You dirty little thing...
I love it when you beg for me...
You want your pussy stuffed so bad, don't you?
You're a slut for my cock, a slave for my pleasure, you're mine...

I couldn't remember totally the details of the nightmare that made me jerk up from my bed with my heart pounding hard and my cunt pounding even harder but I knew it had something to do with Tristan and me both naked in the same bed.

Two weeks.

That was how long it had been since I left his penthouse and flew over to Australia and I still couldn't escape him even in my dreams.

My panties were damp. There was no need to check, I could feel it. Grunting, I rolled over on my bed to my stomach and mushed my face into my pillow. God, I thought things would get better now that we were continents apart from each other but the agonizing ache for him was simply not diminishing and hitherto, the passage of time that they said would help, (which by the way was just a bunch of worded jumble bullshit) wasn't even freaking helping.

On the contrary, all it did was make the ache in my chest for him a million times intense, and at this point, I was certain I was going to be thinking of him for the rest of my life because no matter how much I tried to push him out of my mind, he always found his way back there and plagued me.

I turned again and stared at the ceiling.

I missed him. There was no use denying it. I missed him so much it burned. I missed him so much I couldn't breathe. I missed him so much every part of my body hurt and ached.

It was like I was homesick for a place that wasn't even my home and I was lovesick for a man who wasn't capable of loving anything.

I expelled an exasperated breath.

Leaving New York, I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I was sick of all of it, I was sick of the way he treated me, of the lies, of the secrets, I wanted my life back, not that fake one. I didn't want to be Sienna the wife of an overbearing, vituperative billionaire anymore. I wanted to be just Sienna.

I thought this was what I wanted; to be free and bound to no one but as days passed, I realized it wasn't.

God, I didn't even know what I wanted but I knew it wasn't this.

My thoughts strayed briefly to that night and the commingling of fear and agony on his face when he had asked me to make a choice replayed in my mind's eye.

It was clear he didn't even want me to leave but he just didn't know how to ask me to stay. Pride was his problem, it always had been. Such a confusing man.

I sighed.

I was even more confusing myself.

Stupid moron, happy now?
My subconscious nagged me.

I wasn't happy.

The days were usually bearable. I operated mostly on autopilot and managed to stay afloat and gingerly with my family and friends but at night, when I crawled back into my bed, I cried my eyes out, wishing I hadn't walked out, wishing we were still together.

I turned to my side and stared at the night sky through my open window.

Did he...miss me too?

Was he as devastated as I was?

I hugged my pillow to my chest as a sense of sudden longing materialized in it.

Was he sick with desire for me? Did it punch him in the gut like it did to me?

Did he sleep at all?

When he did, did he still have those nightmares?

A pang of overwhelming guilt sprung out of nowhere and stabbed me in the chest as the images of him being tormented and alone and in pain clogged my headspace.

Was he okay?

Or...had he moved on?

With who? Shelly?

Would he go back to her now that I was out of his way?

She was his previous sub and he had broken things off with her not because he wanted to but because our contract stated it. He could go back to her now and they could-

My chest felt constricted.

Dear god.

I sat up immediately and squeezed my pillow.

I couldn't stand the idea of him going back to her.

But what say did I have if he did?

I was the one who left. The contract ended in less than two weeks and I was sure any moment from now I would be served with divorce papers.

I bit my lip and turned to my cell phone sitting on my bedside table.

Maybe if I told him I changed my mind...

God, no.

I nixed the idea before it could metamorphose. The thought of going back to beg him brought a sour poisonous taste to my mouth. I'd had my self-respect and self-worth trampled on enough. If I went back now, I would be like an indecisive fool. Plus, I didn't have it in me to my hurt by him again.

I pushed back the covers and got up.

The clock in my room chimed the time. 12:23.

I couldn't fall back asleep. I didn't want to risk seeing him again.

I grabbed my robe and swung it over my shoulder to conceal the silk nightdress I had underneath. I needed some almond milk. I took a deep breath and walked out of my bedroom, padding down the narrow hallway to the wooden stairs that led to the small living space.

Once in the kitchen, I strolled to the fridge and opened it. No almond milk, no milk. The wine would have to do I guess. Although I didn't really want to, I grabbed the half bottle of Merlot and brought it to the island.

I turned back and opened the cabinet above to grab a wine g-

"What are you doing?"

My breath caught in my throat as I startled. Jesus! I swiveled instantly, hand in chest.

Mum.

Relief washed over me when I saw her standing by the door in her purple night dress that exposed acres of her creamy cleavage.

She might have been old by age but her body told a very different story.

"Mum," I breathed. "I didn't see you there."

She strolled in and perched on one of the kitchen stools, signaling with an incline of the head to get her a glass.

I grabbed two wine glasses from the cabinet and brought them back to the island. I opened the wine and poured us both a glass.

She accepted the glass I handed to her and clinked it with mine in silent cheers before taking a tasting sip, then she sighed in pleasure and leaned back to look at me. "It's late, you should be in bed."

I took a seat beside her and tilted my glass to my lips, filling my mouth with the boisterous black cherry flavor. "I can't sleep."

"What's the problem?"

Everything. I looked down and swirled my glass. "Nothing, I just can't find sleep."

My mother shook her head and set her glass on the island. "Sienna darling, the last time you looked this distant, I ended up finding out from your principal that you punched a student in the eye."

I shrugged and replied sourly. "He called me a bastard." Granted, he should have gotten more than a black eye. Maybe I should have kicked him in the balls. Asshole.

"Oh, he deserved it alright but my point is, I know when something is going on with you."

Right, nothing got past her, except for the three years of my life that I spent suffering in the hands of Michael right under her nose.

"Is it because of Xavier? Are you anxious about meeting him in person?"

Her question broke my musing. I shook my head immediately. Xavier and I had talked on the phone a couple of times since I arrived here. Though I still hadn't met him in person, he seemed like a nice guy. He talked about his job often; how he saved lives and how demanding it could be, which was why he had to fly back to Germany for an impromptu surgery, but he promised to be back on time for Thanksgiving which was also a few days from now. "It's not it."

"Then what is?"

I released a deep breath.

As much as I wanted to come clean to my mother about my five and a half months of a roller coaster life, I couldn't because of the NDA Tristan made me sign.

"Sienna." My mother called, her face molded with maternal concern. "Don't make me ask again, what is wrong with you?"

I bit my lip. "I'm fine." I lied. "It's not me, it's...a friend of mine who lives in America with me." I lied again. "She's going through a lot right now and whenever I think of it I just feel weighed down."

Her face became awash with a little relief as she leaned back and picked up her glass of wine. "What about her? Tell me."

I gripped my glass with both hands and looked down at the content swirling around in it. "She's in love with a man who doesn't love her."

A concerned frown creased her brows. "And this man, is he American?"

Her frown deepened when I nodded slowly. "All American men are dogs. She should have selected someone better to fall for. They come for one thing and one thing only; foreign flower, and once they suck all the nectar, they're gone, on to the next."

I nodded at her explanation which was quite right but I chose to believe Tristan was different. He wasn't a playboy or a casanova, he didn't even like women. "It's different. He's different from the rest American men, and he doesn't even know she loves him."

My mother clucked her tongue. "A lopsided relationship is already a relationship doomed to fail."

"Well, their relationship isn't exactly a relationship."

Sometimes it felt like a relationship
Other times it felt like something that shouldn't even exist.

It was confusing, just as confusing as his mood. One moment, he was burning hot for me and showing me so much affection, then the next he was running cold and being a meany.

"And I'm guessing she wants it to be?"

When I nodded she sighed. "Why doesn't she just tell him then?"

"He's different from other men, really different."

She sat up. "Tell me about him."

I stopped and thought for a moment. "Aside from being handsome and super wealthy, he's standoffish and complicated and moody and sooooo surly."

She laughed.

I looked up to meet her eyes.

"Sienna honey, most men usually possess those qualities you mentioned, some more than others. It simply a matter of degree and I've come to recognize that they're generally built that way." She took a sip of her wine. "As long as he isn't abusive and he takes care of her, I see nothing wrong."

While she smiled and sipped her wine, I kept quiet, struggling through her statement.

As long as he isn't abusive...

Was he?

"Sienna..."

I blinked back from my thoughts and found my mother staring intently at me. "Yeah?"

She held my gaze for several silent moments. "He isn't abusive, is he?"

I was quiet, wanting so desperately to believe he wasn't, wishing all those times never happened but it did, didn't it?

"Sienna." Her tone held a hint of impatience. "I asked you a question."

I looked down at my glass again, debating for a moment how to answer but in the end, I decided to go with the truth. "He...he sometimes gets physical with her, sometimes okay, not very often and it's not like he pounces on her or anything, he just..." Spanked me, whipped me with his belt, choked me until I couldn't breathe, and threatened to kill me several times... "He had a very bad past that attributes to the way he acts."

My mother paused and eyed me suspiciously.

"What?"

"Why does it seem like you are defending this man who hurts your friend?"

I blanched. "He doesn't hu-"

She cut me. "Has he laid his hands on her?"

I nodded.

She gave me an askance look. "Just his hands?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and worked up the strength, to tell the truth. "He used a belt on her once because-"

She dropped her glass immediately. "Sienna!"

Her exclamation made me jerk in my seat. "What?"

"Forget about confessing her love, you should tell your friend to run."

I shook my head. "You don't understand. His past; he-"

"No," she cut me again. "No honey." Her hand found mine and she held it. "Limits exist for a reason and touching your wife or girlfriend or whatever she is to you in that manner is crossing the limit."

I bit my lip. "But-"

"No buts-" she squeezed my hand. "When you were young you always asked me how I got the scars on my back and I always told you I fell from a really tall stairs but that's not true." She stopped and looked at me, and the way her eyes ladened with pain and regret made my stomach clench. "I got them from a man I also thought I loved with my life."

Her words hit me like a bucket of ice cold water and I gasped sharply. "Mum..."

"His name was Yuri, he was 24 and I had just turned 18 with no shelter or no place to stay but he found me one day by a local pub searching through the trash for anything valuable to sell and took me in. He was my savior, Sienna, he gave me a new life. I owed him everything and had willingly given my soul to him, but even heroes become villains in someone else's story, and sometimes, you never really know a man's true nature until he gains total control over you."

Petrified, I pressed a hand over my pounding heart and whispered. "Mum...you don't have to go on, I-"

"No, you need to hear it." Her hand squeezed around mine even tighter. "Things were fine at first but then he lost his job at the mine and everything changed. He started coming home late at night and drinking excessively. He became unstable and blamed me for his loss. He would yell at me so much my ears would nearly bleed, then one day, just when I had returned from the clinic with my positive pregnancy news, he hit me. He hit me and he beat me and I bled and lost my first child."

My chest constricted so tightly that it became hard to breathe. I had no idea she...oh god. I swallowed conclusively as my eyes welled with instant tears. How cruel.

"I forgave him." She continued after a few seconds, looking ashamed. "He begged, he told me we could make more babies, that he would never lay his hands on me. I agreed. I forgave him, and it never really occurred to me after that that my relationship with him became toxic. I was only 19 and blinded by love. Even with losing my first child, I still enjoyed life quite well with him thinking so long as he apologized, things would be fine."

She paused and closed her eyes. Her chest rose and fell with exhalation. When she opened her eyes, they were glassy with a pain so palpable, I nearly started to cry.

"Then a year later, my second child entered and was beaten out of me again, then my third who didn't make it to the third month, and your brother Axton who became my fourth. I knew I would lose him, as long as Yuri was in the picture, he wasn't safe, so I gathered up the courage and ran away and that was how I met Steven; the man who willingly became your brother's father, the man who loved me so unconditionally he made me forget all about my hideous past."

I couldn't breathe, it was shallow, barely existent. "God, I'm so sorry Mum, you didn't deserve this. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay honey." Tears fell from her eyes. "It's okay."

I shook my head, sick to the stomach at the realization of what she suffered, the hurt she must have felt, and how lonely she must have been. "No, it's not okay. You didn't deserve that. You were-you-" I broke off with a sob and started to cry.

"Oh, darling." She pulled me to her and hugged me, and for the next few minutes, we both sobbed into each other's shoulders until our eyes had nothing else to give.

When she pulled away, she sniffled and grabbed my hand again. "Had I not let love rule my judgment, my life would've been different. I know what it's like to be in a confused state of dilemma, thinking you can change him, thinking he will get better but they never change, Sienna. Tell your friend not to be like your mum. She needs to be brave and fight her affection and leave. Only then will she let her heart heal and find a man who will love her the right way."

My subconscious shook her head at my mother's statement. Tristan wasn't Yuri, he was different, I knew it, I could feel it. He wouldn't hurt me like that.

"What if..." I started, my voice wavering. "What if after I tell her all this, she still wants him and believes he can change?"

"Oh, Sienna," She caressed my hand with her thumb. "When you try to fix people, there are always consequences and sometimes those consequences are not worth the risk."

It took a moment for her words to register and when they did, a fresh wave of tears pricked my eyes.

She smiled ruefully. "In all, I'm just so glad my daughter knows better," she tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "You would never end up with a man like that."

My stomach dropped.

I already have mum and I've fallen for him beyond reason.