White walls, beeping monitors, the stark smell of disinfectant.

I shifted slightly on what I would hardly describe as a bed and flinched at the discomfort of having an IV cannula inserted into my forearm. It was hard to move, hard to breathe. My head pounded and my eyes were sore. My chest felt tight and every inhalation was agony and as if that wasn't torture enough, my mouth tasted like someone took a piss in it.

How long had it been since I was admitted here?

I could tell time had passed, but I had no idea just how much. I turned my head slowly to the one-drawer nightstand beside my bed where my phone sat and stared back at me, and just as I was about to defy the pain pulsing through my body and reach for it, a shuffle of footsteps approached my door and it opened, revealing my weary looking assistant whose eyes went alight with the sight of me.

"Finally," Stefan said in a relieving breath. "I was starting to think you went west."

He was holding a transparent bag of clothes which made me look down and for the first time today notice that I was dressed in a blue hospital gown. I hated these things. "How-" I croaked. My mouth was so damn dry like the Mojave Desert. "How long was I out?" I struggled to grate out.

"Ten hours." He answered with glee, stepping forward to stand beside my bed. "You were really in a shit position when they rolled you to the ER," he added flippantly, peering down at me. "Thank God you're okay."

I exhaled and lolled my head back on the bed. That explained why my tongue felt lacerated. "Fill out the discharge papers and get me out of here."

"In a few more hours, I will but not right now. You had a heart attack and passed out due to energy starvation and malnutrition. Doctor Ryle thinks your blood pressure is still too high for you to get a discharge permit, and considering your family history of coronary artery disease, you may be at an increased risk of developing the condition so he needs to run more tests."

I groaned and shut my eyes. Fuck.

Stefan sat beside me on the bed. "Lily left an hour ago. She's been sitting in the waiting area and mumbling to herself since you got rushed in here. I think you really scared the shit out of her."

I hummed without opening my eyes. It was best she left, I had nothing to say to that little brat.

"And as for Sienna..." Stefan continued, sending my heart lurching and my body stiffening.

I opened my eyes.

"If you're wondering if I told her about your condition, I didn't. I was waiting to get your permission to do so considering what happened the last time you were hospitalized and she -"

"No," I cut him, throat closing. "I don't want her to know about this."

He looked at me dubiously. "Why?"

"We're not together anymore. She has no business knowing." I didn't want her here. I didn't want her to see me this way and pity me like I was some helpless child.

Stefan sighed in exasperation. "You and I both know she would get into the next available flight and fly back just to see you if she found out. That's how much she-"

"Stop it, Stefan." I ground out, clenching my fists by my side. I didn't want to hear it. My heart ached enough. "Just stop."

His lips pursed. "When are you gonna stop being hard on yourself."

"And when are you going learn to stick to your work and mind your goddamned business?" I bit back, glaring at him. "I pay you to be my assistant, not some meddlesome sob who clearly doesn't know when to stop."

My words hurt him. I could tell by the way he looked at me as though I had broken his heart. Maybe I did. But I didn't care. I just wanted him to stop.

"Are you sure this is what you want? For me to keep silent and watch you-"

"Yes, Stefan." I cut him, scowling. "Yes."

He stared at me for a silent second and then, with a defeated sigh, he resigned. "Okay got it."

After a few more hours under observation, I was cleared and discharged with some medications and a date to return for my stress test.

It was past 8 p.m. and raining. Stefan and I didn't speak to each other as we rode to my hotel in my Benz. To be fair, I had nothing to say to him and I preferred staring out the window at the city drenched with the outpouring of rain than engaging in a conversation I knew would only make my heart ache even more for the one person I wished to forget.

A flash of lightning sliced through the sky above, halting my thoughts.

She hated storms...

I closed my eyes and let my head fall back to the headrest as the memories of that night occupied my mind.

I remembered vividly the hurt and horror in her eyes the night she'd rushed into my bedroom and buried herself in my arms, crying in my chest.

Strange how badly I wanted to go back into that darkened night with her and hold her again, just for a while, just until I didn't feel hollow and empty anymore.

I released a soft laugh and opened my eyes. I was being delusional again. I turned back to the window. Corny nonsense.

She was safe. That was all that mattered, and it was relieving to know I didn't have to worry about her getting into trouble.

As the rain continued to pour, my mind drifted farther from home.

Maybe they were together now; her and that neurosurgeon Xavier Lee Jr. The reports from Evergreen said he was a lovable prick with a contagious personality, not a single stain, he was perfect for her. Maybe she was in his bed holding him tight and crying because of her nightmares that came with the storms. Maybe they were doing more than just holding each other, maybe they were both unclothed and he was-

Repulsive shivers slithered down my spine at the thought and when I looked down at my hands, I found that they had formed fists so tight my knuckles turned white.

God, why did I care so much if she was with another fucking man?

She wasn't mine, she wasn't mine, she wasn't fucking mine.

I closed my eyes once again and exhaled a breath, ridding the thoughts of her out of my mind. My body was still very exhausted and all I wanted to do right now was sink myself in a bathtub and lose myself with a bottle of bourbon right after.

By the time we arrived at the hotel, the rain had subsided. Holding up an umbrella, Ryder opened my door and walked me to the entrance. Stefan followed behind me and we took the elevator up together in silence to my already reserved room.

It was large and elegant with a king-sized bed, a walk-in closet, a minibar, and a floor-to-ceiling city view; not what I would usually go for but it was better than returning home. Every square inch of that house had a touch of Sienna embedded in it, and I didn't think I could bear a second of it.

"You can leave now," I told Stefan tersely as I reached for the buttons on my shirt and began to pop them open one by one. "I'm done with you for tonight."

"Nope can't do, boss." He collapsed on my sofa behind me and exhaled a deep breath. "Doctors orders. I'm stuck with you for the night."

I stopped my ministration on my shirt and turned to level a look at him. "I'm not about to share my bedroom with a man and give the whole hotel the wrong idea."

I recalled the receptionist blushing like a moron when we'd walked in together and I couldn't even describe the amount of disgust that clawed my insides at the thought of what she might have interpreted.

"And I'm not about to allow you have another heart attack while I'm away," Stefan said mutinously. "You heard what Ryle said, you may be up and about now but until your stress test is done, nothing is certain so I'm staying."

The determined look leveled on his face told me that it was useless trying to argue with him. Frankly, I didn't have the strength for it. I was too weary myself. "Fine, suit yourself." I bit and reached for my buttons, popping the remains open, and then I shrugged off my shirt and watched his eyes settle on my chest, assessing my tattoos, unfazed.

I reached for my slacks and unbuckled my belt in front of him. Still unfazed. I reached for my zipper and slid it down. His eyes twitched. I started to pull it down my hips, taking my briefs along. His eyes widened and he shot up immediately. "I'll-" he cleared his throat, blanching. "I'll step out and order us dinner." He stated and didn't wait for my reply before turning around and walking to the door.

It shut behind him.

I rolled my eyes and stepped out of my slacks.

Time to shower.

I stepped out of the bathroom an hour later in my t-shirt and shorts to find Stefan munching on a sandwich as he worked on something on his laptop which was propped on his thigh.

His eyes lifted to meet mine and he stopped chewing. "Forgot to ask you what you would want so I ordered a bunch of stuff." He explained, inclining his head to the table ladened with a widespread assortment of covered meals.

The mere sight of food made me nauseous. I didn't want to eat.
Dismissing him, I walked to the mini bar. Alcohol. I needed some alcohol. I grabbed a bottle of whiskey. This would do. I picked up a glass, filled it, and took a slug from it. It burned. Fuck.

"You shouldn't be drinking." Stefan chided behind me but I ignored him and took another swig, wincing at the way it simmered its way down my throat to my gut.

Stefan got up. I could hear his footsteps approaching. "Boss, you're not supposed-"

"You're not going to tell me what I can and cannot do." I cut him, turning to face him with a glare.

He sighed impatiently. "You need to eat to take your meds."

"And you need to shut up." I shot back, brushing past him and starting towards my bed.

"I'm only trying to help," he grated out flatly behind me. "If you weren't in such a shit position I wouldn't need to be here."

I stopped and turned, curling my hand around my glass. "Well then leave Stefan, get the fuck out of here. I don't need your fucking help and I don't want to hear your bullshit either."

I turned back to continue my walk and-

"Ungrateful son of a bitch."

I stopped and pivoted back to glower at my assistant whose face had turned dark and intense.

"What did you just call me?"

"I'm here busting my ass for you and all I get in return is an attitude, not even a fucking thank you. Wanna drink and kill yourself? be my guest, drink it all." He threw his hands in the air. "Fuck, what's the point of being one of the biggest tycoons in the world if you still get to be this miserable."

His words...it hit me like a punch to my gut and something in my stomach dropped.

He scoffed, raking a hand through his hair. "So much for a billionaire. You can't even get your shit together. You're falling into shambles because your wife left you and yet you're still too prideful to go back to her." He shook his head and laughed hysterically. "No, no. It's not pride, you're just a coward, a miserable, pathetic one."

My hand curled around my glass and my jaw clenched as I tried to hold in the cauldron of emotions already raging inside me. "Stefan, that's enough." My words rumbled out with aggravation. He sensed it. He ignored It. He pressed on.

"What?" He stepped forward, daring me. "Hit a nerve? I'm right, aren't I? You're confused. You claim you don't want her and yet you can't let her go, you claim you never liked her and yet look at you? Take a look in the mirror boss, you aren't fooling anyone."

I dropped my glass on the nearest surface and allowed my hands to curl into fists. "If you're trying to piss me off on purpose," I told him, swallowing the anger rising to my throat. "It's working."

His lips lifted at the side. "You know, maybe I should try pursuing her myself. If I woo her just right maybe she would date me instead. She already had a crush on me once, did you know that?" He laughed. "It wouldn't take much effort to get her in my bed and see what's got you so messed up."

That right there was it.

Anger boiled in my veins, it filled the gaping hole in my chest and I didn't bother holding back as I pulled back my fist and aimed for his face.

He careened into the nearest wall, wailing in pain. I didn't stop. With emotions swirling through me like a wild burning fire, I stormed to him, grabbed him by the collar, and slapped him across the face. "Don't." Slap. "You fucking." Slap. "Speak about." Slap. "Sienna like that ever." Slap. "Again."

To my surprise, when I let him go, he laughed, blood spurting from the corner of his mouth and dripping on his shirt. "What's wrong boss? Why you getting angry?" He chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I thought you didn't care about her? You shouldn't care if I fuck her then? It would be a great pleasure to share a woman with you."

The image he was putting in my head made my blood roar between my ears. "Fuck you, Stefan." I hissed, raising my hand to land another punch but he blocked it and shoved me back.

"Sorry about this," he said in a rush and I didn't understand what he'd met until his fist connected with my face, knocking me off balance, but he didn't let me fall, he caught me by my shirt, pulled me up and slapped me right across the face, and then he let me fall.

I hit the ground with a thud. Fuck.

I tasted blood in my mouth.

Stunned, I looked up.

"Come on." Stefan taunted, circling around me, arms raised for combat with that sick smile on his face that made my stomach revolt.

Unable to stop the potent rush of anger, I sprung up and lunged at him. He dodged out of the way and tackled me, sending us both tumbling down to the ground.

"Get off me, you dumbshit!" I snapped when he climbed atop me and held me down by the shoulders.

"Not until you stop being a prick and finally admit what you want!" He snapped back.

The weight of his body pressed down on me, bringing dark unwanted memories to the surface. Fighting back the panic and sickness that clawed in my gut, I gave him a right hook to the ribs. He wailed and loosened his hold on me. I seized the opportunity and flipped us and the next few minutes were a blur of punches.

Damn him, damn him, damn him!

"That's it," he goaded between grunts, shielding his face from my relentless blows. "Do what you do best, take your anger out on other people instead of confronting your problems head-on!"

"You don't know me, Stefan!" I spat, my weeks of frustration pouring out with every punch I threw at him. "You don't fucking know me!"

"You're wrong, I know you enough!" He gripped my hand and shoved me up enough to roll us over and get on top, restraining me with his legs. "I know this isn't you!" He slapped me across the face again, making me momentarily dizzy. "Admit it!" Slap. "Admit what you feel for her!" Slap. "Do it!"

Slap!

Slap!

Slap!

Slap!

My heartbeat spiked. I lost it.

"I miss her!" I screamed as the chasm inside me exploded like an erupting volcano. "I miss her! I miss her so much it hurts! it's hard to breathe! hard to eat! I can't even think straight! When I close my eyes all I see is her! Everything feels like a fucking mess without her! my life is falling apart! Fuuuccckkk." I yelled, feeling my eyes sting. "It sickens me! it sickens me to the gut that she's not here! I am angry! I'm in pain! I cannot stop! I cannot live without her! I want her! I want her so bad! Without her I'm-I'm miserable and-and lonely! My world feels empty and-and void! without her I'm... I'm," All the oxygen along with my anger flowed out in a rush, leaving me feeling drained. "Without her...I'm...lost."

The sounds in the room seized and the weight on top of me lifted as Stefan rolled off me and settled by my side, and we both lay on the floor, gulping for air, staring at the ceiling.

"That wasn't so hard now was it?" He quipped after a moment.

"Shut up." I snorted, blinking away the sting in my eyes. I was a mess. She made me this way. Only her.

Stefan laughed softly and then grunted in pain. "I know what it's like firsthand to lose someone you love. It sucks to the bone and you get to live every single day of your life wondering what would have been different."

At his words, I closed my eyes, allowing the last six months with Sienna to flash before my eyes-our wedding, our first night together, her smile, her dancing in the kitchen cooking for me, her playing with my hair when she thought I was asleep, her praises, the sexy way she always told me to fuck off, her hugs, her kisses, her infuriating defiance -I inhaled a shaky breath as my heart clenched in my chest.

It wasn't just the sex for me. It was more.

Much more.

Much much more.

A spark, a force of something I had never felt in long years.

I... I loved-a sudden pressure erected in my chest, making it hard to breathe-fucking hell. I wasn't ready to call whatever I felt for Sienna's love but I knew it was something, something potent and strong and a hell of a lot terrifying but what was more terrifying was going another day without her.

Whatever we had, I didn't want it to end. The idea of not having her in my life hurt a little too much and I wasn't sure I could handle it.

I thought avoiding what I felt for her would make forgetting her easy but it wasn't, and it took me two punches and multiple slaps to the face to realize I wanted her. I wanted all of her. I wanted her to belong to me.

I opened my eyes. "What do I do now Stefan?" I asked with a ragged exhale.

"Whatever step you take now is solely your choice to make but if you leave tonight you'll make it there before Thanksgiving."

Anxiety vibrated in my chest over the thought of seeing her. "Do you think she would want me back?" I'd hurt her and I had left her. She should hate me. I knew she did, and I was frightened that after everything I'd done, she wouldn't want me anymore.

Stefan turned to me, lip bloodied, eyes going dark and yet he was smiling. I really needed to give him a raise. "She calls me every day just so stylishly ask about you. You have no idea how into you she is, you dunderhead."

His words made my heart blossom with hope and I savored the feeling. Hope. I never thought I would have a reason to hope again.

At that moment, I made my decision.

Stefan got up and stretched out his hand for me to take. Heart pumping with determination, I grabbed it and got up.

I missed my fork for a tongue, I missed my hot-headed spitfire, I missed my wife, and I was going to get her back. No matter the cost.

I'm coming, Sienna. Just you wait.