Taehyung

"So, Jang-Mi has agreed to having joint, shared child custody after your divorce. Let me take a moment to clearly explain what this means," Attorney Cha glances at us, and we nod in silence.

"Joint legal custody is where both the parents have equal rights in making decisions in important matters concerning the welfare of the child, and this includes education, health care, and activities outside school. You should arrive on a consensus that doesn't affect the child, however, in case of emergencies, a decision can be made independently, and later informed to the other parent. Is that clear?" He questions us, and we both answer him positively.

"Alright," he nods a little and continues. "So shared custody is where the child gets to spend equal time with either parent, unlike single parent custody with visitation rights for the parent without custody. This will be beneficial for the child in every aspect, giving her much deserved equal time with both parents. It is also beneficial for the parents who get quality time with the child, and also time for themselves when the child stays with the other parent," attorney Cha speaks in one stretch and exhales slowly.

"To start with, you can work out who will have the child for how long because we don't want the child to be too traumatized. But eventually, it should be equal time, and there are no hard and fast rules for this. It totally depends on the comfort level and mindset of the child. However, as per the papers, it is two weeks with each parent," he sends us a small smile and proceeds to talk again.

"And another modification to the original terms of separation is the child support plan. Since it is joint, shared custody now, the child support will also have to be split equally," attorney Cha flips to the end of the bunch of papers that he is holding in his hands, and then he looks up at us through the top of his glasses.

"This was the only thing which you both didn't agree upon during our last session. Now that this is sorted, is there anything else that we need to address?" He questions us in a very solemn tone, as if mourning our separation.

"None," I confirm, and Jang-Mi does the same.

We only share a few brief glances now and then while attorney Cha organizes the paperwork and asks us to revise the papers once before we put in our signature of closure.

Ten minutes later, I sign the papers after reading through the agreement once, and Jang-Mi attests it as well, and there isn't a hint of hesitation that either of us exhibit while we sign the papers.

This is it.

We have moved a step closer to attaining freedom from this marriage which was chaining our feet all these years. The marriage might have ended, but it has taught me some mighty big lessons which will surely stay with me until the end.

After thanking Mr. Cha, Jang-Mi leaves the office first, and I follow her outside after a little while, noticing that she is standing just outside the entrance of the complex building. When I get closer, her gaze falls on me, bringing my steps to a halt.

"Hi," she gives me a tired smile as she tucks some strands of hair behind her ears. But her smile, though exhausted, doesn't seem forced at all.

Ignoring the awkwardness, I return her smile with mine which also looks weary.

"Hi," I don't know what else to say.

"We have to talk to Areum," Jang-Mi arrives straight at the point without beating around the bush or giving any of her usual sarcastic comments and comebacks.

"Yeah, we have to talk to her. When?" The awkwardness that I'm feeling still doesn't ease out, but I'm able to maintain steady eye contact without feeling anything at all—a tell-tale sign that it's all over between the two of us.

"Right now?" Her answer takes me by surprise.

The dreaded moment is closer than I thought, and it suddenly makes my heart beat at a rapid pace, but I only nod my head in acceptance.

"She's at Keira's, and we can pick her up. If we go home with her, she might not allow us to leave. So let's tell it to her somewhere outside, privately," she adds, and I only swallow thickly, accepting the decision with a feeble 'okay'.

Jang-Mi agrees to take a ride with me in my car, and she tells me the way to Keira's house. Although I look a little cool and laid-back on the outside, on the inside, I'm panicking and thinking of the numerous difficult questions that we would have to answer in a while, and it terrifies me to say the least.

She looks cool and calm, but again, she could also be fighting a battle within her head, and I have no idea about it.

"I'm happy for you," Jang-Mi suddenly says in a very soft tone without lifting her eyes to look at me, and it causes me to whip my head around in her direction. "Happy for us that we finally found the courage to do this. I know you will take great care of Areum, but I hope you don't ever hurt Maya. Take good care of her as well," she adds calmly, with a small smile but still without turning her head to look at me.

This is totally out of the blue because I wasn't expecting her to tell me anything at all, let alone wishing me happiness, yet she just did it.

Diverting my eyes back to the road, I nod my head a few times.
"I'm relieved too that we finally did this. I will take care of Maya, and I hope you find your happiness too," I respond with a soft smile before we both go back to being completely silent.

It takes us another fifteen minutes to arrive at Keira's house, and once we reach, Jang-Mi climbs out of the car to pick up Areum while I wait inside. Using this little free time, I send a text message to Maya to let her know what's going on.

Me:
Mediation ended smoothly.

Me:
We're going to talk to Areum now

Maya:
Just be calm and keep in mind what Layla told us

Maya:
Keep your expectations low.
Use your words carefully.

Me:
I will remember

Maya:
Will be waiting to hear

Me:
I'll call you once we're done

Maya:
Okay

I put my phone aside when I see Areum and Jang-Mi approaching my car. It has been almost ten days since I met my daughter, and the moment my eyes find her, the tears build up rapidly even when a big smile creeps up my lips.

I throw open the door of my car and step outside, and once she sees me, my daughter's little steps turn into a full-blown sprint; her hands holding tight onto the straps of her backpack.

The bright smile on her face reflects on mine as I drop to my knees and wait for her with outstretched arms, my tears now flowing faster.

Areum collides straight onto me, and clings on like a baby koala with her arms locked tight around my neck.

"Appa, I missed you so much," she squeaks close to my ear as I pull her closer to me and hug her little body tighter.

"I missed you so much too, bubba," I utter shakily amidst my pouring curtain of tears.

Pulling away from the hug, Areum puts her soft hands on my cheeks and flashes her teeth in a big smile when I place my hands on hers.

"Appa, don't cry. We will play today and eat lots of yummy snacks," she scrunches her nose, pinching both my cheeks with her little fingers.

But the fact that I'm about to burst her little happy bubble rips my heart apart. Jang-Mi is standing behind Areum, and I can see that she's a little nervous too.

"Uhm... bubba," I lick my lips and keep my eyes trained on Areum's eyes while I wipe away my tears. "Uh..." there it is. I knew it that my words would play dead when they have to show up.

I hesitate and keep delaying, unable to find it in me to initiate the topic with Areum, and that's when Jang-Mi steps in.

"Areum," she bends down a little, holding our daughter by her small shoulders and demanding eye contact from her.

"Appa and eomma want to tell you something. Can we talk about it in the car?" Her eyes meet mine before they move back to Areum, who is looking a little confused now.

Areum's looks at us, and then she nods her head a few times, after which the three of us climb into the backseat of my car. We sit on either side of our daughter, and then Jang-Mi clears her throat and swallows thickly before she begins speaking.

"Bubba, we have decided to do something. We will not be living together in the same house anymore," the truth slithers out of her mouth.

Areum's eyebrows come together in total confusion as her head snaps towards Jang-Mi.

"Why, eomma?" She asks innocently, making Jang-Mi dip her neck, her eyes dropping to her lap as she bites down on her lower lip and tries to hold back her tears.

I have to do it now. We can't just leave Areum hanging like that. Her questions need age-appropriate, honest answers.

"Bubba, appa and eomma want to live away from each other because we think it is better for us that way," my voice comes out slathered with worry, a little bit of fear, and lots of nervousness, and Areum whips her head around to look at me now.

Nobody knows what goes on inside the little minds, and I am also constantly reminding myself to keep my expectations low.

"Appa, why? Then where will we go?" She still hasn't fully comprehended the situation.

Fighting my tears, I manage to answer her in a calm manner as I turn around a bit more to sit down facing her.

"You will go with eomma, for now, but you can come to appa whenever you wish to do so. We will only be living in separate houses," I glance at Jang-Mi who still has her head low, and her tears are dripping down on her hands that are resting on the top of her lap.

"Appa, no. No. I want to go to our home with you and eomma. No separate houses," Areum starts protesting.

She is in denial, and this is the moment I feared. The moment I didn't want to face. The reality from which I wanted to run away and hide, but now my life and choices have planted me in the middle of this rut, and I have to find my way out of here, along with my daughter.

Jang-Mi finally sniffs back her tears and raises her head to look at Areum.

"Areum, bubba, you can be with appa or eomma, whoever you want for how many ever days you want to," she softly holds Areum's shoulders and turns her around, cupping Areum's face in both her hands as she speaks shakily. "But know that we both love you a lot, more than anything else, and we will always be there for you," her words are punctuated by the stream of tears that pour out of her eyes.

My tears cloud my vision even as I keep wiping them off with the back of my hands, and seeing us both in tears makes Areum breakdown. She turns around to face the front of the car and starts crying, sitting stiff in her seat, her hands falling loose on her sides as her mouth opens wide and her eyes seal shut.

What starts off as crying, soon turns into a full-blown meltdown, and she doesn't have these kind of meltdowns very often. The sight of her crying her lungs out literally makes my heart bleed. I try to hug her through her pain, but she pushes me away and keeps crying, the volume of her cries rising with the passing seconds.

A few passersby on the pavement cast curious glances at us as they walk past our car, and I realize that this isn't exactly a pleasant scene for anyone to watch.

"Bubba, please. Do you want to hold me?" I try to hold her hand, but she rejects me once again by angrily swatting my hand away and stomping her feet on the floor of the car as she screams louder.

"I WANT TO GO HOME!" Areum howls amidst her tears, her voice already hoarse.

"Bubba, we will go home. Do you want to hold eomma? Please?" Jang-Mi offers this time, knowing fully well that she wouldn't give in, and she doesn't as expected.

But in a few seconds she curls in to Jang-Mi's chest and sobs uncontrollably, her whole body shuddering and shaking.

"Taehyung, you drive us to my parent's. She'll calm down in some time," Jang-Mi tells me before she sits Areum up and  grabs some tissues from the rear deck to wipe her cheeks and nose.

But then, before I could turn around and climb out of the car, Areum coughs violently, projectile-vomiting all the contents of her stomach.

"Oh my God! Bubba, relax, relax. It's nothing," although I'm panicking, I repeatedly stroke her back while her whole body convulses in an attempt to throw up every morsel of whatever is remaining inside, her eyes rolling back as Jang-Mi firmly holds onto her forehead.

A few more bouts and a totally ruined car later, Areum is finally done emptying. All of us and everything around is covered in semi-digested food, and even though she's my daughter, please, the stench makes me want to throw up too.

We quickly get out of the car and only after I take a few deep breaths of fresh air, my senses return to a state of normalcy. Jang-Mi is cleaning Areum with the few remaining tissues; her own clothes damaged beyond repair at this point.

"We should wash up. Wiping is not going to help," I get closer to them, and Areum once again begins crying, this time due to the additional post-throw-up discomfort and panic.

"Yeah, we should. But no taxi is going to let us get in when we're all covered in vomit," Jang-Mi drops the truth bomb. "I might take her back to Keira's house and get her cleaned up. She has spare clothes in her sleepover bag," she turns a blind eye to Areum's crying because right now the priority is to clean her up.

"Appa, don't go," Areum tugs at my trousers and tries to hug my leg, but she holds back when she sees that my trousers are slightly soiled too.

"Appa isn't going anywhere, bubba," I hold her chin in my hand and bend down to talk to her. "You get cleaned up at Keira's house, and I'll see what can be done about the car. Okay? I'll be waiting here for you," I convince her, and she agrees reluctantly before walking away towards Keira's home with Jang-Mi.

Fetching the only water bottle that was inside the trunk of my car, I manage to wash my hands and splash a little on my face before I pick up my phone to call for road side assistance to take my car away for a good wash.

They agree to arrive within thirty minutes, and I end the call with them before calling Maya.

"Hey, I was waiting for your call," she speaks in a cautious manner, probably awaiting some disastrous news from me.

"Can you pick us up, Maya?"

"Where are you? I'll be there right away," she responds without delay and without probing me for any more details, and I tell her the exact location which is about thirty minutes away from where she lives.

It seems to me like the longest thirty minutes of my life, during which I attend a few calls from the road side assistance team. After guiding them to my location, and after signing the formalities once they arrive, I watch as they finally tow my car away for a complete interior cleaning and disinfecting service.

Maya arrives soon after, by when Jang-Mi and Areum also leave Keira's house and join me.

We all board the car, and this has got to be the most awkward and weirdest car ride in my entire life. Maya is driving while Jang-Mi and I sit in the backseat with Areum sitting in the space between us.

There is still a faint lingering stink of vomit that prevails within the car that seems to be coming from our clothes, and I'm worried if one of us might throw up, but, fortunately, we don't.

All of us remain dead silent, and there's no music playing as well, and Areum sniffles a little before she falls asleep out of sheer exhaustion, leaning her head on Jang-Mi's shoulder and stretching her legs out on my lap.

Maya drives us to Jang-Mi's parents' home, and Jang-Mi turns to look at me before she picks up Areum in her arms.

"I'll send her when everything is settled a little," is all that she says before she quickly gathers her bag and Areum's bag, struggling to hold everything together.

"I'll help," I extend my hand to collect the bags from her, but she completely ignores my offer and gets out of the car.

Maya climbs out too, and they both exchange a few words which I can't hear clearly. She gently caresses Areum's face that's resting on Jang-Mi's shoulder, after which Jang-Mi walks away.

I move to the driver's seat and convince Maya to just sit by while I drive us home.

Today has been a roller-coaster ride for my emotions. The divorce was one thing, but Areum's meltdown ripped my heart apart, although this was something that I should have anticipated. There's still a very long way to go, and it's definitely not going to be a very easy journey.

Even though there's still so much to work on, tonight, I will go to bed without the heavy weight of my wrong choices and guilt trips weighing me down. It took us both a lot of hard times and abrasive words and actions to get to this point, and I'm still unsure if our relationship of eight years even got the proper closure that it deserves.

Yet, I'm okay with how things are. I'm still a happy man tonight. Happy to look forward to better days.

Let me know how you're liking it so far.

🤤🤤🤤

Published on : 06/01/2022