❝Happy birthday, my Laurie.❞

— ❁ —

        LAURIE KEPT sighing the whole time. Sa manibela nakakapit ang dalawa niyang kamay pero paminsan-minsang hinihiram ng tulog na si Lee ang atensyon niya. Ang payapa kasi ng mukha nito. The occasional hue of the streetlights and billboards made him look more unreal. Laurie ended up glancing at him from time to time.

        Baka kasi biglang mawala si Lee sa passenger seat.

        Besides gaping at him, she did something more unthinkable. She knew where Lee lived. Nakabukas din ang Waze niya. Gayunpaman ay 30 minutes ang sinayang niya sa pagpapabalikbalik sa tapat ng building ni Lee.

        "Fuck," she muttered. "Kakarmahin talaga ako nito." Napamaang siya nang suminghap si Lee. His eyes fluttered open, making Laurie bite her lip anxiously. "Sorry, 'di kita ginising agad."

        Sumilip ito sa bintana. "Okay lang. Ako pa nga dapat mag-sorry. Tinulugan kita, e," nakatawa nitong sabi. "Thanks nga pala sa kanina."

        "For the coffee?" Laurie scrunched her nose. "Ikaw bumili no'n. Why are you thanking me?"

        Mahina itong natawa. "Hindi kasi 'yon. Ano ka ba?" nangingiti nitong sabi bago pisilin ang ilong niya. Sabay silang napamaang at napaiwas ng tingin pagkatapos. "Sorry, nasanay lang."

        Gusto niya sanang itanong kung paanong sanay pa rin si Lee, gayo'ng ilang taon silang hindi nagkita. She choked down the question anyway. "I don't mind. Anyway, are you sure you're not drunk?"

        "Yep," he mumbled while unlocking his seat belt. "E, ikaw ba? Okay ka bang mag-drive? Late na rin, e. Night owl ka nga pala. Never mind, ha-ha."

        Tango lang ang naisagot ni Laurie.

        Napahawak sa batok si Lee. "Okay, so—" Binuksan nito ang pinto. "—una na ako, 'ha? Text or chat mo nga pala ako 'pag nakauwi ka na."

        "Sure," tipid niyang sabi.

        "May nabanggit nga pala si Manager na gig sa December. Hindi pa sure pero pinag-uusapan daw ng management na Cafuné ang venue," he mumbled, his hand still gripping the door handle. "Wala pa namang final decision pero 'yon. . . mas okay kung ipi-free up niyo ni Mal 'yong Christmas week, saka 'yong the week before."

        "Lee." He raised his brows at her mention of his name. "We'll still see each other. There's no need to hesitate. Namumugto pa mata mo. Inaantok ka pa."

        "Nahalata mo pala," nakangiti nitong sabi. "Sorry, okay, sige. Akyat na 'ko. Real na, ha-ha." Pagkasabi niyon ay tuluyan itong bumaba. He knocked on the window after that, prompting Laurie to open it for him. Dumungaw si Lee sa bintana. "Text or chat ka, 'ha?"

        She nodded.

        Laurie stayed for minutes. Ganoon din ang ginawa ni Lee. Nang mapagtantong naghihintayan sila, sinenyasan niya itong umakyat na. Lee made a heart with his fingers and waved before finally going inside.

        The second he disappeared from her view, Laurie breathed in deeply. Sumabay sa pagpapakawala niya ng hangin ang mga luhang kanina pa pinipigil. Hindi niya sigurado kung masaya ba ang mga iyon o malungkot. She just felt like crying so she did.

        That night, Laurie kept her promise to text Lee. Kaagad itong nag-reply. He must have waited for her. She bit her lip at the thought.

        On November 10th, Laurie woke up with her hands balled into fists – as if refusing to let go of something.

        She was in the middle of making pasta when her phone vibrated. Birthday message iyon galing kay Malie. Before kneading the dough again, she replied. Doon na lang niya ibinuhos ang kaba. Bukod sa unang beses na ipakakain niya sa iba ang sarili niyang recipe ng cheese tortellini, unang beses na makasasama niya si Lee sa birthday niya.

        Her previous birthdays have been ordinary so the nervous feeling is a first in a while.

        As she put her lace dress on, Laurie could already hear Malie asking why she wore black on her birthday. Mas mapamahiin pa naman ito. Pagbukas niya ng pinto, isang paper bag ang tumumba sa paanan niya. Inside was a box of red wine from her brother. Pakunswelo siguro dahil hindi ito makapupunta.

        Not that she wanted him to suddenly be there at the café anyway.

        Pumaparada pa lang siya, tanaw na niya ang dekorasyon sa loob ng Cafuné. She opened the door. As expected, someone yelled out: "Surprise!"

        Laurie weirdly looked at Malie and Theo who wore party hats. "Anong surprise? I invited you." Nagpalitan ng tingin ang dalawa. Kaagad na tinuro ni Theo si Malie.

        All the café tables and chairs had been pushed to the side. In the middle of the room was a round table. Smiling, Laurie turned to Malie. "Thanks, Mal."

        Habang nakatitig sa mesa, nangunot ang noo niya. There was a 5-arm candelabra with lit candles.

        "I didn't do this," Malie told her, grinning.

        Sunod siyang sumulyap kay Theo. He smiled meekly. "I helped move the chairs but when I arrived, everything was almost ready."

        Akmang itatanong na niya kina Malie kung nasaan ang dapat niyang pasalamatan nang tumunog ang door chimes. Her head automatically turned to the doorway.

        Laurie automatically smiled when Lee came into view, too.

        Humahangos itong lumapit kay Malie. "Ano?" Inabot nito ang bitbit na plastic bag kay Theo. "Sabi kasing mamaya na 'yong sisig. Late na ba 'ko?"

        Laurie crossed her arms, then leaned against one of the chairs. Umurong iyon at umingay, dahilan upang mapatingin sa kanya si Lee. She saw the shock, recognition, and nostalgia wash over him. "You're just in time."

        The rest of the night went smoothly.

        Nagpatugtog si Malie. At some point, a French song played. Laurie didn't mind. Ang kaso, biglang tumugtog ang isang Japanese rock song na gumulat kay Theo. Napamura tuloy ito nang malakas. Malie turned the music off to prevent future outbursts.

        Despite the classy table setting, everyone except Laurie – who downed the wine Stefan sent – drank beer. Pinagsaluhan din nila iyong sisig na ipinangako ni Lee kay Theo bukod sa mga niluto nila ni Malie.

        When everyone finally got sick of the silence, Lee brought his guitar out. Kinapa-kapa lang nito iyon. Malie began retelling the story of how their friendship began, making her smile.

        Her best friend's cheeks grew redder than usual. Lalong gumulo ang buhok nitong kulot naman na talaga. Pilit na rin nitong pinakakain ng carrots sina Theo at Lee.

        Nang magsimula itong maglista ng mga paboritong bagay patungkol sa kanya, tumayo si Laurie. "Okay, Mal, I think we should get you home."

        "Lauwie, not yet, please?" Kumurap-kurap ito at ngumuso. "May gifts sila sa 'yo, e."

        Defeated, she returned to her seat beside Lee. Sumulyap siya sa dalawang lalaki. "Ibigay niyo na lang para makauwi na kayo."

        Natawa na naman si Lee. "Parang dati lang, kuntento ka na sa cake slice, 'ha?" Pabiro siya nitong siniko pagkatapos. She glanced at his side of the table and noticed three empty bottles.

        "Are you drunk already?" she asked in disbelief. "Dati, hanggang lima, nakakatayo ka pa, 'di ba?"

        His eyes widened. "Naaalala mo pa 'yon?"

        The frustrating feeling from that morning returned, crawling toward her throat. Sa halip na sagutin si Lee, inubos niya ang wine sa baso.

        "Okay, uh. . ." Nilapag ni Theo ang dalang paper bag sa harap ni Laurie. "Thank you for being a friend sometimes. Happy birthday." He gave her a casual kiss on the cheek.

        "Thanks," simpleng sagot ni Laurie. Kinuha at sinilip niya ang bag. It was a bottle of perfume.

        "Sabi na, dapat may 2K limit, e," reklamo ni Malie.

        "Why are you reacting so violently?" she asked, chuckling. Ilang beses kasing umamba ng hampas si Malie sa katabing si Theo. "Your cooking tonight is more than enough."

        "Hala, may gift ako, a!" depensa ni Malie. "Ipagluluto kaya kita for one week!"

        "That's so much better than the perfume already."

        Suminghot ito. "Really ba? E, bakit ang higpit ng hawak mo sa Chanel?"

        That made everyone laugh.

        When minutes passed and Lee didn't hand her anything, Laurie pretended to forget about him asking what she wanted the week before. Malie excused herself an hour later. Bago pa makaalma si Laurie, nahatak na nito ang walang kamuwang-muwang na si Theo.

        Tatayo sana siya para sundan sina Malie nang pigilan siya ni Lee.

        Bumuga siya ng hangin. "You know that she's drunk, right?"

        "Kalma ka lang, Lau, okay?" Napamaang siya nang hawakan nito ang palapulsuhan niya. Agad naman siya nitong binitiwan nang mapansin ang reaksyon niya. "Hindi naman 'yon papabayaan ni Theo. Magaling mag-alaga ng lasing 'yon, e."

        Pinaningkitan niya ito ng mata. "Of course, you know that." Pagkasabi niyon, kinuha niya ang mga plato at kubyertos. She walked towards the coffee bar.

        Her back was turned but she heard clashing bottles followed by the sound of clattering dishes. Hula niya, ginaya siya ni Lee. Sinimulan nito ang pagliligpit ng mesa. The aggressive sound of water grazing the plates echoed across the café.

        She gulped. Hindi niya kasi namalayang nasa likod na niya si Lee.

        "Excuse me." Inilapag nito ang mga pinggan. When she didn't budge, he held her wrist gently. "Upo ka lang d'yan. I can manage."

        Laurie followed his suggestion. Umupo siya sa counter. Inabala niya ang sarili sa phone. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to distract her from the fact that after five years, she was celebrating her birthday with him again.

        "Lau?" tawag ni Lee sa kanya. Tapos na yata itong maghugas ng pinggan.

        Napalabi siya. "Why?"

        "Nagtatampo ka ba?" Natawa ito. Napansin yata ang pagiging tensyonado ng mga balikat niya. "May regalo ako, ha-ha. Hinintay ko lang na umalis sila Malie." Muli nitong isinabit ang gitara sa balikat. He strummed and cleared his throat. "Happy birthday to you," he sang.

        Laurie's lips unconsciously curled into a soft smile. After seeing how happy he looked as he sang for her like he used to, she uncomfortably shifted in her seat. He sang in between chuckles.

        Paatras itong humakbang pabalik sa mesa. Ni isang segundo, hindi siya pinakawalan ng mga mata nito. "Happy birthday, my Laurie."

        Mariin siyang napalunok.

        "Wait lang," nakangiti nitong sabi. Nang hindi siya umimik, pumasok ito sa coffee bar. He took a strawberry chocolate cake slice and placed it on a saucer. "Wait lang, last na."

        Seconds later, he was holding a tiny pink candle. It was the same candle they used to wish on their birthdays.

        Huminga siya nang malalim. May kung anong nagpahiram sa kanya ng tapang. "You kept it?" mahina niyang tanong.

        "Oo naman." Itinusok muna nito iyong kandila sa cake bago sindihan. After that, he stood in front of her, her knees only an arm's length away from him. "Mag-wish ka, 'ha?"

        She shot him a look. "You still believe in birthday wishes?"

        "Ikaw nga, naniniwala pa rin sa feng shui."

        "Belief system 'yon," katwiran niya. "Birthday wishes are basele—"

        "Lau, matutunaw 'yong kandila." Ngumuso ito sa hawak na platito. "Papatak sa cake." She blew the candle, frowning. Matagumpay namang ngumiti si Lee. Bago ibalik ang paupos nang kandila sa wallet, pinisil muna nito iyong mitsa. "May tiwala ka naman sa 'kin, 'di ba?"

        "It depends."

        That made him laugh a little louder. "Lahat naman ng sagot mo, depende."

        "I'm just being careful," she answered honestly.

        Ramdam kasi ni Laurie na may pinaplano itong gimik. He was just naturally gifted at surprising people. Lee always found a way to make things more special and intimate. He placed the cake slice on the counter, beside her. "Careful saan?"

        Tumikhim siya. "Diretsuhin mo na lang kasi ako."

        She was about to apologize for how rude she sounded when he smiled. "May regalo kasi talaga ako. Hindi lang 'yong kanta," he admitted. "Nahiya lang akong ibigay kanina."

        "Why?"

        "Wala ka bang tiwala sa 'kin?"

        "Depende nga," pag-uulit niya. "What are you making me do?"

        "Close your eyes." She cringed at his words. Natawa naman ito sa reaksyon niya. "Surprise nga kasi, 'di ba?"

        "Fine." With that, Laurie closed her eyes.

        Bagaman nakapikit, naramdaman niyang lumapit si Lee. She was about to voice her impatience when he held her right wrist. Pinakiramdaman niya ang hangin sa café. Hindi naman masyadong malamig kahit bukas ang aircon habang damang-dama naman ang Pasko sa labas.

        Needless to say, there was no logical reason behind her trembling knees.

        She bit her lip when something cold and metallic grazed the thin skin on her wrist.

        "Okay na," narinig niyang sabi ni Lee.

        Napamaang siya pagmulat niya. Inalis pala nito iyong relo niya. He replaced it with another minimalistic watch. She couldn't help but smile. "Masyado mo namang niliteral 'yong sinabi ko."

        "Bukod sa 'di ko kayang magbalot ng oras, na-realize kong college pa tayo, ito na gamit mo." Nakangiti nitong itinaas ang luma niyang relo. "Wala rin naman akong maisip so 'yan."

        Magaan ang pagtawa ni Lee pero bumigat ang paghinga ni Laurie. Alam niya kasi kung magkano ang relong iyon. Coincidentally, she wanted the very same watch a year ago but Malie needed some money. "Lee, I can't accept this."

        "Birthday gift nga, 'di ba? Bawal tanggihan. Pa-thank you ko na rin 'yan kasi pumayag kang gamitin 'tong venue."

        Laurie didn't know what to say after that. He just attempted to lie straight to her face. Pareho naman nilang alam na hindi lang iyon basta birthday gift. He paid attention even to the littlest things and the watch was the tangible proof of that.

        Nanubig ang mga mata ni Laurie. Si Lee naman itong kaharap niya. Even before when she cried without any specific reason, he would just hold her. Bigla man siyang umiyak ay hindi ito magtatanong; kahit pa uhaw ito sa kalinawan.

        Ikinawit ni Lee ang ilang mga hibla ng buhok niya sa tainga niya. "'Wag mong masyadong isipin, okay?"

        Laurie swallowed hard. She shouldn't be selfish. The last time she acted on her selfishness, she hurt a lot of people. "Lee," was what she decided to begin with. "Thank you for everything today. I know I should tell you that you shouldn't have but you already have, so thank you."

        "Ano ka ba?" He flashed the warmest smile she had ever seen. "You're always welcome." After that, he casually kissed her left cheek.

        The tension didn't stop there, though.

        Pagdating kasi sa kanila, parang kahit kailan ay hindi sumapat ang kaswal. Laging may laman, laging may kahulugan. Malambot niyang tiningnan si Lee. He smiled in response. They stayed like that for a few seconds – staring into each other's eyes while gasping for air.

        It might have finally dawned on him, too. The tension and the unfamiliar yet familiar feeling of each other's lips were only a few inches away.

        All they needed to do was to cross that distance and abandon all thoughts.

        Nagpabalik-balik ang tingin nito sa mga labi niya. "Lau. . ."

        Lalong nahirapang huminga si Laurie. Pumikit na kasi si Lee. He, then, leaned in to reach for her lips; for her. She closed her eyes. Tahimik niyang hiniling na hindi nito rinig ang panginginig ng kabuuan niya.

        Lumipas ang ilang segundo. Nothing happened.

        Laurie opened her eyes. Para siyang paulit-ulit na nilamukos sa nakita. Humilab din ang sikmura niya. Sa magkabilang pisngi, nag-unahang magpadausdos ang mga luha ni Lee. She was about to wipe his cheeks when he stopped her.

        Ever so gently, he caged her hands with his.

        Laurie inhaled sharply at the contact. Despite the harshness of his calloused hands, she felt safe. Napabuntonghininga na lang siya. Wala naman nang dapat na ikagulat doon. Mayamaya, hinawakan nito ang magkabila niyang pisngi.

        "Sorry, 'ha?" He whispered as he kissed the corner of her lips. Dahan-dahan nitong iginawad ang halik na iyon. "Happy birthday."

        Bago pa man siya makaapuhap ng salita, nakaatras na ito palayo.

        "P'wede bang ano—" Lee bit his lip as if second-guessing himself. "—p'wede bang sabihin na lang natin na nadala lang tayo sa moment?"

        Her eyes welled with tears. "What?"

        "Lasing ka na yata, e. Ako rin, medyo tipsy na." Pagak na tumawa si Lee. His blue sleeve darkened when he wiped his tears. "Ma—may gig rehearsals pa kasi. Nakalimutan ko bang sabihin na sure nang ito 'yong venue ng gig sa December?"

        Frustrated, Laurie bit her lip harshly. He was asking for the same thing he granted her: time. Tuluyang bumagsak ang mga luha niya. Hindi na dapat siya nagulat o nasaktan.

        Una pa lang naman, iyon ang inasahan niyang reaksyon ni Lee. She expected him to treat her like a stranger he happened to love before. In her head, she played numerous scenes of him pushing her away.

        But then, real-life Lee didn't follow the script she cultivated for years.

        Hindi ito nagkunwaring nakalimot. Hindi siya nito tinulak palayo. Ito pa nga ang unang tumawag sa kanya. Over the past few months, he was the one who always approached her and made conversation.

        Si Lee ang laging nagbibigay sa kanya magmula noong tumapak ito sa Cafuné.

        Now, it was Laurie's turn to do the same thing. "Sure." The 1-syllable word left a bitter taste in her mouth. Pababa siyang tumalon mula sa countertop. Agad siyang inalalayan ni Lee. "I can manage," bulong niya.

        "Sure kang kaya mo, 'ha?"

        Mapait siyang ngumiti. "Kaya ko." Iniwas niya ang braso nang akmang hahawak doon si Lee. "Please don't touch me. Hindi na natin p'wedeng isisi sa alcohol 'yan."

        Lumabi si Lee. "Laurie. . ."

        She gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm not mad. We were just caught in the moment, right?"

        Before he could answer, the door chimes twinkled. Sabay silang napalingon doon.

        Parang binuhusan ng nagyeyelong tubig si Laurie. Naramdaman niya ang magaang paghawak ni Lee sa palapulsuhan niya, pinakakalma siya. She pushed him behind her, shielding him from a consequence only she deserved.

        Her selfishness did come with a price, after all.

        Laurie didn't bother masking her grimace as she faced her karma. "What are you doing here, Dad?"#