Wario's Background

*sfx: "Metal Mario 10 Hours - Super Mario 64" plays*

Antasma: Mario is a pretty busy guy. If he's not saving his favorite lady, Princess Peach, he's off saving Princess Daisy in Sarasaland.

Spooky: Until he returned home one day to find under someone else's control.

Antasma: First off, Mario has a castle? Awesome! But it had been taken by a chubby squatter dressed in yellow, named Wario.

Spooky: Wario is Mario's opposite in every way. While Mario is kind and heroic, Wario is selfish and mischievous.

Antasma: While Mario is thick with one C, Wario has two, maybe three C's.

Spooky: Let's...not... His name and symbol are even inspired by the Japanese word for bad, "Warui" (悪い). You can't get any less subtle than Wario.

Antasma: No kidding! But he's not some random chump. Turns out, Wario is one of the seven Star Children, possessing legendary power, and even grew up with Mario!

Spooky: Wario's grudge against Mario goes way back. While they were children, they played Cops and Robbers a total of 1,256 times, and despite frequently asking otherwise, Wario only got to be the cop ONCE.

Antasma: Wow, dick move, Baby Mario! Yoshi should've just left you behind in that stupid crying bubble.

Spooky: Whether or not he was accidentally conditioned into villainy, Wario has two main goals: Ruin Mario's life, and get as rich as possible through any means necessary, including crime, treasure hunting, and even making video games.

Antasma: He's got the power to rival Mario, too. He's super strong, and can bash through tons of rock and heavy metal with his Shoulder Bash attack. If that's not enough, he'll literally chew his opponents up! Ugh, just imagine those giant white bricks he calls teeth just...closing around you.  SKREEYEESH!

Spooky: He's also weirdly malleable, capable of being crushed, squished, twisted, and stretched with little to no ill effect. However, Wario's deadliest natural ability is definitely his... inexplicable... farting....

Antasma: Spooky, my man, that's no simple toot. This is the fabled flatulence of folklore itself, the atomic vapors of annihilation, the Wario Waft!

Spooky: Kind of a lame-ass name after all that...

Antasma: The Wario Waft is a highly specialized technique, which discharges an enormous burst of toxic gas so brutal, it'll topple nearly any foe. When aimed correctly, this blast can even propel Wario through the air like a rocket, while crop-dusting anyone beneath his feet. It's, technically speaking, just...majestic.

Spooky: ....Right. Well, it's not exactly...wrong. In some cases, Wario's Waft has even been shown to be comparable to nuclear warheads.

(Cut to Spooky and Antasma.)

Antasma: By the way, I spent some time in your lab and uh, I made a new invention!

Spooky: Wait, what the fu----how'd you get into my lab?!?

Antasma: Oh, nice try. After decades of research, I've discovered how to contain the pure essence... of flatulence! Behold!! The Windbreaker!! (Holds up his invention, which is just a whoopee cushion with various screws and lights attached to it.)

Spooky: That's.... nice. Let's move on.

Antasma: Listen, Wiz, I'm really proud of this... (Boomstick accidentally activates his "invention", causing a fart cloud to get in Wiz's face, making him cough uncontrollably.) SHE SPEAKS!

Spooky: (clears throat) Anyway, aside from his own abilities, Wario has access to numerous weapons and power-ups.

Antasma: Like his one-of-a-kind Wario Chopper. Also... explosives!

Spooky: Kind of redundant when he can fart a nuke.

Antasma: There's always room for explosions, Wiz. Check out this huge blast some of his Bob-ombs caused, which he was totally at the center of and survived by the way.

Spooky: His power-ups include a jetpack, a metal body, and even Mario's own Invincibility Star. He can increase his size by plugging an air pump into himself and...er, just don't question it, with the Dragon Suit, he spews fire, with the Eagle Statue, he takes flight, and he can even combine both of these to become King Dragon Wario, utilizing both these abilities while dramatically increasing his power... and his weight.

Antasma: And with just a little mouthful of rotten garlic, he dons pink tights to become... WARIO-MAN! This super form increases his strength and lets him fly, because he doesn't have enough ways to do that already. I guess.

(Cut to Spooky and Antasma.)

Spooky: He doesn't always need some random object of power to transform. Some of Wario's forms come about because of entirely reactionary means.

Antasma: He can become Bouncy Wario after being crushed into paper,  Flaming Wario after being set on fire, Puffy Wario after getting...stung by bees, and Fat Wario after eating too much. Wait, Getting fat's a super power?

Spooky: These sound more like excuses than power-ups.

Antasma: He even becomes Crazy Wario after getting drunk. Though, it's just a ball in the American version because, you know for kids and stuff, but... Anyway, I'm powered up! Risky, order another thousand six packs!

Spooky: (Disgusted sigh) Jesus Christ...Anyways, On his quest to humiliate his red clad rival and accumulate Scrooge McDuck levels of riches, Wario has been through thick and thin.

Antasma: Mostly thick, bit I digress.  Anyways, like Mario, he survived that big explosion in the tennis court, which RoosterTeeth figured out is equal to 2.4 megatons of TNT in the "Mario vs Sonic 2018" Death Battle. But Wario's also survived the Shake King blowing up in his face!

Spooky: The Shake King was a pirate with immense electrical power. Upon his defeat, his body detonated, and the resulting blast split the sky. By comparing the blast and the parting clouds to a map of the , we determined the explosion's exact energy output to be equivalent to about 96 sextillion tons of TNT.

Antasma: That's enough juice to blow up a large moon, and Wario was totally fine!

Spooky: He can seemingly eat anything, including explosives and his own bike. He can, of course, keep up with Mario, who kicked a 61 million ton castle and piloted the Star Driver at Mach 375. Also, Wario destroyed the , an entity whose death triggered the collapse of an entire dimension.

Antasma: So does everyone he fights blow up when they die or what?

Spooky: Mario may best him time and time again, particularly thanks to Wario's clearly low intelligence, but his tenacity and willingness to never give up is strangely admirable.

Antasma: This greedy bastard will never stop doing what he loves.

(Wario is shown on his back, laughing maniacally.)

DeDeDe's Backstory

*sfx: "King DeDeDe's Theme - Super Smash Bros. Brawl - 10 Hours Extended" plays*

Spooky: The country of Dream Land is a peaceful paradise.

Antasma: Filled with some of the most adorable critters you've ever seen! Aww, look at the little waddle.

Spooky: But wouldn't you know it, all this pristine prosperity is actually run by a tyrannical self-imposed monarch: King DeDeDe.

Antasma: Ah, yes, the classic dictator at work. They show you what they want you to see, but really, there's so much horror behind the scenes!

Spooky: I suppose. He did intentionally create a food shortage once, but the D-Meister doesn't really have that much sway over his questionably claimed "kingdom". Namely because of one plucky pink hero: Kirby, the super tough pink puff himself!

Antasma: AND everyone's favorite lovable marshmallow, so you can put that up your ass and smoke it, Jigglypuff! Yeah, Kirby has always been there to ruin the Triple D's schemes.

Spooky: Schemes which, to be fair, aren't always evil. Like the time he stole the Star Rod, seemingly for nefarious purposes, but in actuality, that plan was done with one majorly good intent: to protect his citizens from the villainous Nightmare.

Antasma: Yeah, turns out this big bad penguin's mean side doesn't come from a place of true evil at all. Instead, it's because he's just really jealous of Kirby!

Spooky: Right. You see, before Kirby arrived, DeDeDe was a tubby bird with only a modicum of respect. After seeing Kirby's popularity and success, the king made up his mind: He would surpass the marshmallow.

Antasma: Cue the 70's music, it's time for a training montage! Through countless hours of intense work and grueling training, DeDeDe pushed himself to mimic Kirby's abilities, and more. His speed improved, his strength skyrocketed, and in time, he even learned what all penguins hope to achieve one day. By inhaling a bunch of air, he can inflate his body like a balloon, and fly!

Spooky: To be clear, this is not a natural ability of his. He SOMEHOW trained himself to do this. This is backed up by no science, whatsoever, and makes absolutely no goddamn sense.

Antasma: You shut the fuck up and let the fricking penguin fly! And that's not the only Kirby trick he copied. His lungs are so strong now, he can inhale entire enemies and launch them at high speeds. He can even fire powerful air bullets that can break solid rock.

(Cut to Spooky and Antasma.)

Antasma: You know, Spooky...I've been training my air bullet technique, too!

Spooky: You? Antasma, that's impossible. The human lungs don't have the capacity to- (He gets spat on hard by Antasma)

Antasma: Sorry, Spooky. Anyways, he's got way more up his sleeves than just stolen skills.

Spooky: (Wipes his face) Absolutely. Sure, he's got an army of minions at his command, but when he wants to take someone down personally, DeDeDe jumps into the ring with one of his giant sized hammers.

Antasma: He's got a bunch to pick from. His usual favorite might look like an oversized wooden mallet, but it can summon freezing ice as he swings it and secretly features a built-in jet booster to supercharge his striking power. Oh... you scared? Here I come! Here I co- BOOM, B*TCH! While this move's garbage in Smash Bros, it feels really good when you pull it off.

Spooky: Through the power of the Star Rod, he can amplify this into the Star Hammer. With this magic coursing through it, DeDeDe can cast several spells. He can increase his size, launch energy spheres, break the fourth wall, and mystically create up to 64 duplicates of himself.

Popup: The Star Hammer's origins are a mystery. It's possibly an entirely different hammer, but given the Star Rod's other uses, it's likely an upgraded version of his Jet Hammer.

Antasma: Just more penguin goodness to go around. But when the Big D wants to get hardcore, he dons a mask and whips out his ultimate weapon, the Electric Hammer. Introducing the mysterious Masked DeDeDe!!

Spooky: Yeah, it's not much of a disguise, but the Electric Hammer is a definite upgrade over his Jet Hammer.

Antasma: Hell, yeah! It's way stronger, can blast electricity and has a flamethrower. Oh, and also a multi-barreled rocket launcher! Gun Sword? Not good enough. Sniper Sight? Fuck that shit. Give me a Rocket Launching Hammer any day of the week.

Spooky: And remember that army of minions I mentioned before? Well, DeDeDe has a weird habit of actually carrying some of them around with him...Like, I guess in his pocket?

Antasma: If the rockets aren't enough, he can pull out this spiky sea urchin called a Gordo, that's heavy enough to send almost anyone flying. The Gordo's one of his greatest tools, but it can also be a real pain in the ass.

Spooky: Interesting that he's so jealous of Kirby's abilities despite having quite a noteworthy arsenal of his own. Thankfully, he has become much less antagonistic over the years, even to the point of directly aiding Kirby in protecting Dream Land from time to time.

Antasma: And while he's not the sharpest bird in the box, he isn't all fluff. He can inhale and spit Kirby out with enough force to break through the 's atmosphere.

Spooky: Which means DeDeDe can spit objects up to 33 times the speed of sound. That's...disgusting, yet impressive at the same time.

Antasma: But that's nothing when you think about how he can match Kirby and sheer strength. This little guy can hit so hard, he destroyed a whole planet. God, calm down, Kirb. Why you wreckin' the place where you live?

Spooky: Planet Popstar is shown to be similar in size to the planet Shiver Star, which is ACTUALLY a post-apocalyptic Earth. To destroy an Earth-sized planet like this, Kirby must have been striking with a force of over 1,900 septillion tons of TNT.

Antasma: Damn... who would have thought this adorable pink puffball could pull that off? And get this! Apparently, he's only eight inches tall. He's a planet buster that fits in the palm of your hand!

Spooky: He's shown even greater feats too! And while DeDeDe isn't necessarily taking this sort of damage EVERY time Kirby lands a punch, he does fight on equal footing with him.

Antasma: Who keeps making these cute and cuddly characters so frickin' deadly!?

Sagura Sakirai: OH, SHIT!  RUN, BITCH!  RUN!!!

Spooky: Well, THAT happened...Anyways, on a similar note, DeDeDe is also comparable to Meta Knight, who once casually flew from one end of the galaxy to the other in seconds. Now, DeDeDe has never done such a crazy speed feet like that himself, but keeping up with Meta Knight in fights and dodging a around 160,000 miles per hour certainly proves he's faster than you probably think.

Popup: DeDeDe has defeated Dark Meta Knight, a doppelganger who is Meta Knight's equal.

Antasma: Like when he fought the alien Magolor, who ripped apart a dimension with a weird star-shaped black hole, which has a minimum destructive power of approximately 86 octillion tons of TNT...Which DeDeDe survived! This penguin's gotta be doing some kind of performance enhancing drugs- (Watching DeDeDe turn into Buff DeDeDe, impersonates Homer Simpson) SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!

Spooky: Though he still holds a massive grudge, King DeDeDe has proved his ability countless times to the detriment, but often benefit, of Dream Land. Perhaps he's earned the title of King after all!

Antasma: Well... He definitely thinks so.

(Cut-scene shows King DeDeDe vocally claiming Dream Land as his own in the anime "Kirby: Right Back At Ya!" in a Black Texan's accent)

King DeDeDe: There's only one bonafide ruler of Cappytown and that's me! King DeDeDe!

(Coo the Owl is in the foreground, yawning, as if he's saying "Shut the fuck up!" in a nutshell.)