Looking at the stars
Admiring from afar
you will be my girl

- we fell in love in October (girl in red)

61. we fell in love

"Omma - why do you always try to hold my hand. I'm not a kid anymore, if any of my friends see me - they'll tease me."

"Seojun-nnie, you'll always be a kid to me - my little kid." His mother smiled at her son's tantrum. "And I love to hold your warm hand, makes me feel so happy and safe."

Seojun frowned, "but you can hold Gowoon's hand. Why mine?"

"Well, I have two hands solely for the purpose of holding your hand in one and Gowoon's in the other!"

"Aaah, Omma - you're so dramatic."

Mrs. Han smiled - her smile often reached her beautiful eyes and Seojun loved that smile. He couldn't help but smile back and hold her hand - firmly.

"I like your soft hands too - Omma." Seojun beamed, holding his mother's hand. "Although that's enough hand holding for a year..."

If Seojun knew that one day he'd be longing to touch those soft hands, he'd be grasping them with his dear life. He'd never let them go and hold onto them, until the very end.

Yet what remained was a longing and a remorseful memory.

Han Seojun had felt the warmth of human hand after a long time. The grasp of a bloodied, dead, cold hand hadn't left his senses ever since that visit at the hospital. And despite trying his best to recover, he couldn't really leave the nightmares behind.

And Soojin's hand came to save him, a tiny ray of hope, a little glimmer of life and Seojun didn't think twice before clutching it with his grasp.

She smelled like lilies and fresh flowers, like a sunny day after a stormy night, like life after death.

He didn't know it was Kang Soojin who reached out to him. He was too occupied with his dark thoughts to get a hold of the reality. But he remembered that serenity and that calm - a sense of what he felt a decade ago - when Soojin knelt down to face him.

She saved him. That cold hand was reaching out to get him. It was bound to get him, strangle him, pull him back to the depths of his insane past but she saved him.

Her hands - insanely beautiful hands - saved him.

That was when he leaped out and threw his arms around her, wrapping his arms around the first human who made him feel like one too. He hugged her, slowly allowing his senses to numb and his mind to slow down. He could feel his racing heart steadying. He could feel her soft touches - patting his back. Her comforting voice - allowing him to breathe.

Han Seojun was breathing - not panting - breathing, softly and slowly as he held the woman he missed so much.

"You're not alone, Seojun-ah."

He missed her. He wasn't going to deny it anymore, not when she still held the key to his sanity. He held her, not wanting to let go of the human touch he felt after ages. And not just any human per se.

Kang Soojin.

His petty little princess.

"I'm right here with you." Soojin kept repeating the words, encircling her fingers on his back as she felt Seojun ease slowly. "Right here."

Soojin wasn't fond of human hugs. Ever since her father became violent towards her, Soojin was a bit scared of human touches. She had a hard time to avoid flinching at the sudden, aggresive movements of others and many a times, avoided being intimate with people - even her friends.

Of course, over the years she had learnt to be wary of her feelings and her past and could easily behave in public. But, hugs were still distant to the lonely girl. She didn't have anyone to practice hugging, and the only ones who did was Suho and Jugyeong - and she liked it.

She liked being suffocated by a warm hug - something other than scary anxieties. It was nice to be hugged, a soft reminder of what humans were capable of. A gentle sign of being loved and to love.

But Han Seojun's hugs - they hit different.

Soojin found her arms engulfing around Seojun's stiff body. She could feel him easing and melting at her touch. It would be stupid - especially for her - to go through all of the emotional turmoil again, but with Seojun's condition and his heartbreaking life, Soojin couldn't let him be.

Han Seojun still had the irresistible charm to melt the cold hearted Kang Soojin.

Because Soojin didn't wanna let go, just as Seojun didn't either.

While they were still hugging, seated on the cold floor - Seojun unable to let go of Soojin's hand and refusing to break their proximity - Soojin noticed the inked tattoo on his finger.

And she held back a sob.

It didn't make sense. Why would he - there's no way he'd remember what she told him about a decade back. Right? She held his hand in her, breaking the hug and looking at that tattoo with teary eyes.

Han Seojun looked at his finger, his hand held firmly by the woman in turmoil and then at Soojin's awestruck face. A little conscious and a lot more worried about her reaction. He had gotten that tattoo way back - when he had started his idol training, before his mother and sister's death.

His agency wanted to get rid of it - having a girl's name tattooed on his hand, for everyone to see would never get him any stardom but Seojun absolutely stood by it. He'd cut his hand off than get rid of that black ink and he was glad he could keep it.

That one line kept him safe during the darkest of nights.

"What - " Soojin fumbled with her words, eyes refusing to break away from that carved line. It was a smaller font, black and seemed like Han Seojun's handwriting. "What's - I - "

Seojun forgot all about his panic attack - when tears dropped from Soojin's eye onto his hand and he immediately held her chin. His thumb brushing the tear off her face.

Even though Soojin was contemplating the raw emotions, his concerned expressions told her everything that was unsaid between them as Soojin shut her eyes, trying to get a hold of herself.

But she couldn't get the mental image out of her head. That line - that voice in the back of her head - that miserable little life she left behind, catching up to her.

Because carved on his forefinger was the phrase - 우리 수진이 최고야 (woori Soojinnie choegoya)

which when translated meant - 'my Soojinnie - the best girl.'

"woori Soojinnie - " her father looked at her with eyes full of pride and joy, "you're my best girl." He picked her up, piggybacking as they zoomed across the house.

"Soojin's Appa, you're daughter didn't win the race! What's with the celebration!"

Soojin's father - Dr. Kang chuckled - as Soojin held him firmly, "my girl had a terrific tummy ache and despite that she completed the race." He was so proud, Soojin could hardly feel her tummy aching anymore. "And even if she wouldn't have, she'd still be my best girl. My girl."

My best girl -

"Seojun - "

"You're still my best girl." His thumb reached out to brush the corner of her lips. The cold touch suddenly increased the room temperature between the duo, Soojin's eyes tracing Seojun's as his gaze stayed fixated on her lips. "My girl - "

Was the air conditioner down? Or was she running on a treadmill? Because why the fuck was she feeling so - so - fucking hot?

Seojun held her chin, his hand grabbing her closer as he breathed in her scent ever so gently. He could stay like this forever - on a cold floor with a warm Kang Soojin.

But before they could risk what they had or could have - Soojin pulled apart. She shook her head, running her hand through her hair as she got up and without a single glance - left the room.

With unheard sighs to fill in for the emptiness of their hearts.

_

Kang Soojin couldn't think straight for the rest of the shoot. She stood aside in the corner while the team finalised with the clicks. Seojun - unlike Soojin - had his poker face on and posed flawlessly, his handsome features getting more squealing and giggles on the set.

"Unnie - isn't he so fucking cute!" Soojin rolled her eyes when she heard two of the younger interns talk amongst themselves, fanning their hands in the air. "I cannot believe I am watching THE Han Seojun with my own two eyes. He looks so pretty, the camera does no justice to him."

"Pretty? Nah - my man is sexy and all I wanna do is to run my mou- "

"Are we here to work or to let our wild imaginations run free?" Kang Soojin interrupted the girls who fixed their posture and wiped the smiles off their face. They bowed their heads, apologising as Soojin glared at the duo.

Kids these days - what's with the obsession with celebrities!

"Go find something useful to do. And thank goodness no one else heard your stupid conversation."

While they nodded, leaving rather rushing out of the room - Soojin found her hands fisted against her side. She was so mad, more than she should have been and looked at Han Seojun who was eyeing her with a glint of desire and a tad more of that arrogance.

Not a week and she was already going insane. How was she to last another three?

The Busan concert was when they'd launch Seojun had the brand ambassador for the new product launch of HFA and officially affiliate him with the Non-profit - and the concert was in two days. So, they had to wrap up with the magazine pictures, the advertisement and the interview in that day.

So despite being ridiculed with their intense unnamed feelings for each other, they worked alongside without showing how awkward it really was.

Or as Jugyeong or H would call it - sexual tension.

It was late noon by the time the shoot wrapped up and Seojun sat down for a glass of water. He wasn't permitted to drink anything else other than a plain class of room temperature water and with the concert and KMF on the way, there's no chance of risking it.

His voice was the only thread he was hanging on at the moment.

"Clear my schedule for today." Seojun instructed his manager, "I need the evening off. Tell the boys they should take the evening off too - don't let them overwork themselves."

Soojin bade her team goodbye coupled with thank yous and nice work chants. She had to meet Jugyeong and Suho for lunch - early dinner by the time she'd reach there but she looked forward to it. Anything was better than being secluded with her stupid thoughts and Han Seojun's gorgeous face so upfront -

Aah - snap out of it Kang Su.

"Where you headed?" Seojun asked the girl who turned with a frown on her face.

"What's with you? Since when do you care?"

Seojun narrowed his gaze, "can't stop being sassy, can you?"

"Can't stop being annoying, can you?"

Their staring was interrupted by the phone call Soojin got and Seojun slumped back in his seat watching her closely. Soojin nodded and smiled on the call, and ended with another informal greeting while Seojun noticed how pretty she looked whenever she smiled.

Something way different about the older Kang Soojin was she smiled a lot.

But the smile wasn't real.

He could tell how much she was trying to be happy and she was doing better than him atleast. Because she was trying to be better and happier - and he wasn't even trying.

"Let's go - " Soojin interrupted his chain of thoughts and walked past him.

"Go where?" Seojun wasn't sure if he heard it right so he frowned. "What?"

"I heard you asked your manager for a evening off?" Soojin tilted her head, her hands folded across her chest. "Do you wanna go out with me?"

And Han Seojun heart did a double take again.

"Yes"

_