, frowning. Ethelia stared at him too, feeling incredibly dead. Maybe the stupidity was good for her. It was very numbing. No, really. She feels absolutely fucking nothing right now, because her body knows that if it let her, she'd be in excruciating pain. These are her teammates. The only people she has left in the world anymore now that her dad's dipped out on her. 

Fuck. She's really going to wipe out humanity with one giant giga-explosion, isn't she?

"Considering he is dead, yes, you idiot. It was something fatal." Kakashi hissed the words out as though he weren't just as stupid, just in a different way. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked like a petulant child. Oh, wait. He is a petulant child. Ethelia can't believe she forgot! Must have to do with the shock of finding an actual dead body in a horrid state of decay. Ethelia had seen maggots. She's never getting that out of her head, thank you.

Minato was approaching from the house, having finally departed from the ANBU. There was a concerned furrow to his brow that told Ethelia that any news he was bringing was not good. Which made sense considering the child murder. What had the real Ryuki been like? Probably still a dick, but probably not as big a one as the assholes who'd chased her around and instigated her father's suicide. Fuck, is this really her life? Ethelia is pretty sure this is her life. 

"Every time you open your mouths, we get one step closer to wiping out humanity. And maybe humanity deserves it." Ethelia grieved. Obito gave her a concerned look. Good, she's earned it. This is a very concerning statement she's just made. "No, really. I can feel it building. Every ounce of bullshit you spew goes into the bucket, and once it overflows, that's it. Kaboom."

"That sounds horrible!" Rin squeaked out.

"It sounds that way because it is. Thank you for pointing that out." Ethelia gave her a look, standing up and brushing off her pants fruitlessly. There was nothing to brush off. Maybe she can pretend she just got rid of the last of the fucks she had to give. She wishes to hand out no more. She deserves reprieve. "If you were wondering, the bucket is red. To represent my intense wish for you all to stop."

Minato stopped in front of them, raising a brow. Kakashi was the only one who really reacted. He straightened like a little nutcracker and gave a respectful nod. He looked seconds away from bowing. Actual seconds. Teacher's pet, anyone? No? Okay, Ethelia will keep it to herself. Because she's a nicer person than Kakashi is. By a hair, but she'll hold on to whatever she needs to hold onto to cope. Case closed, you can all go home and stop asking questions.

Minato looked over them grimly, like he was doing a headcount to make sure they were all there. Which was weird because there's literally only four of them. Ethelia's not going to ask. It'll only inspire him to talk more than necessary, and god forbid that happens. Ethelia sighed as he met her eyes. He's still creepy, but not as creepy now that he's not smiling at-- sike. He's smiling at her again. It's a tight smile, but it still counts. More into the red bucket, everyone. 

"What you've found is very startling. Whoever did it has been living in the house to keep up appearances so that people don't come looking for Ryuki. The ANBU are gathering evidence as we speak. We'll get to the bottom of this, Ethelia." Minato reported in all seriousness. Ethelia gave a slight nod, eyes drifting back towards the balcony. Oh, the many fond memories of fake-Ryuki watching her jog by. Maybe blowing herself up wouldn't be the worst thing ever. "Until then, I think it'd be best if you stayed with me. We don't know who's behind this, but it's someone dangerous."

Ethelia felt a hot wave of absolute, utter horror wash through her at the prospect of having to live with Minato. Not because he's a bad guy, but because he's a painfully good one and Ethelia's not sure she can handle that. Her chakra rippled uncomfortably, ruffling the leaves of the surrounding trees and causing a small burst of wind to pulse out from her. Minato jolted a little, and Kakashi gave her an appraising look. Rin took a small step away as though that were going to save her. Obito scooted closer. 

"She can keep staying with me. I'll watch her back, I swear." Obito promised with big, pleading eyes. Minato looked like he wanted to say no but was also afraid of Ethelia's subsequent emotional instability. Imagine that, she sees a dead body but it's the idea of living with Minato that makes her timbers shiver me. What's that say about him? "I-I mean, it's not like anything's changed. Before, we just thought it was Ryuki being a creep who sort of wanted to kidnap and/or murder her! Now it's some creep who just happens to look like Ryuki. Still the same guy as before, we just know more now."

Ethelia had to admit he gave a very fair point. She took a deep breath, shaking out her hands. It did very little, but Ethelia's going to pretend it did for her own peace of mind. Maybe she can placebo herself into thinking it did. That works for people all the time, doesn't it? Fuck, this is so fucked. No, really. Her life is fucked, everything sucks, and someone who isn't supposed to know about her abnormally large chakra reserves is decidedly very, very aware. She's beginning to wish it had been Ryuki being creepy. Would've been better than whatever murder mystery is going on now.

"...Please don't blow up."

"Great advice, Rin. I'll take that under advisement." Ethelia griped. She's allowed to be irate right now. Her life is in actual shambles and she's not allowed to feel that strongly about it. She's actually not allowed to feel strongly about anything, since her emotions are apparently linked to her chakra. Speaking of which, why are they linked to her chakra? Can she undo that? She wants to get irrationally mad and cry a lot without killing everyone in the Land of Fire, funnily enough. "Look, Obito is right. I'm fine staying with him. I've adjusted to the idea and even though it sort of sucks--"

"Hey!" Obito didn't actually look offended. Probably because he's growing immune to Ethelia's insults, he's at the receiving end of them so much. She'll have to up the ante. 

"--at least I know him and get along with him. Sort of. I'd rather it be him than Kakashi, even if Kakashi'd probably do a better job at stabbing any attackers that come in." Ethelia sighed. Kakashi looked irrationally smug. Ethelia wanted to punch him in the jaw. "It'll... It'll be fine. Can we just... go, or something? Sitting here thinking isn't going to help."

Ethelia glanced back at Minato, who was looking at her with something that looked suspiciously like pity. But that would be silly to assume! He had to know that if he ever dared look at her like that that she would gut him with a shiv made out of the bone she was going to rip out of his arm with her bare hands and sharpen! Ugh, he was the weirdest teacher ever. Ethelia misses the days of sitting in the back of the classroom drawly, looking out the window aimlessly and imagining she was a thoughtless sea urchin with no ambitions or responsibilities.

Minato jerked his head, stirring them into action. Ethelia moved to take a step but found herself almost teetering over when her foot raised up weightlessly, carrying it higher than she'd meant it to go. Obito's arm was out and hooking with hers before she could shoot off into the stratosphere. Ethelia grunted a little, waving her blonde teacher off when he made a sound of concern and moved to also grab her. She'd cut his fingers off. Slowly. On purpose.

Kakashi seemed to take lead, marching off in the direction they'd originally been jogging. Ethelia took a steadying breath, trying not to think about Ryuki, or the person after her, or literally any of that. It was fine. All of this was going to be fine. They would figure it out, right? Ninja found bodies all the time. That was just a ninja thing that ninja people did. Find bodies. Of people who were dead. Like, people who had been killed. And stuff.

"This fucking sucks." Ethelia groaned, leaning down to swipe a leaf off the ground so she could practice sticking it to her forehead. Obito leaned with her so that he didn't have to release her arm and risk her drifting away. Ethelia slapped it onto her face with a breath, holding it there. "Fuck. Fucking fuck."

The leaf caught on fire. Ethelia thought that summed things up pretty damn well.

~

Alright I have questions and if anyone knows pls let me know I don't wanna have to read this whole book to figure it out

-Does anyone know if Obito and Rin are chunin in this book yet?

Actually, that's the only question. I think they are but aren't jonin yet, but I don't know and I think my soul will genuinely leave my body if I have to dig around and try to figure it out. If I die sometime between now and the next update, reference this note and stick it on my headstone.