I don't know how to tell my feelings as they are

Nor do I know how to act them out

I do not wish to burden or annoy anyone with my presence

But these feelings have pushed me over the edge

I believe that my existence is to just exist

But I wish to be human too

I wish I was treated as such

I watch the world turn everyday

I watch the sunrise

I watch the sunset

In hopes it will comfort me in knowing I just exist

I don't want to be a past time anymore

I don't want to be treated as something you only want when no one else wants you

I want to be worth someone's time

But as the days come and go

The trust comes closer to closing me

I want to be selfish for once

I want to be human again

Though my existence is to help others function as leading roles

I wish I was important

I don't get character interaction unless I start it

No one cares if I were to just disappear

No one would notice

Though I can testify that this is true

I wish I hadn't tested it at all

I disappeared

And everyone was okay with that

I haven't had an actual conversation with anyone in months

I do not only feel sad

I feel oh so lonely

I feel pathetic

I feel stupid

I wish I knew why everyone leaves me in the end

I wish I knew why no one wants to love me

To be beside me

To want me

To think that I'm too important to lose

When I needed someone everyone ignored my silent please for help

But when someone needs me I'm right there

Pathetic

I know

I'm just pathetic

For if I was someone else I would never have been here to just exist

I'm not worth anyone's words anymore

I'm not worth calling

I'm not worth talking to

I'm not worth loving

I have learned that no matter what

The world has hated me since the beginning

I was made to hurt myself

To love others knowing no one will love me in return

I have learned to live with this

But these feelings

These hidden demons are killing

I'm killing myself too

Slowly but surely

I do not know how much time I have but I wish I did

I wish I did so I could be important

I wish the feelings of dying young that I've had since I was younger than noon were true

I want to be human

I want what the people around me have

I want to be important again

But I watch myself slip away

I watch the demons around me consume me

But if not me in this role for the people around me

Then who

I do not wish someone else this burden

Nor do I want someone else to feel these feelings

But all I wish to be now

Is human again