I've been thinking about this guide a lot since I first published my introduction, and I've been struggling a bit to know where to start. There's a lot to cover, after all.

So I'm going to start with our national drinks. Yes, drinks, plural. Because we have two. And possibly a bonus third . . .

The first is, of course, whisky.

You'll note there is no "e" in our spelling of whisky. I'm not sure why . . . Answers on the proverbial postcard if you do happen to know!

So there's an old saying in Scotland: "Today's rain is tomorrow's whisky". We do get a lot of rain here - but that's possibly why our whisky is so bloody good!

And there's a lot of whisky too . . . We have nearly 150 distilleries spread out over the mainland and islands. You can't necessarily visit them all, but a lot of them do have paid tours - these usually conclude with a wee glass or two of the good stuff. That's usually my favourite bit. (I bet this in no way surprises anyone.)

I've been on (I think?) five distillery tours, and I probably still couldn't explain how whisky is made. It takes me back to my Higher Chemistry class in high school, where I mostly sat with a glazed expression on my face and ultimately failed. I don't think the whisky-making process is actually even that complicated - I'm just that bad at science. So I simply nod knowledgeably like a wise old sage and greedily hold out my hand for my freebie at the end.

If you do come to Scotland and have the opportunity to visit a distillery, I would still recommend it for the experience. Just bear in mind that many of them are actually out in the countryside, so you may need to drive there . . . So, no sampling the whisky until later if you're in charge of a vehicle, okay? I mean it.

If you ever stay in Oban, though (great little place, highly recommend!), they have a distillery right in the middle of the town, with frequent tours. Aberlour, up in Speyside, also has a couple of distilleries offering tours within walking distance. Don't say I don't try to keep you all safe!

Okay . . . Now, onto Scotland's "other" national drink!

It's called Irn Bru, and it's very popular here. In most countries, Coca-Cola is the best-selling soft drink, but in Scotland, Irn Bru has consistently remained at the top of the list.

Its taste is difficult to describe (although when Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez was given some to sample at COP 26, she claimed it tasted "just like the Latino soda Kola Champagne", if that helps anyone!), but its colour is . . . Insanely orange. So much so that apparently Donald Trump once banned it being sold in one of his Scottish hotels "in case it stained the floors". Oh . . . The irony. (After all, he may be the only thing more orange than Irn Bru itself.)

Irn Bru TV adverts are kind of notorious as well. Their marketing has been en pointe since I was just a kid - although some of it has also been quite controversial! I won't share any of that here (feel free to Google, though), but here is probably my favourite Christmas advert . . .

https://youtu.be/4yZOab5gl-4

Anyway, I'm a big fan of Irn Bru. I'm always over-the-moon when I find somewhere that stocks it when I'm abroad. It's like running into an old friend . . . Except you don't have to make awkward small talk with it while frantically trying to work out how to escape!

And before I finish up this chapter, I suppose I should give a brief nod to one more drink that is considered a national treasure . . . And that is the humble Scottish tap water. Now, I'm gonna be honest here: I don't drink anywhere near enough water. But it is pretty damn amazing. And it saves a fortune on having to buy bottled water!

Yes, one thing we definitely do have a lot of in Scotland is water. From the sheer amount of rain to our many lochs. In fact, Loch Ness actually contains more water than all of the lakes in England and Wales combined . . . But that's probably another story for another day!