WOW I'M TWO DAYS LATE BUT HEY I DID IT HAHAHAHAHA YEAH I WENT HARD AF (Like my D) I LITERALLY DREAMT IN RHYMES LAST NIGHT LOL BYEEEEE!!! 

ANYWAY, ENJOY, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!! 

Don't forget to vote and leave feedback if you enjoy!!! PLEAAASEEEEE??

DEDICATED TO THE AWESOME WINNERS OF MY HALLOWEEN FAN ART CONTEST, WHO ARE THE CHARACTERS IN THIS PIECE!!! (EEEP, HYPE EM UP AYYYYY!!!!!)

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T'was the night before Christmas,

Santa had to get LIT,

So he started with whisky,

And dabbed to Drake with some gin.

The house was so silent,

Mrs. Claus was away.

It was Santa's night off,

But he had a price to pay.

The corners once empty,

Suddenly filled with shadows.

They crept down the walls,

Can you see the foreshadow?

The door blew wide open and

In came a man,

He stood seven feet tall

With a scythe in his hand.

"The Naughty List, huh?"

Seethed the man in all black,

"Not this year, bitch."

Then his scythe reared back.

"He got what was coming," said Death in defense. The elves all swarmed in, like a goddamn sixth sense.

"But that's what we wanted," sassed Elf Number One. His grin was satanic, he wielded a gun. "That Santa was lazy and slept in the nude. Not to mention the noises he made when he chewed!"

"We planned this for years," laughed Elf Number Three. "We hated his guts, we're filled with glee. Now you must save Christmas, or you'll become He."

"I'm a little confused," said Death in surprise. "You mean I was conned this whole fucking time?"

"You have just six hours," said Elf Number Two. "You have just six hours, or else you are through. You see, Christmas spirit, is stronger than you. We'll take all your powers and steal Cruentas, too. But elves must be fair, in our angle of view. If you want a way out, we'll give you a clue. Find five of your fans, make their wishes come true. You must all save Christmas, or you're hashtag, screwed."

"How about no," said Death with a laugh. "I'll slice you all up, and then end this damn rap."

"Then you'll ruin Christmas," said the elves all together. "And you'll be our prisoner, forever and ever!"

Four two-thousand years

He never thought he'd see the day

That three little elves

Would vanquish him with one sneaky sleigh.

He reaped souls, not presents

He was the f*cking Angel of Death.

The humans were his peasants,

And a waste of his breath.

And there was way no in hell

He'd ever go by St. Nick.

He was so goddamn mad

That his jaw had a tick.

Five fans––he could do this

They probably just want a French kiss.

But how the hell would he find them

If they weren't on his hit list?

An idea arose, it was ingenious in fact,

Death texted his Creator,

And knew exactly who to contact.

The five winners of Kat's Halloween contest

Would soon get kidnapped.

***

According to his notes, Falaqnaaz was calm and introvert. But once you got to know her she was 1000% pervert. She had a tat, "Death & Faith," and Death knew she'd find him cunning. So, he flashed his wicked grin, yep, she never saw it coming.

"I heard you are a pervert," Death purred to his new friend. "Would you like to hear a pun, for your pretty little head?"

"Please, go ahead!"

"They would say you have been offered, the short end of the stick. But they are wrong, the stick is larger, and in fact, it is my dick."

"I can't believe this is real!" Falaqnaaz cheered from her small bed. "You're so much hotter in real life––AH! I am so, like, hashtag, dead!"

"Yeah, I know, I'm crazy hot. It's a curse I can't avoid. Now did you listen to my story of how Santa's unemployed––?"

"I love you Death, I love you! Even though you're kinda cocky. I'm really quite straightforward and I walkie like I talkie. I've loved you since day one, so do you want to get some coffee?"

"I think we are getting side-tracked, now I see why you've been naughty."

"How'd you deal with your parents? Do you ever overthink? What's your worst lie ever told, are you and Faith still interlinked?"

"My family is off limits, and of course I overthink. Last night I even contemplated going to a shrink. My worst lie is that this story doesn't end with a heart sink."

Falaqnaaz didn't like this, "Oh, do tell me how it ends!"

"Please, you're not entitled. What? You're worried I will die? Think of all that I've been through, I'm the toughest of tough guys. Plus, you should all remember, all the best books must transcend, what you think will happen next or else your time was not well spent. I could go on in detail, but this rhyming is widespread. See, the elves think they are funny, now I'm seeing infrared. I suggest you come with me, or else you'll certainly be dead."

Next, came Mia's Pacheco, she really loved to laugh. She was introvert and lazy, according to Hell's tabs. She'd yet to draw Death naked, but he thought she'd have the knack. Death ripped off her red bedspread, gave her nightstand a hard thwack.

"Oh my God, it's really you!" cried Mia in delight. "I never thought I'd see the day!"

"Well here I am tonight. I enjoyed the way you drew me, especially my scythe. The width was nearly flawless, same with the thickness of the withe."

"I love to draw you, Deathy!" cooed Mia in response. "You're one of the best characters––"

"No, I'm your favorite one. Now tell me your big wish, or this will be a hit-and-run."

"My wish is for you to slay me!"

"Hell yeah, let me get my gun."

'But wait, I don't mean literally. You're just so freaking hot. Can you pretend to choke me, so I feel like I've been caught?"

"Your wish is my command," Death said with a wide grin. His fans were so damn freaky, he was thrilled they loved to sin. "Now I've heard you love dark humor."

"I'm your number one consumer!"

"Then I should have done this sooner. Three mice run to a tree stump, they've got the cutest little eyes. Nearby there is a cat who wears a fat rat in disguise. Now did they see it coming, when the cat took off to dine?"

"I hope!"

"But that would be impossible, cause' all three mice were blind."

By the time they met Daniela, St. Grim's stomach was to bloat. Soon his bronze cheeks would get ruddy and his hair white like a goat's. With a curse, Death shook Daniela, she awakened from her sleep.

One look in his direction and she screamed, "Get out, you fucking creep!"

"Daniela won for her fan art," Death read loudly from his tablet. "She's rude, a massive asshole, and she's really quite sarcastic. I also spy a lot of crosses, she must be ecclesiastic."

"Excuse me, who the hell are you?" seethed Daniela from her bed. "You can't just barge into this room and break my platform bed! You're also on my shit list for not picking Faith to wed!"

"You expect me to propose to Faith? We're only on book two! Not to mention that I'm toxic but approaching a breakthrough."

"I don't think you are toxic," added Daniela with a laugh. "Whenever you have dialogue, I want your autograph!"

"It's true," said all the girls together, "we love all that you do. We only wish for sexy time and you to follow through."

"My wish is pretty simple," Daniela said with a small grin. "I want the two of you to f*ck and commit all the deadly sins."

"I see what you are saying, but I'm also in Kat's trap. Her pacing drives me crazy, let me give you a recap. It started with a kiss and that gave you all a heart attack. Next thing I knew we kissed again, and our lives overlapped. The tension between me and Faith has fucked up all my plumbing. The push and pull is maddening, she'll never see me cumming. Whenever we're about to screw, I'm friend zoned with a diss. It's like I never saved her life with my famous hot soul kiss!"

"You're saying you will never f*ck?" cried all the girls together.

"Well let's not all get panicky, the V I will untether. And then she won't stop jerking me, like I'm her compound lever."

St. Grim and his three BFFLADs traveled next to number four. Death knew her name was Alyssa before entering the front door. He could tell she loved to create art, by all the doodles on the floor.

"I'm not here for your soul," Death said and Aly was the target. "In fact, in Hell, you should probably know, your art is well-regarded."

Aly stared at Death and then released a quiet nervous laugh. She wished she had somebody else to talk on her behalf.

"My Lord," said Glenn, Death's kickaround, stepping from a wall of flames. "You've summoned me, and I will talk on the behalf of Aly during this holly-jolly game. She says your scent is spicy and your personality's Zaddi. However, Aly thinks that your white beard is getting shaggy. She also wishes Faith were here, so we could win a Grammy."

"Here I am," said Faith as she immerged out from the darkness. She wielded her normal sass and her tone was filled with tartness. "Death, I see you're finally becoming an old fart. Of all the stupid things you've done this is off the chart."

"It's nice to see you, Cupcake," Death started with a hiss. "But you're name's not in this title, so in fact, you are dismissed. Let's get this wish thing moving."

Then he gave Aly a kiss.

The next fan was Amanda, she had brown hair and was thicc. She stood at 4 feet 11 and her personality was quick.

"So this is what you look like," Amanda said at last. "Say, you look like death––"

"I don't think anybody asked." Then St. Grim read off his tablet and he read it very fast. "Amanda is sarcastic, feisty, witty, and bitch. And yeah, that last one wasn't on the list, you little witch."

"Oh my god, I love my husband," Falaqnaaz chimed in with a shriek.

"There's more where that one came from," said Death, "you geeky, little freak."

"Somebody's getting testy," Daniela said with a great laugh.

Death turned to her and growled, "You can forget that autograph."

"How about you act fairer?" Amanda jumped in, reign of terror. "You're just pissed because you've made a deathly Christmas Eve grave error."

"You think that you are clever?" asked St. Grim with grinding teeth. "But you won't be quite so bold when it's the ground you're underneath."

"Please, I'm not afraid of you, I'm wittier than two. Your rhymes are weak, like your waning physique, or Old St. Nick's widow's peak on a Byzantine Greek."

"Rap battle!" screamed the readers, they had broken a fourth wall. Death was a little too prepared for poetry hard ball.

"That was cute, loved the reference, now I'm seeing your omen. I don't need an ancient gnomon to know my culture is Roman. Byzantine Greek? Take this bitch away with a glossocomon. Leave the rapping to a man, there's no 'woman' in showman."

"Sorry, Death," said Amanda, "must have missed the propaganda. It's so hard to know your past when your future's kind of blanda. Reaping, eating, thieving, cheating, not to mention all the pleading. Now I see why you are needing all this teaming that we're reading. You're repeating and unsleeping, and your life is not intriguing. Maybe you should try housekeeping."

All the readers "ooo'd" and "aaa'd," they couldn't believe this was happening. The fact they had read all of these rhymes was baffling. It was time for Death to end this once and for all in the battling.

"That's a lot of chatter blabber from the latter, pitter-patter. What's the matter? Cux the matter, get the satyr so they gather, and they'll watch this mortal splatter. Spin the platter, state of matter: liquid batter, getting madder. Watch this get a little sadder. Not a rapper, handicap-her. Stuff her corpse a little fatter with a bagger, puffer batter. At a catalytic cracker with the stabber of a snapper. Guess I'm fucking this whole chapter."

With a burst in the air, Death felt his gut shrink. And his cheeks, they were no longer a feminine rosy pink. Then the Elves all appeared, they were listening to his song. And they suddenly explained that they were readers all along.

"Why would we make you Santa?" the First Elf said. "Do you have any idea how much blood would be shed?"

"We just wanted a chapter," said Elf Number Two-ish. "We don't even celebrate Christmas, we're all actually Jewish."

T'was the night Death killed Santa,

He had a price to pay.

But with the help of five fans,

He "saved" Christmas day.

* * *

AYYYY THANKS FOR READING AND SORRY THIS WAS LATE!!!!! I HOPE YOU LOVED IT LITERALLY WAS SOO MUCH FUN TO WRITE HAHAHAHA. CAN'T WAIT FOR THE UPCOMING CHAPTERS FOR DIMBFFLAD!!!!! Don't forget to vote and leave feedback if you enjoy!!!

CAST & WATTPAD USERNAMES:

Falaqnaaz (IamPreciouslyUnique)

Mia (Miakms)

Daniela (Daniela040998)

Aly (Expectropatronum12)

Amanda (Bleedvivala)

Thank you, girls, for your lovely DIMBFF fan art and cosplay. <3

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