I'll go straight to the point. Writing this – Laurie and Lee's story – saved me from limbo.

        It easily served as sort of the light at the end of a dark tunnel. Lately kasi, 'yung pagsusulat nito 'yung naging panulak ko-slash-motivation sa buhay. Kung nakinig siguro ako doon sa maliit na boses sa isip ko na ibodega muna 'tong "Definitely Fonder" at unahin muna 'yung mga ganap ko sa labas ng kuwentong 'to. . . nako.

        Baka hindi ko nararamdaman 'yung nerbyos, sepanx, tuwa, excitement, saka satisfaction – na kini-crave ng kaluluwa ko – ngayon.

        To be honest, this story is far from perfect (by my unattainable standards) but I like it. I love it. I love the story behind it (which stars me as the main character who constantly doubts herself). Gusto ko pa rin 'yung kuwento na 'to kasi hindi siya perfect. I guess ayun din 'yung pinakadahilan – 'yung pagiging imperfect nito.

        Imperfections and failures just mean greater rooms to grow into. Mas maraming opportunity para matuto, ganun.

        I actually read what I wrote in this book's Foreword. Binasa ko 'yung sinulat ko a year ago and. . . I honestly don't know if I'm no longer that person anymore. I still feel guilty whenever I take a break. Actually, katatapos nga lang ng sem namin nitong first week ng August pero hulaan niyo anong ginawa ko right after.

        S'yempre, pagkatapos ng mga obligasyon ko sa acads, rekta sulat ako ng kuwento nina Laurie. Haha.

        So, all in all, doon sa pagkakaroon ng guilt kada magpapahinga. . . hindi ko pa rin talaga kaya. I'm still learning but yes, napakalayo pa ng kailangan kong kayurin para maabot 'yung bersyon ng sarili ko na kayang magpahinga nang hindi nagi-guilty o nai-stress.

        Anyway, this is the first narrative novel I wrote after two (2) years. 'Yung "Eve" ang huli tapos after nun, puro epistolaries na. And no offense to other epistolary writers but personally. . . hindi ko makuha 'yung satisfaction na gusto kong maramdaman kada makakatapos ako ng epistolary novel. I think that's just my issues talking but yes, I just can't get that feeling of relief (?) after completing an epistolary novel.

        So maybe, writing this – "Definitely Fonder" – is a pathetic attempt to replicate that particular sense of calm. Maybe, writing Laurie and Lee is a desperate attempt to feel that slight tug in my gut that tells me that I have succeeded in crafting something passable or enjoyable despite all odds.

        And by "odds," I mean my busy life as a 3rd Year college student. By that, kasama na rin siguro 'yung inner battles at inner saboteur na halos dalawang buwan ko ring sinusubukang daganan ng unan, i-suffocate, at ibaon sa limot.

        Now, about the story, I think it came to me while I was washing dishes. Katatapos ko lang atang ilapag 'yung plato nun tapos may biglang bumulong na lang sa akin na: "what if sumulat ako ng novel about college exes?"

        That was basically it. Haha. Walang masyadong euphoric moments na nangyari. That was my idea. Ngayon, 'yung 9 na salitang 'yun. . . 'yung isang tanong na 'yun. . . inabot at lumago hanggang sa 171,302 words. Ang gago na amazing lang. I mean, a year ago, hindi ko talaga inakalang matatapos ko siya. Hindi ko inakalang mapapanindigan ko.

        Anyway, let's talk inspiration.

        A fellow writer once commented na 'yung pagbabasa raw nitong DFFD ay parang panunuod ng K-Drama'ng may yellow tint. That made me so fucking happy.

        Bakit? Ganun kasi 'yung nakikita ko sa utak ko kada magsusulat ako ng chapter para rito sa DFFD. Yellow tint, bokeh effects, the slow falling of raindrops. . .

        Wala lang.

        Sobrang na-amaze lang ako na naiparating ko 'yung nakikita ko sa utak ko sa pamamagitan ng mga salitang matagal nang nag-eexist; mga salitang pinagpapasapasahan lang nating mga nagsusulat; mga salitang paulit-ulit kong ginagamit, pagsasaayos o arrangement lang 'yung magkakaiba.

        As for Laurie and Lee's character, Laurie is probably 70% me and Lee is someone I cooked up to complement her. Kung mapapansin niyo, napaka-chaotic ng utak ni Laurie pero si Lee, steady lang. Si Laurie 'yung mas logical pero siya 'yung urong-sulong. Lee, on the other hand, is the not-so typical artist. Stable kasi siya. Kung ano o sino ang gusto niya, ayun na.

        Usually, artists are generalized as unpredictable people. Sila 'yung characters sa indie films na kadalasang pino-portray na may kulay ang buhok, naliligo sa ulan, bigla-biglang tumatakbo kasi kailangan daw damhin ang buhay. . . I actually love those types of characters but then again, that's all they are – characters.

        Caricatures na ang dating sa akin ng mga ganung character kasi nga. . . palagi kong napapanuod.

        Seeing characters like that all the time in fiction made them appear less and less real to me.

        So, of course, I decided to make characters that feel and sound real. Si Laurie na mayaman pero napakaraming internal conflict. Si Lee na medyo may pangalan na sa industriya pero down-to-earth (na minsan nagha-humble brag xD).

        I know this is getting too long so I will go ahead and skip to the part where I thank those who have helped me complete this novel in various ways:

• To Alex(andra); and;

        Thank you so much! Parang nasabi ko na sa 'yo lahat dahil ever since "Kismet," supportive at constructive ka na pero. , . sasabihin ko pa rin HAHA. Thank you so much sa paglalaan ng oras para magbasa ng rough drafts na pinapabasa ko sa 'yo. Thank you so much sa pagbibigay ng comments na hindi ko naman hinihingi. Thank you sa pagbabalik ng same level ng energy kapag ramdam mong may excited akong ipabasa sa 'yo. Thank you so much sa pagpapakalma at pag-aassure kada aatakihin ako ng imposter syndrome. xD

• To feuile;

        Hindi ko alam 'yung real name mo and ilang beses pa lang tayong nakapag-usap nang matino dahil napakabagal kong mag-reply pero. . . thank you so much sa pagse-send ng messages sa akin! Maraming salamat sa unintentionally profound messages, sa pagiging masipag mo sa pag-aarticulate ng emosyon at thoughts mo kada magbabasa ka. Alam kong nasabi ko na 'to sa 'yo pero uulitin ko pa rin: ilang beses na napagaan ng messages mo 'yung araw ko. Hehe. Ayun lang~

        Bago ko pala makalimutan, 'yung "Iyo" na kinanta ni Lee sa Epilogue ay sinulat ni Ed (feintSlash). Tinap ko siya months before kasi (ito na aaminin ko na) matagal nang nakaplano 'yung Epilogue HAHA. Anyway, thank you so much ulit, Ed! Alam kong napaka-hectic din ng schedule mo pero nagawa mo pang isingit 'yung composition so ayun. . . thank you so much ulit!

        And now for announcements, magkakaroon po ng merch(andise) itong "Definitely Fonder"!

        Dahil first merch ko po ito, 15 pieces lang po ang meron for this batch. Until stocks last naman ito so no worries. Hindi kailangang magmadali HAHA. Ang isang quantity (or checkout? huhu) po nito ay 'yung 3 photocards at 1 Polaroid strip. Bale sa Shopee ko po ito ilalagay para accessible siya. Ang price po ay P235.00, excluded ang shipping fee.

        As for the product link sa Shopee, sa socmed accounts ko siya ilalagay kasi hindi siya clickable rito. You can check either my Facebook page (Floeful Stories) or Twitter account (@floeful) for the Shopee link.

        I guess that's it for the announcements? Napakakadiri lang 'yung biglang pag-shift into business tone HAHA.

        For the last time, I'm thanking you – na umabot dito sa dulo ng napakahabang afterword na 'to – sa pagbabasa ng "Definitely Fonder." I would love to say that Laurie and Lee are signing off but they aren't so. . . see you soon na lang?

        See you soon sa "C Duology #02: Absolutely Smitten" kung saan sina Malie at Theo naman ang focus. <33

– floe