10. dying alone

"Ms. Kang, it's so nice to see you. Hope you're well."

Soojin acknowledged the greeting with a small smile, a nod followed and as she entered the lobby of the lavish hotel, a swarm of employees gathered round her. One of them took her lightly packed bag, one of them offered her a tray of drinks and the other two were walking behind her just in case she needed anything.

Kang Soojin was royalty.

But it came with a price.

"Ms. Kang, would you like dinner be served, or would you be joining the buffet?" The manager asked her, english being his spoken language.

Soojin shook her head, "Nothing for me please. I'd like no disturbance." She instructed, speaking fluently, with that the staff greeted her while Soojin made her way to the elevator. It was the premium penthouse, as her mother offered and since Soojin never got the love and attention she needed, she'd spend her parents' money to compensate for it.

The penthouse suite was on the very top floor, overlooking the skyline of the city and the clouds seemingly resided there. She swiped the flashy card and the elevator opened right in the middle of the huge room. It was bigger than the room she stayed in, stairs that went higher up to the terrace of the hotel and two rooms adjacent while a huge screen lay untouched facing the sofa.

Soojin walked out of the glass elevator, locking it on her way in and the moment she stepped in the most beautiful room in the world, she lost the ability to hold it anymore and sat down, right in the middle of all the lavishness. She felt extremely drained, exhausted and like she was nearing death in that moment. It was funny how so many were envious of the rich princess, she could see the disdain in the eyes of some of the staff who had to treat her well. She knew that they wanted to be like her, to have the most lavish room to themselves, to have all the riches of the world, to be prettier and to be powerful.

But Kang Soojin would exchange her life with them in a heartbeat if she could.

She didn't want all of this, nothing rather. She didn't want royalty, she didn't want this room, she didn't want to be a doctor, she didn't want to study 16 hours a day, she didn't want to rub the skin off her hands, she didn't want to have sleepless anxious nights, she didn't want to be a loner nor did she want to be a someone without friends.

She just wanted to be happy.

Guess, happiness wasn't something she could have even though money wasn't an issue to her.

"The irony," Soojin chuckled, wiping the tears as she sat on the floor, she loved how uncomfortable and cold it was and she loved how it was still warmer than her heart. She switched on the huge screen, the home theatre like TV was blinding but yet the loud noise was drowning her own thoughts away.

Surfing through the channels she came across the song which she would often hear on loop and not because it was her favourite song, rather because the song meant a lot to Suho.

Jung Seyeon's only song.

wouldn't it be nice to have you

right by me when I die

this way I would have lived ten thousand years

only with you besides

there's nothing that can compare

there's nothing that can restore

the love we have, the love we share

There's us against the world

Soojin smiled, now that she was alone and away, the lyrics were hitting her harder. It was Su-yeon's first song, and unfortunately his last because before the next release, he had met the unfortunate fate of death. She was there, when it all happened, she was there right by Suho's side when Su-yeon died and with him, their friendship too.

She didn't know the guy a lot, but every time she spoke to him, he was just the sweetest thing. But after his death, he took away all of the smiles he would often bring. He took away Suho's self esteem and he took away Seojun's happiness when it was the last thing he wanted to do. Soojin knew this song was for his two friends, the two guys who were with him through the thick and thin but unfortunately, Su-yeon died alone.

The thought scared her.

Dying alone.

With no one besides you.

No one to hold you.

And in her case, no one who'd mourn for you.

Soojin switched the tv off and sat up on the sofa, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how comfortable the place was. She was scared that if she slept, the door would suddenly rattle and her father would emerge with harsh words and rough hands, ready to hurt her.

Soojin hated how weak she was. She didn't show it to the world, but she was a pathetic little piece of shit who would do anything to belittle others. Of course she knew that, of course she knew what she was and what she had become, she wasn't the second smartest for nothing.

But, being good hadn't got her anything either. She was the nicest to Suho, he chose Jugyeong, she was the best daughter, yet her mother mourns for her brother's death, she was the bestest friend but Su-ah never really noticed her absence when she was with her boyfriend. She even tried being the best student but she couldn't even reach to that level. What was the point in being good when she got nothing in return?

So Soojin did what she was afraid she'd do.

She was not just Mr. Kang's miserably failure of a daughter, she was slowly emerging into being a miserably pathetic Mr. Kang.

"Soojin, stop with this." She refrained from getting up and washing her hands, they were dried and scraped and Soojin didn't want to hurt herself again but the urge to wash them got scary real. "Aniyo, Soojin, aniyo." She pressed the temples of her head, "think about something nice."

"Ya Kang Soojin," Han Seojun chuckled when he saw Soojin shaking after the silly little inconvenience she caused to his mother. "I'd never know you had such great manners, you apologise ten times to my mother and not once to me." He tried to lighten the mood, he really didn't like this side of Soojin but the girl only kept breathing rapidly. "Ya..."

"I'm sorry," She muttered again, eyes shut, "I really didn't mean to..."

This was serious, Han Seojun thought, why would she pretend when it was just the two of them. He gulped, watching the anxious girl breathe like she had ran a marathon. Her hands rubbing against the other like they'd just rip off the skin. "Soojin..." He spoke softly, a small smile on his face, "Omma is actually fine, it was just a little dash, ya why are you so bothered..." He then did something which neither of them anticipated.

He touched her hands, stopping her instantly from rubbing them and her gaze matched the boy who held her hands firmly. "Relax," he calmly articulated his words, and he could see how Soojin's breathing was falling back to its normal pace. "It's all okay."

Soojin nodded, ignoring how troubled her mind was and how the voices in her head were telling her that she was in the wrong. She kept having her flashbacks to the time her father had hit her, once because she dashed into one of his friends and had ruined his precious clothes, the other time when she had spilled food on the table in front of a famous surgeon.

Her father would hold her hand firmly, pressing it in anger and he'd plaster a smile on his face to avoid being suspicious. And while the guests wouldn't mind her mistakes, her father would hold her hand until she'd not feel them anymore.

But this wasn't her father, it was Han Seojun, it was Han Seojun who held her hand.

And it struck her that it was Han Seojun who held her hand!

She immediately snapped back, pulling her hands from his soft hold and straightened up. Han Seojun frowned, confused when he saw Soojin back to being a class A bitch as she flipped her hair and cleared her throat.

"Don't hold my hands again," She warned him, soft cold voice but intimidating enough. If it was someone other than Han Seojun, they'd have run off by now. "Never hold my hand again." She clenched her jaw and Seojun watched the girl walk away from the lane, catch a cab and leave.

"What is with that weirdo?" He muttered, confused and tired by how moody the girl was. "Why am I holding her hands? Let her cut them off for all I care..." With that Seojun was back inside, ignoring the funny feeling in his heart because it sure didn't like the state of her hands.

Soojin sat the entire ride watching the sky turn from pink to black, and she sighed. Her hands were shivering as she pocketed them, and she had to keep breathing to remind herself that she was safe.

But then she thought about Han Seojun and his hand on hers, his soft gaze comforting her, his voice calming her anxious thoughts and his...

Wait. What.

Why was she circling back to that idiot.

Soojin tsked aloud, and yelled at herself for being so nonchalant with Han Seojun. That guy was not just getting on her nerves, he was also getting in her head.

Aish, she sighed, why Han Seojun out of everyone!

Soojin's whining halted when she got a text from the boy, and she clicked on it, ready to delete it but her stupid eyes were fast enough to read it.

Have fun in your hotel room ;) I'll prey for the guy just in case.

It's pray, not prey

So there is a guy then?
😏

Why should that matter to you?

You and me are a team now

Your matters matter to me

Ya Han Seojun

Stfu before I air kick your face

Handsome face 😌

Aish, why are you so intolerable

Have to return the sentiments

Night Princess

Arghhhh

Soojin was frustrated by Han Seojun's cheeky behaviour, but she didn't realise how relaxed and better she was than before because the moment her back hit the sofa, she slept rather easily.

There Han Seojun chuckled at the reply, he could practically hear her growling through the text. Shaking his head he replied to few of the group texts, an emoji to Jugyeong's night wishes and a middle finger to Suho's text which was just him saying hi.

"Oppa, I'm very disappointed in you." Han Seojun's smile faded when he heard his sister's sorrowful voice from across him, "Kang Soojin, out of every one? You know what she did to Jugyeong unnie and then..."

"She's just a project partner..."

"I don't care, just don't bring her home. I cannot stand bullies and you being with her makes me wanna cry." His sister was being reasonable, he knew that, since Han Go-woon had suffered a lot at the hands of bullies for being who she was. "I thought you'd know how I feel."

"I do," He softened, hating the way she felt, "ya, oppa loves you more than anything, you know that right. Why would I ever be with a bully? Don't you trust me?" He caressed her cheek and Go-woon pouted, nodding nevertheless and he ruffled her hair. "Go-woon-ah, don't think too much, and trust your oppa, ye?"

"Ye."

With that the siblings shared a hug, and while Go-woon was relieved, Han Seojun was upset, because he wasn't done with Kang Soojin yet and when he did, they'd all know why. Maybe he was getting a bit distracted lately, especially with the way Soojin's hands kept garnering his attention but he promised he would fasten this entire thing.

No one else would ever cry again because of Kang Soojin.

It was her turn to cry.

_