36. joh-ahae

Soojin was stunned, honestly she expected Jugyeong to break their friendship, insult her, point out and even slap her for what she did. It was wrong, very wrong of her to rip off the band-aid where it hurt her the most and let the old wounds bleed. She knew it was wrong of her to blame and hurt Jugyeong, and there was no excuse for what she did. But she was too ashamed to ask for forgiveness, too ashamed to face her father, too ashamed to do anything. 

Jugyeong was hurt, she could see the pain in the eyes of hers. To her, Jugyeong was always the prettiest and not because of her looks, rather for her warm personality. It took So-ah the entirety of middle school to be friends with her, but Jugyeong took a week and she instantly liked the girl. What was not to like about her? She was sweet, kind, never spoke rudely to anyone, was a sweetheart and wore her heart on her sleeves. 

The exact opposite to her.

And maybe that was why Soojin instantly clicked with Jugyeong. She was the piece of hers that was missing and likewise. But she threw it all away for Suho, the guy who did not give two shits about anyone. He was cold, aloof, kept to himself and even when he similar to her, he was way different. He let his brooding expressions tell how uninterested he was while Soojin kept her smile as a fake persona to hide her real self. 

In a way she was hiding her true self too. So she was a hypocrite for revealing Jugyeong's secret when she was living a double life this entire fucking time. 

Soojin felt drops of water fall on her head, she looked up at the sky and was greeted with more splatter and while everyone on the street ran haywire, Soojin froze still looking up. The rain poured heavily, darker clouds had speedily covered the sky and the splash of cold water was bringing Soojin to her senses. She had become a monster she feared of her whole life. She had lost everything, her family, her friends, and now her will to move forward. 

Why? Why her? 

The point of hardships was to appreciate the happier times and live with simpler things, the silver lining, the morning after the dark but where was her sunshine? Where was her good? Everyone was moving forward, they were happy, they had someone to fall back on and here Soojin was drenched in cold water, lost in the middle of the street. How is she unlucky with life? How is she so fucking pathetic?

The rain hit her face, the drops felt like pebbles with the speed they were falling and Soojin let a few of her own tears fall on her face. She was lost, even when she knew her way back home. But there was no home to go back to. No friends to spend some time with. She clung to her bag, walking away slowly, the only one on the street who was not bothered about the rain. 

However when she took a turn a car horn almost blew her eardrums apart, a strong grip pulled her away and she slipped over the pavement but while she felt tremendous pain in her ankle, the warm arms of Han Seojun enveloped her closer to him and she shut her eyes. It was easier to recognise Seojun, his cheap deodorant was an easy give but the same fragrance smelt so much like home to her. Soojin opened her eyes and watched Seojun panting, holding her close, a hand on her arm, the other on the back of her head. 

"You are more of an idiot than I thought of." He looked at her, angry and upset as Soojin pushed him away when she saw the attention focal on them, but she limped almost immediately making Seojun to hold her again. "gwenchana? What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," Soojin ran her hand through her wet hair, frustrated by this man who was more of a magnet than an actual one. "Seojun stop this." She was crying, and she could disguise it under the raindrops but Seojun could easily point to her tears that fell from those reddish eyes. "I told you, I know about this stupid plan, so please, don't-" But Seojun paid no heed to her, going down on his knees and examining her ankle, the rain drenching them completely. 

"Han Seojun! Are you even listening?" 

"We need to get this checked." 

"Aniyo," Soojin got out of his hold, facing the tall guy. The way the rain had let his hair fall downward on his forehead, covering it completely and the droplets washing over his face and dripping down his chin. 

It brought them back to when they were stuck in the shower back in the locker room. 

"I need you to leave." 

Seojun scoffed, "jinjja? You want me to leave? Why? So that you can run away from reality again?" They were yelling at each other, with the downfall of the strong showers and the noise of the cars they could hardly hear each other. "I don't understand how can you bear something as serious as abuse? Why are you not fighting for yourself but are ready to fight for legit everyone else." He shook his head, running his hand through his hair and taking a step closer to the girl. "If I had known about your father, he'd not have a hand to raise at you again." He was seething, angry and baffled but Soojin only looked at him, dumbfounded.

When Suho told her that he knew about her abuse, Soojin felt embarrassed at first, and then she felt sad because even after knowing about her past he did nothing for her whilst she would readily lay her life for him if he asked. When she told Jugyeong about her father, albeit for the purpose of guilt tripping her, the girl did nothing but walk on eggshells around her. The only two people who knew about her did nothing about it and why should they?

They have their own battles and wars to fight, Soojin had hers but to see Seojun not only take interest but wanting to do something about it was making her lose her senses again. 

"That is my personal matter," Soojin countered, shaking her head and matching his intense gaze, "and you are not even my friend? Then why the concern?" 

"I am not your friend?" Seojun tilted his head, the way Soojin was pushing all his buttons was getting him a step closer to insanity. "I thought-"

"You thought?" Soojin sighed, holding back the pain her ankle was causing her and met Seojun's eyes, "you planned to betray me, Seojun. You planned to break my heart, cause me pain that you think I deserved," Seojun's gaze lowered, he gulped and Soojin could notice how he lowered his guard too. 

"If you knew about everything..." Seojun took a sharp breath, eyeing the girl, "then why did you..." He stopped, watching her with her hair all wet, and her eyes numb. "Why?"

To that Soojin had no answer. She shut her eyes, running her hand through her face and feeling cold at the breeze that swayed around them. She already had tons of things on her plate, a heartbreak by a pretty boy was not on her list. 

Make that two and its a show.

So Kang Soojin only clutched her bag and walked away from him, limping or trying not to cry more as she slowly got out of his way but Seojun was never the one to leave a conversation in between. He caught up to the girl in two long strides, she was not even making an attempt to run.

"Listen, I know..." He stood in front of her, ignoring her eye-roll, "I know I made a mistake, okay, and you can be as mad as you want on me but don't..." He pleaded, taking a step closer and Soojin met his eyes, the same ones that looked like he was about to cry. "please don't go back to that house," He was held her hand, "I won't let you. I don't care. You are not going back there."

Soojin did not want to waste her energy anymore, "and where do you want me to go?" 

"Anywhere, anywhere but there." He shook his head, he was scared, more scared of what lay ahead and what Soojin would do. "I'll stay with you anywhere you want to go, I promise... just don't go back."

"Seojun, you don't understand do you?" Soojin cried, eyes blinking tears, nose a bit red as she took a deep breath. "I don't have anywhere to go, I don't have a place nor anyone else." She ignored how funny it felt with his hand holding hers and pulled it back. "There is a reason I am keeping up with this shit, only because I have-" She stopped, sighing again. "Let go of me and go back to being the popular kid in school." 

Soojin walked past him again, limping slowly away as Seojun stood frozen and watched her. "You have not told me yet," He yelled from  behind her, the rain hardly bothered them now. "Why?" 

Soojin stopped walking, or whatever that was and gulped. She had been running away from truth and confessions since a long time now and what else did she have to lose? Her pride, dignity and her self-esteem were all buried six feet under, so what else was left to break?

"Because I like you," Soojin said, after what seemed like a eternity of silence, "jinjja joahae." She wiped another tear, this time not embarrassed by them and faded out of sight, drenched in the rain and in the wallow of her miseries. 

_

The moment Soojin entered her house, she got yelled at for three things.

1. Being careless and drenching her school bag in rain

2. Not caring about her health when terms are in a week or so

3. Coming home rather than attending the tuitions she was supposed to go

Her father would have been more angrier if there were not guests at home and that helped Soojin go to her room in peace and find the solace of nothingness comfort her. She kept her wet bag on the floor, limping across the bathroom and noticed how it did not pain much, rather the numbness of her soul was way worse than the menial pain in her ankle. After taking a cold water bath, not bothering to dry her hair, Soojin sat on her study desk. Her books were all calling out to her and she wanted to immerse herself into studying but medical did not interest her.

How was a broken person supposed to heal others?

So Soojin sat in silence, dressed in her tracks and a loose top with a pen in her hand. She wanted to be an artist in grade seven, she loved painting, horse-back riding, she adored the way music could speak without words, she imagined being an idol too, karaoke singing, baking, dancing and softball. Soojin loved many things and she was good at them all, yet she was forced to give them up for a dream that was not hers. 

The knock on the window broke her trance as she saw Seojun hanging there. She did not bother to get up as the boy managed to  slide the window in her balcony and enter in. He was still in his school uniform, hair wet and his puppy eyes boring through her. He raised his hands to show the ointment he had brought with a fresh set of crepe bandages for the girl who did not react at all. 

Taking her silence as a sign, he approached her and once again, knelt down to examine her ankle which was now both swollen and purplish red. He sighed, applying the ointment which burned immediately and when Soojin flinched a bit, Seojun blew air on her ankle as if that would cool it down. He then tightly wrapped the crepe bandage to keep the swelling at par and pinned it neatly. 

Soojin had her eyes on him. Her parents never bothered, nor did her friends, none of them asked her if she was okay and here Seojun, the guy who claimed to break her was mending something he did not even break. Once he was done, he had a proud grin on his face, happy with his neat first aid and looked up at the girl. 

"You should get it checked," He said softly, now that he was kneeling and she was seated, they were at equal height. "Terms... Just get it checked." 

Soojin nodded, a small little nod but Seojun would take it. He looked at her, the way her wet hair were falling over her face, the little drops trickling down and the faint bruise mark on her lips reminding him of what danger she was in. He got up, leaving the ointment and painkillers on the desk, leaning over as he towered her. 

"Is that why you came here?" Soojin asked, looking up at him, it did not help that he was way taller now. "To pretend like you care? Or is this not a part of your ruse anymore." She was cold, she was back to being the bitchy Kang Soojin and Han Seojun understood how easy it was for her to be cold than confront the right from the wrong.

He leaned on the desk, one hand on the wooden frame, the other on the side of her chair, "Ani," He softly replied, his breathing was matching the fast pace as hers. "I came here with a reply to your confession." Soojin did not break eye contact even though she was very intimidated by him, while Seojun smiled softly, eyes on her lips. 

There was not much to say after that as Han Seojun's hand held the back of her neck, pulling her closer as he tilted his head and placed his lips on hers. Soojin's eyes were open at first, she did not know how to react to this but Seojun was still kissing her, softly devouring her and she found herself complying to his lips as she kissed him back, hands around his neck. 

Seojun pulled her up from the uncomfortable stance when they had kissed enough to take a breath, and placed her on the wall of her room. And with one final eye-lock, they were kissing again, this time a little more passionately, a little more rushed and a lot more feelings. 

_

a/n

okay, I need to get this clear since the last chapter and the response made me wanna break my head on the wall. 

I love Kang Soojin. Of course, that is why this fic exists. But when you love someone, you love them knowing how they are and I know for a fact that Kang Soojin is twisted, she was jealous, and she did something really bad to her best friend. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing justifies bullying, especially when Jugyeong had told her how affected she was by the past bullies. So much that she had contemplated jumping off the building. 

So yes, Kang Soojin is very wrong in releasing the video.

Coming to the point where people said that Jugyeong and Suho did nothing for her. YES. I COMPLETELY AGREE. The reason I don't like Suho is because of this, but does a friend not caring for you give you a reason to bully them or seek revenge? NO. 

So, I love Kang Soojin, more than anyone in the show, she is wrong, she is grey, she is mean and rude and a bully, but the entire point of this fiction was to give an insight to her and her grey character and not to blindly support her without the need of understanding how wrong she was. 

Even after this people don't get my point, there is nothing I can say. I love Jugyeong and Soojin a lot, both girls have my heart and would appreciate no backlash on either of them. The boys are free to be bashed, I do not mind.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.