TW - Self-harm/Suicide

The metallic edge feels rather cold on her skin even though the familiarity eventually sets in, contradicting the initial feeling.

If I start rethinking I would hesitate and not end up doing it. If I don't do it, I'll cycle back to this moment, I'm fucking sick of it.

The grip on the handle tightens as she screams, proceeding to laugh while pushing herself into it.

I'm insane, I'm absolutely insane and I need that. I need to lose my sanity to end everything.

The knife pierces her skin making a deep cut vertically on her wrist.

Please don't let me live, please let this be it. I don't want to be even more miserable.

Silence.

Silence soon overshadowed by the sound of blood dripping down onto the bathroom floor.

Something's not fucking right, I don't feel pain?

Have I gotten numb to physical pain?

Anxiety crippling in as the possibility of failing once again resurfaces.

What... about.. this insane amount of blood oozing out... I.. can't see... I can't keep my eyes open.

Her head drops down along with her body that was leaning on the wall.

Finally, what she's been waiting for, it's achieved.

She's dead.

_______

Lord, my head hurts more than my menstrual cramps. On the contrary, my body feels extremely comfortable, I'm pleased.

Wait.
Hold on.
Didn't I kill myself?

I open my eyes too quick to regret when the headache worsens to the point of wanting to rip my head open. Don't tell me I failed again. No, I can't, I don't want to go through all of that again.

Looking around the place, I realise I'm on top of a queen-sized bed with a fancy interior surrounding me. The last time I failed, the hospital looked nowhere close to this.

What's going on? Have I been abducted or have I been adopted by some rich sugar daddy?

"My lady!"

Abruptly heard along with the sound of glass breaking, when a woman drops the tray she was holding.

Who the fuck is that? Although she's quite the beauty, why on Earth is she wearing a maid costume? Is this some kind of hentai skit?

My focus goes back to her and I notice that she's kneeling on the floor while trembling in fear.

"I am deeply sorry about this, I deserve death. Please forgive me."

"Uh.. who are you? What's happening? And where am I?"

There's no way that I'm actually in heaven right? I'm not religious and I've always expected nothing beyond death which is why I yearned for it so much. Even if hell and heaven turned out to be a real concept, they've sent me to the incorrect side.

The pretty lady widens her eyes in shock and then proceeds to cover her mouth with her trembling hand.

Looking at her hand reminded me of mine and I look to check for a scar on my wrist.

What? There's nothing.

But what?

These aren't even my own hands...

"Mirror.." I utter still in shock and the pretty woman gets up promptly, she's gone for a minute and comes back with a hand mirror.

Velour-black hair contrasting the glimmering ruby eyes, delicate rosy lips and faint skin. The reflection in the mirror possesses an ordinary hair colour but at the same time, she looks mythical. I think I have a crush on myself.

Wait hold on this isn't me, who is this? What the fuck is happening.

"Who am I?"

"My lady you are Evelyn Agrece, the one and only daughter of Duke Agrece"

The only plausible answer would be that I'm dreaming. That name she uttered is awfully familiar so maybe I'm dreaming about something I've seen on television?

Ah, remembered.

It's from that novel my sister was obsessed with. I dropped it earlier on because it's all about people being in forbidden love by rebelling against the class system, everything was so predictable that I couldn't continue. Although she did say the genre switches midway. If I recall correctly, Evelyn was the sister of the second male lead.

"Excuse me, pretty lady, what's my brother's name?"

She looks at me frightened while her hand trembles constantly.

"The late young lord's name was Eugene... Eugene Agrece"

The late... Does that mean Eugene is currently dead?

But that's impossible, there was no mention of Eugene's death in the novel. Did it maybe occur after I stopped reading?

"My lady, it's out of my authority to assume but have you by chance lost your memories due to the horrible occurrence?"

I guess she's assuming I've lost my memories after my brother's death.

"I don't recall anything at all"

"That's unfortunate but I'm here to help you recall anything you wish to. Let me introduce myself to you again. I'm Mary, the maid in charge of serving your highness"

This feels like a joke.. am I still dreaming? Have I travelled back in time? The story in the novel centred around The Victorian era, but as I know the book wasn't based on a real-life story.

Is there a possibility of reincarnation being the case? But that's not factual, it can't be explained by science and that's driving me crazy. You're telling me that everything I've believed is all a lie?

Maybe I'm on heavy drugs? If I am, these drugs are too good to be true.

I can't help but let out a sigh deepening into my internal dilemma which evidently causes Mary to shudder. Why is she so scared of me?

Oh yeah, Evelyn had quite an unpleasant personality. She mistreated anyone below her and took dignity in being the Duke's daughter.

I guess I'll just go along with it, till I figure out what the fuck reality is and what I am doing here.

"I'm glad to hear such a capable individual is working for me. Mary, can you summarise what you meant by horrible occurrence?"

Her eyes widen in shock again, she looks like she's about to collapse. Her reactions truly intrigue me, was I too nice to her compared to how Evelyn used to treat her? Should I pretend to be rude so that it comes off more naturally? Wait hold on, why would I do that to a pretty lady?

"Mary I'm in a predicament right now, I can't afford to waste time"

She immediately shakes herself out of it and bows her head. I'm not sure whether I caught that but her eyes were reddened as if she was sucking in her own tears.

"Apologies, I was referring to the death of young lord Eugene that transpired yesterday."

"That's quite recent, how did he end up passing away?"

"He was brutally murdered which shocked young lady who adored young lord, the most probable reason behind your attempt to kill yourself. We assumed the Duke lost both his children but miraculously the physician informed us you survived and is in a state of comatose. The blood loss was tremendous so there's zero to no chance of survival but my lady is here completely conscious"

She's tearing up and that bewilders me. Is she tearing up because she's glad Evelyn survived or is it because she's appalled by the thought of suffering through Evelyn's hands again? Mary is truly a confusing individual but that perks up my curiosity. Hold on... I just realised.

"Mary, did you say I tried to kill myself?"

"Y-Yes my lady"

Is it a coincidence that I tried to kill myself and so did Evelyn?

If that's the case...

What would transpire if I tried killing myself here?