Now I'd finally gained my confidence whilst kissing this beautiful man, I took the opportunity to feel all the cracks and crevices in his body where would have been classed as too intimate to touch before our encounter. I moved my hands from his shoulders and held John's ribs as I kissed his lips with as much passion as I could find, buried deep in my mind palace. I wrapped my arms around his waist and started to use my tongue on my lover's lips. I wanted to touch all of his beautiful body, I wanted to look at it with my eyes, as I still had a terrible view of Mrs Hudson's wallpaper. So I briefly pulled away from his lips, and connected all of our body together - our foreheads, noses, chest, crotches, even our knees all touched. We held hands and used our fingers to feel all of the folds in our palms. We looked into each other's eyes again.

I used my eyelids to block my vision and make myself kiss him again - after all, this could have the last time I'd get to, this could only have been a joke, just a test from someone else. But I doubted a man would kiss someone with that much passion if he was only playing a game. I placed my lips on his cheek and kissed him there, before once again using my mouth to kiss his. I put my hands on his head and felt his soft and comforting hair in between my fingers. I felt my own heart beat in my chest, which is when I knew this was what I needed.

This was all I'd needed in my life. This was my new drug, this was better than any cocaine solution I could find from anyone. This got my blood pumping and my heart racing and pupils dilating and my mind palace free from harm - this was how to feel alive. And as I wondered all of this, I wondered if John could notice. If he knew what he was doing to me, if he knew what was happening to my body as we loved each other, if he knew he was bring my life back together.

I wondered if he could deduce me...