Taehyung

I haven't slept well, shaved or showered in two days, and I look homeless, surrounded by an unmistakable stench. Work is milking the life out of me, and returning every night to an empty house with nobody to open the door for me, no Areum to hug me breathless, and no food on the table is a depressing change that I am not enjoying at all.

It has been two days since Jang-Mi left with Areum, and I haven't heard a word from her. Every time I call her to talk to Areum, she keeps ending my calls, but she hasn't yet blocked my number because I'm still able to call her phone.

To be fully honest, I do miss her presence at home, but I'm convincing myself that it is just a matter of time until I get over this separation and learn to live with it. However, Areum's absence is something that I'm sure I wouldn't be able to get used to.

Her sing-song voice, her little adamant requests, the sweet songs she sang before falling asleep, all the little hugs and kisses we shared, and every small thing about her keeps haunting my mind and makes me miss her so much more.

It feels to me as if a part of me has been ripped out, leaving me raw and bleeding.

Two days of not being with her has made me realize that I just cannot survive without her in my life, and if having her with me means that I have to pull along in this hopeless marriage with Jang-Mi, then I'm ready for that as well.

Being away from Maya hasn't been helping my situation one bit. I have no one to talk to, no one who understands the quandary within my head and literally no one who can offer me some solace. I'm pacifying myself while waiting for her to return, and also not giving up on my attempts to have my daughter back in my life.

My reflection in the mirror looks alien to me. The stubble shrouding my chin and the bags under my eyes make me look like a pathetic drunkard who has been feeding off trash and living on the streets.

I haven't been able to pour out to Maya, and she has also been busy with work and meetings these past couple of days. The most we talk is for ten minutes during the day, beyond which my mind keeps drifting, and I find myself unable to continue the conversation.

The struggle of keeping things from her until she returns is just pure torture at this point.

I am not trying to push her away by any means. I need her, and I always need her by my side to completely crumble in her arms and tell her how I have been fighting a storm like the last leaf on a branch.

As I stand there trying to fix my necktie, a sudden incoming call on my phone derails all my thoughts and brings me back to reality. It is from Jang-Mi, and never in recent times have I been so excited to receive a call from her. So much that my hands actually go cold and begin trembling.

"Jang-Mi?" I answer in a hoarse voice.

"If you can, meet me at this address today at 5 pm," she speaks in a tone that's cold, distant and devoid of any emotions.

"How is Areum?" I answer back with a question that is not related to her purpose.

"I asked you something," is all that manages to come out of her mouth, once again in an emotionless tone.

I take a deep breath and answer her calmly.
"I will. Send me the address. I asked you something too"

"She's good"

"I want to meet her"

"I'll send you the address for the meeting," she says, and before I could open my mouth to speak another word, the line goes blank, leaving me feeling like garbage.

In a few seconds, a text message with an address pings in from Jang-Mi, and I glance at it before I finish getting dressed for work.

My work day passes by much quicker than anticipated, and Maya called me once to tell me the details about her flight, which is later today. I almost broke down in today's call with her, yet I somehow managed to speak in quite a stable voice and end the call stating some lame reasons.

I'm sure she knows that I'm caught up in some kind of a very messy tangle, given how I've been sounding so distant and lost even to my own self. I really can't wait to have her back here.

Sharp at 5 pm, I arrive at the address that Jang-Mi sent me earlier. I was expecting it to be a café or a diner of some sort where we would be able to meet and talk things out over which neither of us has any clarity. But this place is a commercial complex with various shops of different kinds.

Confusion settles over me as I recheck the address once again, only to confirm that I have, in fact, arrived at the right location.

To get some much-needed explanation, I call Jang-Mi's phone, and she answers immediately.

"The address you sent me is some 'Grand Plaza'. Are you sure it's the right one?" I quiz her as I unbuckle my seatbelt and climb out of my car.

"Yes. Meet me at the door number F-17 on the first floor," Jang-Mi disconnects the call at once, and I don't even have the energy to react to it anymore.

I lock my car and enter the building which is densely populated with people of all ages who are thronging the small shops that are lining the complex. The two restaurants that I pass by are overflowing with people, and the place is also very noisy.

Door number F-17 is located at the far end of the first floor in the most secluded corner of the complex, and as I approach the building, my heart stops beating and my blood freezes for a moment when I read the signboard on the door that says the office belongs to an attorney.

Why the hell?

Unbeknownst to myself, I stand facing the door, wondering what to do next. My mind begins imagining what would be awaiting me inside—Areum definitely not on the list that my mind comes up with.

However, I take a deep breath before pushing through the door and entering the office to find Jang-Mi and a man who looks to be around my age sitting at a table; their heads turning to look at me when I step in.

"Please come in, Mr. Kim," the man with a long face, who looks almost like a librarian, says in a well-rehearsed manner, pointing to a vacant chair at the table.

Bowing a little, I step closer and occupy the chair, with my eyes dead set on Jang-Mi. She is staring back as well, and I am unable to figure out what she's trying to communicate without her words.

The woman I used to read like an open book and love with my everything is long gone. The woman who is sitting across the table now seems like a stranger to me, and I bet I'm no different in her eyes.

"Would you like to have some coffee or tea, Mr. Kim?" The male interrupts my scattered thoughts.

"Thank you, I'm good," I tear my gaze from Jang-Mi and look at the man on my right, and then my gaze drops to the bunch of papers that he is holding down on the table.

I could feel a lump forming at the back of my throat because I'm not dumb to be unable to guess what those set of papers at an attorney's office would be, given the soup that Jang-Mi and I are in.

"Okay, so I'll introduce myself and get straight to the point then. Mr. Kim, I'm Cha Eun-Ho, family court attorney and husband of Jang-Mi's close friend, Hae-Jin," the man extends his hand to me, but I turn it down and bow a little to him instead.

Jang-Mi has her arms crossed under her chest, and she looks so done with everything and everyone already. Her eyes are studying her fingernails and not wanting to look at me or the attorney guy.

The attorney, Mr. Cha, sucks in a sharp breath and begins speaking,
"Mr. Kim, your wife, Mrs. Kim Jang-Mi wants to get a divorce," he says, and my heart stops beating abruptly. "The court proceedings would take up a lot of time and money, and so she has opted for divorce through mediation. And I will be your mediator," with every word he speaks, my shoulders slump in defeat.

I have failed as a husband.

My eyes find it hard to even blink, but the woman sitting across the table seems unaffected by everything.

"This would take you only about three to five weeks to complete all the formalities, and it would be much smoother if you both agree upon the terms and conditions of the separation. Mutual consent is the priority," attorney Cha explains further, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Jang-Mi, we haven't even talked it out properly. Why would you want to do this?" I completely ignore the fact that there's a mediator present with us to help us through things.

"What's there to talk now? What do you expect me to do, Taehyung? You admitted to being in an extramarital affair with your friend from high school, and how do you expect me to take that lightly and still remain with you as your wife?" Her words stab me in the chest because she's speaking the truth, and I am unable to retaliate because I'm at the receiving end. I'm the one at fault.

It would make no sense to argue in my position.

"Still, we should talk before you get into something drastic like this," I have no idea what I'm saying and where I intend to take this to.

"Did you talk it out with me when you were starting to form feelings for another woman? Why should I do it then when I don't feel anything for you anymore?" She snarls back, her fists and jaw clenching in anger.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kim, you both need to calm down. I'm here to sort things out for you. Have this, please," attorney Cha interrupts and hands me a glass of water that I never knew I needed until I gulp it down in one shot and slam the glass back on the table, turning my attention to him.

"Alright, so here are the basic terms of separation that we have drafted with the specifications given by Mrs. Kim. We will review these and then make changes that are suitable to both of you. Am I making myself clear here?" He quirks a brow and picks up the bunch of papers from the table.

Neither of us respond to him and give him a confirmation to go ahead, but he still does so.

"So, the foremost issue that needs to be discussed is child custody. Just because she is a girl child, and she is still young, it doesn't mean that she will have to remain with her mother. Also, there is no clause in our divorce laws which states that the opinion of the child should be taken into account since a small child without any history of abuse would actually want to live with both parents," he pauses for a breath, and I furrow my eyebrows, listening to him with every ounce of concentration that I could muster up.

"But after the divorce, Jang-Mi wants to have child custody over Areum. Are you okay with this, Mr. Kim?" Attorney Cha questions me with a slight tilt of his head, his tone still compassionate and confident.

But my furrowed eyebrows shoot upwards upon hearing his words, and it feels as if my whole world has come to a halt.

"NO WAY! I cannot accept this. She can't take Areum away from me. No! I don't agree to this... never!" I get furious and speak shakily, my voice higher and louder and usual.

"Mrs. Kim, what do you have to say about this?" He quizzes her calmly.

"Just call me Jang-Mi. I don't want to be Mrs. Kim anymore, and he doesn't deserve to have custody over Areum, at least not after he went to the extent of cheating behind my back. I can't let her live in some other woman's care. I haven't let a fly harm her in all these years, and I've given up everything to be a mother to her," the tears that Jang-Mi had been fighting for long finally break-free and spill down her cheeks.

"I'm not compromising on this condition, no matter what. Areum will not go with him," she declares sternly and leans back in her seat, drying her tears with her fingers.

"Then I'm not accepting any of these conditions or this divorce. If it means that I have to still remain in this meaningless marriage to have my daughter with me, then I'm ready for it because that's what I have been doing all these years. I'm not giving up on her for any reason," I announce confidently and lean back in my seat as well.

Attorney Cha lets out a heavy sigh and continues speaking while Jang-Mi and I are engaged in a war of gazes, attempting to kill each other with our powerful stares.

"Let's get back to this point at the end. The next is about property and settlements. Jang-Mi doesn't want any share of the house. Alimony is also not a compulsory thing as per our divorce laws. So this is sorted, am I right?" His voice demands an answer, and I give him my response with a firm nod of my head.

"That's one thing lesser now. Next is the child support. Since Jang-Mi wants to have child custody, she intends to take up child support as well. There is no compulsion on your part to do that, Mr. Kim. Although, you are free to do it if you feel that you want to do it. You're not obligated for child support," attorney Cha elucidates, leaning back in his seat and turning his head to his sides to look at the two of us.

If there's one thing that I clearly understand right now, it is that Jang-Mi didn't decide to get a divorce or work on these conditions of separation in just these past two days.

"How will she support Areum? Her income is definitely insufficient to raise a child and manage other expenses. And I haven't agreed to let her have child custody, which means I disapprove of this divorce as well," I state decisively, fixing my gaze on Jang-Mi.

"I'm confident that I still want to go ahead with this, and there is absolutely no change in my decision to have custody over Areum," Jang-Mi verbally confirms her decision to the attorney, Mr. Cha.

But no matter how stern she is, I'm also not giving up on Areum, ever.

In their case, who do you think deserves to have child custody? Tae? Jang-Mi? Shared custody?

Published on : 05/21/2022