❝I can't need you right now.❞

— ❁ —

        "I ASKED why you're here," Laurie insisted, shutting her eyes. Sa halip na sagutin kasi ang tanong, nilibot ng daddy niya ang café. Kitang-kita niya kung paano dumapo ang tingin nito sa bawat sulok. She could read the scrutiny and criticism sparkle in his eyes.

        Laurie bit her lip when her dad stopped in front of Lee's painting. "Dad."

        It was definitely a shock to see him after months of avoiding him. Nakakikilabot ding makitang muli ang pagkakatulad nito sa kanila ni Stefan.

        While Stefan copied their father's 3-piece suit and authoritative stance, Laurie inherited his sharp features. "Am I not allowed to visit my own daughter now?" he asked, eyes still glued on the canvas. "When did you start venturing into art?"

        "It's not a venture. Regalo 'yan."

        He crossed his arms over his chest, sighing as he scrutinized the painting. "The composition is a bit rough. This doesn't look like the work of a professional but—" Laurie's brows furrowed. Her shoulders tensed, too. Gayunpaman ay naibsan iyon nang maalalang kasama niya si Lee. "—this would still sell. How much do you want for this one?"

        She bit her lip. Hinawakan kasi ni Lee ang kamay niya. "It's not for sale." She faced Lee. "I think you should go. Ako nang bahalang magsabi kina Mal na nauna ka na."

        Nilingon ni Lee ang daddy niyang nakatungo pa rin sa painting. "Pero Lau. . ."

        Umiling siya. "Just go, okay?"

        Besides the fact that she didn't want him to witness how a simple negative comment from her dad sends her reeling, Lee wasn't aware of a few things. Hindi nito alam na hindi siya natuloy sa Spain. Na nauto at na-scam siya sa kagustuhan niyang manlimos ng atensyon mula sa nanay niyang hindi naman na yata siya iniisip.

        Back then, Laurie didn't tell him about her plan to reconnect with her mom. Nalaman na lang ni Lee mula sa block mates niyang nakabantay sa social media.

        "Sure ka?" he asked softly.

        Laurie felt her gut wrench. "Please just go. I don't need you here right now." Maski siya ay napamaang nang mapagtanto ang dating ng sinabi.

        "Okay, sige," tumatango nitong sabi. Bumaling ito sa daddy niyang sila na pala ang pinanonood. "Uhm, sir, I'll go ahead po."

        The door chimes twinkled as Lee exited the café.

        "That was him, right?" her father asked. "Your boyfriend in college? Don't look at me like that. Of course, I knew. Ilang beses kitang nakitang dahan-dahan na nagbubukas ng gate, and that boy, he was always outside with his bike, waiting for you."

        Instead of saying anything, Laurie stomped toward the table. Kinuha niya ang thermos mula sa bag. She, then, filled it with Americano. For seconds, she drank from the thermos. Marahas niyang pinunasan ang bibig nang may tumapong kaunting kape. "Bakit ka nga nandito?"

       "I already told you why. I just wanted to visit you."

        She scoffed. "I'm not like the kids at that orphanage you sponsor. You can't just visit me whenever you're free."

        "Come on now, Laurine," her dad mumbled, shaking his head. "You make it sound like I'm a bad father."

        Awtomatikong nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya sa narinig. Sa kabila ng bumubulang inis sa loob niya, parang gusto niyang matawa. The situation was just laughable. She didn't like her dad visiting the café. Ayaw niya iyong pakiramdam na parang sinusuyod at minamaliit nito ang pinakaiingatan niya.

        And yet, a part of her hoped he really was there to check on her. No ulterior motives. May umusbong sa loob niyang sana siya naman ang intensyon nito.

        "I think I get it now." Laurie bit the inside of her cheek. "Are you here because of Tito Leon? Ang tagal na no'n, a? I also received your message so there's really no need to express your disappointment in person. Hindi lang talaga ako nag-reply."

        "Laurie." Napalabi ito na siyang nagpalukot ng noo niya. Her dad never second-guessed himself. He just always knew what to do right then and there. "He and I decided not to do business together. Nagkaproblema sa production nila, and that messag—"

        "What does that have to do with me?" she cut him off.

        "Huh, I guess nothing." For seconds, he just stared at her. "You really look like her especially when you're mad. Happy birthday, kiddo."

        The last sentence baffled her further. Napakalambot kasi ng mukha ng daddy niya. Gustuhin man niyang magtanong ay hindi niya magawa. She didn't know what to ask. Even her own feelings didn't feel like hers, to begin with.

        Their complicated relationship was that hard to understand.

        "Oh, by the way—" Tumigil ang kamay nitong papahawak pa lang sa pinto ng café. "—if you're still in contact with the artist who painted that, tell them I'd like to sponsor their education if they want to pursue real art."

        That reeked of elitism. Hindi napigilan ni Laurie ang pag-ikot ng mga mata.

        Saka lang siya nakahinga nang maluwang paglabas ng daddy niya. It wasn't bad. They didn't fight or anything but she still felt like crying. Hindi nga lang niya matukoy kung lungkot o inis ang nangungunang dahilan.

        Muli niyang pinuno ng kape ang thermos niya.

        Habang nililinis ang naiwang kalat ng naudlot niyang birthday dinner, nagpadala siya sa temptasyon at umiyak nang umiyak. Humihikbi niyang inipon ang mga babasaging bote ng beer. Never have she ever felt so pathetic. She was also mad at herself.

        Pinamukha niya lang naman kay Lee na hindi niya ito kailangan.

        Saglit na huminto ang mga luha niya nang makatanggap siya ng message mula kay Malie. Nagtatanong kung tapos na silang mag-usap ni Lee at kung p'wede nang bumalik. Laurie felt up her cheeks. She wasn't done crying. Hindi niya sinagot si Malie.

        Carrying two plastic bags, she went outside the café.

        "Lau?"

        She was throwing the garbage when she heard a voice.

        "You're still here?" gulat niyang tanong kay Lee. He looked like he had been crying. She felt her gut wrench again with guilt. "I told you to leave, right?"

        "Alam ko pero mukhang 'di ka kasi okay." Nakagat nito ang pang-ibabang labi matapos bitiwan iyon. "Sorry, 'di 'yon 'yong ibig kong sabihin."

        Bumuga siya ng hangin. "You're not listening again. I can't need you right now. I appreciate you being here but Lee, there's nothing we can do. I can manage. Kaya kong mag-isa. Feelings ko 'to. I can figure them out on my own."

        Lumunok si Lee. "Alam ko naman 'yon. Never ko namang inisip na 'di mo kayang mag-isa. Ang akin lang, 'di namang kailangan na gano'n palagi, 'di ba? 'Yong mag-isa ka? Kasi Lau—" He reached for her hand. Pinisil nito ang kamay niya at saka nito iyon pinatong sa dibdib. "—nandito ako, o. Nandito na 'ko ulit."

        "What now?" Pagak siyang natawa. Binawi niya ang kamay. "Nagkasundo na tayo, 'di ba? Earlier, you said we're probably just tipsy. I think you're confused."

        "Lau naman, e. Alam mo namang 'di 'yon 'yo—"

        "Do you know what your problem is, Lee? I think you're using me as some kind of distraction because you think you're starting to hate something you always loved." She smiled sadly. "Reality check lang."

        Nangingiti itong napailing. "Ang sakit mo namang magsalita."

        "I know." She sighed exasperatedly. "It's why I told you to leave so leave."

       Lee inhaled sharply. "Okay, sige," he hummed afterward, staring at her.

       "Okay," Laurie muttered. She always disliked solidifying and finalizing things because once she does, they could be taken away from her. With Lee, she might have done just that.

        Mukhang aksidente niyang natapos nang maaga.

        Dire-diretso siyang lumakad papasok sa café. The door chimes clashed against the glass door, angrily.

—

        LEE WOKE up with a mad headache next morning. Nakadagdag sa sakit ng ulo niya iyong malakas at sunod-sunod na tunog ng doorbell. Fumbling, he made his way to the door. His brows furrowed even more with Charlotte's wide smile.

        "Goodmorning! My manager mode is on so I'm not asking why you look like shit," she declared as she pushed him on her way inside the unit. Parang nandidiri nitong hinila at sinipat ang pang-itaas niya. "Hindi ka pa naliligo? Nasa Guiguinto ka na dapat by 3 PM."

        Ibinagsak muli ni Lee ang likod sa kama. "Anong oras dadating si Junnie?"

        "Sina Jegs kasi, kay Sandro sasabay so ikaw lang talaga sasadyain ni Junnie. Hoy, ano?" Sinipa ng babae ang binti niyang nakalawit sa kama. "Stand up. Mag-asikaso ka na."

        Ipinangtakip niya ang braso sa mata. Binuksan kasi ni Charlotte ang blinds. "Five minutes. Hihinga lang ako."

        Pilit na inalis ng manager niya ang brasong ipinangsasangga niya sa tirik nang araw. "Hinayaan kitang pumunta kay Laurie kahapon kasi sabi mo, 'di ka naman iinom tapos ngayon, gagan'yan ka? You know how big of a deal this is. Kasama ako sa organizers. Tayo na d'yan."

        "Hindi naman ako nagpakalango," nakapikit niyang ungot.

        "If you didn't drink, bakit may tuyong luha sa pisngi mo? Did something happen with Laurie yesterday?" Lumambot ang tono ni Charlotte. Her excitement dwindled, too. "Hey."

        Lee sighed before sitting up. "Akala ko ba, manager mode on?"

        "That's a 'no', right? Ayaw mong pag-usapan?"

        Umiling siya.

        "Okay, sige. I won't pry anymore but please, mag-asikaso ka na," nakahalukipkip nitong sabi. "Mauuna ako do'n kaya 'di na kita ima-micromanage pero si Junnie, on-the-dot 'yon na 3 PM. Copy ba? We can talk about Laurie after your set."

        He just groaned in response. Saka lang siya bumangon nang tuluyang makaalis si Charlotte. Pagpatak ng alas-tres, tinawagan siya ni Junnie. He didn't bother answering. He wore his guitar bag and trotted downstairs.

        "Nag-lunch ka na ba?" Lee asked Junnie as he opened the door of the van. "Drive-thru na lang tayo kung 'di ka pa nagla-lunch."

        Umiling ang road manager niya. "Hindi na, Kuya. Marami naman daw pagkain do'n sabi ni Kuya Sandro. Sabi pa niya sa 'kin kanina, 'I'm already busog'."

        Chuckling, he carefully laid his guitar on the backseat. Bago tuluyang sumampa sa sasakyan ay binuksan niya ang phone. Kinalkal niya ang notifications.

        "Putangina."

        "Bakit po, Kuya?"

        "Sa ospital tayo, bilis." Pinalis niya ang noo nang maramdaman ang nagbabadyang pawis doon. Sumampa siya sa sasakyan. "Pucha, sabi na, e. Sabi na talaga, 'di ko dapat iniwan do'n."

        Junnie looked worried. "Sino po, Kuya?"

        Lee blinked consecutively as he felt tears threatening to fall. "Si Laurie."

        Laurie was fine according to Malie. Hindi na kasi nadatnan ni Lee ang doktor. He had no choice but to be content with Malie's explanation. Apparently, Laurie has been experiencing symptoms of acid reflux for weeks. Malie thought Laurie just wasn't eating properly.

        'Yon pala, acid reflux na ang iniinda nito.

        Hindi pa naman daw masyadong malala. The doctor prescribed some antacids but for observation, Laurie was asked to stay in the hospital for three days.

        Tatlong araw rin atang mababaliw si Lee.

        Marahas siyang napahilamos habang nakasilip sa kuwarto ni Laurie. Ilang minuto rin siyang nanginig habang nakatitig sa suwerong nakatusok sa pulsuhan nito. She just looked paler wearing a hospital gown.

        Throughout his childhood, Lee paid the hospital a visit numerous times. Mula sa pagkakasakit ng mama niya hanggang sa papa niya. Sitting in the lobby with his elbows on his knees was bringing lots of unhappy core memories.

        Still, he refused to leave.

        Because Laurie insisted she didn't need anyone guarding her, he and Malie came to an agreement. Pumayag siyang bantayan si Laurie basta't hindi nito malalamang nandoon siya.

        His phone vibrated. Ikatlong araw na ng pakikipaghalinhinan niya kay Malie. Pangatlong araw na rin iyon ng pag-iwas niya kay Charlotte. Because it was an emergency, he didn't have time to explain things.

        Si Junnie ang nagpaliwanag kay Charlotte na lalong kinainis ng huli.

        The gig wasn't canceled or anything. Sinalo pa nga ni Sandro ang set niya. Bumuga siya ng hangin. As he scrolled through Twitter, he felt more and more tired. Apparently, some people were grateful that Sandro took over his set.

        "Huh," nakangiwi niyang sabi habang tahimik na binabasa ang isang tweet.

        "ganyan naman daw yan bigla biglang nagccancel," one of the replies said.

        Lee sighed as he scrolled further. "Ay, shit." Sa pag-i-scroll, aksidente niyang nasagot ang kapapasok lang na tawag ni Charlotte.

        "I haven't heard from you for three days, tapos 'shit' pambungad mo? I mean, what the fuck lang, 'di ba? Gets ko naman pinanggagalingan mo. Kaibigan din naman kita, e, but that's the thing. Kaibigan mo 'ko. I told you how important it was for me. I guess you didn't care enough to honor that commitment, 'no? 'Yon 'yon, 'di ba?"

        He massaged his temples. "I'm sorry, nag-panic lang ako."

        "Nando'n na nga tayo. I get it. I understand why you acted the way you did. Ang hindi ko maintindihan ay kung bakit 'di ka man lang nagpakita sa 'kin. What's the problem?"

        "Parang ako dapat nagtatanong niyan." Pagak siyang natawa. "Okay naman 'yong gig, 'di ba? Para ngang 'di ramdam na wala ako, e."

        "You checked Twitter." Charlotte groaned in frustration. "Look, I'm always on your side but the management is starting to ask, kaya itatanong ko na rin sa 'yo. You haven't written a song in five years. In those five years, ngayon lang nangyari 'tong ganito na nag-cancel ka. Hindi lang isa, a. Three times, Lee."

        "Okay, sa'n ka ba papunta?"

        "Ikaw ang sa'n papunta? If this keeps up, I would have no choice but to drop you."

        Lee bit the inside of his cheek, feeling scared and relieved at the same time.

        His mixed emotions proved that Laurie was right.

        The night of her birthday, her words stung him deep but she was right. He sighed exasperatedly at the realization. Totoong natatakot siyang magalit sa bagay na buong buhay na niyang minamahal at inaalagaan. Nagsimulang manubig ang mga mata niya.

        "Personally, ayokong bitawan ka pero wala na sa 'kin 'yong decision kun—"

        "Kung sasabihin kong 'di ko alam kung sa'n ako papunta ngayon, bibitawan mo na ba ako?" prangka niyang tanong sa manager niya.

        Ilang segundong tumahimik ang kabilang linya.

        Mariing pumikit si Lee. Humigpit din ang hawak niya sa phone. "Kailangan ko muna yatang huminga, Charlotte, kahit saglit lang."

        "I was about to suggest the same thing. I need some time off from you, too." She scoffed, finally calming down. "Would three weeks be okay?"

        "Siguro."

        "By the end of those two weeks, gusto kong may direksyon ka na, 'ha? I don't like acting like your boss because I'm not, saka halos same age lang tayo pero sana maintindihan mo rin ako kung bakit kita binibigyan ng ultimatum. We are friends, right?"

        He just hummed in response.

        When the phone call ended, he stood up. Sinilip niya si Laurie. Tulog pa rin pala ito. Pinagpuyatan kasi nito ang isang crime documentary series kasama si Malie.

        Sa araw na iyon naman na ito madi-discharge. She has been taking her medication religiously, too. Ang pinakainaalala lang talaga nila ni Malie ay iyong mga pinagbabawal na pagkain ng doktor – lalong-lalo na ang kape.

        Laurie no longer needed him there.

        Biting his lip anxiously, Lee typed a message for Malie. Pikit-mata niyang pinindot ang "send". Pikit-mata rin siyang nagdesisyong bigyan na ng ultimatum ang sa kanila ni Laurie.

        Three weeks.#