I remember when I was younger
The clouds had been so bright then
I could taste the stars when I saw them that gave me the courage to ask
My mother what a habit was

Curiosity getting the best of me
Having my brain spin trying to find the answers
What was a habit?
Would she be able to answer it?
So that I, a 5 year old, could understand

She told me about how it was a repeated action
Like waking up in the morning and brushing our teeth
Or waking the dog when we get home from school
And I kept asking about habits with love
But she didn't answer me

Love and it's habits
I've learned through time and time again
Aren't what we imagined it to be
It isn't even close to the books we read
Farther away from the shows and movies we watched

I've learned that it can be lonesome
So lonely that not even the moon can help
Left alone to grow up by myself
Told that this was one of loves habits
That this was how love is

Love and it's habits
Have shown that love is violent
So violent that it leaves purple and blue marks to remind you that you are loved
That words are just as sharp as knifes
That they can cut you just as deep

It's habits have reminded me that I am just a woman
A vessel for housing children
That I have no rights over my body
No say on any matter because I am loved

It's habits have shown me that I can never love myself
For my mother did not love me
She taught me how to love everyone else
Because there was no point in self love to her

It has shown me that habits are everything
They are everywhere
All the time

Loves habits have been pasted down
Like second hand clothing
Running on its last thread
Trying to keep you above water

Love and it's habits have wronged me
Taught me that love was watching everyone get treated better than me
Taught me that violence is the best kind of love

We learn to love from the people around us
Giving love like it's trading cards
Or it being held so high that we can't ever reach it

My mother taught love to me like a book
I could look at it
Read about it
See it
But I would never be able to receive it

They were bad habits
I've learned that now
So trying to break its hold
Will be hard

I say this because we learn to love from the people around us
Picking up habits like picking daisies
And trying to make them pretty

Taking out our angry like trash to the ones we love
Spending money for moments
We have grown to fake affection for an Instagram story

The books we read tell of tales of love
The habits we picked up
Being ones of holding romance so high
Making love so easy

The shows making self love seem like a common thing
Like everyone can look in the mirror and see themselves
And to tell you the truth
I can't

The movies we grew up with showed habits
How only perfect families are beautiful
How they make the best loving environments

Love and it's habits
Are prized in the toxic society we live in today
Told we are nothing without them

Love and it's habits
Are told to be safe
And kind
And bright

We we always have to remember

Love and it's habits are everything
They are everywhere
All the time