"I think I'm the worst human being that ever existed..."

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't find the right words to say. Shantel stares at me with bloodshot eyes and trembling lips.

"Shantel..."

"He's gone," pagak ang boses niya at iniwas ang tingin sa akin. "And I don't feel an ounce of pity for that man."

Naguguluhan ko siyang tiningnan pero nang wala akong makuhang sagot ay sumaklolo akong tumingin kay Kyros. He sighs and mouths her father before turning away.

Niyakap ko ang kaibigan. Her whole body is so tense. Wala siyang reaksyon. Nanatiling nakalaylay ang mga braso niya sa magkabilang gilid. She says she doesn't care, but all of Shantel—her eyes, her skin, her soul is screaming with pain. The suffering in her eyes almost made it unbearable to stare at her broken face.

"Are you going to tell your sister-"

"No," came her reply in a clipped voice. "She doesn't need to know."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. "But Shantel, it's her Dad-"

"She doesn't need to know, okay!" tumaas nang bahagya ang basag niyang boses at inilayo niya ang katawan sa akin. "She's... She's thriving in her career. It's a crucial time for her and she doesn't need any distractions... or family drama. Mommy prohibited me from contacting her."

Hindi ako nakaimik. Shantel rarely talks about her family, and I know the situation is bad, but I never imagined it to be this bad. It's severe. No sane person can handle it without breaking down and she just acts like she's made of stone.

Napalingon ako nang makarinig ng mabibigat na yapak patungo sa kusina. I could hear Castian's excited voice and Rigor's as well. Seconds later, the two materialized in the kitchen doorway. Rigor immediately sensed the tension and halted.

"Is... everything okay?" medyo alinlangan pa niyang tanong.

"Hi Ninang!" bati ni Castian na walang kaalam-alam sa nangyayari.

Sinenyasan ko si Rigor na iwanan muna kaming tatlo. He gave me a discreet nod and turned to his son. Mabilis niya naman itong na-engganyo na bumalik sa labas para bumili ng ice cream. When the two of them left, Shantel gripped the kitchen countertop hardly and leaned her head against it.

I heard Kyros sighing. Tumayo siya at nilapitan si Shantel saka marahang inalis ang nakapako niyang mga braso sa lamesa. He engulfed her into a tight hug and whispered something to her ears. Moments later, she started crying silently into his chest.

Seeing her in a state of distraté made me feel nauseous about my own dismissive family. I've been putting it off as far as I can but now the weight of knowing that my mother is back in the country is weighing down on me.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Nginitian ko si Rigor nang pilit, pero sa totoo'y kumakabog ang dibdib ko. I glanced at the sorrowful-looking hospital—like nothing good happens inside of it and took in a deep breath. Castian stares at me curiously from the back seat.

"You'll be fast, Mommy?" tanong niya kahit hindi pa man ako nakakalabas ng sasakyan.

"Yes, Castian." I reach for him to caress his cheeks. I need something to calm me down before facing her again. "Just go get some ice cream with Daddy, okay?"

His eyes twinkled with excitement. Dali-dali siyang tumango at binalingan ang ama.

"I want the strawberry flavor this time, Daddy!" request pa niya.

Rigor smiles at him before glancing at me, his eyes filled with worry. Anyone who knows about the strained relationship I had with my mother will think that visiting her in the hospital after everything she's done to me is a lunatic move. But I just can't help it. My mother, no matter how wicked she is, at the end of the day, is still my own flesh and blood.

I'm not saying this to invalidate all her wrongdoings for the past few years. She had all the time in the world to practice being a good mother to me but she didn't. I do blame her for that. My doomed upbringing wouldn't affect the way I am with Castian. But her being my own flesh and blood should be enough to make me want to step inside the hospital just to see how she's doing.

I know I shouldn't be expecting good news.

"—comatose for 5 months already. Her husband and daughter are dead on the spot. We tried contacting her family but..."

The rest of the words faded inside my head as I stared at her almost-lifeless body on the hospital bed. The nurse continued filling me with the information but I think I've heard enough. Lumapit ako sa babasaging bintana at ihinilig ang noo ko doon.

I heave out a tired sigh.

"Is there... any chance of her waking up?" my voice is barely a whisper.

The nurse blinks at me, and then clears her throat. "Well, in her case there is still flexion therefore 15% chance of waking up—"

"15 percent?!"

My eyes widened in horror at her statistics. She spares me a sympathetic look and glances at her briefly, before she continued talking.

"As I was saying, Miss Martinell, 15 percent. The prognosis of medical coma is dynamic. If she makes a groan or lifts her finger, then that would be 30%."

Hot tears burn my eyes. Binalingan ko ulit siya. She didn't have the intimidating aura around her, nor the air of confidence that could only belong to a woman who lived life in luxury. Her nails are short and clipped, a glaring contrast of her signature red nails. I can't see the woman who abandoned me in her.

All I see is a helpless lady who have nothing to go back to when she wakes up.

"We want to talk to you about the life machine, Miss Martinell," lumiit ang boses niya at tumikhim. "She's been her for five months already and... and we want you to know all of your options."

Tumango ako kahit alam kong hindi ko magugustuhan ang susunod na maririnig. I followed her inside the doctor's office, a male doctor who did not show even an ounce of sympathy—not that he needs to, explains all my other options. And by other options they mean cutting off her life machine so they could accommodate other patients who have higher chances of survival than my mother.

"Here's the waiver, you just need to sign there," itinuro niya ang pinakadulo bago binawi ang kamay. He adjusted his spectacles and stared at me over his glasses. "She's been here for a while. I'm glad her daughter is finally here."

I want to laugh bitterly in my chair, but I restrained myself. Sa halip ay tinutukan ko ang papel.

"You don't seem so fond of her."

I scowled at him. "No, I'm not."

Tumango-tango naman siya. "Parents. It's the most difficult job in the world yet people think of it as a life accomplishment," natawa siya sa sariling sinabi. "I'll leave you to it, then. We'll be expecting your decision next week."

I wordlessly left his office. As soon as I stepped out of the door, I realized that it was so suffocating. Being in an enclosed space with an unsympathetic man discussing about the life machine of my estranged mother is more than I thought I could handle. I took deep breaths and placed my hand over my chest, trying to calm myself.

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang biglang mag-ring ang phone ko. Rigor is already calling me. I consoled myself with the idea that my Castian and Rigor are waiting downstairs for me. Before I could step out of the hospital, I composed myself and pasted a smile on my face. Sinalubong ko ng ngiti ang dalawa.

"How did it go?" Rigor asked me with a worried look.

"It's fine," I shrugged. "I have to go back next week, though,"

"And your mother...?"

Inalala ko ang nakahimlay niyang katawan kanina at pikit na mga mata. Oddly, my soul ached for her. I disregarded the foreign feeling away and offered him a reassuring smile.

"She's fine,"

Tumango siya at hindi na nagtanong pa. Castian kept me busy on our way home. Nang makauwi ay sinalubong ako ni Kyros. I beamed at him but my smile immediately faded when I saw his luggage.

"Kyros...?"

Nagkamot siya sa batok at iminuwestra ang kusina. Iniwan ko muna sina Castian at Rigor sa labas saka siya sinundan.

"Are you leaving?" nanlulumo kong tanong sa kaniya.

"Wala na akong pambayad sa renta, eh," panloloko pa niya sa akin.

Sinamaan ko ng tingin si Kyros. Can't this man be serious for once?

He scratched his jaw and looked away. "I'm going to Canada,"

I nodded slowly, trying to take it all in.

"Are you going to work there?"

"Not necessarily..." he shrugged and grinned at me. "Ganito lang ako, Czarina, pero sa totoo lang anak talaga ako ng mafia,"

"Kyros!"

Tumawa siya nang malakas at niyakap ako saka pinatakan ng halik ang noo ko.

"I've been working on it for the past year. I'm going to study there, alright? I can't be an underpaid nurse forever,"

Nangilid ang mga luha ko. He mentioned it to me several times but knowing Kyros, I thought he was just messing with me. Hindi ko akalaing aalis talaga siya. I lived in a bubble where Kyros is with me and Castian all the time. I can't thank him enough for everything he's done to me.

Niyakap ko siya pabalik habang pinipigilan ang mga luha.

"Wag ka munang umiyak, next month pa flight ko, eh," dagdag pa niya.

Umurong ang mga luha ko sa sinabi niya. His throat vibrated with a low chuckle as he pulled away and smile at me.

"I'll stay with a friend while I'm processing the rest of the papers."

"With a friend? Sino yan? Bakit hindi ka nalang dito muna?"

"Eros has a condo in Manila." He cleared his throat. "He's helping me with the papers."

"I see," tumango-tango ako at binalingan ulit ang mga maleta niya. "Castian's going to cry when you go,"

"I know..." sadness crossed over his face for the first time. Bumuntong-hininga siya. "I'm going to miss that kid."

I hate to see him go but he's chasing his dream... and his future. He's done so much for me and the least I could do is to support him in his dreams.

Tinawag ko si Castian pagkatapos at marahang ipinaliwanag sa kaniya na aalis na ang Tito Kyros niya. He cried, as expected. Niyakap ni Kyros ang bata na maluha-luha na rin at binulungan ito ng kung ano. Castian stopped making noises but tears are still falling from his eyes. Binalingan ako ni Kyros at malungkot na nginitian.

"Rigor, ikaw na bahala sa dalawang 'to. Ipinapaubaya ko na sila sa iyo," he joked again after pulling away from Castian.

"Thanks, man. Really." Rigor sincerely said. He's deeply aware of Kyros' big impact to my life.

Nilapitan ako ni Kyros at binulungan.

"Masosolo mo na ang Treveron mo, Czarina. Balitaan mo nalang ako kapag may kapatid na si Castian,"

Siniko ko siya sa tagiliran at inihatid na palabas. Castian hugged him one last time even though I told him we're going to drive him to the airport next month. Rigor helped loading his suitcases into the trunk of his car and thanked him once again. Kyros winks at me before climbing inside his car. He honked twice before speeding off.

When he disappeared from my line of vision, I turned to Castian and gave him a bright smile.

"Let's get you a little lunch, okay?"

We became very busy the following week. Rigor is finishing up the rest of his pieces while I resumed to work. Dinadala na namin si Castian sa studio dahil walang mapag-iwanan sa kaniya. We're also going to Elyu tomorrow afternoon as per Tita Sidra's request. Gusto niyang makasama ang apo at inuusig din kaming magpahinga muna sa trabaho.

Tito Ronan is a bit warmer to welcome Castian this time. Inaya niya ang bata sa labas kasama sina Freuss at Franco habang nasa loob naman ako ng kusina, tinutulungan si Tita Sidra na mag-bake. Hindi man lang ako nakapagbihis nang hinatak niya ako sa loob. I placed my bag clumsily atop the counter table and joined her.

"It's been a while since I got my hands into the oven," she excitedly said. "Anton wouldn't let me work in the kitchen without a company which is so ridiculous!"

"Bakit po?"

"I have lupus, dear," she smiled tightly at me. Gusto kong sampalin ang sarili dahil sa kagagahan ko. I should've known it! She keeps on asking me to open and lift things for her while we were working.

"I-I'm sorry—"

"It's okay," she waved her hand dismissively. "I'm not dying. I'm too pretty to die young," biro pa niya.

Alanganin akong ngumiti sa kaniya at ipinagpatuloy ang paghahalo ng harina at itlog. I thought her husband is a bit protective of her but now I know where he's coming from.

"I bought some vanilla yesterday, I'll just get it!" parang batang sabik siyang naglakad patungo sa labas. Sa kamamadali niya ay nasagi niya ang bag ko. The brown leather made a thud before the contents spilled on the floor.

"Oh no!"

"Ayos lang po, Tita, ako na—"

Hindi niy ako pinakinggan at pinagpupulot ang mga laman ng bag ko. She accidentally picked up the waiver from the hospital. Her hands froze as the contents revealed itself before her. Tita Sidra let out a faint gasp.

"Your mother is... Debbie Alonzo?"

Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan at hindi kaagad nakapagsalita. Tita Sidra looked up at me with a questioning look.

"What happened, Czarina? W-Why is she on a life support system?"

I bit my lower lip and looked away, feeling the weight of my heart sink to my stomach. Tita Sidra's hands are trembling now. Inakay ko siya paupo bago ko marahang ipinaliwanag sa kaniya ang nangyari.

"She got into a car accident with her... family," I cleared my throat. "Dr. Alonzo and her daughter with him are both dead. Siya naman, comatose na ng limang buwan,"

"Oh God," napatutop siya ng bibig sa narinig, saka sunod-sunod na tumulo ang mga luha. I felt so guilty watching her cry over my own mother when I couldn't bring myself to shed a few tears for her.

"Kilala niyo po ba ang nanay ko?" marahan kong tanong sa kaniya.

"Debbie..." she sobbed and looked at me. "She's my best friend, Czarina,"

Natahimik ako. That explains it, then. I told her I haven't made a decision yet about the life support and she asked if she could visit her next week, with me.

"Of course, Tita. You're welcome to see her,"

"I haven't seen her in so many years..." she whispered. "At some point, I thought she was dead. I haven't heard of her since she married your father."

Ngumiti ako nang malungkot. She must've been so ashamed of us that she'd cut ties with her friends and isolated us.

Pinunasan ni Tita Sidra ang mga luha niya at mapait akong nginitian. "I think... I should rest for a bit. I'm so sorry, Czarina. You can ask one of the maids to clean up."

"It's okay. Ako nalang po ang tatapos,"

Her lips pressed in a thin line with guilt. I quickly assured her that it's fine and she should rest. Tumango naman siya at umalis na. I was alone with my thoughts for a few minutes before I convinced myself to move. Tinapos ko ang paghahalo. I followed the instructions properly, desperate to get my mind off things. The hour passed with a blur of pans, flour, and sugar. The next thing I know, I was waiting for the oven to chime.

I stared at the closed oven satisfactorily before I realized that I was alone in the kitchen for too long. Hinubad ko muna ang suot na apron at lumabas para hanapin si Castian. I'm sure he'd be delighted to have some cookies after his playtime.

The garden is eerily silent, which is odd. I was expecting to hear the kids' giggles somewhere. Maybe Tito Ronan took them somewhere else? Nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid at sa wakas ay nakakita ng gumagalaw na anino.

Tito Ronan and Franco appeared from somewhere. Magalang ko siyang nginitian at hinanap ng mga mata sina Freuss at Castian pero walang sumunod sa kanila.

"Ang mga bata po?" tanong ko sa kaniya.

"We're playing hide and seek." Binalingan niya si Franco. "We're looking for them."

"Oh," I smiled and nodded. Castian is so good at hide and seek! Minsan ay aatakihin na ako sa puso kapag natatagalan ako sa paghahanap sa kaniya. "I see. I should go and check the cookies then. By the time you're done, it'll be ready."

He answered with a grunt and continued looking for them. Napailing ako habang nakangiti at bumalik na sa mansion. I waited for 15 more minutes before the cookies were finally ready. Isa-isa ko itong inilipat sa pan at nag-isip ng magandang presentation. May isang helper na pumasok at tumulong sa akin sa paghahanda.

I was holding the tray when Rigor sauntered into the kitchen.

"Are you baking something?"

"Cookies!" I excitedly lifted the tray for him to see. Nilapitan niya naman ako para usisahin ang gawa ko. He tried to grab one but I was quick to swat his hand away.

"This is for the kids, Rigor. Mamaya ka na,"

"Fine, fine." He chuckled and pressed a kiss on my cheeks. "Besides, I'm interested in a different cookie, Czarina."

My cheeks heat up. I was about to retort him when Tito Ronan appeared in the kitchen, looking pale and scared.

"Czarina, Rigor, it's been an hour already and I couldn't find them..."

"Huh?" hindi pa nag-register sa utak ko kung ano ang sinasabi niya. But his terrified expression made my knees tremble in fear.

"Freuss and Castian... I-I couldn't find them. They're missing."

-

#HanmariamBFLIIChap13