Chapter 74: Goodbye

My mind is clouded with thoughts. Walang nagbago. Parati naman, ang dami kong iniisip. I want to figure out everything but I know that isn't possible. Everything takes time and I should patiently wait and put the pieces together one by one.

Who did Prof Leonsio kill?

I don't know why but it felt like a year passed before we reached Dark's dorm. Agad kaming pumasok na dalawa. He then locked the doors and sat beside me on his couch that was always grand.

"What did you hear?"

May naalala akong parang ganito ring scenario. I discovered something and he's asking what it was. Ganon rin ang nangyayari ngayon. He's probably pissed at me again because of what I did. I truly feel bad that I worry him. I'm such a stubborn person. But I got to find out something important.

"So he really has an evil plan... at kasama niya si Madame sa plano niyang 'to. And he killed someone who discovered something." Dark said after I told him everything.

I nodded. "And as I have said, he will have his end of the bargain once their plan is all done. He will flee, Dark. He will escape. He said it himself! Pero paano niya naman gagawin 'yon? How could he escape from here?"

Bumuntong hininga siya na tila ba may sasabihing napakalaking sekreto. Agad naman akong kinabahan. What is this?

"You have something to tell me, right?" Inunahan ko na siya.

"Yes, but please don't overreact. And don't you ever tell anyone. Even Julia doesn't know about this."

"What is it?" I'm dead serious right now. I have a feeling what he'll tell me is beyond other secrets he has hidden to me.

"There's a secret vault that leads you outside this place,"

Nahagip ko ang aking hininga. I guess I have never been shocked like this in my whole existence in this hell.

I couldn't process everything. Suddenly, I just felt frozen. I couldn't even blink my eyes. I want to slap myself though. This isn't a dream, right?

I don't know how to react. I've been so so desperate to get out of this goddamn place. Isang taon na ako dito. I was even in tears when I was trying to celebrate my brother's birthday by myself. Isang taon. Nagdusa ako, oo, pero nakilala ko naman si Dark. I met the man I love.

But now, my mind is clouded with thoughts of escape. I want to escape so badly. I want to escape with Dark and Julia. I want to get out of here.

"I know this is a lot to process—"

"I want to escape,"

Dark just looked at me like he expected it. He then sighed, tila siyang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. What is he thinking? Doesn't he want to get out of here? Ayaw niya ba na magsama na kaming dalawa at mamuhay ng mapayapa?

"Dark, umalis na tayo dito." Sabi ko at nanginginig na hinawakan ang mga kamay niya.

"How about the other people?"

"Syempre isasama natin sila! Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi 'to? We can now formulate a plan! You should've told me sooner so we can get out of this hell hole!" I sound so desperate. At tila hindi na ako mapakali.

He held my hands this time. "Baby, calm down,"

"I'm calm!" Giit ko pero ang totoo, desperada na ako at gusto ko ng umalis dito.

I thought of everything I've been through. Through time, maraming nagtangka sa buhay ko. Maraming gusto akong patayin. But somehow, I saved myself. And Dark is the one who saves me more than myself. He's my protector... He's my knight.

But it traumatized me. I'm tired of being paranoid. At first, I acted like a bitch and I just wanted to die rather than stay alive and think about my future death here. Mamamatay lang din naman ako, sabi ko sa sarili ko. But that changed when Dark came into my life. He changed my perspective. He has changed me in a lot of ways.

Now, I want to live. I want to live for him. I want to live so I can be with him.

So, I'm so desperate now. I terribly want to get out of this hell hole. I want to live normally. I don't want to think about my death every time. I'm paranoid. I always think of Dark and his safety. And everyone else's safety.

Tama na. I want to get out of here. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll take the risk.

"Dark, we can use our power! Kaya natin 'to! We'll be able to free everyone!"

"Zaya, stop!"

Para naman akong natauhan. Damn, I sound so desperate right now. Siguro nga tama si Julia? Gusto kong matawa sa sarili. Maybe I'm being si brave because of my power? Am I turning to that person now?

"This is the main reason I don't want to tell you about this! Inasahan ko na magiging ganito ka. But there's some hope in my head that you won't act like this..."

I disappointed him... He thought I could be better than this. Gusto kong mapatawa ng mapait. I just told Chad earlier that I thought he was better. Pero ngayon, isa rin pala ako... Kabilang ako. Dark thought I was better than this.

My desperation took over me by the time I heard we could escape. My tears fell from my eyes. There's two reasons for my tears... First, I think I let Dark down and I disappointed him. And second, I want to escape so bad.

I know Dark is angry. I could see it on his face but he still tried to wipe my tears. Tinabig ko ang kamay niya. Huwag mo nang punasan ang mga luha ko kung labag lang din naman sa loob mo.

I stood up and so did he. I was about to walk away when he held me by my wrist.

"Let me go," Matigas kong sabi, ang mga luha'y dumadaloy pa sa mga mata.

"No. You stay here."

"You can't order me around like this," Hindi ko na makilala ang sarili kong boses. And I wouldn't ever talk to Dark like this. I don't know how I managed to talk like this.

Nabigla naman siya sa sinabi ko. I saw the anger and hurt in his eyes. But anger soon flooded. Anger has overtaken him. "Why are you being like this? I thought you're—"

"—better than this?" Ako na ang nagdugtong.

He looked more annoyed. Or angry. I don't know anymore.

I wiped my tears and I sarcastically laughed. I shook my head. "Wow, this effect you have, really..."

I was referring to my tears. He can always make me cry because of his words... Everything that involves him can hurt me.

He was softer now. "Zaya, baby, let's talk this out."

"Don't call me baby," Sabi ko. Parang hindi ako makahinga dahil sa pag-iyak ko. "Damn, this is really unhealthy."

"What do you mean?" He asked me with sharp eyes.

"Everything about us," Hindi ko alam bakit ito na ang lumabas sa bibig ko. "Everything about us is unhealthy. You're unhealthy for me, Dark."

His jaw clenched. Tila hindi siya makapaniwala sa narinig mula sa'kin. Ano na ngayon? You're disappointed with me again?

"Are you talking about our relationship? How is our relationship fucking involved with the secret volt and escaping, huh?"

I'm scared but I'm still acting brave in front of him. Maybe I'm being unreasonable right now pero... ayoko na. I just realized something... He's unhealthy for me. Ma-disappoint ko lang siya, ma-insecure lang ako sa mga babae sa buhay niya noon, nasasaktan na ako ng sobra.

At ayoko ng ganito.

"Dark, a-a-ayoko na," Right then and there, my voice broke. New batch of tears fell from my eyes.

"What? W-What are you saying?"

"L-Let's end this—"

"No!" Dumagundong ang boses niya.

Am I being selfish? Siguro nga tama rin si Julia tungkol doon. Kanina si Chad, ngayon si Julia. I want to scoff at myself. Kahit ako, disappointed na sa sarili ko. Pero ang sakit-sakit na kasi. Dark has his effect on me. He's like a lifeline to me and this is not good. This was never good in the first place. And I'm no good for him too. I always worry and anger him. He doesn't deserve this.

"W-We're not g-good for each other, D-Dark. S-So... l-let's just stop this. O-Okay?" I said between my sobs.

"Zaya, what the fuck is going on? You're being irrational—"

"I know. I know that well. But y-you'll come to realize it, too. We're not g-good for each other."

"No please, don't leave me like this. I-I'll be damned." He said and I was shocked when he kneeled in front of me, tears slowly running down his cheeks.

This is the most painful scene ever in my life.

I cried and cried. Lumuhod din ako para magka-lebel kami. I then tried my best to make him get up but he won't. I caressed his face and I tried to wipe his tears. "D-Dark, we n-need space from each other."

"Space? Pagkatapos ba ng space na 'yan, tayo pa rin?"

I was caught off guard because of that question. Hindi ko alam. I don't have an answer to that.

"You're really breaking up with me, huh?" Mapait siyang ngumiti. I can see the sadness and pain he's enduring in his eyes.

See? Nasasaktan kaming dalawa. Nagsasakitan kami. We're clearly unhealthy for each other. We can't function properly.

He just asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago but it actually felt like a year. It feels like we're in a relationship for a year now. And it makes me sad.

"I-I love you so much, Dark. You know that, right?" I said while caressing his face.

New tears fell from his eyes. He closed his eyes for a few moments and he opened them again. "I love you too... so damn much. But if you love me, why do this?"

"I-I'm letting you go because I love you. See, you're crying because of me, and I'm crying because of you. Nagkakasakitan na tayong dalawa dahil mahal natin ang isa't-isa. Maybe we should let each other go. We need space to think everything through."

"When I laid my eyes on you, I had already thought it through."

His words affect me so much. I probably look like shit right now. I'm crying like there's no tomorrow.

I slowly stood up but he gripped my hands so tight. I feel like my hands will be bruised but I couldn't feel any physical pain. I removed my hands from his hold. He did let go like he's already so weak.

I looked at him for a little while. "Thank you... f-from the very start, t-thank you."

I then slowly walked out from his dorm. It feels like if I get out of his dorm, it's really the end of us. I was the one who asked for this so I should be brave. Hindi dapat ako magpakarupok. I should do this for both of us.

I love you so much. And I have never loved anyone like this.

Goodbye, Dark...

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