"Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion."
- Dylan Thomas

I am nothing. That is who I am. A baby born hopeless, matured into an empty adult. A collapsed star turning into a black hole. Sucking all sound, life, and being into a vacuum void of nothing. I am nothing. That is who I am.

Being ushered into a new chapter of my life while still vehemently mourning for the one I wasn't ready to leave behind, I sat in Queen Helen's office alone, staring off into the distance of her windows. I could see the moon-bathed lake in the background and lost myself in a daydream. Picturing myself laughing and happy while Prince Jaxon swam in the waters, splashing me playfully.

I tried to ignore the sounds within the manor, people clamoring loudly with their attempts to wipe clean the atrocity that had happened the night before. I refused to think about the cold bodies being laid out within the gazebo of the gardens, preparing for a mass funeral. About how Prince Jaxon would be at the center of those corpses, his head no longer attached, even though they would work their hardest to make it look like he was sleeping.

Helen interrupted my blissful memories, and I slammed back into reality.

"Hello, Madelyn. Thank you for waiting."

She walked to her desk, her usually glossy chocolate brown hair tangled and lackluster, dangling past her shoulders. Her eyes had dark circles under them and were bloodshot from hours of spilled tears. We had that in common.

"As I'm sure you're aware, the Cathcart Manor is accepting you as their new Lord." My heart dropped at those words, or at least the empty space where my heart would have been if it wasn't lying outside in the gardens. Helen continued, "Usually, it would go to the deceased Lord's heir, but Denallsh never sired one or named a successor. He was too vain to believe he would have needed to so soon."

"The law states that with no contract for a new Lord deemed by Denallsh, the one who defeats him would be able to take his throne." The Queen lowered her tired eyes to a bundle of paperwork before her and pulled a pen into her grasp. "I hereby waive all ownership I have of you and give you your freedom."

"What if I don't want to go?" My voice sounded dull, but I had no will to put more emphasis on it.

"You can't be forced, but it may be best for you. A new experience, a fresh start." She urged. With a flick of her pen, she signed her name in a flourish, officially ending the ties that bound me to her. "You're welcome to stay here as a citizen."

I thought about it. Would I be able to stay in these halls, seeing the man I loved around every corner as a figment of my imagination? Maybe she's right. A fresh start.

"I agree with you. Getting out of this manor would be a good idea for me." My lips pulled into a frown, realizing how much of a life I had made for myself. "I'll miss you."

"I will miss you, Madelyn. However, we'll see each other again. I would love to stay diplomatic with the new Lord." Helen smiled, but her tears didn't reach her eyes. Fresh tears started to form, swirling in her golden irises.

We didn't have the chance to continue the conversation. The door flung open, Prince Blane entered without hesitation, and a woman followed him. Her pale skin was flushed, and her golden eyes were the same as the Queen's. Red and tear-stained. She had the same deep brown hair as Helen. Only hers held reddened tones flowing throughout. I could guess without being told that the woman had to be Princess Roni.

"Mother!" The woman cried and rushed into Helen's arms, already outstretched and waiting.

"I know, dear. I know." The Queen whispered while gently rubbing smooth circles against the woman's back. Even though she was well into adulthood, she looked like a small child cradled in her mother's lap. "I'm just glad you and your brother are safe."

The Princess continued sobbing into her mother's shoulder, and I felt my emotions flare up. I didn't want to deal with them. I tried to stuff them down and ignore the shredding of my chest. I quickly stood from my seat, ready to make an excuse to leave the grieving family. Helen noticed my urgency to leave.

"Blane, can you take Maddie to her room? I'm sure she needs to get ready and prepared for the funeral." She asked. My chest tightened further at the thought of standing by Jaxon's side as he burned.

"Of course," Blane answered. He sounded so much like Jaxon that I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and hum so as not to hear the bass tone. I reasoned with myself that it would be ridiculous to act that way. Follow him, and it will be over soon.

Roni glanced at me briefly, curiosity overpowering the despair in her gaze, before Blane put his hand on my shoulder to guide me out of the room. I flinched from his contact without meaning, and he dropped his touch without a word.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, ashamed. I accompanied him into the hall with my head held down.

"Don't be. I understand, and I'm not offended." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I can't imagine how you must feel after everything you've been through. It hurts that I lost my big brother, but it's probably a little different from losing someone you fell in love with."

"No loss is more than the other. To compare them is pointless." I spoke, taking a good look at the young Prince, already dressed in a pure white suit with a matching ivory tie. His typical mischievous smirk was gone, and his hair's slight curls lost their spring. Blane looked terrible. We all did.

"Thank you for being so kind." He replied.

We continued walking silently, passing a few overlooked blood spatters against the walls. I had to fight hard to keep my mind in the present. Since I woke up from the spell Denallsh put on me, my head kept throwing me back into the moments I had lost. The moments where I betrayed my people and helped lead my love to his death. Against my will, my breath left my lips in a harsh stutter.

Blane glanced at me but kept his opinions to himself. I was grateful for that.

I returned to my room without further traumatizing my brain, and Blane was about to turn to leave. I don't know what impulse caused me to do it, but I asked, "Would you mind staying with me? I don't think I want to be alone."

He halted, looking a bit uncomfortable, and I balked at the realization that my words could have more than one meaning.

"When I have time to think, I keep getting flashbacks of the battle. I don't want to fall apart yet, not when I need to get through tonight." The words made me rush to explain, and his expression grew into pity.

"Sure, Madelyn. I'll keep you company. I don't think being alone is good for anyone right now." Blane opened the door and gestured for me to enter before him.

My room was disheveled, items strewn around haphazardly as two suitcases sat on my bed, fully packed of items I didn't want to part with. A few of them were Prince Jaxon's, but I didn't want to linger on that. A white pantsuit was laid out next to the luggage, and I scowled at it. Why did I have to experience this?

"Excuse the mess, I spent the day packing. I couldn't sleep, so I needed to do something." I mumbled while leading him to an uncovered chair against a desk. "Make yourself at home. It won't take me long to get ready."

I grabbed the outfit, still angry at its existence and the need for it, while Blane settled against the chair, fiddling with a blank notepad on the tabletop. In the privacy of my bathroom, I dressed as quickly as I could, not giving a single care to my appearance outside of being fully clothed. I couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror. I knew the woman looking back at me would be empty.

Blane was still doodling something unknown on the papers when I cleared my throat to let him know I was as prepared as ever. He set the pen down and hopped up, offering the crook of his arm to guide me.

"Thank you. This feels impossible. I know I should be crying, but I can't feel anything but numbness. Like I can't grasp what happened." I spoke softly, not wanting to admit my inability to succumb to the depression I knew was swirling inside of me. Even my whispers were muted with sorrow.

"Everyone deals with grief in their own way, " Blane reassured us as we began our journey to the gardens.

The color of white was becoming tiresome. There was no celebration to be felt among the crowd of mourners, those crying for their Prince and for their loved ones who were lost while fighting for their families. Overall, we had lost twenty people in the short amount of time it took for Denallsh to storm our walls and take another royal life.

Each body had its own stone pedestal, with candles waiting to be lit around it. The Prince lay on the traditional pillar within the gazebo, with white gardenias scattered around the bottom. I stalled, not wanting to take my place beside him.

Many faces I recognized were lying lifeless and covered in cloud-colored lace. Some people sat across from me at guard meetings or were pleasant to me in passing, but others were loyal friends. Commander Cole was surrounded by most of the living guards. Their heads bowed in regret for not being able to save their leader. Beside him lay Desiree and Roslow, their faces unnatural in the stillness they exhibited. My already torn heart ripped more.

I stopped by each of their memorials, lighting a candle and whispering my fondest memories of each.

"Roslow, despite your dreary exterior, you were always able to make me laugh. Your confusion was hilarious during training when I pinned you for the first time. I'm so sorry your life had to end this way."

"Desiree, you protected me from when I came to the manor. You were the first example of a strong, fierce woman, and I looked up to you more than you'll be able to know now. I will never forget how you stood before me in that dark cubby during the first attack."

"Commander, you gave me my first reason for truly believing in myself and my people. Your lack of presence within the walls will be noticeable to everyone. Your guard mourns for you in a way I'm sure you'd disapprove of, but I think it's forgivable given the circumstances. Thank you for never being ashamed of having me in your ranks. Thank you for trusting me with one of the most important parts of your life."

Blane gave my shoulder a brotherly squeeze, a signal to let me know it was time. I couldn't delay any longer. He led me toward the Prince; each step I took seemed more weighted than the last. The faces surrounding us blurred, and I could only focus on the man under the flowing tatting. My stomach lurched.

Helen and Princess Roni stood by his side, holding hands while they whispered their memories to their departed family member. Blane joined them, grabbing Roni's other hand and resting her cheek against his shoulder.

I stood in front of Jaxon. There were no signs of a fight on his face, his neck carefully sewn back onto his body in an attempt to make him whole again. If I didn't know any better, he could have been asleep, wanting to enjoy the air of the spring flowers. But I did. I knew I would never get to touch him again. I would never get to see his smile when I needed the push of hope.

The gates of my tears opened again, and I found myself weeping, unable to move. Helen walked over to me and wove her hand in mine.

"We can get through this. Together, " she said as she pulled me to the side with the rest of her family.

I couldn't acknowledge the rest of the ceremony. This time, I didn't jump or react in any way as the archers lit their arrows, so many more than I had ever seen. Each body was sent up in flames at the same time, and I didn't blink as I watched Jaxon's body burn.

I barely took a breath the entire time. Even after the rest of the masses had left to continue their mourning inside or retired for the night, I stayed. Helen was the last to go, yet I stood there, begging myself to wake up from this hellhole of a dream my mind had created.

Dawn inched closer, time passing slowly and yet too fast. Becca found me standing by the pillar, ashes starting to scatter in the gentle breeze. I knew my legs had filled with pins and needles, but I needed just one more moment.

"Queen Helen says the remaining invaders have left to prepare the Cathcart Manor for your arrival. Two stayed behind to escort you there. They're ready to go." She intertwined her fingers with mine, flooding my hand with warmth. "Your bags are already in the foyer waiting for you."

"Walk with me?" I asked, unwilling to let go of her hand or say my farewells.

Becca nodded. We walked without speaking, and we both felt the rift grow closer as we reached where I would leave. Would she still be my best friend if we couldn't live in the same quarters anymore?

The second we stepped into the large entrance hall, she hugged me and began crying freely. I nuzzled into her shoulder, memorizing her soft touch and comforting height. Tears flowed from my eyes again, and I was shocked to find I had more to spare.

"I love you, Maddie, and I'm so grateful that I met you." Becca hugged me tighter.

"I love you too. You'll be welcome to visit me whenever, so long as Helen agrees." I urged, wishing she could join me. I didn't want to be all alone again.

Two men I had never met grabbed my suitcases from the wooden floor and carried them past the double doors. I could vaguely see a large maroon car parked outside, waiting to take me away from the people I had grown to love. Yet, they were also going to take me far away from the pain lurking around every hall.

I took one last moment to breathe in the manor, remembering how terrified and small I had felt when I first stepped through to the foyer. The grand staircase, washed in brown and cream tones, astounded me. Another tear escaped down my cheek.

The Queen arrived at the top of the stairs, pride overtaking sadness. "Goodbye, Madelyn. I can't wait to see you again."

"Goodbye, Helen. Thank you for everything." I called up to her, giving a wave.

With one last sigh, I forced myself to walk out into the rosy gray light and slip into the backseat of my chariot. They started the engine the second I was comfortably inside, and without saying another word, I was on my way.

Looking out of the back windshield of the SUV, I watched my home grow smaller as we drove. Eventually, it was nothing but a speck, and I forced myself to turn back around and prepare myself mentally for whatever was about to come next. No matter what it was, there was no way it would be worse than everything I had endured up to this moment.

Could it?

Madelyn is leaving the Queen's manor to discover a new part of her destiny. What will she encounter there? Stay tuned for the next book to find out! Thank you all for joining me this far. It's been an amazing, wild ride. I made so many friends and learned a wealth of new tips for honing my skills.

Only 1 more chapter left!

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