❝That might make things easier.❞

— ❁ —

        LEE HAD to blink repeatedly. It just didn't seem real. Hindi niya pinansin iyong kapeng tumalsik sa sapatos niya. Hindi rin niya pinansin iyong pagtagos niyon sa dulo ng pantalon niya – kahit ramdam niya ang maliliit na pagkirot na dulot ng init niyon.

        Mas mainit at nakapapaso naman kasi ang mga mata niya sa pakiramdam.

        Lee breathed in deeply. "Laurie," he called her again. Mas sigurado na ang tono niya sa pagkakataong iyon. Mas may depinisyon na pero may nginig pa rin. May ngatal.

        Laurie was centimeters away but still, she didn't feel real. For years, he thought she was abroad, living life to the fullest with some macho man with a sexy accent. Ayon ang sabi ng batchmates nila, e. Hindi niya mapigilang kabahan. Sentimetro lang ang layo ni Laurie na ilang taon niyang hindi nakantahan, napatahan, napatawa, at napangiti.

        Inalis niya ang suot na mask at sumbrero.

        As he felt beads of sweat form on his forehead, Lee swallowed hard. Muli siyang lumunok nang maramdaman ang pagdausdos ng pawis mula sentido hanggang leeg niya.

        That morning, he woke up, grimacing. He felt lighter after talking to Charlotte, though. He, then, carried out his morning routine, completely unaware that he would be seeing her.

        "Laurie," binanggit niya ulit ang pangalan nito.

        Lee never really thought of what to say. Wala siyang nakahandang script o icebreaker.

        Up until he turned around to meet Cafuné's "other" owner, he was completely oblivious that he would be seeing his dream again. His subject; his forever muse. Ilang beses na niyang inisip at paulit-ulit na napanaginipan ang pagkakataong iyon.

        But now that she was finally in front of him, all he could say was her name.

        Lee reached out his hand. He attempted to touch even just the hem of Laurie's jacket in desperation. Sinubukan niyang hawakan ang siko nito, masiguro lang na totoo ang ngayon.

        Sa huli, daplis lang ang nakuha niya.

        Iniwas ni Laurie ang braso. Mariing napalunok si Lee.

        Something inside him broke as Laurie kept her eyes on his painting. Seconds later, he heard her inhale sharply. Nagmura yata ito. May kung ano ring pinunasan sa pisngi. Hahakbang sana siya para aluin si Laurie pero yumuko itong bigla.

        Narinig na naman ni Lee iyong tunog na parang may nabasag na salamin. This time, however, it was louder. He bit the inside of his cheek. With that, it felt like he was being pulled back to reality again. Untiunting bumalik ang ingay ng café. Iyong mahinang tugtog sa speakers, pati na iyong ugong ng espresso machine.

        Parang biglang nabasag iyong ilusyon niyang silang dalawa lang ang kasalukuyang laman at sentro ng mundo.

        "Excuse me," Laurie muttered under her breath.

        Lee wanted to stop her but she didn't hesitate to push him away. Gayunpaman, saglit na lumapat ang kaliwa nitong kamay sa dibdib niya. Tuloy ay napabuga siya ng hangin. Mas nakapapaso pala ang panandaliang paglandas ng kamay ni Laurie kaysa sa butil-butil ng kapeng tumalsik sa kanya.

        Even if her hand didn't graze his, Lee could just feel Laurie shaking. Ramdam din niyang nagpupuyos at nagpipigil ito. Wala siyang nagawa kundi panoorin itong lumakad-takbo papunta sa CR.

        Bumuga siya ng hangin. He kept inhaling sharply in an attempt to calm down. His lips quivered. Parang anumang oras din ay bibigay na ang mga binti niya.

        "Shit," iritable niyang bulong.

        Frustrated, Lee began pacing back and forth. It has been 10 minutes since Laurie excused herself. Sinuklay niya ang buhok gamit ang mga daliri.

        Napatunghay siya nang lapitan siya ni Malie. "I've never seen her so upset. Nag-away ba kayo ni Lauwie?"

        "P'wede bang paki-check siya sa CR?" Mariing lumunok si Lee nang maramdaman ang pag-init ng mga mata. "Sobrang hirap kasing basahin, e."

        Malie stared at him intently. Tahimik nitong sinuma ang sitwasyon. "Okay, sige."

        Pag-alis ng barista, marahas na napahilamos si Lee. He just felt frustrated and mad. He wasn't sure where to direct his anger. Minutes ago, she was there – well within his reach. The thought upset him even more.

        Nando'n na kasi, e. Hindi pa niya naabot nang tuluyan.

—

        LAURIE WOKE up with her stomach in knots. She never really met his eyes but she remembered the feeling all too well. Sariwa pa sa kanya kung paano nanlambot ang mga tuhod niya. Kahit parang sasabog sa init ang katawan niya sa rami ng gustong sabihin, nablangko siya.

        She stood in front of the painting again. His painting. Nakapagtataka lang na hindi niya agad naramdaman na si Lee ang may gawa niyon. She shouldn't have been surprised.

        Tanging si Simeon Lee Aguirre lang naman ang nakapagpapahinto ng utak niya.

        After that, she bit her lip harshly.

        Sumimsim siya mula sa thermos bago lingunin si Malie. Despite being meters away, she could feel Malie's guilt. Malie has been apologizing since last week. Hindi naman daw nito alam na si Lee iyong kinuwento niya noon. "Ano sa tingin mo?" tanong niya sa best friend.

        "Ha?" wala sa sarili nitong sabi.

        "Do you think I should hear him out?"

        "Lauwie, I haven't seen you cry like that since. . . well, no'ng kinukuwento mo siya sa 'kin. Alam kong nasasayangan ka sa opportunity pero kung ako tatanungin m—"

        "Let's set aside the fact that he's my ex. Don't you think we should know what his proposal is?"

        Ilang segundo siyang tinitigan ni Malie. Concern was written all over her face. "No'ng nagkakilala tayo, sabi mo sa 'kin—" Lumabi ito. "—and I remember this clearly. You said you think you only learned love through him."

        Laurie drank the rest of her Americano before approaching the coffee bar. "Mal, that was years ago." Umupo siya sa isa sa mga stools. "Besides, lasing ako no'n. That shouldn't count."

        "Hindi raw nagsisinungaling ang lasing." Malie pouted. "To be honest, I don't think posible 'yang gusto mo na i-set aside 'yong past niyo. Nakita ko siya, Lauwie. Nakita ko kayo."

        Napabuga siya ng hangin. "Hindi mo pa rin ako sinasagot. Do you think I should hear him out?" She forced a smile when Malie reached for her hand. "Because you think we should. Parang ayaw mo lang sabihin."

        "Nag-magna ka, 'di ba?"

        Laurie scrunched her nose. "Where are you going with this?"

        "Gusto ko lang masiguro na alam mo pinapasok mo," naiiling nitong sagot.

        "Don't worry too much," she mumbled, squeezing Malie's hand. "Aalamin pa lang naman natin kung anong klaseng business proposal 'yong inaalok niya. He's just pitching, right? Nothing's sure yet so please, set a meeting with him."

        "Are you sure?"

        "I can manage." Laurie relaxed her shoulders, attempting to reassure Malie. "I promise you no one's getting hurt."

        Truth be told, Laurie wasn't sure of anything. Hindi nga yata siya dapat nangako. Hindi naman niya alam kung anong tumatakbo sa isip ni Lee. She bit her lip again. Although she was sure her promise to Malie was bound to get broken, Laurie had a certain goal in mind.

        Kung mayroon mang masasaktan sa kanila ni Lee, sisiguraduhin niyang siya iyon.

        On the day of her scheduled business dinner with Lee, Laurie was surprisingly calm. She and Malie closed the café an hour early. Pinauwi niya si Malie. Panigurado kasing paaandarin nito ang pagiging best friend niya. Paniguradong mapapansin nito ang kaliitliitang kilos nila ni Lee.

        Pinaningkitan niya ng mata ang kaharap na painting. Uminom siya mula sa hawak na thermos. When the door chimes twinkled, she shut her eyes. Muli niyang hinanda ang sarili nang mahagip ng mga mata niya ang pagbukas ng pinto.

        Tahimik na naghintay si Laurie. She felt his familiar presence and his piercing stare. She wondered whether he was taking the moment in. Mariin niyang kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi. Hindi niya dapat iniisip iyon.

        "Hi."

        One word and still, Lee's voice trembled. Laurie couldn't blame him, though. Wala naman kasing tutorial o manual para sa dapat na sabihin sa isang ex na nakipaghiwalay sa malabong dahilan.

        Naramdaman niyang tumabi si Lee sa kanya. He stared at the painting, too. The fabric of their clothes, alongside their elbows, almost grazed. "Sabi ko, hi." Tuluyan nitong binangga ang kanang siko niya. "Sorry nga pala for being late. Hinintay ko pa kasi 'yong road manager ko."

        Laurie inhaled sharply at the contact. "It's fine."

        Bago tuluyang harapin si Lee, huminga siya nang malalim at humiram ng tapang sa hangin. That was a wrong move. She caught a whiff of vanilla with tones of citrus. He smelled the same.

        He fucking smelled the same.

        Laurie clenched her fist before finally meeting his stare. Ang lala pa rin pala ng epekto ni Lee sa kanya. Her brain went haywire again. She wasn't angry at him, though. Galit siya sa sarili; sa kung paano niya ito tinakbuhan.

        Nakaramdam din siya ng panliliit. Para kasing may 'di nakikitang puwersa na lumamukos at bumali sa kanya nang magtagpo ang mga mata nila.

        That invisible force was probably guilt.

        "Lau?"

        That snapped her back to her senses. Naalala niya ang pinangako kay Malie. "Right. I think we should get to business. What would you like? All we have left is some carbonara and a few rice bowls. Take your pick."

        Laurie went inside the coffee bar.

        Sumunod si Lee at umupo sa isang stool sa kabila ng counter. "Nag-carbonara ako kanina so. . . anong ulam no'ng rice bowls niyo?"

        "Honey garlic chicken and pork adobo," mabilis niyang sagot.

        "Hmm, 'yong honey garlic chicken na lang sa 'kin and then, iced tea."

        Laurie tied the brown apron around her waist. She felt him bore holes in the back of her head. Pinili niyang 'wag magkumento. Pinagpatuloy niya ang pagsandok ng kanin. After that, she reheated two pieces of honey garlic chicken for him and a plate of carbonara for her. She refilled her coffee, too.

        She turned around and he was gone. Saglit siyang nataranta. Her eyes roamed around the café, only to find him standing in front of the painting.

        Nakapatong ang mga braso nito sa ibabaw ng dibdib. "Wow. Bumili pa kayo ng ilaw para dito?"

        "No." Inalis niya ang pagkakatali ng apron sa baywang. She carried the food to one of the tables by the window. "I just thought the natural lighting wasn't enough. Let's eat here."

        Maingat niyang nilapag ang mga pagkain sa mesa. Tatawagin niya sana ulit si Lee nang makita niyang nasa coffee bar ito. He carried their drinks. Before placing the thermos in front of her, he brought it to his lips and sniffed. "Sabi na, e."

        Her brows shot up. "What?"

        Lee smiled as he gave the thermos back. "Kape na naman."

        Laurie didn't pay that comment any attention. "Hang on. I'll get the utensils."

        Seconds later, she sat in front of Lee. Saka lang ito nagsimulang kumain nang hawakan niya ang tinidor niya. Tinusok niya ang kumpol ng carbonara. Slowly, she separated the pasta to look for the pieces of mushroom. Pinili at itinabi niya ang mga iyon.

        Tumikhim si Lee, dahilan para mapatunghay siya. "So, kamusta?"

        If it was his goal to lighten the atmosphere, it worked. Parang gusto kasing matawa ni Laurie sa tanong na iyon. It just sounded so cliché. "Things are okay. As you know, I own this café with Malie. Things are okay until the pandemic hit."

        "Alam mo ba—" Saglit itong natigilan. Saglit ding napapikit. He knew the answer to that question. "—uhm, umasa ako no'n sa livestream. Then no'ng medyo lumuwag na, bumalik ako sa pagba-busking."

        Sumubo siya ng pasta. "I see."

        Lee chuckled heartily for seconds. "Anong 'I see'?" tumatawa pa rin nitong tanong.

        Awtomatikong nagsalubong ang mga kilay ni Laurie. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa tinidor. She just felt so frustrated. She wanted him to be mad or passive-aggressive. She badly wanted to ask why he was smiling at her, too. Mas gusto niyang nakasigaw ito sa kanya.

        That might make things easier.

        Still, she didn't comment. Kapag kasi sinita niya ang pagtawa at pagbibiro nito na parang wala lang, baka tuluyan niyang hindi matupad ang ipinangako kay Malie.

        Laurie forced a smile. "Sorry." She felt a pang in her chest. Maling-mali ang sunod niyang ginawa pagbitiw niya ng salitang iyon. Tumunghay kasi siya kay Lee. His eyes glistened. He pursed his lips, too. Laurie felt like burning on the spot. "Uh, should we talk about the—"

        "—Yep," he cut her off as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Uh, so basically, balak naming gamiting location 'tong café for a shoot."

        She twirled the pasta around her fork. "Shoot for?"

        "Music video sana. I mean, music video ko," nakangiti nitong sagot. Napalabi siya. "Grabe, Lau. Wala man lang 'congratulations'?"

        "Right." Laurie sipped her Americano again. "Congratulations. Thank you rin for considering our café."

        "Thanks," Lee said, still grinning. Afterward, he pulled on the neckline of his blue dress shirt. Sumilip roon ang isang silver necklace. Nervously, he tugged its pendant. Nahigit ni Laurie ang paghinga nang masilayan iyon. "Actually, nasa listahan na talaga ng location manager namin 'tong Cafuné."

        She hummed, still not taking her eyes off his neck. "How will that work, by the way? Ilang araw 'yong shoot?"

        "Probably around two to three days. S'yempre, sasagutin namin 'yong mawawala sa inyo. Pero pagdating sa payment, 'yong manager ko na bahalang makipag-usap." Sumimsim ito mula sa baso ng iced tea. "Kung may duda ka pa rin, p'wede namang gumawa ng kontrata. Mas okay din 'yon."

        At the mention of a contract, Laurie blinked. Parang pababa siyang hinila ng salitang iyon; pabalik sa reyalidad. It was a business dinner. She shouldn't be distracted by trivial things like the pick she gifted him on his birthday.

        She cleared her throat. "That works for me but I think I'm going to discuss this with Malie first. May I ask if you're running on a tight deadline?"

        "Hmm, I'm hoping within this week, settled na."

        Tumango-tango siya. "I'll give you an answer by then. For now, we'll think about it. By the way, is there something wrong with the chicken?"

        "Ha? Nope, wala naman. Bakit?"

        "You barely touched your food."

        Napamaang si Lee at saka, muling ngumiti. "Sorry, kumain kasi ako bago umalis."

        Her forehead furrowed. "May pastries naman kami."

        "Alam ko," sagot nito habang sumasandok ng kanin. Tumuro ito sa plato niyang iilang subo na lang. "Pasta kasi kinuha mo."

        Natigilan sa pagnguya si Laurie. Umiwas din siya ng tingin. "Eat faster," pabulong niyang sabi na ikinatawa na naman nito. Akmang isusubo na niya ang huling kumpol ng pasta nang mapansin niya ang kapirasong mushroom. Muli niyang hinimay ang mga hibla niyon.

        Laurie was in the middle of chewing when Lee took her plate. Isa-isa nitong tinusok ang mushrooms na nakapalibot doon. Pagkatapos, walang sabi nitong kinain ang mga iyon.

        "Ay, sorry," pakurap-kurap nitong sabi nang mapansing nakatungo siya. "Nasanay lang."

        Naiiling niyang tinusok iyong mga natirang mushroom. "You didn't have to. Kakainin ko naman."

        "Weh?" Lee asked while chewing, a bit muffled.

        "Yes, inipon ko lang," Laurie answered defensively. "Besides, don't you hate them?"

        Lumawak ang ngiti nito. Upon realizing that she was staring, he bowed down, trying to hide his smile from her gaze.

        That furthered Laurie's frustration. Lalo kasing lumiit ang nunal ni Lee sa kaliwang mata, kangingiti nito. "What now?"

        "Naalala mo, e," nakangiti pa rin nitong sagot. He finally ate some of his chicken again. "This tastes good, by the way. Naaalala mo no'ng nasa dorm tayo tapo—"

        Malakas siyang tumikhim para hindi nito matuloy ang balak sabihin. But of course, she knew what he wanted to say.

        Lee was recalling that night she burned their dinner. He placed his chin on her left shoulder and hugged her from behind. She was pissed. Binagsak pa nga niya ang tongs sa lababo. Halos magdikit din ang mga kilay niya sa frustration.

        "Sinunod ko naman lahat," she remembered telling him.

        "Sorry, kasalanan ko. Kinulit kita, e," he whispered as he hugged her from behind.

        Laurie blinked, slowly being pulled back into reality.

        "Sorry," Lee mumbled. "I missed you, by the way."

        Maraming beses ulit siyang kumurap. "What?" she blurted out.

        "Sabi ko, na-miss kita." Inubos nito ang kanina pang tinitipid na iced tea. "Number one fan kita no'n, e. It would have been fun kung kasama kita no'ng contract signing ko."

        Would have.

        Laurie was hoping the night would end without hearing those words. She would be lying if she says she wasn't happy to hear that he missed her, though. Ang kaso, iyon nga mismo ang problema. Ayaw niyang matuwa sa inamin ni Lee. She wasn't allowed to feel happy.

        Laurie could just read Lee like an open book. Saksi siya kung bakit hindi siya puwedeng makaramdam ng ni katiting na tuwa.

        Kitang-kita niya kung paano ito lumunok, umiwas ng tingin, at bumuntonghininga. Sinubo nito ang natitirang kanin. When she hastily drank the rest of her Americano, Lee bit his lower lip. Silence engulfed them once again. He, then, glanced at his food. Kaunti na lang din iyon.

        Sunod-sunod ang ginawang paglunok ni Laurie. Lee probably ate slowly just so they could have more time. But of course, that wasn't the case because eventually, the night had to end.

        They had to end.#