Chapter 73: Connivance

"Even if I met you first, you're not him... You're not Dark."

I said those words with certainty. I said those words without even stuttering. I know I was brutal.

I know it will hurt him but I have to do this. Maybe Madame was... right. I'm no good for him. I shouldn't even be his friend. This is my fault why he's being like this. Right now, he's not the Selton I know. The Selton I know is naughty, joyful, and energetic. But this Selton in front of me, is different. Way different.

He looked really pained because of the words that came out of my mouth. My heart hurt while saying those hurtful words. But I know he's hurt more than I am.

"That stings," Aniya at pinikit ang mga mata. "But I know you're doing this intentionally."

Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. I couldn't hide my shock.

He laughed sarcastically. "I knew my mother would be like this... She wants you to stay away from me, right?"

Hindi ako makasagot.

"I just can't believe you would do what she wanted you to do,"

"S-Selton, at first I thought it's an absurd idea. I don't want our friendship to—"

"Goddamnit, we're not friends anymore, Demerine! I just told you that!"

Nagitla ako sa pagtaas ng boses niya. Mukhang nagulat naman siya sa inasal niya. Ginulo niya ang buhok niya at pumikit saglit.

He opened his eyes and looked intently at me. "I'm sorry,"

"Look, Selton, you're hurting because of me. The only thing that I can do is stay away from you—"

"It's not your fault, okay? It's mine. I was the one who had feelings for you. Don't blame yourself over and over again."

"You still want to see me after all of this?" Tanong ko naman sa kanya.

"Yes," He said without restraint. "Even if you don't want me like I want you, I still want to see you."

I don't know what to say. He will be hurt more if he sees me.

"But right now, I need space. I need to think and renew myself. This isn't easy for me."

"I know it's not easy for you. But please don't be hard on yourself too."

Mapait siyang ngumiti. "Yes, I think I'm being hard on myself. I have been asking myself... am I not enough? What do I lack?"

"Listen to me, you don't lack anything. You are enough and worth it, Selton. Hindi lang talaga ako ang tamang tao para sayo. You deserve better."

I saw a tear fall from his eye. What the fuck... no. The Selton I know wouldn't do this. I never saw him like this!

"People might think of me as a jerk and a playboy who won't be serious at all. But Demerine, you were the first one to make me feel this way."

My heart is beating so fast because of his words. Then... am I his first love? Do I even deserve to be?

"Never have I ever thought that I will be experiencing this. You changed my outlook. And you changed me." He said and I could feel his sincerity. "Do you still remember the time when I saw you crying?"

Agad ko namang naalala. I then nodded at him with a smile. He was so sweet to give me his handkerchief that day.

"Why are you crying? Sinong nagpaiyak sayo?" He asked me and he walked towards me. Tinignan kong maigi ang mukha niya at nakikita ko na concern na concern siya sa akin.

"W-Wala 'to. A-Ah, n-namimiss ko lang yung pamilya ko." Pagsisinungaling ko.

"Really? Parang hindi 'yan 'yung dahilan." He said, not convinced of my reason.

"That's my reason," I insisted.

"Kahit ano man ang dahilan, it seems like you don't want to tell me about it. So, I wouldn't ask about it anymore. I will just be here with you, dadamayan kita rito." Sabi niya sabay kuha mula sa bulsa niya ng panyong kulay dark blue.

Tinanggap ko yung panyo niya. "T-Thank you... Pero, hindi mo ako kailangang damayan dito. Maybe you have some important things to do."

"I don't have any important things to do, Demerine. Kaya hindi mo ako maaabala." He paused then said, "I'm all yours right now."

That was like ages ago but I still remember. Even though I was hurting at that time, it felt nice that someone would offer his handkerchief for you to cry on. And most importantly, it felt nice that someone would offer his ears to listen to you and be there for you.

And I thank Selton for being that kind of person.

"I don't know why it makes me sad that you're sad. That time, I badly wanted to console you. I badly want to make you happy again."

A tear fell from my eye.

"And that was the time I realized... I realized that I feel something for you that I don't feel with anyone else. I was smitten to you... I tried to date other girls after that but sadly, it was to no avail."

"Selton, I'm thankful for you. I'm sincerely thankful for you. It feels nice that someone would offer his handkerchief to someone who has been crying. And it feels nice that someone would listen to you and is willing to be a shoulder to cry on."

He gave me a smile again. "I don't care about anyone, you know? I always say that in the end, everyone would die here so I should let people cry and do whatever the hell they want. But you changed me."

Tears fell from my eyes. He slowly went closer to me and gently placed his hands on my face. He then wiped my tears with his thumb.

Without any other thoughts, I hugged him. He was caught off guard for a second but he hugged me back.

"Damn, a hug can be comforting, huh?" He said. "I learned a lot because of you, Demerine."

I chuckled at that.

*****

I felt a little light after my "heart to heart" talk with Selton if that's the right term. I told him to stop drinking before I left and he promised me that he'll finish the last bottle he has. I hope he won't break his promise. Too much alcohol is not good for your health.

What does he want us to be, then? Ayaw niya akong maging kaibigan because he thinks I'm more than that. Pero bilang kaibigan lang ang mabibigay ko sa kanya. Kaibigan lang ang turing ko sa kanya.

Bigla ko namang naalala ang sinabi niya kanina tungkol kay Madame.

"When my father was still alive and we're still a complete family, she was really kind. She's really a caring and loving mother. I loved her... But everything changed when my dad died."

"I don't know either... Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya nagawa 'to. I just realized, when I woke up in the morning, that she turned into a... monster. I love my mom and I care for her so much. But I don't know why she turned like this."

Kaya talagang umabot sa ganito? Because her beloved husband died, this is what leads her? Because of her grief she did this? Ano naman ang kinalaman namin sa pagkamatay ng asawa niya at nararanasan namin ang lahat ng 'to ngayon?

It doesn't fit... I think this isn't the reason. My intuition is telling me there's so much more. O di kaya'y nababaliw na ako?

Damn it, this is so frustrating!

I chose to attend the third period class this morning. I already skipped two. I chose to sit somewhere far away from Julia. Maybe avoiding her isn't right and solving this would be better but I'm not going to... At least not now. I think we both need the space.

I can't even focus on the discussion. I'm bothered by Madame Selina. Ano nga ba ang dahilan kung bakit siya naging ganito? As Selton have said, she's really kind. Pero bakit humantong sa ganito?

Selton was so passionate when he described her mother as someone kind, loving, and caring. Ano ang nag-udyok sa kanya para maging ganito? Why did she suddenly have a change of heart?

Goddamnit, I feel like a lawyer or prosecutor trying to figure out things about the case I'm handling.

Nang mapunta sa bintana ang mga mata ko, hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakita. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Namamalikmata lang ba ako o talagang si Chad ang nakikita ko?

Walang pag-aalinlangan akong tumayo. At dahil don ay napatingin naman sa'kin ang mga kaklase ko at si Prof Liyales.

"Prof, can I go out for a sec? This will be quick, I promise."

She nodded. "Go ahead,"

I mouthed my "thank you" before going out. I felt Julia's gaze while I walked outside. Talagang nagtagal ang tingin niya sa'kin. "Ano na naman kayang kabulastugan ang gagawin niya?" 'Yan yata ang iniisip niya.

Chad didn't see me. Lakad lang siya ng lakad na tila ang lalim ng iniisip.

When I finally reached him, that was the time he noticed me. "Zaya—"

Hindi ko napigilan at nasampal ko siya. Nagulat naman siya sa ginawa ko. My palm is aching but I didn't mind it.

"What the fuck?"

"She killed herself, Chad... She fucking killed herself!"

Realization hit him. He knows what I'm talking about. "Oh that,"

"Oh that? Seriously? Yan lang ang sasabihin mo? She was carrying your child!"

He looked around us because people are staring. Hinila niya ako sa mas malayong lugar na wala masyadong tao.

"It already happened, Zaya! Wala na akong magagawa!"

"Why did you let this happen? I thought you were better than this?"

"Well then I guess I'm no better,"

I was triggered. I could feel the clouds darkening because of what I'm feeling. "Why could you let this happen? W-Why didn't you use protection? An unborn child just died, Chad! And for Pete's sake the woman didn't deserve to die!"

"Lexi brought this to herself—"

"Goddamn it, Chad! How could you be so... cruel?" I felt so weak when I said the last word.

When he revealed what Mrs. Cheng did to him and his mother and when he said he had feelings for Julia, he was vulnerable. That time, I knew he had the good side. I knew that behind the mask, he's a good person.

But what happened today, makes me question what I thought I knew. He doesn't look guilty right now. It's like he's putting all the blame on the woman.

"Lalake lang ako, may pangangailangan. And she knocked on my door and I let her."

"Yan ang hirap sa inyong mga lalake. You don't know how women struggle because of you. Maybe you're thinking I'm being unfair here but in this given situation, no!" I said, doing my best to make my voice firm. "You got her pregnant but you don't care. Why? Because you're not the one who'll suffer. Hindi ikaw ang magbubuntis at manganganak!"

He looked hurt. Is this the Chad I know? Is he showing me his soft side? His good side?

"We can't do anything even if the child lives. The place he's in is a very dangerous place and you know that, Zaya."

Yes, I know that very well. "But couldn't you have been gentle with her? Couldn't you have comforted her after knowing she was pregnant? Hindi ka man lang humingi ng tawad? The woman would still be alive right now if you comforted her! But you neglected her. You're so cruel, Chad! You're so fucking cruel!"

He looked at me with a smirk. His eyes are unreadable. "Zaya, you have been here for a long time now... and you know what we do here. Killing is legal in this place so don't blame me!"

Agad niya naman akong tinalikuran. Ako nama'y natulos sa aking kinatatayuan. I thought we were friends? I thought we have a little connection? He's far from the kind person I knew.

He's back to being a jerk. He's back to being an asshole.

Bumalik na ako sa classroom pagkatapos nung nangyari. Nanlulumo ako at naaawa sa babae... kay Lexi. Her name is Lexi. May she rest in peace together with her unborn child.

When the class was over, I proceeded to the next one which will be the last class for this morning. Again, I didn't sit beside Julia. I searched for a vacant seat that's away from her. At mabuti na lang at meron namang bakante sa likurang parte ng room.

I had a lot in my head when I went back to reality. Nag-ingay kasi ang mga kaklase ko. They were yelling and cheering when our nerdy classmate entered the room. He's wearing his glasses and his typical clothes. Our classmates were throwing crumpled paper at him.

Inayos niya naman ang salamin niya sa mata habang nakayuko. I feel bad for him. I don't know him personally but he's smart. He always gets a high score during quizzes and that's why our classmates bully him more and I don't understand. They're seriously jealous of his intelligence, that's why.

But at the same time, tinutukso nila ito dahil sa pananamit at mga galaw. He always stutter when talking and he also avoids eye contact. Lagi siyang nakayuko at tahimik. And he has always been a loner... And he always reminds me of someone. Tila boy version siya ni Reena.

Why can't people just leave him alone? Nanahimik ang tao, clearly minding his own business. Can't they just mind their own businesses too?

I was a little startled when he went to sit beside me... Oh, I forgot, he sits at the back that's why. And I just realized that I'm sitting on his chair but he didn't say a thing. Natatakot ba siya?

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sitting on your chair."

Agad naman siyang umiling-iling at tila siya pa ang nahihiya. "N-No, i-it's alright,"

"Can you calm down? Loosen up a bit. Chill." I said with some humor in my tone, hoping he'd loosen up and be comfortable.

He just nodded but not looking at me. Nakayuko lang siya at nakatingin sa notebook niya.

I sighed. Those people who bullied him made him like this. He stutters when he talks, and can't even look me in the eye. I wonder what's going on in his mind because of those bullies.

"Get your paper and pen," The professor ordered.

Natagalan ako sa paghahalughog sa bag ko dahil hindi ko mahanap yung ballpen ko. Nagamit ko naman kanina? Pero asan na? I'm fucked.

I sighed a couple of times while looking at the paper on my desk. Ano naman ang gagamitin ko ngayon? I can't ask my classmates for a pen! And Julia and I are not in good terms right now. Hindi naman makapal ang mukha ko na lalapit dahil may kailangan.

"Y-You don't have a pen?"

Agad naman akong napabaling sa tabi ko. "I don't,"

"Here," Aniya sabay abot sa'kin ng ballpen.

"Really? Is this an extra?"

"Yes, i-it is. I have three pens with me."

"Oh, I see... Thank you, Trey." I said with a smile. And I'm sincerely thankful.

Napansin ko naman ang pamumula ny mukha niya. Parang gusto kong tumawa pero pinigilan ko. He may get the wrong intention at baka akala niya tinutukso ko siya o ano.

"N-No problem," Aniya at nag-iwas ng tingin.

His name is Trey Andrews. Maliban sa pagiging matahimik, loner, at palaging binu-bully, yan lang ang alam ko tungkol sa kanya. We never interact with each other a lot. Kung merong mga group works na magkasama kami, nag-uusap lang ng kaunti tungkol sa gawain. Yung pinakamahaba siguro naming pag-uusap ay ang pag-uusap namin ngayon.

It's just a short talk but that's the longest we have so far. He's really nice and shy, I must say.

After the class ended, I handed him his pen. "Thank you for this. You literally saved me."

He blushed once again. "N-No problem,"

I smiled before leaving. At habang naglalakad, nag-iisip ako kung kakain ba ako ng lunch o hindi. There's a part of me that's saying I should eat so I wouldn't get hungry later pero tila wala akong ganang kumain.

I couldn't go back to the dorm since Julia might be there. It's either she will be with Godwin or she'll go to the dorm to eat.

I have decided to just go to the cafeteria and I got myself a buko shake and it reminded me of Selton. He was the one who introduced me to this. Kamusta na kaya 'yon?

After I finished it, I decided to go to the library to kill some time.

I was so close to the door when I heared Madame's voice. "Minnea, leave us alone for a while."

"Yes, Madame," Sagot naman ng librarian.

Dali-dali naman akong bumaba sa hagdanan at halos malaglag pa ako! Hindi pa ako bumaba ng hagdanan ng ganito kabilis na halos malaglag ako!

Agad-agad akong nagtago sa gilid ng building. Mrs. Minnea didn't see me. Thank goodness! Lakad lang siya ng lakad at sa harap lang siya nakatingin.

Nang makitang malayo na siya, lumabas ako sa pinagtaguan ko at hinay-hinay na umakyat pabalik sa taas kung saan ang library. Nasa second floor ang library kaya kailangan talagang umakyat sa hagdanan.

I'm so careful with my every move. Malayo pa sa mismong pintuan ng library, naririnig ko na ang pagbulyaw ni Madame sa kung sino man ang kinakausap niya.

"Goddamn it! Why did you kill her?!"

Who are they talking about? Who killed who?

"This was not included in the plan—"

"I know it wasn't! But I had to!"

That voice... It's so damn familiar. That old man's voice... it haunted me in my dreams.

I was shocked when I realized who Madame was talking to. It's Prof Leonsio! What the fuck is he doing here? And he killed who?

"She saw me analyzing some blood samples," Ani Prof na ikinagulat ko.

"What?!"

"Do you really think I would kill someone for some petty reason? You know I'm better than that. I had to kill her before she told somebody."

"Make sure no one knows what you did, Sylvester. And make sure no one knows what we're doing right now. If somebody knows about this except you and me, kill that piece of shit. Kahit sino pa 'yan."

"Yes, Madame. Crystal clear."

"Good. After all of this went according to the plan, you'll get your end of the bargain. Make sure nothing will go wrong and no one will find out about this connivance."

"I'll make sure of that, Madame. This was really a good idea. Me and you, conniving. We both need each other for this plan to work."

What the fuck are they doing? What is this plan? Just hearing their creepy voices make me shiver! I need to get out of here because I'm in a really dangerous scenario right now but my feet and ears wouldn't let me!

"Indeed. This plan needs your intelligence and my connections." Ani Madame.

"How about the book, Madame? You have said that without the proper ritual, which is in the book you valued the most, you wouldn't be able to get the power."

What the actual fuck... am I really hearing this or is this just my hallucination? Madame wants what? She wants the goddamn power Dark and I have?

So does this mean that in order for her to get it, there's a ritual in the book of the rarest power? I need to see what ritual that is immediately!

I can hear Madame gritting her teeth. "Whoever got it, will be dead. I'm hunting him or her down. I'll skin that person alive."

"Well, good luck in finding that person. But after I've finished doing my part, I'm out. I'll fly away from this hell."

Fly away? Does he mean he'll escape? That's his end of the bargain? What the fuck, how can he get out of here? Is there some kind of passage? This is so fucking unfair!

Natagalan pa bago naka-imik si Madame. "Of course, Sylvester."

"If you'll do the ritual or not, that's not my problem anymore. As soon as I finish my part, I'll get the end of my bargain." Sabi naman ni Prof Leonsio.

Nagulat naman ako ng biglang may tumakip sa bibig ko. I want to scream but I couldn't. I can't see the person's face because he was behind me and his grip was too strong.

Dali-dali kaming bumaba sa hagdan at nagtago sa likod ng building ng library. Shit, is this one of Madame Selina's staff? Did I just get caught? I'm sure they'll bring me to Madame and tell her I was spying on her conversation with Prof Leonsio!

Nanlalaban ako at pilit na kumakawala sa kung sino man ang tumakip sa bibig ko at hinahawakan ako ng mahigpit.

"Baby, calm down, it's me."

Tila nabuhusan naman ako ng malamig na tubig ng narinig kung sino iyon. I felt relieved and at the same time pissed! I was panicking so much!

He slowly removed his hand from my mouth and he lets go of his hold on me. He immediately made me look at him.

Hingal ako ng hingal dahil sa mga pangyayari. Ang tindi ng tahip ng puso ko. I touched my chest where my heart is located and caressed it for a few times.

"W-Why a-are you here?" Hinihingal ko pa ring sabi at kinakabahan rin ako.

"I had to get some books. How about you? I should be the one to ask that. Why are you here? Eavesdropping on Madame Selina and whoever she was talking to?"

Napayuko ako. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya ang mga narinig ko pero kinakabahan ako ngayon sa kanya.

"Dark, I know it was dangerous. Hindi mo na ako kailangang sermonan—"

I haven't continued my words when he kissed me deeply. Agad naman akong nagpa-ubaya. His kiss was gentle but deep.

After a few moments, he broke the kiss and hugged me. "I'm so worried of you,"

"I'm sorry for worrying you... But I just found out something big that I need to tell you."

"Let's go. Let's talk about it in my dorm." Aniya at inakbayan ako.
I just nodded as an answer and we started to walk.

Some details were kind of vague but we will figure it out. The important thing is that now, I found out that Madame Selina is conniving with Prof Leonsio in search of the one who has the rarest power. And I should be really careful about this one. This is a top secret that only the both of them should know but I accidentally knew about it.