・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・

Swara had leapt at the chance; and as was her wont, she went with her gut instinct. The idea was good and it involved interviews, which she loved and hence was convinced that it was an opportunity made for her. She could think of no reason why she could not do it, despite her sister's obvious refusal to let it be done. She suspected that Ragini's refusal could also be on account of her worry that she might not be able to deliver the same but then Swara felt it was the perfect opportunity to prove herself.

However, when Ragini had walked out on them and Shekar went back to his cabin after patting Swara on her head , she found herself alone in Ragini's room. Swara had immediately rushed out to seek out her sister, but on being informed that Ragini had left office and had cancelled all her work for that day, Swara felt the first of the misgivings. She went back to Ragini's cabin and sinking into a chair tried calling her sister. When all her calls went unanswered, which was unusual, she became aware of the magnitude of what she had done, her sister had been vehement in her opposition. She closed her eyes as she remember the conversation that had taken place a few minutes ago.

Ragini glared at her father, it was a cold stare but one that had him sweating. It was in a scathing tone that she asked, "Let me get this straight, that idiot of a Sahil comes crying to you that SNLRS or whatever that firm is, has taken over the Maheshwari Group, hence has control over  a defunct magazine, and so is a direct threat to us. And the best way to deal with this threat is to identify who the person or persons behind SNLRS are so that we can discredit them and thus wipe out the threat. Further, you want to do this by featuring their interviews in our upcoming edition and you also want me to take the interviews?"

Shekhar looked at Ragini; despite her not raising her voice by a fraction, he knew she was in  an icy rage and regretted that he  had let slip it to be Sahils' idea, he should have remembered her deep ingrained disgust with Sahil. However, as he could not take it back, he sighed, "You are making it sound bad, it is just a routine job, and you cannot deny that it is a brilliant idea, we get to know who they are, and an interview with them, especially one that focuses on their personal lives rather than their professional image could do wonders for the lifestyle segment. Maybe it could even end up inspiring readers, you never know. Just agree to the interviews, we can think out the publication details afterwards."

Ragini shook her head, "No, I am not going to be involved in anything that might remotely benefit Sahil. I am not doing it. And if I have my way, I will even ensure that those interviews are never going to be printed, which of course means that you have to get someone to do it. I am making quite clear; I doubt if you can find someone in our office to do them, considering that I might just fire those reporters..."

"I will do it"

And when Ragini had stated at her she had tried to reason out her offer.
Swara cringed when she recalled her words; she should have given some thought as to why Ragini had been so against the idea but then she was never the one to think before saying or doing anything. She had tried to explain her offer, hoping that her sister would see that it had been based on logical reasoning rather than be seen as a reflexive action to play peacemaker. She now regretted her rashness and she was still convinced that the interviews were a good thing, though she wanted her sister's approval. As her phone went unanswered for the thirtieth time, she knew she would have to search out her sister, which was easy; there was only one place that her sister went to hide from the  world.

・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・

Swara stepped into the printing press, the tapping of the cylindrical press against the paper roll reminding her of her childhood days, where she would sometimes wander into the shed which housed the ancient treadle printing press, a relic of her great grandfather's foray into the newspaper world. It did not have much monetary value but then her grandfather treasured it while Ragini revered the press. Swara had never liked it, the consistent beat of the press gave her a headache and she hated the smell of paper and ink. However she would brave it for her sister.

She stood at the doorway, as she watched Ragini carefully feed the papers into the press; despite her aversion to the sounds and smell, she loved watching her sister operate the ancient press. It was a craft, involving skill and patience; the cast letters had to be set in the typeface, inked to precision and the paper had to laid carefully over them before sliding the frame under a padded surface and applying pressure from above using the knuckle and lever arrangement. It fascinated her, to see the fine impressions that the letterpress left on the blank paper, a crispness that could not be matched by the modern offset printers. 

Swara picked up the paper that floated towards her, one that Ragini had printed. It was completely filled with  'SNLRS';  that acronym in a continuous stream of letters as though she was trying to purge it out of her system. Guilt racked through her and she rushed inside; pulling at Ragini's wrist, Swara cried, "Di, I am sorry, I was not thinking straight when I jumped in. You must have your reasons and though I would like to know them, I will accept your objections. Just do not be angry or upset with me. If you insist I will not do the interviews."

"I am not angry."

"Di, I can make out when you are angry with me, do not lie to me, at least."

Ragini sighed, "Alright, I am angry a bit and quite upset with you. But it really has nothing to do with you. However, I also cannot stop you, for once your father makes up his mind he will find a way to get it done and your willingness is just the encouragement he needs. And as you are not a full fledged employee of the paper, we cannot even kick you out. Since you are my sister, I could emotionally blackmail you into not doing it, but I know you, Swara, once an idea appeals to you, you will find a way to do it and that frightens me, I rather have you do it openly rather than go about it behind my back."

Swara had not expected it, neither the admission nor the confession, "Di, what is it that has upset you, I have rarely seen you so distraught. What is it that you are not telling me? Do you know them? Did they hurt you? Please, di..."

Ragini shook her head, she had an inkling that if they agreed to the interviews, they would be making an anticipated move. She was disturbed, the acronym and the press release was one which had made quite a few people curious but she was worried as she questioned, 'why? Why now? and why after so many years.' And unbidden those words came back,

"You are a murderer"

"Ragini, are you in your senses? It was an..."

She had whirled  to face him and demanded, "Choose, choose whom you want..."

"You are crazy, asking me to choose, you are.."

Even after all those years she flinched as she recalled her words, the moment she had uttered that she knew it was wrong but then grief had made her so mad that she had resorted to anger, an all-consuming anger where she could not stop herself. Maybe this was a chance to get some answers or maybe it was a chance to make amends or maybe, if she could dare to hope that far, it was their way of reaching out to her. But she could not breathe a word of it to Swara, partly because it could prejudice her and partly because she was scared that Swara would realise that her sister was far from perfect. She could not have that, in her messed up life, there were times when it was only Swara's adoration for her that kept her sane.

Seeing the anxiety in Swara's face, Ragini made up her mind, "Do the interviews, Swara, just remember, irrespective of how they turn out to be and what you learn, you will not make the same mistake as I did, you will not allow your anger to make your decision."

If only Swara had heeded her sister's advice, if only she had remembered to curb her anger, she would not have caused the public denouement. They could still have achieved what they wanted, but would have been spared the pain.

・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・

The office of SNLRS, or rather the cabin, was quiet, as Tanisha read the request for what seemed to be the hundredth time. It was what they had anticipated, she would never use the word hope; they did not believe in that word, they had expected such a request to be made. Despite it being what they wanted, she was not sure if they should agree to the interviews, yet she did not have much of a choice in the matter. She had not been agreeable to the secrecy that SNLRS shrouded itself in nor was she amicable to the way they planned the veil to be removed; it could go wrong and the backlash might affect their company.

However, Tanisha was loyal; it was this loyalty, more than her substantial knowledge and potent ability that had made her an invaluable employee of the Maheshwari Enterprises. Twenty years ago, Ram Prasad had given her a chance, at a time when the lies against her had ensured that most industries would not even bother with calling her for an interview; a woman with no experience and a victim of domestic abuse who had divorced her husband, was not to be employed. More so, when the divorce was an ugly long drawn public battle, where her husband, who himself was a businessman of repute, spared nothing, money or otherwise, to tarnish her reputation and destroy her self-confidence.

She had not given in, finally winning the divorce, which left her penniless and abandoned by family, friends and familiar strangers and had spent six months subsequent to her divorce hiding from the world, till she decided that she could not live her life in that fashion. Gathering her courage and dusting off her MBA degree, she started to apply for jobs which only gave her more grief; an inexperienced, freshly divorced, thirty year old had negligible chances of obtaining a job, especially when her ex-husband's family ensured that most industrial houses would not even check out her resume. She also did not have the courage or the strength to move out to another city and was at her wit's end when she heard of the opportunity at the Maheshwari Enterprises.

Ram Prasad had given her a chance to attend the interview for a personal assistant and had insisted on knowing why a MBA graduate would want a job so far below her qualifications. She had been honest, aware that her history would be known to him yet hoping that she would get the job. Ram Prasad had heard her out in silence, as she briefed him about her divorce, simply stating mutual disagreement, she did not want any attention towards the reason, which were public knowledge. She was clear and frank enough to admit that her lack of any work experience made it impossible to get a job more suitable for her educational qualification. To her surprise and gratitude, he gave her the job with a rider, within a year she had to prove what exactly she was capable of.

It took her just six months to outgrow the post of the personal assistant and ten years later, she was appointed as Director – HR of the Maheshwari Group, a position from which she oversaw the success of the group even after the demise of Ram Prasad. It was five years ago that she finally got the chance to repay her debt of gratitude when she was invited to be the director of SNLRS. 

Putting aside her thoughts and memories, she dialled a number and waited for the familiar voice to answer.

"You win, I have the request for the interviews, though it states Ms Swara Gadodia would do them. We...I thought that Ra..."

"Swara is even better, easier to deal with. Proceed as we planned."

"Even with the Non Disclosure Agreements?"

"The NDA is even more important now that it is Swara. No word of the interview to be made public till such time it is published which would be after we check the entire article. It would be foolish not to have it in place. It will be our most important arsenal so it truly has to be a tight one. And when else would our expensive in-house lawyer make himself useful?"

Tanisha gave a small chuckle, she knew the affection behind those words and once she cut the call, she set about drafting the clauses to be included.

・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・

The response letter to the interview request was intriguing, though SNLRS agreed to the interviews, they specified a few conditions; the interviews would be conducted in the offices of SNLRS; would have one representative from each party, apart from Swara and the interviewee; the entire set of questions would have to be pre-approved and no other questions would be entertained; the answers would be checked and signed off before being finalised and SNLRS retained the right to refuse the publication of the interviews, within reasonable circumstances. 

Ragini was perturbed, but she could accept the conditions though the Non-Disclosure Agreement was unusual, both by its presence and the clauses it contained. Whilst most were standard, the legal ramifications were far too stringent; Ragini knew that in the event the terms were flouted, the stiff monetary penalty was the least of the price they would pay. She was not sure as to why an interview would need a NDA, unless, as she guessed, the interviews were a pretext for SNLRS to gain them leverage. Further, as she had anticipated, her father had not heeded to any of her words and decided to sign off the documents; uncaring that he would be held liable for all the transgressions.

When she went through the documents one last time, she noted the signature of SNLRS representative and it rattled Ragini - 'L. Jindal' .

She closed her eyes and remembered the day when she had received the call; she had been waiting for it, hoping for it and had answered it on the first ring, her voice trembling as she took his name, 

"Laksh..."

"Remember last week you demanded I choose..."

"Laksh, I was angry, I did not mean to..."

"Listen to me, I will never chose you, I do not care  who I have to chose between, even if it is a choice between you and the devil himself, I will never chose you. Remember that."

And as the mobile clicked off, Ragini had collapsed; her anger and grief turning to shame and guilt and she let those tears flow.

Eight years later, those emotions were still as fresh as they had been on that day, she had never ever cried again, it was as though she was punishing herself by denying the relief that the tears would have given her. She had changed from a warm woman with a fiery temper to a calm person with ice in her veins; her anger had dissipated and the shame had evaporated, but her grief and guilt had not abated. She knew it was just a matter of days when she would have to confront her past and though it frightened her, it gave her hope; maybe it was a chance to forgive and be forgiven. A chance to stop living a lie. 

And that was about Prevarication - a long chapter though I hope it was not boring. Agreed it did not have Sanskaar, but did it answer any of your doubts or do you have more doubts, now?

I would love to know your views, do let me know, simply press the star if you liked it and even better drop a note, as I always say, all feedback, good or bad is welcome.

love,
Nyna