Jaiden lamented his slow-witted brain. He was normally a lot smoother when hitting on someone, but his mind short circuited. He never felt a pull from someone like that before.

"Fuck."

But then again, maybe it was for the best. After breaking it off originally with Billy, he made sure to follow a set of rules.

No men. No distractions. Focus on work.

It was what kept him going because the last thing he could afford was to fall apart. Again.

With a shake of his head, he took off to a coffee shop down the road before he called an Uber. He did not want to wait in that apartment complex in case Billy decided to chase him. At least Toni's trick worked, and Billy stopped calling.

Before calling for a ride, he grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down in one of the booths, trying to sort out the mess of his mind. His life was one disaster after another, and he seemed to be continuing that streak.

It all started early in his life when he lost his mother when he was six.

His memories of his mother were vague at best, and he could catch glimpses of her holding his hand while she was wearing a wispy dress covered in sunflowers at an amusement park. But unfortunately, he remembered the sound of the car cash that took her life more prominently than her face.

He was only a child, but for the longest time he believed that it was his fault. He asked to go to the amusement park.  He wanted to ride one more ride.  If he didn't, then she could still be alive. 

But accidents happen, right?

The truth was, he was lucky to have survived the crash and only did so because his mom shielded him. He still had a long scar on his leg because of the accident. It used to haunt him, but now it is partially covered by a sunflower tattoo to honor her.

However, since then his father had become emotionally distant. His pain and grief were palpable, and Jaiden had no way to reach him. However, when his father mentioned that he found someone that made him happy, Jaiden encouraged him. He remarried when Jaiden was about 12 years old, and he thought that they could have a good life with a new mother and an older brother. But it came crashing down when his father passed away only two years later.

His stepmother wasn't exactly nurturing and had troubles adjusting to being a single mother of two boys, especially when one wasn't her own blood. It wasn't an abusive household, but they were strained, so they both choose to ignore each other.

However, he was falling apart and like many young and angry children, he started to act out in school. His stepmother didn't know how to handle a child like him and was growing weary of the many calls from his teachers.  As a last resort, she sent him off to a school for delinquents. Luckily, that school was a blessing for him.

He had found good friends in high school, people who became closer than brothers to him. However, his friends knew exactly what they wanted in life and started to excel the moment they graduated. But Jaiden was lost and had no support from his home. He felt like he would drag his friends down so during the summer after he graduated, he left.

He traveled for almost a year, taking his motorcycle through the states.  Somehow, he found himself in Las Cruces, New Mexico. He wasn't there for a full 24 hours before he was caught in brawl with three other men.  He won the fight, but the reward for that victory was being tossed in a holding cell to cool off.

The entire time he was waiting behind bars, he made sure the cops knew how disgruntled he was about being in their presence.

He always hated the police. They were either corrupt or easily bought, at least that was how it was in his hometown. Never trust anyone with badge.

In the middle of his griping, he noticed a couple of detectives standing nearby who were talking about a case that they were working on. Jaiden couldn't keep his mouth shut and decided to throw in his two cents. He spouted some bullshit theory based off the information he heard.

It was supposed to be sarcastic and irk them. It was not supposed to make them interested in him, but that's exactly what happened.

Jaiden had no criminal records, was physically fit, and was 19 years old. They also they could tell that someone else instigated the fight, so he wasn't in trouble. Instead of punishing him, they asked him to apply for the force.

Jaiden laughed and promptly declined them. It was a ridiculous offer.

He was released shortly after and left the precinct. But as he was picking up his bike, he realized that he had nowhere to go. No money for gas, no place to stay, and no one to rely on. He swallowed his pride and turned back around, finding the older detective who talked to him initially. He told the detective that if he gave him a place to sleep, he'll give this 'cop shit' a chance.

The detective, Carlos, and his wife Valeria took him in without question. He expected to crash on the couch, but Valeria set him up in a room and made sure he had all the accommodations he needed. He had home cooked meals every day and a family who treated him as one of their own. After years of silence, cold stares, and building animosity from his stepfamily, he felt skeptical at first when walking into a home filled with love.

But he soon found himself becoming a part of the family, calling Carlos and Valeria 'Tio' and 'Tia'. He had joined in family gatherings, cookouts, and celebrations. Once he had a stable income, he had offered to move out into his own place, but Valeria refused and told him that this was his home now. He had learned that there was no way they could refuse Valeria.

She and Carlos supported him through training and celebrated when he wore the uniform for the first time. In truth, he hated the uniform... He hated it so much that he delayed telling his friends back home what he was doing.

Still, he was earning a living and he had at least two people who were proud of his work. He never complained and worked himself to the bone so he could keep Carlos and Valeria happy.

But he also knew another way to get out of the uniform. He needed to make detective like Carlos. He was determined and worked his ass off. At 25 years old, he finally made it as a detective, and he said goodbye to the damned uniform and traffic tickets. As a detective, he found that he started to actually like the job and he finally had a set path.

He worked with Carlos for almost a year. He had always been learning from him, even as a beat cop, but it was nice to be his partner on the force. His successes were starting to become well known and some of the more complicated cases were being thrown his way.  He relished in the gritty work and the confidence people had in him.

He and Carlos took on a string of murder of a group of church goers. It was a disturbing case with no clue in sight.  However, late one night, they got a call to check out a scene. It was the break that they needed, and they were taking off to an old, abandoned church in the middle of the night.  Carlos told Jaiden to hang back and watch the door. Jaiden listened to his mentor, but it was the one order he would live to regret.

Jaiden remembered being on edge the entire night, and all his senses were amplified. That was probably why he heard the two gunshots that ripped through the church so clearly. He rushed inside but by the time he had made his way to Carlos, it was too late. Despite his desperate pleas for backup and his efforts to stop the bleeding, there was no way he could save him.

He was the one who told Valeria about Carlos passing away. He blamed himself, but she never did. Even in her grief, she gave him a mother's love. She could tell that he was hollow and broken inside because she had seen it before in cops when they lose a loved one.

Just like when his father died, he fell apart. He was left wallowing in the loss of another father figure.

But his friends from high school dropped everything when they found out and came to visit him. They helped him and slowly drew him out of the void. He was better, however the loss tormented him still.

You would think that one's heart would be hardened after repeated heartache, but he still felt raw.

To ignore the pain, he threw himself into work. He was good at what he did, using every skill he learned from Carlos, but this was when he started to close himself off from others, becoming aloof. He was no longer his old self.

He kept everyone distant and was no longer as sociable. He had defaulted to being alone and was fine with being considered cold. He had lost too much; his mother, his father, his mentor... anyone else would probably break him completely.

However, one man was persistent in being his friend, a forensic technician named Nate. He had a terrible sense of humor with no filter, but it was enough to push pass the walls that Jaiden set up. Nate was offered a job up north in Albuquerque. He encouraged Jaiden to see if there was a need for him there as well. Valeria also pushed him to try, perhaps he could find something that would heal him.

With some hesitation he ended up calling about it and was quickly offered a position. Apparently, a couple of their detectives had volunteered to help with a job in Colorado that was projected to take a while, and they were impressed with his resume. The move happened quickly, and he found himself sharing an apartment with Nate.

He was hoping for change, something as dynamic as New Mexico's sunsets. His career took off, but that was the only thing that seemed to be going well for him. He was now 28 years old and approaching the two-year anniversary of Carlos' death, but he was still as alone as he was when he moved here.

He didn't mind the city and enjoyed the blending of cultures. If you overlook the crime rate, then you were left with rich history, rolling mountain ranges, and hot air balloons... and a man named Toni who was sinfully handsome.

Too bad he met Toni while running out from a one-night stand with his ex.

Jaiden groaned. Out of all people, why did he end up with Billy again?

While Jaiden was grieving, he created a long list of one-night stands and meaningless relationships. Most of his relationships wouldn't make it past a week because he didn't give affection and he was too focused on his job.

He met Billy in a bar and thought he was cute, almost pretty. He let Billy take him home but made it clear that Billy shouldn't expect much from him. Billy insisted that he would be ok with that and things were good for the first month. But then Billy became like all the others and started to harp on Jaiden and his job.

When Jaiden continued to focus on his job, Billy started to sleep around with other men. Jaiden knew every time, but ignored it because he figured that his relationship with Billy was fated to end soon anyway.

One rare day, Jaiden had finished work early, and decided to bite the bullet and cut the cord. He went to Billy's place but that's when he found someone else with Billy in bed. The situation was almost laughable.

Billy was begging for forgiveness and claiming it was a mistake, while his fuck buddy was practically quivering in the bed. Jaiden just walked past him, grabbed his duffel bag, and packed it with the few belongings he had at Billy's place.

Billy clung to his arm and started to cry, even trying to blame the other man for taking advantage of him. But Jaiden laughed. "Considering this was the fourth time you brought someone here since we started fucking, I thought we were non-exclusive, Billy."

This only made Billy cry harder and start to beg.  His pale face was flushed and stained with tears.  Perhaps most men would have fallen for that pitiful appearance, but Jaiden was unmoved. 

"Stop, Billy. We both know that this is a waste of time.  I'm done."  And with that, he walked out.

He hated that he allowed himself to be played for as long as he did. Not even the sex was worth it, and in the end he was left feeling ashamed and hollow. He needed to move on.

Yet Billy found ways to still haunt him. Countless calls on his phone, showing up at his work, or just conveniently arriving at the same bar as Jaiden. He continued to appear in front of Jaiden.

Every time, he would try to convince Jaiden that he had changed and spouted bullshit like he loved him. But Jaiden refused to give him another chance. He couldn't allow himself to fall into that trap take away his own self worth. So, his rules were developed.

No men. No distractions. Focus on work.

It worked for him for eight months now. Except last night he made a glaring mistake. He drank... a lot... and then took shots. He didn't even think it was Jose Cuervo, but some low brand mixto. All he remembered was that it was like paint thinner peeling off a layer of skin down his throat.

He knew he got into an argument with someone, and then pretty boy Billy decided to do one of his appearing acts and offered to take him home.

He just didn't specify which home to go to. He remembered another round of arguing, and Jaiden saying something along the lines of "If you want to fuck, then we'll fuck, but then I'm out."

Billy agreed, but Jaiden should have known better. It resulted with him bolting out the door in the morning.

Jaiden finally got back to his apartment that was closer to downtown. He stormed in and opened the bedroom door of his roommate. As the door crashed open, a very naked woman who was sitting on top of Nate screamed and hid herself with the blanket.

"Nate! You dick! You told me 'Get wasted! Relax and I'll have your back'. But instead, you disappear and leave me while I was half a bottle deep in tequila. I was so fucked up that I woke up in Billy's bed!" Jaiden complained.

Nate popped his head out from the covers. "Shit! Billy? Your ex, Billy?"

Jaiden's eyes narrowed. "Yes, that fucking Billy."

Nate jumped out of the bed, covering himself with a pillow. "I'm so sorry. I thought you were having fun with someone else. I didn't think he would show up... I mean, you made your point pretty clear last time."

"I know that, and he knows that! But I still woke up with him." He turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Fuck. He never wanted to drink again.

*****

A/N

I'm just going to slip this update here.

This chapter will probably be the longest. I just didn't want to cut it off in the middle especially when it kept growing while editing. ❤️