32. all at once

Kang Soojin had a bad day. Her normal days were when her father yelled at her, abused her and maybe hit her once or twice but this was not one of those days. The slap from last evening had given her a lip bruise, but she did not bother to hide it. Kang Soojin was lost, that day, she skipped school and also her tuitions. She visited the columbaria where they kept the ashes of her little brother. The place always kept Soojin grounded, the thought about dying one day made her uneasy and not because she feared death.

Rather she feared that no one would come visit her if she was dead.

The little Kang was kept in the prestigious place, a gold shiny urn and little plastic flowers which were now collecting dust. Soojin ran her fingers across the glass, the picture frame had her, a nine year old, holding her baby brother. She did not remember much about her childhood but this she did, death never leaves without imprinting trauma. Little Kang Soojin was only looking at the baby she had on her lap, and Soojin tilted her head, sighing as she kept her gaze on the urn and the kid who died before he could even see the world.

"Lucky you," She mumbled, wiping the tears and took another deep breath, "what I'd give to be you." 

"Don't say that." 

Soojin did not even have to turn to recognise that voice. She kept her teary gaze on the glass frame, which reflected her reddish eyes and a very handsome Lee Suho behind her. How he was this cool and handsome, she would never know but every time Suho walked by, Soojin found it even more difficult to breathe. 

"Don't say that, ever again." Lee Suho walked closer, she could feel him behind her. He placed the little flower, a tiny bud rather in the stand and touched the glass frame. "Baby Kang would not have want his noona to be miserable." He said, silence and Suho's soft voice, often a deadly combination. 

"Why are you here?" She asked, even though she knew the answer. She turned to see the boy in plain clothes, a white t-shirt over his khaki pants and hair neatly tucked. He was holding a rose, the other flower which she knew was for his mother who's ashes were also kept here. "Should you not be at school?" 

"I could ask you the same question." Suho replied, meeting Soojin's eyes, "and just because we are not friends anymore, won't stop me from visiting baby Kang on his deat-" Suho stopped, taking a deep breath while Soojin averted her gaze. They stood silently, none of them wanted to speak up, and after a couple of minutes, Suho placed the rose on the immediately next stand. The Kangs and Lees were neighbours since the kids were small, and hence when baby Kang died, they decided to place him next to Lee Suho's deceased mother in a way she could take care of the baby for them. 

Soojin turned to see Suho crying, fat tears falling on his cheeks as he touched his mother's nameplate and the frame which had his family, his mom and dad in love with him in their arms. She walked out of the place, now it was too depressing, especially since Suho was not her friend anymore. It was a constant reminder that Suho chose someone else over her, just like her parents chose their son over her. Their dead son over their live and present daughter. 

"Soojin, wait up." Suho called out to her from behind her, "let me drop you." 

Soojin held back her retort, she really wanted some peaceful time. This day was tough for her already, with her parents bickering at each other blaming themselves for their dead son and Soojin facing her childhood with regret and guilt. This was the only day she would want to sit in  a corner of her room and shut her ears and eyes, that way the day would pass by easier. 

"Thank you, but I can go on my own." Soojin told the panting Suho, he caught up to her in no time. "Also, don't pretend like you care for anybody than Jugyeong, Suho. Atleast not to me." She meant it, meeting his gaze. She walked past his car, and hugging herself, she walked out of sight while Suho watched the figure fade in the distance. 

_

Seojun was bored at school that day. It was funny how much Soojin had grown on him, one day she misses school and he has nothing better to do than sleep. She had not responded to his texts, nor his calls. Seojun tried taking notes for her even though he'd rather sleep, but the little homework sessions they had this past week was interesting and each had made him more smarter. He could understand math now, the chapter Soojin had helped him with was now his strongest math chapter. Although by the time history lecture arrived, he was yawning beyond relief.

"Han Seojun," The history teacher disliked tardiness, his stern voice caught the class off-guard. "Run a lap of the school ground, that will keep your sleepiness and you away from my class." Seojun stood up, this was still better than sitting in the boring lecture and so he bowed, leaving the class. The school ground was huge, and the sun was right above him, which meant he'd rather walk than run. 

"Aish," Seojun sighed, eyeing the sun blinking right at him. "Why can't you just vanish for five minutes?" He spoke aloud to himself, pointing at the sun and instead pointed at a pale figure on the school roof. He squinted his eyes, trying to comprehend who it was, "aish, which gae-sae-kki is up there?" He cursed and then froze when he walked towards the shade and found that the idiot was none other than Kang Soojin, seated on the edge of the roof, legs dangling.

Of course it was his idiot.

Immediately, his legs rushed upstairs, the seven story building seemed more taller when Seojun ran past the wind. He reached the terrace door and burst it open, thinking it was locked only to fall on his face when he pushed it. The sudden thud made Soojin turn and scowl at the weirdo who was on the ground, face down. 

"Help." Seojun cried in a feeble voice. "Jebal."

Soojin shut her eyes, taking a deep breath as she hopped down from the railing and walked towards the idiot who fell face down. "Why are you such an idiot?" She asked, holding her hand and Seojun took it at once, "also, why can't you two just leave me be? Is it too much to ask for some alone time?" Seojun dusted his uniform, eyeing the girl in confusion.

"Who two?" He asked, while Soojin walked back towards the railing, sitting on it. This time she sat facing a confused and stupid Seojun. "And why are you here? Why did you skip class? How am I supposed to not worry if you sit with your feet dangling at the edge."

Soojin was not in the mood to argue, so she only sighed, covering her face in her palms. Her knees brought closer as she placed her arms in them, "I needed some alone time... I needed a break." She explained herself, hiding the death anniversary of her brother. "Also, I realised I am the biggest loser in this world because I have NO place to go except school. So here I am, Kang Soojin, escaping the world by sitting on the roof of her school." She was angry, upset and teary too. All of the emotions within her were churning and she really needed to let her guard down.

"Don't say that." 

Soojin froze, the deja vu hit her and she uncovered her face. She slowly glanced at Seojun who stood just a couple of feet apart from her. 

"You are not a loser." He said it with sincerity, Soojin was almost moved by his words if it was not for the deal. "You are so much more, so much more than all of our classmates combined." He chuckled, hands in his pockets and tilted his head. Soojin was already half a head shorter than him and now that she was seated, it felt like he was towering her. 

"You do not know me, Han Seojun." Soojin replied, watching Seojun shrug as he leaned on the railing, besides her. "There is no one who would notice if I just vanish suddenly." She said, lowering her gaze and felt the urge to wash her hands. She slowly rubbed them and would have intensified if it was not for Seojun who held her hand, taking her by surprise. 

She met his gaze, and he tightened his hold. Soojin could hardly believe how warm and soft his hands were compared to the worn out hands she had. She looked down at the way he held her hand, noticing how ugly her hands were because of all the washing and rubbing and the skin almost tearing off. 

"I'd notice." He said, his voice was softer, his eyes were only focal on her., his eyes moving from her eyes to her lips, especially the red bruise in the corner. "And I'd never fucking forgive you if you vanish just suddenly one day," This made Soojin look up again, Seojun was furious. He had what seemed like a glint of tears in his eyes, his jaw was clenched. "If you vanish without telling me, I swear I will hunt you down and bring you back." His grip on her hand tightened, "you better find a nicer place to hide, because when I find you..." He entwined his fingers in hers, each of his fingers brushing against hers and Soojin felt surreal. 

It was almost like this was a dream, or a cruel nightmare. 

"which I will..." He continued, gulping in sheer anger. Han Seojun never liked talking about death, after witnessing so many deaths and the after effects of it, he was grown too attached to the concept and would fight to keep the people he loved around, "when I find you, I will..."

Soojin on the other hand was blank. She was always an emotionless human, she could hardly feel remorse or guilt or anything besides self pity. She knew she was selfish, jealous and a piece of trash as a friend and as a daughter but atleast she knew her worth. However, now when Seojun held her hand, spoke to her with words that were not mocking her or comparing her and with eyes that seemed to only fixate on her, she felt something.

Maybe she was not completely emotionless.

"Then?" Soojin questioned the boy, locking her eyes with his. "What would you do when you find me?" She asked, stepping into an unfamiliar territory. 

Seojun took a second to pull Soojin closer, another to himself turn towards her and two more as he pulled her chin up. They hardly got a chance to think about their choices as Seojun leaned in, brushing her hair off her face and the other hand cupping her neck, as he pulled her even closer by the hold on her neck. Soojin held the maroon school jacket he wore, and shut her eyes letting down her guard and for once just being held by someone. 

Even if that someone was only playing with her.

Soojin knew it, she knew Seojun was messing with her, that Seojun wanted to break her heart, that this would soon prove to be a mistake but she still wrapped her arm around his neck when he leaned in and when Seojun's lips touched hers, Soojin decided to forget about all the things she knew. Seojun captured her lips, her bruised lips which always intrigued him and when he did, he only found himself falling more and more into this addictive cycle of kissing. 

Seojun's grip on her neck kept Soojin close to him, even though she was not leaving, he kept pulling her closer and closer while devouring her lips and Soojin held his face, kissing him back. Their synch was slow at first, taking their pace but when a tear dropped from Soojin's shut eye, and Seojun felt the wet teardrop on his cheek, he paused. They were breathing heavily, Soojin's eyes were still shut but she was sobbing. 

He wiped her tears with his thumbs and slowly caressed the bruise on the corner of her lips, before placing his on them and kissing her again and again. 

One at a time and then all at once.

_

taking a break from this story because I have my exams next week.