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chapter three
family matters
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DAYS TURNED INTO months, and eventually, a year had passed with the situation not getting any better. Ten thousand people died trying to get behind the safety of Wall Rose. The food scarcity was made even worse and although tilling more land eased some of it, it wasn't enough.

Harriet thought for sure that this would be her death. When she and Grandfather Arlert were drafted to reclaim Wall Maria, she knew that death would be the only future for most, if not all of them. Still, even in the face of that inevitable truth, she felt her heart crack when she said goodbye to the four kids she'd been watching over.

She had to be strong, she couldn't let the kids see the panic that had taken over her in that moment. A brief hug sent to Heidi, a goodbye and a nod sent to the rest.

Seeing Armin cling onto his grandfathers hat made her swear a silent oath to him, she would do everything in her power to keep this man alive, the one that had been a lifeline this past year, doing what he can to help her protect them.

And yet, in the end, she watched in horror as Grandfather Arlert was devoured, and she was too late to stop it. Her only moment of reprieve was the immediate revenge, tearing and slicing into the Titan before reaching its nape.

Facing death wasn't hard, Harriet faced it nearly every day she was out there. But when she and 199 others finally made it back to Wall Rose, explaining to the kids why Grandfather Arlert wasn't coming back was probably the hardest thing she's ever done. She couldn't let them see the pain it caused her to tell them. If she wanted to cry, even she wouldn't know.

Harriet wasn't sure when she started to become a shell of herself.

Maybe that's the reason why she didn't notice the way Heidi started to get quieter and quieter each night she came back to their tent. And maybe that was the reason why she didn't see how Heidi was eating less and less. Maybe the exhaustion from the job and watching over four kids made her oblivious to Heidi's souring mood.

It was like every other evening when Harriet got to return from wall duty, the callouses on her hands from the ODM gear spread to other spots on her palm from the work of repairing the wall.

She had stopped and snuck some more food out of the Garrisons storage, justifying it by remembering that she's technically Garrison herself now, and the kids are getting skinnier.

Harriet expected another exhausting night in the tent filled with silence. She had mistaken the silence for calm, unaware of the tension building within her little sister.

Shock overtook her when the bread she offered was slapped out of her hand. Eren and Mikasa's eyes had widened from the interaction, hungrily staring down the piece of bread that landed on Harriet's cot.

"Heidi!" Armin spoke up, pulling the attention of both sisters.

"What!?" Heidi snapped, it was so unlike her to be angry, but then again, Harriet can see the bags under her sister's eyes, she can see the shaking in the young blonde's frame from the lack of food, "it's been a year and I haven't seen her shed a single tear over our parents, I haven't seen an ounce of regret since your grandfather died."

Heidi and Harriet shared the same eyes, but everyone always complimented Heidi for the warmth that they saw in hers, her blonde hair seemed to make them brighter as well. Harriet couldn't see any of that warmth right now.

"You're heartless, Harriet!" Heidi's words cut through her like a sharpened blade, "do you not care anymore? If I died, how quickly would you move on?"

Harriet had been fighting to stay strong. She had been pushing her pain down with work and alcohol but now, sober and surrounded by these kids, she couldn't help the tears that flooded her vision. She put two hands, one on each shoulder of her sister, and she pulled the young girl into her embrace. Sobbing.

"I'm sorry," Harriet blubbered out, "I can't keep this up anymore, I'm trying so hard to keep you guys alive but I've never been trained for this, I have no idea what I'm doing!"

Heidi was quickly sobbing too.

"I'm sorry to make you cry, I didn't mean it!" Heidi was only 11 after all. Harriet wrapped her arms around her little sister tighter, inhaling the scent of the girls hair, it was dirty but it was Heidi and Harriet didn't care.

Another set of arms wrapped around Harriet, and looking over her shoulder, she sees Armin's hair smooshed against her shoulder blade, she could feel him press his face into her her back, only making another sob wrack through her.

Harriet adjusted herself to maneuver an arm around Armin, holding him just as tight as she held Heidi.

"I'm failing all of you guys," Harriet sobbed into the boys hair, "I don't know what— I don't  know if—"

"You can," Mikasa's words were calm, as she bore her eyes into Harriet's. "You've kept us going for over a year now, soon we'll be in the cadets, we've all decided to enlist, after that, you don't have to worry about us."

"You don't get it," Harriet found herself chuckling humorlessly, it was more airy than anything, "I have been worrying since the beginning, and I won't stop worrying until I'm... dead."

Mikasa hesitantly stepped forward, her hands twitching at her sides. Harriet would expect a hug from her sister, and even from Armin considering how sensitive he's always been growing up. But ever since Grisha brought Mikasa home, Harriet had never once seen the girl show any bit of emotion, whatever had happened at her parents home and when Eren found her must have been too much.

So Harriet was especially concerned when Mikasa had joined in on the impromptu group hug. How badly must she look to these kids that they're comforting her?

It could have been hours that had gone by, but Harriet's sniffling slowly stopped. Things were quiet after, the air was heavy, but not as thick as before.

"Harrie, I'm so sorry," Heidi's voice was small, her eyes glued to the ground in a timid manner.

"I'm sorry, I forget that this has been just as hard on you guys," Harriet sighed as Armin and Mikasa took a step back. She lifted her sister's face, wanting to look into her eyes, "the mom and papa you grew up with is far different than the one I knew at your age, I didn't get to finish school because I was working to support the house, papa only started his shop and got us stable after you were born, and even then, I still had to work hard and skip meals to make sure you ate."

Heidi blinked back in surprise. Her eyes widening as she started to shake her head. Harriet only nodded.

"They did their best, but food wasn't always guaranteed to be on the table, and the Yeager's tried to help, but they were trying to build a family of their own, not take care of someone else's." Harriet explained, "it's why I enlisted in the Scouts as soon as I could."

It felt good to get that off her chest. Heidi might have considered releasing Harriet from her hug before but with the way her arms tightened, Harriet knew that she would probably be spending the rest of the night like this, and she didn't mind.

It wouldn't be every night that she gets to hold her only sister close like this. Heidi would be joining the cadets soon, Harriet would be sneaking back into the scouts. Nights like this are numbered, and Harriet is dreading the day that the countdown hits zero. So for now, she'll hold her sister, and she'll pretend that the circumstances aren't anything but horrifying.

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AFTER ANOTHER GRUELING year, Harriet isn't sure who in the Cadet Corps is looking out for her, but she managed to convince the higher up's to allow the kids to bunk early since they have no where to sleep now that she's moving back to the Scouts. She was... nervous to say the least.

Her goodbye with the kids was tearful, even for Eren, who still refuses to admit that he cares about something other than killing Titans.

After Harriet was evaluated and proved to still be combat ready, she was assigned to be on Erwin's next expedition that would be taking off the next day. Meaning she wouldn't be able to sneak over to the cadets and check on the kids she's been looking after for what felt longer than three years now.

Now introduced to her new living quarters for the night, she found her nerves to be on fire like they used to be before everything happened. So insufferable that the room became stuffy, and so did the hallways, the stairwell. Everything was so suffocating until she opened the door to the rooftop where she had always gone the night before her expeditions.

When the cool night air hit her lungs, her mind quieted down. She stepped closer to the edge of the roof, finding that her normal seat on the edge of the wall to be thick enough and wide enough for her short stature to sit comfortably on and dangle her legs over the edge.

Harriet could almost pretend that Shiganshina was still there, untouched. She could pretend Moses was still alive, still there to reassure her the way he always did before a mission. A kiss for good luck, and another incase it would be their last.

For a moment, Harriet could pretend that she was the soldier she used to be, bright eyed and determined to make a better world for her sister.

Staring up at the moon, her mind so far into her own thoughts, she almost didn't hear the door to the roof open and close.

"Are you going to jump?" A young voice asked, making Harriet jump in her spot and whirl her head around.

She sucked in a breath, her eyes adjusting. For a moment, she had thought Eren was standing there, but after blinking a couple more times she could see that she was entirely wrong. A young girl around Heidi's age stood at the door, black hair hung down and stopped short of her chin and her eyes shining bright green in the moonlight.

"No, I'm not going to jump," Harriet answered, a slight chuckle in her tone "I'm just here to clear my thoughts, would you like to join me?"

This confused the girl and even herself. This was her and Moses' rooftop, who was this kid?

Maybe her resemblance to Eren had her being unusually nice. The young girl warily stood there for a moment, a hand in her pocket as she assessed Harriet's face and relaxed posture. She was clearly debating on if she can trust the woman.

This only gave Harriet the opportunity to observe her, she was gaunt, and in the moonlight, looked whiter than a ghost, meaning she was extremely pale in the sunlight. Dark circles were under her eyes and as the girl approached slowly, she seemed to have a yellowish hue to her skin.

"I'm Harriet," she said softly, "Harriet Novak."

"Hi," the girl said, pulling her attention down to the woman, "I'm Alex."

"Hi, Alex," Harriet was softer with her words. Now that she was closer, it was easier to see how young Alex was.

It was quiet between them, a thousand questions were running through Harriet's mind, kids usually aren't in this part of the building let alone in the building at all. All of her thoughts were flooding her mind like a rushing river, she wanted to know how this kid was here.

"Are you a cadet?" Harriet found herself breaking the silence, a crack in the damn holding her back from interrogating Alex.

"Uh, yeah, 104th," Alex said, her head tilting as she tried remembering the class number.

Harriet nodded, looking down at the base, memories of her time in cadet training rushing back to her. They would all be relocated to the training grounds where they would eat, sleep, and live for the next three years. Away from Harriet, but also away from danger— for the most part.

"My sister is going to be in the 104th too," Harriet admits, "her names Heidi."

A look of recognition and realization flashes across Alex's face and Harriet can tell that the girls know each other.

"I'm assuming you met her," Harriet chuckled, a small smile creeping up on her face, "word of advice, she's gonna be your friend whether you like it or not."

That seemed to make Alex relax enough to chuckle.

"Yeah, she seemed to make that point as well in the barracks." Alex nodded, looking up at the moon and stars in wonder. She almost seemed to not recognize what they were, but that could be the moonlight playing tricks.

"Where are you from?" Harriet asked as she observed the girl.

"Oh, just one of those outer villages." Alex seemed a bit startled at the question, odd, but Harriet didn't read into it. The girl was probably nervous to be joining the military.

"Are you ready?"

Alex looked to be confused by the question, her brows pinching as she took a long moment to figure out what Harriet was asking.

"No," she finally answers. "I don't—it was kind of a last minute decision, to be honest." Harriet hummed, she could understand that, the cadets usually isn't a child's first choice growing up.

Most strive for a cushy life behind the walls of Sina, and the Cadets is not the easy road to get there. It's likely that Alex's family had also died when Maria fell, she doesn't have to explain that to Harriet though.

"It'll be rough," Harriet said softly now, not trying to make Alex nervous, "but you'll get through it. You all will." She closes her eyes momentarily, she can't believe she's about to ask this of her, but she couldn't leave tomorrow without trying to make sure her soft, sweet spoken Heidi will be okay. When Harriet opened her eyes, she leveled Alex with a stare, searching for something— she isn't sure. "Look out for her, will you?"

Alex's eyes widened, clearly not expecting that. Harriet didn't back down though, she was a coward, there was no arguing that, she's let down her sister countless times in the last two years. She could try one last time to take care of Heidi, even if Harriet's not doing it herself.

"I— uh—" Alex was stuttering, her face growing conflicted, maybe because of her sudden inability to speak. She seemed to have a sense of resolve wash over her, a firm nod before she stared Harriet in the eyes, "Okay."

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2.6k words

omg oops, hi yall it's been a while.

I've been sucked deep into my jjk fic but I realized this chapter was nearly done so figured I would wrap it up and finish it!

WE FINALLY MEET ALEX!!!!

Alex is a wonderful WONDERFUL character who even comes with her own story!!!

The Color of The Sky is written by silentwishing and I'm so terribly in love with it.

everyone say thank you Rachel for the beautiful character.

I don't know when I'll be updating this again, I'll have to watch season one again to get a feel for where I have my characters and what I want them to do lol.

sorry yall.

my white haired princess called to me and I have no self control when it comes to jjk.

Don't lose faith in me, I fully intend on completing this story!!

see you at the next update!

— greta!