Something as mysterious as death can never be understood by the human mind. We are naturally drawn to it, inevitable, slow, and maybe even painful. Beautiful in its cruelty and appalling when you expect it the least.

Just like love.

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Levi

I never understood ... Why do we have to live?

There hasn't been a single day in my life which I could say I enjoyed. Well, maybe there were a few moments. When I used to enjoy living alone and drink a cup of tea every morning but now I have lost all passion for my interests. I lost it a very long time ago and the feeling of happiness was forgotten.

And as I look down at the lake, I saw the movement of water underneath me as I stood on top of a small wooden bridge. I couldn't help but feel the need to jump.

It was scary, but the more I thought about it, the more I think death it's comforting. Maybe it's sweet, maybe it's not painful. It will be instant.

Jumping into the lake won't kill me. After all, the lake's bridge is really small in height and it was made so people could pass to the other side.

But the lake was pretty deep, so tying up a heavy rock around my foot with a rope should do the trick.

Suffocation wasn't the best way to go, maybe I should have tried cutting myself in the bathroom. But once again, I don't want anyone to be traumatized by seeing my dead body in the bathtub. Especially my old apartment tenant who would be the only one to check on me.

I don't want anyone to find my body, it will be easier that way. Hopefully, everyone at school will think that I just disappeared.

Just disappear.

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"Janitor Levi, can you come to clean something at the gym? Someone threw up."

It was always like this. Every day, Levi would wake up and head to work at a local high-school. Kids weren't his forte, but the money he received for cleaning was enough to sustain him. It was disgusting, the vomit but he liked cleaning, so he guessed that the job was ok.

"Have you met the new art teacher?"

"Yes! She's really cool, finally, we will learn something worthy in that class,"

"Yes, she will also be our new dance coach!"

Teenagers ... Levi doesn't remember ever been so frivolous in his younger years. At that age, kids think that highschool is everything and is so romanticized that they believe that their entire lives will depend on how well they do in high-school.

Well, at least he was done cleaning the vomit. The gym was pretty quiet around this time. There was no class and after a few hours of putting wax on the wooden floor of the basketball court, he thought that maybe he could take a cigarette break.

"Ah, you dropped the soda!"

"Shit, whatever it's ok. The janitor will clean it up,"

At the sound of the soda falling down and touching the clean floor, Levi turns his head to see two girls looking down at the spilled soda.

"Hey! Cock sucker, come clean this shit up!"

And with that, the two girls left as they giggled at each other.

Levi couldn't say anything, even if it bothered him. After all, he didn't want to bring any more trouble or suspicion towards him and Erwin.

Not after the rumors spread that someone found Levi sucking off Erwin in his office.

Well, it wasn't a rumor at all ... It was true.

Levi has been going out with the history professor for a few months now and they tried to keep it a secret as to keep their jobs. They weren't in an official relationship, it was just casual hookups. Levi wanted something more but he knew that it was going to be impossible for that to happen.

He craved for human contact even if it was just that of carnal desire. It made him feel alive in a sense and he enjoyed it a lot too.

But it was just that, just sex with no emotional connection. But of course, that was too much to hope for.

He remembers the first time they did it, it was the first time Levi has been with a man or with anyone of that matter. But after that, he became completely Erwin's.

And although he didn't want to admit it, he had some sort of feelings towards the blond man. He was never going to tell him and Levi was alright for now with how things were in their relationship.

Or so he thought.

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It only takes a jump. Just one jump to end it all, I've suffered so much. I am done with life, with everything. I just hate being alive, I don't' want to do this anymore.

So why?

Why can't I fucking do it? Why am I scared?

I've been thinking about it for so long, everything is already done. Everything is prepared and ready to go. Just close your eyes, Levi ... Just feel the wind, the moonlight above you, and think about the eternal peace you will have once this ends.

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His body was tired and sore from last night's lovemaking. He didn't want to go out of bed but he knew he had to eventually. The sun landed on his face and body, love marks were all over his body and he didn't even know how he was able to stand up after last night.

"Should we go to school together?" Levi says as steps out of the shower, a towel around his waist as he had just finished cleaning himself.

"I think you should go first," Erwin stretches his body as he stands up from his bed. "I can't be seen with the janitor if you know what I mean."

Levi didn't want to say anything. After all, he knew that Erwin, as a teacher, had a reputation to keep. But it wasn't only that, he was looking forward to having a promotion soon and didn't want anything to ruin the opportunity.

Also, he didn't have a right to be sad nor angry. They were not in a relationship of any sort, just sex.

But somehow or another ... He still felt ashamed, not wanted.

Deep down he knew that Erwin was embarrassed by him. And of course, why wouldn't he?

He was a teacher, and he was a simple janitor.

And although these are modern days and people are more accepting, some people still didn't open up to the idea of two men loving each other ... Especially in schools.

And of course, they didn't love each other. At least not Erwin on his side. And they both needed their jobs.

"But let's meet again tonight alright?"

Erwin's words contradicted his actions. He would act very lovely but has been very straight forward with Levi. That there could never be anything in between them but sex alone.

And Levi loved him and thought that just being next to him was fine.

But just how far can his love go?

"I was thinking ... Lately, there has being a lot of rumors going around between us," Erwin walked towards Levi, placing his strong hands on his shoulders. "I think it will be good if we kept a distance between us ... Why don't you try going out with someone else? Maybe a woman?"

"What?"

"You like women too, don't you?"

And yes Levi did but that wasn't the matter at hand. What Levi didn't understand was why Erwin was asking this of him. Was his job that important? What about their relationship-

Oh yes, there is no relationship.

"After what happened at school, everyone's eyes are on us," Erwin says. "I think it will be good if you made it public that you were going out with someone, a woman would be better. That way no one suspects there's something between us."

"Why me? Why not you?"

"I am a professor, I need to keep a strong facade if I want to be the next principal."

Levi knew that Erwin always took his job as a priority but he still didn't fully understand him. After all this time they have been together, he still couldn't figure out why he was so focused on getting that job. It's not like he had a family to sustain or any of that matter.

"You want that job so bad ... That you will push me away?"

" ... Yes."

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Did it hurt? Yes. But it was more the fact that I knew that I could never have a deep emotional connection with anyone.

Everything was numb like each person is out of reach. And there was nothing I could do.

I have tried and a lot. With Erwin, I tried to have more contact and be more open but he always ends up pushing me away. Also with the other teachers at school, they always look at me as less and never engage with me in a conversation unless it had to do with cleaning their classroom.

And with the students? Well, I just didn't want to have anything to do with them. Teenagers can be cruel and I just wanted someone to talk to who was my age and could understand me.

But I have tried really.

Like when I made Erwin lunch to be nice but he didn't eat it. Like when I spent the whole night cleaning the classrooms in school but no one noticed. Or like when I painted the school's walls so the students could feel motivated but the next day it was spray-painted with black.

And I realized that I was alone.

Since the day that I was born ... So, why continue ... When it doesn't matter.

I don't matter.

I need to jump ... Just do it and get it over with.

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Walking through the school's corridors was a normal thing for Levi and although cleaning was one of his passions, he wasn't having the best of days. He wanted to go to his apartment already and be sulking and maybe go to sleep ... Forever.

However, instead of doing that, Levi was called by one student. The student had asked him to go to the art class since the new teacher had made a mess and splatter paint all over the classroom.

School had ended and no one was around but of course, he had to stay and clean someone else's mess.

And as soon as he entered the room he saw a young woman. Trying to clean the paint off the floor with a dirty drag. Her skirt was lightly up, exposing a little too much of her skin. The white shirt she was wearing covered her well but the sunlight coming from the windows allowed Levi to see a little bit of her bra.

"Mr. Janitor?" the woman looks over at Levi and smiles apologetically. "I am sorry, I made a mess on your floors ... Would you have some Clorox with you?"

"Mr. Janitor?"

Levi had never seen her before, she was probably the new art teacher everyone talked about. It wasn't in his topic of interest so he never paid attention to the moment she arrived at school.

"Yes, I do," Levi says as he pushes his cleaning supplies cart alongside him. "Just move and I'll clean it."

"I don't want to bother you, just leave it here and I'll clean it myself," you say. "It's already late, I don't want you working extra."

"I don't care," Levi says as he takes out his mop from the cart, he expected the woman to move but she retaliated. "If you don't move, the chemicals will get into your clothes and they will leave a stain."

"Well, then let me do it," the teacher stands up as she removes a little bit of dirt off her skirt. "I can just drop off the mop at your office later."

That was a no for him, if there was anything he hated more than himself was people touching his cleaning supplies.

"I don't have an office," Levi says as he proceeds to put the wet mop on the paint stain on the floor. "So, let me just do my job and-"

"What do you mean you don't have an office? Then, where do you go to rest or have some privacy?" You didn't have an office for yourself but at least you had your classroom, the place you can go to eat lunch and have alone time.

Levi stayed quiet. A bit embarrassed about the whole issue.

"Football field, behind the bleachers," Levi continue mopping, he was more frustrated at the fact that the paint wasn't coming off.

"That's unacceptable! I know I am new but I will bring this matter tomorrow when I talk to the director-"

"I would appreciate it if you don't, I don't want to bother anyone."

"Having basic needs to do your job is not bothering anyone," you grabbed the janitor's mop and that made him stop. You look down at him, he was a pretty small man, and even when you were wearing heels you knew that you weren't that tall either. "Please, let me help you."

Your eyes met his blue dark eyes. The small amount of sunlight passing through the window as the twilight appeared in the sky.

You didn't appreciate his face before because his long black hair covered it but as he looked up to see you, you saw he was quite a handsome young man. His eyes look tired but that didn't make them any less beautiful. A cute button nose that you were jealous of and a predominant jawline that made his masculinity stand out.

"Whatever, do as you want," Levi lets go of the mop as he begins to take off his white gloves. "Just bring it back to the storage room by tomorrow morning."

Levi takes a few steps closer to the door, still deciding whether to leave the woman by herself like that. But she seemed decided on what on doing this, so he might as well please her desire.

"I will, thank you, Mr. Janitor," you say as you smile at him tenderly. Somehow you couldn't stop looking at his nice hands.

"Don't call me that," Levi rolls his eyes as he opens the classroom's door, ready to leave.

"Well, can I get a name then?"

"Levi," the janitor says simply, he also didn't know her name but he wasn't interested in learning her name either.

"And your last name?" you ask as you look down to the floor. The stain was really putting up a fight but maybe with a little bit more strength and chemicals that might kill you, the stain will go away.

Levi thought about it, he wasn't a fan of giving too much information about him. He was scared of it somehow but now that he thinks about it, he doesn't think someone has ever asked him that much about him before.

"Ackerman ... Levi Ackerman," Levi says as he finally opens the door, he was about to exist but your voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I'll see you around then, Mr. Ackerman."

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Now that I think about it ... I never got to ask her name. Even when we met multiple times because her students would always mess around with the paint. 'Mr. Ackerman this', 'Mr. Ackerman that' she always seemed to be enthusiastic to see me. It was strange but comforting it a sense. Besides the old grandma that asks for rent money every month, the art teacher was always willing to have a conversation with me.

I wish I could see her again ... At least to thank her.

She kinda made me want to go to school every day. I may not show it a lot but I appreciated her trying to talk to me. And her saying 'Mr. Ackerman' made me feel important. Stupid, I know ... But her small actions really made me re-think my decisions.

Just like this one.

Finally, I got the courage to jump. I felt the water cover my entire body, it was cold but there was nothing I could do about it. It was scary, it really was because I could see nothing but darkness. Hear nothing but the soft waves of the lave going around me. It was scary, I was scared and alone.

Now and ever ... Even in death.

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It was cringy and stupid but Levi made it a promise to himself to see Erwin at least once a day during school. Just seeing him made him feel the tiniest of happiness. And although they wouldn't talk, just a quick look at his way would be enough for the janitor.

Levi walked past the corridor, where Erwin's history class was. And as he was about to take a look, he saw them.

Smiling and giggling at each other. Close, very close.

And at that moment Levi thought that there couldn't be a more perfect couple.

You and Erwin were starting to become pretty good friends. Just that, good friends.

He was the one who showed you around the school and he encouraged you to talk to him whenever you had questions.

But in Levi's eyes, everything seemed different.

It was the perfect couple, the perfect moment, and perfect happiness. Something he couldn't have nor even think about ever being happy.

This was his destiny, a life full of misery.

Nothing more ... and nothing less.

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At least, they will get to be happy together now. I bet in the future their children will be beautiful. They can move on and pretended like I never existed ... Maybe I never did.

My body began to move uncontrollably, I had no power over it as my lungs begged for some air. I couldn't stop it, I felt panic and screamed but the water quickly filled my lungs. The heavy rock tied around my leg did not permit me from going up and although I wanted to end it all, it was still scary.

I wished someone was here.

Anyone. Just anyone that could have the smallest of pity towards me and say. 'Poor Levi, you have been through a lot, right? It's alright ... Now rest. I'll be here."

And although the tears came out, it was futile because the tears mixed with the water around me.

My life was nothing but a constant misery, failure and it was frustrating ... Because I never did anything meaningful.

I just wish that my death is better than my life.

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"Have you ever painted before?" You asked Mr. Ackerman who had pretended to not look at your painting.

He had taken a liking to come to see you painting once in a while and he used the excuse of cleaning your classroom as a pretext to come see you. It wasn't only your paintings that he wanted to see, there were canvas all over the place and the artwork of the students was interesting to see.

"No," he responded simply as he mops the floor. His eyes down as he tried to take off the paint.

"Would you like to try?"

"No,"

You tried to be friendly but sometimes it was difficult. Nonetheless, for some reason, Levi just had his way of making his way into your heart. Not romantically, at least not now. But he definitely was an interesting person and his personality was like no other.

"Do you know that it takes 8 seconds for a man to fall in love?"

You asked him but didn't dare to look at him. You focused on your painting, on the struck of your brush, and the colors in the canvas.

"I don't believe in those things and I don't care,"

It was surprising that although Levi pretended not to care, he would always answer whenever you would talk to him ... most of the time.

"Well, I believe it's true and it doesn't just apply to the romantic aspect," you say as you quickly steal a glance at him, your eyes met his blue dark ones for a short moment. "You can fall in love with a person, a place, a job or a hobby ... It only takes eight seconds to know."

"Well, I am no man but for me, it took a few seconds to know that I was in love with the arts," you let out a sigh as you remember the first time you held a paintbrush, a distant memory. "And I became a slave to it, we are all slaves to something ... What about you Mr. Ackerman?"

Levi liked hearing you talk, now that he thinks about it, this must have been the longest conversation he has had with anyone in a very long time.

It went silent for a few seconds in which you appreciate Levi's face again. It was softer as if he was thinking deeply about something. But it wasn't bad at all, he looked relaxed and even at peace.

"What are you a slave of?"

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My eyes quickly opened as I felt water coming out of my mouth. I began to throw up the water that I had consumed from the lake as my lungs took desperate gasps of air.

I was alive.

What had just happened?

I looked around the place, I was at the lake's shore. Peebles, and soil underneath me. My clothes were completely wet and I felt a cold air run down my spine. As I look down at my feet, I found that there was no heavy rock tied to my leg.

Suddenly, I hear the heavy breathing of a woman. I turned my head and although it was dark, the moonlight above us illuminated her face just enough.

She was the new art teacher, whose name I never knew. I had forgotten to ask.

I had many questions, like why she was here and why did she save me? But no words could come out of my mouth at the moment.

"You never told me that you liked swimming," she said sarcastically, her clothes were completely wet as well and she stood close to me ... and I could see all of her.

1

"I am glad that I got lost in here, if I didn't I wouldn't have seen you jump into the lake,"

2

She was wearing a white shirt and I could see her chest rise up and down as her pink brassiere showed me more than I could handle.

3

"You own me one, I am not one to give CPR to strangers,"

4

Her face was slightly pink, her lips tremble a little as she was cold. Her eyes glowed underneath the moonlight and I could see each imperfection on her face. The small wrinkles, her dark circles, and messy hair.

5

"But we should take you to the hospital now,"

6

Her face was close to mine and for a moment I had forgotten everything. Why I was here, the reason why I wanted to take my own life, my own existence ... and I focused on her. Just her face and her whole being.

7

"You could still have water in your lungs, it's dangerous. So let's hurry and go to the hospital-"

8

"I forgot ... to ask your name,"

It was strange for me to say things without thinking. But I couldn't think of anything else to ease up the moment. It went silent for a moment and she looked at me with a surprised look on her face. At that moment I thought that her beauty can't be compared to the nature around us.

I should stop thinking like that.

"Oh ... I am y/n ... y/n y/ln"

I was satisfied with her answer as I watched her stand up from the soil. She looks down at me and smiles tenderly as she extends her right hand, waiting for me to accept her gesture.

"Come on Levi, let's go," she said. "Death can wait."

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A/N: This story is a draft story. Originally, I had planned for this to be an AU for another Levi story I wrote (One Last Time) But since this is a draft I decided to give it to the people who enjoy Levi X Reader stories. (Not a big fan of Levi x Reader stories tbh)

So here is my draft, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the other chapters to come. (The writing for this story may not be the best since this a draft, I don't edit until it's done, and there may be plot holes a long way. If you want a completed story then go ahead and read One Last Time).