Chapter 26
Hey guys!
Here's the next chapter, I hope you like it. It is a bit messy but I guess the next chapter will give it a better closure as I have split them up!
Tell me when you want the next chapter to be updated :) <3
Love
Shona <3
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Truth is, I miss you. All the time. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day is spent in missing you.
- Uknown
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It has been almost a year since Shawn and Adam flew back to the states. One year since I last saw them. Time flies by real quick but the memories doesn't seem to fade. I miss them, I really do and it bothers me to know how much they affect me even one year later.
Shawn never calls me, the only thing he does is to drop me a text message once a month to ask me how I am. That's about it and I know that the only reason he even keeps doing that is due to the promise he made to me before departing, to keep in touch.
I get notified about the current situation by Javed, Saeed, Ibrahim and Zaki who calls me whenever they get time. We also have a group chat where even Shawn is added, but he has not even once checked it. He even let Adam call me but never speaks to me himself and for some reason that actually hurts. However, I am grateful that he does let Adam speak to me because that innocent child has captured my heart.
The past one year I have kept myself occupied with different matters along with my studies. I have joined self defense classes which is actually a fun way to keep myself in shape. I have also created my own political party, a group for everyone. The motto is equality. The name happens to be Humanity Equals Parity.
The group was recently started with the help and support of a few friends, we are trying to reach out. Our intention is actually not to get selected even though that would be fun. Instead our intention is just to spread awareness and show how Sweden, even the world, can be if we look beyond ethnicity, religion and appearance.
What I am most proud of is a organization opened by my family to support people or victims in need. Mostly for people who has a rough time to adjust to the society or has fallen out of it due to ethnicity, religion or any other cause which is making their lives miserable or hard to live.
It is not just about the financial help but also about working on their self-esteem and bring them back from the darkness of insecurity in a way that they still remain humble. The organization is named Defining a Human. Through it I have come to know about so many different, but equally important, issues and I have met so many great human beings.
Even though I am most of the time occupied with work, the feeling of void and constantly missing doesn't seem to leave me alone. Shaking my head I open the door to the small office of ours in the main city for our organization.
Taking off my jacket I throw it on the couch and sit down with a file. I need to study the file to see how our budget and plans are working out. My thoughts starts to wander again and I rest my head back on the black office chair with a sigh upon seeing a pair of blue eyes flashing through my mind.
Opening of the door makes me sit up straight and I smile at the lady in bright red lipstick and black frames in front of me. The woman have salt and pepper colored short hair and dull green eyes.
"Hi, what may I help you with?" I ask her and she raises a eyebrow with a expression I don't want to read.
"You're a Muslim?" She questions curtly and I inhale a deep breath.
"Yes." I say with a soft nod.
"That explains the organization." She weirdly comments and I narrow my eyes in confusion.
"Pardon me?" I say not wanting to interpret her hidden message.
She bores her sudden fierce green eyes into mine which makes the skin on my neck rise. "Well, I usually give donation to different organizations and seeing this one on the internet I thought to give it a try as it seem to have a good ideology. How naive of me. I knew it sounded too good to be true." She shakes her head in distaste and I raise a eyebrow feeling offended.
I stand up from my chair and round the desk to then lean my back on it with arms crossed. "Let me correct you, this organization has a great ideology and we are constantly working on fulfilling our goals and strive to always do our best to help as many people as possible." I enlighten her kindly, please Sana don't lose your temper.
She grimaces. "You're disgusting." She attacks and I have to admit that it hurts. "I am sure you're only helping people of your own kind and encouraging parasites to spread like wildfire in our peaceful country." She rudely mocks while judging me for my religion.
I blink a few time trying to process her words. "People of my kind, mind to explain what that is?" I ask her and she raises a brow while her red lips curls to a smirk.
"Muslims who have oppression and terrorism in their blood." She enlightens me proudly.
I tilt my head and try to figure out what to say next. "First of all I am not the one dividing people based on their religion here. I am the one who help everyone who is in need of help, not just a certain group of people as humanity is what runs in my blood." I say to try to open her eyes first. "Why is the label terrorist only qualified for Muslims?" I then ask her to see how her mind works.
She gives me a blank look. "Because majority of the people who kills and terrorize is Muslims." She enlightens me with a bored voice as if I am dumb.
I raise an eyebrow. "Can you please define the term terrorism and terrorist for me." I softly smile at her and she doesn't respond. "No? Okay the definition of terrorism is spreading fear with a certain motive which indeed can be a religious one as you indicated. So a terrorist is one who spreads fear and terrorize, very simple." I briefly enlighten her.
She nods with a smirk again. "Yes, exactly what Islam teaches." She points out and I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes while my blood starts to boil, calm down Sana.
Keeping my calm I talk through gritted teeth. "And there you're wrong, stop being so judgmental. Try to genuinely get to know about Islam by research and not by others or medias opinions. Yes, there are so called Muslims that are terrorists but Islam doesn't teach terrorism. Terrorism can also be caused due to political agendas and money. If you look closely than many of today's politicians are terrorists too. Just because they are ranked higher up in the society doesn't give them the right or God's blessing to go and murder innocent. Perspective please!" I end with a plastic smile.
She grimaces at me and I sigh, she is not going to change her mind about me or as she put it 'my kind of people'. "So now you're going to blame it on the politicians, what's next? You're going to blow the parliament up?" My eyes widens at her way of thinking.
I shake my head in disbelief. "No, that's the difference between me and them. I don't go around and throw bombs at innocent as I have morals and values, also as my religion Islam forbids me from it." I try to tell her and now I can feel my eyes well up but I try my best to hold my tears back.
"Yeah right, that really shows." She sneers and I frown.
"For your information we are standing in my office where I run a organization to help people in need so it better be visible. One more fact you need to realize is that everyone who murders aren't Muslim. In fact many Muslims are dying. We are living in the 21st century, at least today you should be able to differentiate between right and wrong, or good and bad. Today when knowledge is all around you and within your reach you should know that no religion spreads hate or recipe on the perfect murder. Today when you can travel around the world you should know that a person with a different background, religion or color of the skin is not a terrorist. You know what, I really can't deal with you right now. You can keep your donation for some other better organization. I am just glad as long as you help people, that's all that matters." I dismiss her as I can feel my energy being drained out.
"Yeah well, I am glad that I came to visit you as I now know better and won't be investing on your organization. Goodbye." She give me a piece of her mind with a shrug and leaves slamming the door behind her.
I just stare at the closed door feeling numb. "Walaykumassalam, may peace be with you." I mumble out to the empty room.
This kind of encounter is not normal and has never happened to me before. There are so many good human beings out there, who respects and tolerates human beings with different ideologies. To once in a while encounter someone who doesn't tolerate me shouldn't be bothering me, but it does and I will do my best to shake off the horrible feeling.
Negativity always seem to carve a path to a person's mind while positivity seem to be easily forgotten, which is wrong. Never let a insignificant amount of negativity get to your head and ruin the appreciation for all the positivity surrounding you.
A few weeks later I am walking towards my office when I suddenly see a young blond man standing a few feet away from the main entrance looking nervous. No one around seem to notice him and I start to walk towards him when he suddenly pulls a string from beneath his jacket.
My eyes widens as the impact of the bomb throws me over and pain bolts up my spine. Gasping, I roll on the ground till I am laying on my stomach with my hands at my sides. With a blurry vision due to the tears dripping out of my eyes, I can see the man lying on the ground slit to pieces while I have a hard time to breathe. My ears are locked, a piercing whizzing sound is making it hard for me to hear all the screams and cries clearly.
Suddenly I am turned over and a pair of arms lifts me up from the ground. I stare up blinking a few times and see a tense Shawn. Shawn? Wait what? I blink a few more times. "Shawn?" I question and he looks at me worried with his jaw clenched.
"Everything is going to be alright Sana, hold on." He assures me with his deep voice and I shake my head but abruptly stop as it hurts.
"Shawn, you're here?" I cry and hold onto his shirt while resting my heavy head on his chest. "I have missed you and Adam so much. How could you be so stone hearted and not call me one single time? You were so busy that you couldn't once pick up the damn phone and call me? Everyone else did except you. Don't you see how much I care for you? How much I miss you? I thought you could read me like a open book. Why did you do this to me? Why did you leave me? Okay, I know I did wrong. I should have stopped you. I should have confessed when there was time but I was scared." I keep talking incoherently while snuggling into his chest and his rapid heartbeats calms me down.
Feeling safe in his arms I inhale his soothing fragrance."I am sorry." Are the last words I hear before darkness engulfs me.
Waking up in the hospital the first thing I notice is a smiling nurse. "Hey." she greets me and I try to smile.
"Hi." I say with a raspy voice.
"I am glad you woke up. The doctor has done a check up on you and thankfully everything seem to be normal. You only have a few external bruises and a few small cuts on your arms." She enlightens me and I heave myself up feeling exhausted or more like terribly slow.
With a sigh I ran a hand through my messy hair. My eyes snaps open and I look at the nurse with a drumming heart. "Excuse me, but where is Shawn?" I question her and she looks at me confused.
"Pardon me?" She retorts back and I get anxious.
"Shawn? The guy who brought me here?" I try and her eyes widens as if realization has dawn upon her.
"Oh, it was one of the men from the emergency service. I am sorry I don't know what his name was." She smiles and I find myself dumbfounded.
"Right, a man from the emergency service?" I repeat her words with disappointment evident in my thick voice.
Getting discharged I call my parents and they rush here to bring me home. Thank God the hospital didn't find it necessary to call them, they would freak out. My mind keeps wandering to Shawn, it felt so real. I even remember inhaling his cologne and his arms felt so familiar. Was that really my hallucination?
After a few days into summer vacation I sip on a cup of tea while reading the newspaper in the kitchen. One particular article catches my attention and I raise my eyebrow. "Are they kidding me?" I mutter under my breath.
According to the article the Swedish suicide bomber was depressed and used to experiment at home. While experimenting he later ended up constructing and building bombs from the scratch. The drastic step he took was due to frustration as he had been expelled from his university where his major were chemical engineering.
I shake my head in disbelief and throw the newspaper in the dustbin. Yeah. Absolutely. Not racists or a terrorist at all. Just a lonely wolf with random health issues and who loves to throw around some bombs. I could have died with him! If this had been a man with a different background the word terrorist would certainly had been in the headlines, no joke.
My mom comes in and I smile at her. "Good morning mom."
"Good morning Sana." She kisses my forehead before making herself a cup of coffee. "Sana, I and your dad want you to get married." She enlightens me as if it is the most casual topic in the world and I just stare at her with a frown.
"Mom, no. I am not ready." I tell her off straight.
She stares at me for a brief second before taking a sip from her coffee. "Why not? Is it because you like someone else?" She then inquires suspiciously and I shake my head after rolling my eyes. "Are you sure that you don't have someone else in your mind, like Shawn?" My eyes widens and my heart stops beating in my chest as my mothers question registers in my mind.
I start to cough as I swallow the tea too quickly. "What?" I inquire startled and she analyzes me quietly.
She sighs. "Nothing Sana. Anyway, we have received a proposal for you." She goes on and I shake my head.
"No mom, please. I don't want to know." I cut her off.
"Sana please. Just meet him once. He is really nice and even your dad likes him." She tries to persuade me.
"No." I shortly answer.
"Please!" She pleads and I sigh.
Just then dad walks in. "What's wrong?" He inquires with his eyebrows furrowed seeing us all tensed.
"I am trying to make her meet the guy." My mother informs my father frustrated.
My dads facial muscles relaxes. "Oh, Sana, just meet him once. I have already given him my words. You can reject him later but first at least meet him. He seem to be a really decent human being." My dad informs me and I raise my eyebrow.
"You gave him your words?" I question in disbelief.
"Yes. What's the problem? You can reject him." He keeps repeating and I sigh frustrated.
I stay quiet for a moment and try to think clearly. This might actually be good for me? Maybe I should give it a chance? Who knows it might turn out to be a nice change? Maybe this way my mind will stop being occupied with thoughts of Shawn? This way I might be able to make my parents happy? I let my gaze wander between my hopeful parents.
"When?" I finally ask them with a blank expression.
My parents smile widely. "Actually this evening." My mother enlightens me happily while I frown.
"What? And you're telling me now?" They got to be kidding me!
"Sorry, but we thought you might freak out and stress about it if we told you too early. We have already talked to your friends. They'll come over to help you get dressed and will give you some moral support." My mother smiles widely and to be honest my heart warms up seeing her happy.
"Where shall I meet him?" I inquire next.
"We are driving you there so don't worry about that. It is in one of the newly built skyscraper, I think he has booked the roof or something." My dad informs me and I nod.
"Ok, I am only doing this as you gave him your words." I tell my dad straight so I don't give my parents any false hope and they seem happy with that.
Anita, Linda, Diana and Hanna comes over at the evening. They keep asking me about the stranger that I am going to meet and I keep shrugging not knowing anything about him. To be honest, I don't even want to know. I'll just go with the flow and see what happens. They make me wear a heavy golden dress as if I am getting married today. After applying make up and combing my dark hair we walk downstairs.
"Wow Sana! MashAllah, praise the lord, you're looking breathtaking." Mom compliments me and I genuinely smile.
Aahil comes and hugs me. "You're my angel." He says and I melt at his words.
Aaliya instantly comes and circles her arms around me too. "You're beautiful." She says with her brown eyes shining.
After kissing and hugging them I look at myself in the mirror. Taking a hijab, headscarf, in my hand I start to wrap it when my mom interrupts me. "No Sana, please. Not today." She pleads with puppy eyes.
"Mom, I can't. I feel exposed and naked without it." I honestly tell her.
She gives me a small smile. "I know but just for today. You can still remain modest." She takes the attached veil for the heavy golden dress and wraps it loosely around my head. "Just don't wear it today and during your future wedding rituals." She requests me and I have a inner debate.
"You know mom, it will feel and be a bit odd." I share my mind with her.
"I know and I'll sincerely ask Allah for forgiveness with you. Please." She keeps pushing and I bite my lips.
"Sure." I finally give in with a smile.
To be honest for me I am the same person with and without my hijab but I love wearing it as it brings me closer to my religion. However, I have always imagined to have my hair displayed during my wedding which I'll most probably will have. Hopefully I'll be forgiven.
"By the way, what's his name again?" I question meekly as curiosity takes over.
"Mukhtar, Mukhtar Haidar." My mom enlightens me before we walk out the door.
I grimace upon hearing his name. "What? Why? Can't he have a more suitable name? Like Shawn?" The words slips out of my mouth before I get the chance to think through and I bite my tongue in regret.
Everyone stares at me with wide eyes and my cheeks turns crimson due to the awkward silence around us, what's wrong with me? Why do I never think before speaking!?
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