I am told that I lazy

When my mind won't let my body move

I am told that I am ungrateful

When my expressions don't mirror what you want them too

I am told I am fat

But you tell me it's a joke

I am told I am depressed

But you say it's just a phase

I am told I have a eating disorder

One that my family doesn't know

I say I don't

Because I've done the research

My kind isnt listed

I restrict but I still eat when I have eyes on me

I lose weight

To gain it back in the matter of a day

My kind isnt listed for eating disorders

My kind is unknown

I am told I have an eating disorder

When you find out the truth

I am told I have trauma

When I can't sleep at night

When I can't sleep due to the memories

Because I don't want to sleep in the dark

No I'm not afraid of the dark

I am afraid of what lays in wait

Afraid of what can get me

I am told I make things awkward

When I can't fill the empty silence

When I have a hard time making friends

I am told I have trust issues

When I don't let anyone in

When I tell of my disappearing friends

I am told I have daddie issues

When I accidentally let the words he chose the streets over us slip

I am told I cause trouble

When I can't do things right

I am told that I am loved

But I feel cold hearts

I don't feel any of these love things

I am told I am afraid of love

But how can not fear it when my breaking heart still rings in my ears

The pain still tight on my chest

The hurt still in my eyes

The tears still salty on my tongue

I am told tomorrow holds beautiful things

But how do you know they do

How can you tell me they do when we can't see tomorrow

What if things don't get better

I am told I am numb

But would you like me to feel every word or nothing at all

I am told I am a cry baby

When my unsaid words escape through my eyes

The unwritten paragraphs from my heart

I am told I have more than others

But when you see that everyone around you have better how do you feel

I am told no matter what life is life

I know that

But why do I feel so empty

So lifeless to the fact that the sun rises and falls

And when I wake I ask why

And when I sleep I hope

Maybe I should stop listening to what others tell me

Maybe I should use my voice

But you don't like me to speak my mind

My raw words

The truth I hold

So yes

I have been told that being told

And lied too hurt

But I will tell someone they are beautiful and worth it

Because when the world around me neglected to tell me

My blossoming flower withered

And I don't want others to feel my pain, to know the hurt.