You take the man out of the city, not the city out the man
You take the man out of the

And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it
Another version of me, I was in it

- end of beginning (djo)

68. end of beginning 

"Are you not mad at me?"

"No."

"Are you really not mad at me."

"Do you want me to be mad at you?"

"No."

Seojun and Suho looked at each other. Suho raised his eyebrows at the anxious man who was lying on the sofa but could not sleep.

That evening was a whirlpool of emotions to the man who had saved someone from death and seen the woman he fancies in a miserable state.

It also brought back horrible memories of death of his mother and sister and each time he thought about them, Seojun wanted to cry.

"You did good Seojun." Suho sat across from the tall man who lay on the sofa with his legs sprawled on the top. "You did very good, so I am not mad at you for pulling a deadly stunt as that."

Seojun had gone against the instructions of his manager when he headed to drive to the bridge he heard Soojin speak about and save the boy. He did not know the boy, but he had to save him. No one else was going to die on his watch again.

Suho had caught up to him and stopped him.

"Don't stop me from doing this."

"I am not stopping you." Suho calmly said, taking the car keys from Seojun's hands. "Let me drive, let's find him together."

So the old friends had sped through red lights and dark lanes to reach the bridge they were headed to. It was weird, Seojun glanced at Suho who was just as worried as he was to save some guy they did not know.

Were they both trying to heal the old Suho and Seojun who could not save their best friend Seyeon? Was Suho also in pain as he was, hiding behind his smiles and laugh? Was he gonna make Suho live a miserable life ahead now that he decided to leave him too?

All of Seojun's thoughts came to a standstill when Suho hurriedly stopped the car at a very heartbreaking scene.

Soojin raising her hand towards a scared Jaehun and asking him to come back.

Then he slipped and fell in the water.

Before Seojun could grasp the situation, he watched Soojin hurriedly jump from the bridge and splash in the water.

That was when Seojun's heartbeats dropped and he felt what he did when he saw his family die.

No, he shook his head, removing his jacket and his shoes. He was not going to let any of his beloved's die again. He rushed past Suho who couldn't do much to stop the man and took a dive into the dark, cold river.

All for the woman he disowned in front of the world.

It did not matter to him.

Nothing did.

Not the fans, not the KMF, not even his band.

All that mattered was Kang Soojin.

That was it.

That was all he thought about when he swam in the freezing water. That was all he wanted he grabbed the duo and brought them back to safety.

That was all he wanted.

"I know that Soojin matters a lot to you."

Seojun looked at the smiling Suho who had readied their food from the takeover boxes.

"You are just too stubborn to accept how much you love her."

Seojun sighed.

"I don't have enough time to love someone."

"False. You have your entire life to love and be loved. You'd rather just walk away than take a step forward."

"You don't know what it is to be me."

Suho stopped serving the rice and looked sharply at the man.

"Is that why you want to die? So you can show me how it feels to be you?"

Seojun averted his gaze.

"That is not what I want."

"Then why do you want Seojun?" Suho was trying to be levelheaded with his friend but five years of constant battles had weakened him too. "You want the pain to stop, so you are ready to inflict fresh wounds on all of us? You want to die because it's getting overbearing but you really think any of us, Jugyeong, me or Soojin would be the same after your death? Do you really think that each of us will live in peace and joy once you are dead?"

Suho was not screaming, but his soft words felt like a deafening scream to the singer.

"It has been decades since Seyeon died and a part of me has died with him. A part which will never come back to life and you know that. You know what happens when someone leaves you abruptly and you have nothing to do but live."

"You did not lose your mother and a sister in the same day. You did not lose your will to live and to love. You did not lose your family, Suho."

Suho scoffed, shaking his head as he stood up. It was really pointless trying to be vulnerable with Han Seojun who had built steel walls around him. He took a deep breath and stepped back.

"I will Seojun, I will lose my family in two weeks. So thanks for the heads up. Maybe that should lessen the impact."

_

Kang Soojin sat cooped up in the corner of the hospital room as she waited for Jaehun to recover. Thankfully he wasn't severely injured. Although he did end up hurting his arm from the impact and the doctors ran other tests on him.

Once she brought Jaehun home, she had to complete the legal formalities with the police and stand as sign as a gaurdian for Jaehun's mandatory mental health sessions. It was way too late at night when she reached her apartment and was completely exhausted by the turn of events.

Soojin sat out on the sofa and sighed, realizing how she was still wrapped in her Team Jang-nim's jacket.

No wonder it smelled so relaxing and calm.

She was thankful for Mr. Choi who had assisted her in every single thing she did today. She would have choked up with overbearing emotions if he wasn't by her side. He handled the hospital bills when she filled the papers, he spoke to the police and helped reduce the sentence for Jaehun while she was on the verge of tears and dropped her back home with a suggestion to take the next couple of days off so she could rest.

Soojin then did something she never thought she would.

She hugged him.

Mr. Choi was stunned for the first few seconds when Soojin wrapped her arms around his tensed body. He did not react, or could not get the chance to react as she buried her face in his chest.

It was overwhelming for her and to an extent, for him too.

"Thank you, thank you so much for being with me today." Soojin said, she was almost on the verge of tears again now that the day's events' were coming to an end. "Thank you for everything."

It was inappropriate for a junior to be in cahoots with the team senior and Mr. Choi knew that. He would be putting Kang Soojin at a risk of losing her job again and he could not do that to the poor soul who had already been through hell.

So he kept his hands to the side.

Despite them wanting to wrap around her cold body.

"Why did I do that?" Soojin cursed as she lay her head on the sofa-rest and shut her eyes. "I must have made him uncomfortable!"

She thought about texting the man to ask him about the bills he paid and to apologise for acting like an idiot but decided against it. She'll just man up and face him. Either way, she could really do with some rest.

Soojin walked over to her room and smiled at the asleep Jaehun. She tucked him in the blanket and shut the drapes, taking his cell phone and switching off the morning alarms. Once she shut the door behind her, Soojin could feel the tears well up in her eyes.

She really wanted to cry.

Before she could wail like a little girl, the doorbell that rang help put a pause on it.

It was 5 am. Who in the world was at her door at an ungodly hour as such?

Soojin opened the door and came face to face to an equally miserably Han Seojun.

She was not ready for this. She really needed a break from all of it and just cry.

Can't a woman cry in peace?

Seojun took a step closer while Soojin stood adamant in her stance.

"Let's do this another day, Han Seojun – I really need..."

But Han Seojun took the remainder of the steps between them and wrapped his long arms around the frozen girl.

"You did good." He said, his hand patting her back and the other holding the back of her head. "You did good. You are okay now."

Soojin cried. She could not help herself but she wrapped her arms around his warmth and cried. She hated him for that press conference, and making her feel so alienated and cold.

But she also loved him.

For saving her life not once but twice. For not thinking about himself when it came to her. For simply existing.

"Why are you here?" She asked, when he hugged her a bit firmer and held her closer to his beating heart. "Why?"

"I don't know." Seojun said, tears welling in his eyes but he was afraid to meet hers. So he hugged her and let his rapidly anxious heart do the talking. "But I cannot keep running away from you. No matter what I do, I always come back to you. I am tired, Soojin. I am just tired. I haven't slept peacefully in a long time."

Soojin broke the hug and held his tired face in her palms. The moment she did that, Seojun could feel all of his anxieties vanish. Her mere touch was enough for him to go back to the Han Seojun he once was.

"Let's eat some warm ramen and go to sleep."

They did just that.

They wanted to speak, clear the air, ask if they were okay, question and confess. They wanted to cry and laugh and hold onto each other. They wanted to do a lot of things that night.

But they settled for hot ramen and a warm nap.

Seojun lay standing at the kitchen counter as he watched Soojin make him some of his favourite ramen.

Kimchi Ramen with spring onion and two runny eggs.

Just the way his Omma made for him.

Soojin drew herself a warm bath, and got some of Jaehun's clothes for the tall man who could hardly fit in them. She was thankful Jaehun liked oversized clothes and smiled when Seojun looked awkwardly cute in the baggy pants and t-shirt that exposed his tats.

She did not question them. Especially the way they tried hiding the marks and scars on his skin.

This was not the time for questions.

Right now they really needed some warm food and a bed to sleep.

They sat on the little table and ate the hot spicy Ramen with a smile on their faces.

Soojin remembered how she loved eating the Ramen bowls Seojun's mother would make for her. It was one of the best meals she had and although she tried recreating it over the years, she knew she could never match the taste or the magic. She was worried Seojun won't like the ramen as much.

Her fears subsided when she placed the bowl and Seojun didn't wait a second to gulp it down.

Soojin looked over at Seojun as he devoured the entire bowl. His hair strands cutely falling over his forehead as he gulped the entire meal in a single breath.

She couldn't help but smile.

"What?" He asked, cutely with his cheeks puffed.

"Nothing."

Seojun helped clear the table and clean the dishes while Soojin readied the sofa for him to sleep. She pulled the sofa into a bed and added her comforter and pillows.

"Where am I sleeping?" He asked glancing at the set-up with a raised eyebrow.

"Here!"

"And where are you sleeping?"

"On the floor..." Soojin pointed at the little space left between the wall and the sofa, "I don't really mind, I can sleep anywhere."

"Good, sleep with me then."

Seojun did not bother to see the flushed expressions on Soojin's face as he took the sheets from the ground and placed them on the sofa-cum-bed. He then settled in the sheets, the place smelled so much like Soojin, he could already feel himself softening at the hardened fabric.

Soojin stood frozen when Seojun settled on the right and patted the empty space besides him.

He wasn't asking, rather instructing and she sighed because she wanted to comply to all of it without any complaints.

Soojin switched off the lights and settled besides Seojun who suddenly felt too close to her. She hated how loud her heart was beating and how warm it felt all of a sudden. She turned her back at him and tried sleeping on the edge of the sofa to avoid causing any awkward encounter between the two.

For the first ten minutes they lay in their places, sleep not so evident and hearts fanatically betraying them. However, when Han Seojun dared to wrap his arm around the girl and pull her closer, the anxious heartbeats fell back to their normal pace and sleep felt a bit more familiar.

Seojun nuzzled his face in the homey scent of Soojin's hair, his arm holding her closer to his chest and his hand holding her soft ones. Soojin was breathing softly, taking her time to soak in Seojun's warmth and his cologne, taking every second to remember this moment, every detail about it.

The petty princess wrapped in the wannabe gangster's arms.

Of course she's gonna memorize every single detail about it.

And while she did that, Seojun slept.

It was the first time he slept without any pills, or nightmares.

With the love of his life in his arms, the nightmares did not dare bother him that night. And no bloodied hand troubled him either.

Breathing suddenly seemed easy.

_

a/n they're each other's chicago <3333

reminder to interact with the story, i appreciate all those who do!

thank you for 100K reads, i never really thought this story would blow up!