Everyone expected Jaiden to have suffered significant injuries because of the accident.  He had some lacerations on his head, but he somehow only dislocated his arm, cracked his humerus, and suffered from some road rash.  He was moved into a sling but told to rest his arm as much as possible.

His first official day awake was busy.  Jaiden never expected so much traffic in his hospital room. Honestly, he only had himself and his few close friends for the longest time. But suddenly, Valeria and her family were there, and Toni's family insisted on coming as well.

The doctors had a hard time keeping the large families from entering the room altogether. They had to come back multiple times to kick people out. But the people who would always remain were Toni, Valeria, and Gloria.

Jaiden would look helplessly toward Toni as the two older women fussed about Jaiden. 

Toni coughed a little. "Mamá, tia, how about you two go get something to eat with everyone else. Take a break." He suggested.

Gloria wanted to protest, but Toni raised his hand to stop her. "Jaiden needs some rest too."

The older women agreed reluctantly, leaving with the large group.

Jaiden let out a long sigh of relief. "Thank you, Toni."

"Mi sol, you should try to get some more rest."

Jaiden laughed. "I was out for three days. I think I can stay up longer and be with you."

Toni sighed and sat down next to him, brushing his hair back with his fingers.

"How are you feeling? Honestly." Toni asked quietly. Jaiden had been trying to make light of the situation with family visiting. He was smiling and cracking jokes the entire time, but Toni could see through the facade.

Jaiden sunk down and leaned against Toni. "Like shit. The pain isn't bad, but I'm pissed off about my bike and jacket."

Toni raised an eyebrow. "Not that someone was trying to run you down?"

Jaiden huffed a little. "Fuck that person too...that bike was everything. It was the first piece of freedom I could buy when I graduated. It allowed me to get away from the suffocating town I was in. And Carlos was there to help me fix it when it kept breaking down. Most of it had been rebuilt by the two of us."

He clenched his fist a little. "That leather jacket was his too... and I tore it to shreds. That fucking accident is stealing the small pieces of him that I have left."

Toni kissed him on the temple. "I hope you don't mind, but my brother, Alex, has a shop downtown. He took the bike and salvaged what he could. I figured we can rebuild a new bike with some remaining functioning pieces."

He seemed a little worried that he overstepped, especially when Jaiden looked at him with a stunned expression.

"Was that ok?" He asked with some trepidation in his voice.

Jaiden released a breathy laugh and leaned into Toni, trying to hide his expression. He was so grateful for this man, especially when he said that 'we' could rebuild it.  "More than ok.  Thank you."

"Mamá and Valeria are figuring out what to do with the jacket, but no one will get rid of it." Toni explained, hoping to ease Jaiden's, troubled heart.

Jaiden shuddered a little. "You are amazing; you know that, right?"

Toni flushed a little. "I'm not sure about that... some of the guys from the precinct may have caught me sleeping in your hospital bed." He was nervous. "I should have known that they would visit, and I wasn't prepared. I didn't mean—"

Jaiden cut him off with a laugh. "Well, it was bound to happen soon. Outside of the job, we're pretty obvious."

"You're really ok with it?" Toni stopped him and tried to gauge his reaction.

"Absolutely. Besides, plenty of married couples work together on the force." Jaiden said without thinking.

Toni smirked. "Married?"

Jaiden covered his mouth with his hand and tried to look away, but Toni caught his chin. "I think the last time I mentioned marriage, you choked on your food and ran out of my house."

Jaiden was bright red. "Technically, I didn't run."

Toni chuckled. "Sure. Whatever you say."

Toni's laugh fell from his lips, and the nervousness returned.  He seemed hesitant about what he wanted to bring up next as if he was trying to bring up every piece of bad news in stages.  He took a deep breath. "I found the journal in your backpack."

Jaiden froze, knowing which journal he was talking about. "Did Valeria see it?" His voice was a hushed whisper.

"No. I hid it from view, and it's at our house now." Toni explained.

The journal was the one hidden in his closet, the thing he was scared to touch again because it just showed how he spiraled out of control two years ago.

"I was going to show it to you after work, but a van kind of got in the way of that." He said while looking away. "It's what Nate mentioned in the Pastor's house... how I became obsessive."

He twisted his fingers around Toni's shirt. "Writing things down helps me think, organize, and memorize. So during tough cases, I tend to write everything down—all the facts, timelines, and theories. I had to do that for the case Carlos and I worked on.  After he died, I put away the journal and thought I was doing ok.  I was recovering and working... but I started to have nightmares and convinced myself that I missed something—that I was careless somewhere. I pulled out that journal so I could rewrite and reanalyze everything possible.  I became convinced that I was the reason why he died, and how I went about it was... unhealthy."

Jaiden recalled how he would hole himself in his room while writing in that journal. He never shaved, hardly showered, and lost too much weight. 

"I lived off of whiskey and cigarettes for days on end.  Nate found me in my room, passed out in that state.  He took me away, so Valeria didn't have to see me like that.  He sobered me up and started to help me adjust. But it didn't end there; I fell down the rabbit hole again and wound up in the same state.  But this time, he had to take me to the hospital to recover.  After I was released and found some sense of normalcy, he convinced me to move to Albuquerque to look for a fresh start."

Toni tightened his arms around Jaiden. He had flipped through the journal and saw the intense details of the case. The first half of the journal was organized and orderly. But the second half seemed to be written by someone else entirely. It was manic and obsessive. It had theories written in the margins about how he could have changed small details to keep Carlos alive. The pages were sometimes crumpled like he was angry with what he wrote. Other times the ink was smudged because of the many tears that had fallen. 

Everything written inside was Jaiden's broken testimony of how he believed he had failed and killed Carlos. His guilt and pain seeped through each page, and Toni could practically touch the heavy-laden depression in every single word.

The last page had a picture of a bloodied altar with words carved into the wood. It was hard to see initially because the blood had started to soak into the exposed wood, but he grasped the message in the end.

[From my rotting body, flowers shall grow]

It was then that Toni realized why Jaiden was so shaken at the crime scene at the Pastor's house. 

"I wanted to show you that journal because that was my worst; the monster hiding in the closet that I don't want anyone to see." Jaiden shivered in Toni's embrace.

"Jaiden, you know that you didn't kill him. It wasn't your fault?" Toni whispered.

Jaiden took a shaky breath.  "I know..."

Toni sighed.  "If you went into that church with him, would he have still been shot?"

Jaiden paled a little.  "I would have either been him or me."

"Exactly.  You could have died that night too, but you didn't.  Carlos saved your life.  I didn't know the man, but by listening to the way you and Valeria speak about him, he went out the way he wanted to; by protecting his son." Toni said quietly. He felt his shirt become damp where Jaiden had pressed his face against his chest. 

Jaiden knew what Toni said was true.  When Carlos was dying, he looked relieved to see that Jaiden was safe and unharmed.  Jaiden had been mourning for two years now; the anniversary of Carlos' death was only a few days away.  Maybe it was time to break out of the dark cycle. And with the people who have surrounded him, it could be possible to do so. 

Toni stayed with him through Friday night and all of Saturday, ignoring the doctors and nurses who tried to kick him out.  They only agreed to let him stay if he did not lay in the bed with Jaiden.  He reluctantly agreed but curled up with him when the nurses left the room.  

Jaiden didn't mind and happily leaned into his arms.  He sat a laptop on his lap and started to pull up ESPN to play the pay-per-view UFC fights. 

Toni chuckled while playing with Jaiden's curls. "You never take a break from the fights, even in hospitals."

Jaiden winked. "Being stuck here doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good fight. Besides, this card is going to be amazing.  I've been looking forward to it for weeks."

"You realize you were just hit by a van, right."

"Even more of a reason to watch and enjoy someone else getting beaten up."  He turned and kissed Toni on the cheek. "Besides, my favorite fighter is the main event tonight, so I can't miss it."  He pointed to a name on the screen.

Toni clicked his tongue and leaned forward to have a better view.  He frowned a little. "Jonas 'The Wolf' King? Who calls himself a wolf?"

"He's been called that for a long time." Jaiden said quietly with a laugh.  "When all this bullshit is done, we should go to a live fight sometime.  Run to Vegas for a weekend."

Toni smiled happily.  "I would like that.  We should make plans for when we're done with this case.  What else would you like to do?"

Jaiden smirked. "I want to stay in bed with you all day."

"Tempting.  I can arrange some time for that." Toni chuckled. He was quiet for a moment and then asked, "Do you know how to ride a horse?"

Jaiden laughed. "I don't know if you're referring to yourself as a horse or if you actually mean the animal. But that's a 'yes' to both."

Toni muttered a curse in Spanish and adjusted his pants a little.

Jaiden was still laughing and holding his ribs that were still bruised. "Valeria's son, Juan, owns a ranch, and I always helped out there on my days off. So yes, I know about riding horses."

Toni played with his hair for a moment with a grin plastered on his face. "Good."

Jaiden gave him a skeptical look. "I may know about horses and can ride them, but I'm nowhere good enough to be in a rodeo or anything crazy.  So, what do you have planned for me?"

Toni laughed.  "I'm not going to ask you to participate in a charreada. I only wanted to ride out on the trail by the bosque." 

Jaiden smiled. "We should. Grab some Sunshine Stouts from Bosque Brewing for the trail too."

"Sounds like a date."

Jaiden ran his hand over his face. "Won't that technically be our first date?"

Toni was about to protest but stopped right away. "You're right, I think it will be. We may have done things a little backwards."

Jaiden couldn't remove the smile from his face. "I wouldn't have it any other way... but right now, I want you to watch the fight and cheer for The Wolf with me. If you do, then maybe you'll get lucky on our first date."

"Mi sol, I'm notoriously lucky. I know exactly how that night is going to end."