thirteen | you have nothing to apologise for
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Eleanor grumbled, eyes wide and head shaking in disbelief as the sauntering figure of Flynn Morgan entered the library. The boy looked incredibly smug. Irritatingly so. The confidence in his manner commanding the attention of every single eye in the room. But it had always been this way because, as much as Eleanor hated to admit it, Flynn had the best kind of confidence. The kind of confidence that was as endearing as it was charming, encouraging all the people surrounding him to have credit in themselves just as he did.
He took his seat opposite her, propping his feet up on the table and leaning right back in his chair until he was so slumped that Eleanor could only see his head. "On the contrary, darling, I can assure you that I'm being quite serious." He continued to grin at her with his perfect little white teeth, looking so hideously full of himself that Eleanor had to refrain from leaning across the table and knocking him unconscious. She gritted her teeth. "I need help with English, and you're my tutor." He straightened up from his position and rested his elbows on the table, placing his chin into his hands and tilting his head to the side in the most irritating way possible, batting his eyelashes innocently. "Isn't that just great?" God, she wanted to slap him so hard.
Eleanor narrowed her eyes at his seemingly innocent expression, grinding her teeth together in annoyance. It had already been an exasperating enough week. Nate had been avoiding her like the plague, not even speaking more than two words to her in music. Liam had become more irritating than ever. Brendan kept trying to get her alone and, on top of that, her death caller had given up trying to contact her. This shouldn't have upset her. But it did. And that made her even more upset.
Upon the news that she would be receiving a new student to tutor for English, she had been a little apprehensive. After all, tutoring had been how she had first properly encountered Brendan and she was a little nervous that he would go as far as feigning idiocy to get to talk to her. But she hadn't declined the offer. Oh no, she could never do that. She needed every source of income she could get.
Keeping the thought of finance in mind, she let out a sigh, unfolding her glasses and placing them over her eyes as she gestured for Flynn to come and sit next to her. As much as she was uneasy around the guy, she was still his tutor and she wouldn't treat him any differently just because he had a tendency to be a bit of a prick sometimes.
Ignoring his flattered comments about how she wanted to be closer to him, she set The Great Gatsby onto the table, along with some highlighters, a pad of paper and a pen. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt towards Flynn. It was all so confusing. The last time she had spoken with him he had seemed utterly genuine in his pleads of innocence but she knew from experience how easy it was for people to lie. Besides, she had too much evidence against him.
As the session went on, she discovered that Flynn wasn't actually entirely awful at English. He had a genuine love for reading but had a little trouble putting his thoughts into words when it came to writing essays. Needless to say, he wasn't the worst student she'd ever had. Not that she told him this, of course. And, as helpful as she tried to be, she couldn't help her hostility towards him. If he had only insulted her by spreading the rumours, he would have been somewhat easier to forgive. But he had also insulted her father. And that wasn't an offence that she could take lightly.
It was nearing the end of their allotted hour together and Eleanor was already packing up all of the work they had done, hasty to get back to her dorm room and collapse onto the bed. The past few days had been both mentally and physically exhausting.
Eleanor was just about to turn away when a hand gripped her wrist. She closed her eyes, trying to shake the memory of Brendan trapping her in the corridor. God, she really needed to work on getting out of situations before they escalated. She tried to ignore the seed of fear beginning to bloom in her chest. Perhaps she really did need to trust more, because she kept expecting everyone to hurt her. And that left no room for bravery.
Most of the other students were beginning to leave the library, some of them giving her dirty looks and taking no discretion in their whispering as they did so.
Closing her eyes once more as a method of collecting her thoughts, she spun back around to face Flynn, ripping her hand out of his in the process. She was shocked to find that the usual cocky grin had slipped from his lips, eyebrows furrowed and frown apparent in what almost looked like confusion. Eleanor watched in curiosity with her head tilted to the side as he proceeded to anxiously rub the back of his neck. "Look...I...there's something that's been bothering me."
Eleanor let out a sigh of pure vexation, pinching the bridge of her nose as she saw the vision of her nice, cosy bed getting further and further away. Adjusting one of the straps of her rucksack, she leaned against the table with one hand. "Look, dude, I may be your tutor but that's as far as it goes, okay? I am really not in the mood for being someone's therapist right now. Or ever."
She watched as Flynn chuckled slightly, shaking his head as he stayed seated below her. "I'm not asking you to be a therapist, Eleanor. I'm asking for your advice."
Eleanor scowled. "That sounds like the type of thing a therapist would do. Go get yourself one."
He pouted, big blue eyes catching the light and making them seem even larger than they already were. "Just hear me out," he whined in a voice that sounded peculiarly like the one of a petulant child's.
She huffed, deciding that it was better to deal with him now than to worry about him bugging her about it later. "Fine." She gestured for him to continue with what he had to say.
Flynn's pout immediately disappeared and was replaced with his usual smug smile. Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Well, you see, there's this girl and-"
"Please just go to couple's therapy."
He shushed her with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he ignored her deadly glare, "there's this girl. And she's great and all, but she hates me for some reason and I'd love to know why." It didn't take a genius to know that he was talking about her.
Eleanor sighed, straightening up from where she had been leaning on the table. Her eyebrows had raised on their own accord, utter disbelief written across her features, lips parted as she gave him a wide-eyed, incredulous stare. If she hadn't been so god damned shocked, she would have strangled the life out of him. Was he being serious right now? He couldn't be, could he? There was no possible way. He had probably single-handedly ruined any chance she had had at being normal at this school and he asked why she didn't like him? Was he insane or just really, really thick?
"You gonna speak, Princess?"
"You're kidding me, right?"
"I assure you, I'm not."
She continued to stare at him with a mystified expression, all of the pain and humiliation he had caused her coming back to hit her with one foul sweep. Coming to this school had been her dream ever since she had discovered its existence. She had been in utter awe of both the school and the students, admiring their talents and the successes they went onto achieve. She had respected them. Meeting the students had almost been more exciting than enhancing her passion for music. She had been so damn excited to meet them. She had seen it as a privilege to walk among a different part of society. To see what it was like. To truly appreciate what appeared to be a higher part of the world. She had looked up to those people and had wanted so badly to fit in with and understand them.
But they had turned on her, as easily as a change of tide. Eleanor had been something akin to a naive child on the beach, sprinting into the waves in order to feel the joy and merriment of playing in the sea, something so different from the land she was used to. But the tantalising serenity of the waves had shied away at the sight of her grubby feet, captivating swirls of blues and greens retreating from her dejected form. And then it had swept back on her with just as much force as it had withdrawn, swallowing her up in the salty spray before she could even consider what was happening. Salt stinging her eyes and causing tears to form as she scrambled to get back to the shore. The safety of the sand she had once known. Even if the pure heat of it burnt her soles at times.
But that didn't have to happen to her. She could have been fine. There was no reason why they had had to become so malicious. She could have played in the playful froth of the waves with them being none the wiser. She could have looked back at the shore being grateful that it had led her to the sea. But she could do none of that now. Because of him. Because, for some reason, he had felt the need to alert the school to her disability. And she had paid the price dearly. He had crushed all her dreams of walking among the royal with a smile, drowned all her hopes of perhaps being respected as much as she honoured them.
She had to fight the tears entering her eyes as she pictured those dreams of hers lying at the bottom of the ocean, so clear to see through the clear water but so far drowned that they were impossible to reach. It became even harder not to cry as all of the faces came to mind. The looks she got. People looking down on her as if she was scum on the bottom of their shoe. All of them refusing to speak to her unless it was absolutely necessary. Staying away from her in the corridors as if she was some kind of plague. A few pranks here and there just to keep her on her toes. He had done that to her. Flynn Morgan had been the one to induce all of this torment. And he dared to ask why she didn't like him? Was he insane?
"Just leave me alone, Flynn." She frantically blinked away the tears that were threatening to escape her, not wiping them away with her blazer sleeve until she was fully turned away from him. She wouldn't allow him to see her cry. He didn't deserve that. He deserved to see her strong and completely unbothered by all of the weight he had so carelessly tossed onto her shoulders. He wouldn't see her cry.
She had begun to walk away from him when his voice rang out into the silence of the library. And his statement filled her with so much rage that she spun back around to face him. "Eleanor, please, I have no idea what I've done wrong." Looking at him now, she couldn't stop the way the muscles jumped in her cheek. She was livid. All of the utter devastation she felt had been better converted into pure anger. It was far easier that way. It had all been down to him and he dared to ask why she didn't like him? He wasn't insane. He must have been some kind of psychopath to blindly ignore the pain he had caused.
She advanced on him, all common sense gone with her tears as she poked a finger at his chest, not at all recoiling when he stood up to full hight. When she was this angry, there was nothing capable of intimidating her. "You...you jerk! I can't believe the nerve of you! To actually ask me why I don't like you when you are the sole reason why this school makes my life hell! You...you absolute ass!"
Her anger was only further fuelled by the expression of pure confusion on his face. She wondered if he was purposely trying to piss her off because he was doing a brilliant job. "W..what?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Flynn!" Her voice had raised to new pitches, practically screeching now as the anger subsided to something far more dangerous. Pain. All that she had endured was leaking into her words, spreading over them like thick oil. Making the fire burn brighter. Hotter. Searing. "You were the one who started all of this! You were the one who told everyone about my dad, about how I have less money! You are the reason why everyone hates me!"
Flynn stood there for a moment, blinking at her fuming form. She was truly a sight to behold, jaw clenched, fists wound tight and posture so taut anyone would have thought she was ready to take flight. Flynn was an entirely different story, brows pulled together, posture sinking into the ground, head cocked to the side and eyes seeming a shade darker. But not out of anger or any negative emotion. He...he looked unbelievably confused.
And they stood there for few moments, seconds ticking over into what felt like minutes as Eleanor's deep, heaving breaths slowly calmed into an average breathing rate. And Flynn stared at the floor, seeming to collect his thoughts as his teeth sunk into his bottom lip and his hand came up to rub his jaw. As much as Eleanor didn't want to admit it, he looked genuinely bewildered. But he couldn't be, could he? She had heard the whispers as soon as they had begun. Flynn said this and Flynn said that. That couldn't be wrong, could it? It had to be him. Who else would have done it? How else would it have gotten out? How had he even known in the first place?
An expression of realisation crossed his features, eyes widening as his gaze immediately snapped up to meet hers. He looked horrified. Jaw open, eyes now light with shock. Piercing no longer glinting in the dim lighting. He looked utterly remorseful, hands loose at his side as his mouth opened and shut like some sort of fish struggling to breathe underwater. "Oh...oh my...oh my...I'm so sorry Eleanor, I...I had no idea...I...I...how the hell did I not know?" The last words were spoken to himself, whispered and incredulous as they bathed in the silence surrounding them. However, one look at Eleanor's raised eyebrow confirmed that he needed to give a further explanation in order to get back into her good graces. "I...I...I only knew because...uh...someone asked me to find out. I can't say who but he...he'd had this massive crush on you since the first time he'd seen you and he...he really wanted to know more about you and...well, I'm great with technology so he asked me to do some research and...and I did. So I...well...I took him into this empty classroom to tell him about...about," he met her gaze almost apologetically, "about your financial status and I...I honestly meant no harm by it but I...someone must have overheard us. I...I'm so sorry, Eleanor."
Eleanor stared at him, not really feeling any reason to disbelieve him. It explained a lot of things, particularly his constant confusion over her dislike. And he...he just looked so genuine. He couldn't quite look her in the eyes after his speech of confession, eyes darting over the titles of the books settled on the shelves. Hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt in an almost absent-minded gesture. His teeth had sunk firmly into his bottom lip, lighting from an overhead window almost casting a halo over his bright blonde hair.
When Eleanor spoke, it was quiet. And her body was relaxed, all past anger gone and now consumed by a sense of guilt. She had been so quick to judge, so quick to hold him accountable for her woes when it really hadn't been his fault at all. She truly felt awful. It left a burning sensation in her chest, she had considered this boy to be utter vermin when, from what she had seen, he actually wasn't that bad at all. "I'm sorry for judging you so quickly, Flynn. I...I shouldn't have done that." Her voice was barely a whisper.
His eyes met hers. And he nodded once, smiling as he stuffed his hands back into his jean pockets. How the boy got away with violating the school dress code, she would never know. "You have nothing to apologise for."
Eleanor returned the statement with her own smile, awkwardly rocking back and forth on her heels as she adjusted the straps of her bag. How could she have been so wrong about him? So blinded by her own need to blame someone for her problems? "I'll see you tomorrow for another tutoring session, then?"
He nodded once more, still smiling. "I guess you will."
She turned away, unable to wipe the smile from her face until she saw who stood in the doorway of the library, waving shyly at her as the other hand gingerly adjusted the glasses slipping down her nose. Eleanor had to push her heartbeat to continue beating, whole body frozen by the vision of the figure stood by the door. The smile had fallen from her face, lips parted as her hands fell to her sides in shock. What the hell?
To her utter surprise, she wasn't the only one shocked by this sudden intrusion. As a matter of fact, Flynn came to stand in front of her, posture rigid as he blocked her view of the person who had so hastily exited her life without so much as a goodbye. And when he spoke, his words were even more unwelcome to her ears, both because of the words and the deadly way they were growled out. "Thalia, what the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead."
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